Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Other Side of the Coin (The Art of Letting Go)

In human interactions we often only see one side of the coin, one view, ours.  We make assumptions and assess judgments on others all from our often very narrow emotional point of view.  Without realizing this, we unwittingly create a lot of unnecessary pain for ourselves.  One thing I've noticed that seems to set people off is the need for the other partner to go away, on their own and in complete silence for whatever reason.  This one scenario in particular seems to create all sorts of unnecessary pain for the one suddenly faced with silence.  One of the best ways to deal with this one quite simply is to try to understand, pull your thoughts from an outward focus to an inward one and hold a space of love knowing that sometimes love means letting people exercise their free will and walk away from us or even take a temporary time out.

Sometimes silence is misunderstood and considered an attack.  It isn't.  There are times when there is just nothing more to say, time and space are needed for another to gain perspective and clarity concerning an interaction and well, maybe even just separate for the purpose of healing pain.  Unleashing a vengeful attack in such circumstances serves only to create more misery and pain for all involved.  Its hard when we want someone to stand in our presence, face us and what we want them to know and well, we can't do that because they've pulled away.  The best course of action is to just let them go, love them unconditionally and let them do what they need to do.  No other course will bring you balance and a loving space for healing too.

Go back to your assumptions and realize some universal laws.  Of primary importance is free will.  Every soul must be free to take whatever actions they need to take to make themselves okay.  Yes, it may hurt those left behind but the pain of separation can only be healed when you allow someone to go.  Making assumptions, assigning blame and adding misunderstanding to the equation will do nothing to promote your healing and will only leave you mired in negative energy making it near impossible for you to heal and grow.  People need to leave us sometimes either temporarily or permanently.  It is selfish of us to demand they stay just to make us feel better.  Think about it, if someone you love really wants to go away do you really want them to come back just so you won't be in pain?  What if that causes them pain?  Would really want them to be there for your sake only when they need to move away to gain clarity and peace?  If you answer yes, I would suggest it is not necessarily love that you hold for such a person and would further suggest that a part of you actually holds contempt for yourself. If you would hold another to you against their will, what parts of you are you suppressing and holding back from the freedom of unconditional love?

We humans hate change.  We want everyone and everything to stay the same.  This is an impossible expectation to hold and is wholly unrealistic if you ever wish to find a measure of serenity.  Step back to a place in time where someone tried to hold you against your will.  Did you like it?  Did you really need to just get away from that person and yet you couldn't because they held you?  How did that make you feel?  Another side of the coin is this, every soul must be free to come and go in our lives like it or not.  If we hold someone to be of such importance that we can never let them go and be happy, we're being sent a very important message.  We, in such beliefs, are giving away our power or willingly putting our happiness in someone else's hands.  This is such a hard lesson to grasp but that doesn't make it any less true.  You command your own happiness and nothing can wreck your happiness quicker than handing over your power to some form of attachment and it doesn't matter if that attachment is to things, people or a particular feeling or even a moment in time.  Another one of the laws in the universe is that everything is in motion, everything vibrates and moves.  We cannot hold things still for long.  If we can learn to love, embrace change and give everything and everyone the freedom to grow and change, we empower ourselves with that very same freedom.

One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was to learn the art of letting go.  There is an art to it and it takes a lot of practice.  However, once you begin to master it, letting go may still be painful but only at first.  When you seek the wisdom and understanding of the gift letting go brings you and letting things or people be free to be what they are whether with you or without you, the pain is thin and doesn't last long.  With time and understanding you can accept the things you cannot change (like other people and their choices) and you allow yourself to be who you truly are.  Non-attachment does not mean emotionally disengaged.  It means that you love and respect things as they are and allow yourself the knowledge and understanding that everything must always change.  It is the way of this world and it doesn't matter if it takes you an hour, days or years and lives to learn this.  One day you'll master it because you love yourself enough to maintain your power and give yourself permission to be free.  Just some food for thought.  Many blessings of love, light and healing!

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (Photo is a random internet find)

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