Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Watching the Play Not Acting In It!

Yesterday evening I sat on my patio. It was so warm out but I was awestruck by a sky filled with water-color clouds. It was truly amazing. Sometimes in life, chaos just swirls, people generate drama for their own psychological reasons and life doesn’t feel so amazing. But, that is just a temporary reaction. Once you have time to sit with yourself and realize that nothing that anyone says or does can change who you are or how you feel, it gets easier to understand the machinations behind all of the drama. When people have someone else’s misery to create and focus on, they can escape what’s painful in their own lives. Contributing to that drama, acting on assumptions and perpetuating drama is its own addiction or distraction. None of this is healthy for any of the people involved. The healthy thing to do is to cut the drama off…stop sympathizing and believing one-sided stories and instead consider what might bring healing to the situation—that is the healthy thing to do.

We’re human. We make colossal mistakes in human interaction for all kinds of reasons…even a transient bad mood can have you contributing to something outside of your character but at what cost? There is always a cost. As I sit and watch the blue and cloudy sky tonight, I think about the space in between the clouds—deep cerulean blue. It reminds me that before I allow myself to get sucked into all these millions of universes with lots of hot sun and raging storms, I should give myself pause—time out…just time to consider what I’m getting myself into. Negative drama of any kind requires energy to participate in. I would rather spend my time focusing on loving thoughts, compassionate actions and what I can do to convey a message of hope in this world than to spend too much time supporting drama.

The mind blowing things I could tell you about what I’ve faced and dealt with in the last month is almost unbelievable. But, rather than get into the juicy details (telling my story only reinforces the negative and I won’t do it—LOL), I will tell you that right now in this very moment I see the drama for what it is and as for my part, I see that for what it was and is too. It’s nothing but a life lesson that isn’t personal. We’re always part of somebody’s life lesson and someone is always part of ours. Human interaction is important but to continually engage in it in the negative? No, I’m sorry, I just can’t. Drama is toxic for me. Even though I withstand hurtful words, the energy is ugly in its impact for me. I’ve decided to stop engaging in drama, stop worrying about what other people say and do. They are just actors in a play and rather than acting right along-side of them, I’m going to just observe. I do not wish to participate so am taking myself out of the chaos, the drama and setting a boundary with myself. Quell the urge to defend, correct or right the wrong behaviors of others. That just isn’t my job. My job is to focus on me and my thoughts—Me and how I feel – Me and my world which does not have to include negative people who wish only to cause pain. I do not put my stock in man-kind but rather a higher power – the power of love, the power of compassion, the power of forgiveness and the power of control…as in controlling myself in order that I have right action, right thought, right speech and so on. That’s my job. The rest, like the serenity prayer—I hope I’ll be guided to steer clear of those things I have no power over and as far as those attempting to exert power over me – fine, you win, have your drama – serve it up thick but I’m still not biting. In fact, I wish them all nothing but love, nothing but healing and nothing but the truth to dawn on all around you forever and ever!

If you find yourself in a position where you are feeling forced to defend yourself, remember this - the truth always comes out and you don't have to do a thing.  Be good to yourself by disengaging from dramatic scenes in your life.  You get to choose what you react to and which scenes you will act in.  Really! ~Blessings

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Transform Your Tales of Woe!

I learned something from someone once close to me.  When we share our stories, we should be focused on a message that will share experience in the positive, focus on instilling hope and fostering healing and faith.  Those were great words in my experience.  Its true that when bad things happen to us, we want to tell others our story.  We want validation that we are okay.  We want to validate what someone else did was not okay.  In the eyes of others, it does not matter if others agree with a perceived wrong.  If you believe or feel you were wronged, you were.  Rather than focusing overmuch on the nitty and gritty details of your story, step back a moment and focus on the good that came from the situation.  There is always something good.  When my father died many years ago, I learned that I had unexpected support from surprising places.  I noticed that people stepped out of the shadows and gave of themselves.  It was beautiful to witness the goodness in other souls and it relieved so much pain.

Things must happen to us in our lives to propel us from the false structures we built to protect ourselves, to compel us to move from a place of stasis and stagnant growth and to develop the impetus within us to change and move on to bigger and better lessons.  It sometimes feels like the bad things that happen in our lives are punishment or unfair.  If you’re going through life with a victim mentality or expecting life to be fair, I assure you that time and time again, this situation will reinforce that kind of thinking.  You are no victim.  There are actions in this world and there are consequences.  How you experience both is a matter of your perspective.  We all have natural tendencies based on the environmental psychology we were raised with.  But, when we mature and grow, we hopefully move away from our wounds and natural unhealthy defense mechanisms and begin to strive for greater understanding.  We really have to work hard to shift our perspective sometimes to make sure we are in a state of grace or even gratitude and positive thinking.  It’s not hard if you give it an honest try and be tenacious about it.  But, if you can find a way there, the bad things that happen will be less burdensome to bear.

As you work through your healing and begin to tell your story, think not about reinforcing the victim stance or diminishing the beauty of your own soul by beating yourself up thinking of punishment (or focusing on the person who caused you pain).  Instead, think about the lesson that you might be learning.  If you’re not sure what the lesson is, maybe that should be the focus of your story telling…to seek an answer…to seek growth but not to confirm the  negativity or validate yourself.  Don’t doubt yourself.  Be clear and validate assumptions you’re making before you get emotional but don’t doubt what you think and feel.  There are those in the world who would convince you the sky is green and the grass is blue and hurt you in the process.  However, you know what you know and you do not need external validation.  You need to validate your own mind and stick close to your God or Goddess to validate what you feel is wrong.  Then move forward with righting your own thinking.  Shift the negative to positive as you think about your actions related to the situation.

Living life is tough sometimes but it does not have to be a bad experience.  You do get to choose how you view everything that unfolds in your life.  You get to choose whether you wish to be victimized.  You get to choose whether you will find value in life’s lessons.  It really is up to you.  Choosing a positive perspective makes life’s difficult lessons a little easier to bear and besides that it’s always fun looking for silver linings in ominous rain clouds.  It makes you forget about the storm for a while!  I pray that life’s journey brings you beautiful lessons, unconditional love and fosters the greatest compassion within you the world has ever known.  ~blessings

Saturday, September 25, 2010


My consciousness feels as if it is drifting in a seeming dark sea of pure emotion. It is visually dark but it is not dark in the evil sense. This space is just quiet and peaceful, like a place I once saw when my heart stopped beating. It was still, quiet and protective. Like then, it feels like I’m floating. Its an interesting space to be from an observer’s perspective. It doesn’t feel like a place that holds an absence of light…its filled with light too. I think there are those times when a soul has just had too much to bear and so consciousness retreats into this quiet space deep inside. In that space, the stillness speaks in quiet comfort and there is no human drama to contend with. It is just being-ness and solitude and it is as comforting as a soft warm blanket on a cold winter night.

I’ve learned about betrayal in many different facets in a very short period of time. I don’t like the feeling of betrayal but since I cannot control anyone’s behavior but my own, I have to bring my focus to my own expectations. I guess because I do my best to be and act honorable and to hold integrity in the highest regard, I tend to project that onto other people who are just not that. This sounds like a confession and perhaps it is. I’m working through these feelings trying to understand. I do not wish to blame or belittle as that isn’t my way. I wish to understand all of the intricate happenings to make sure that I have not missed one note of this song that was a huge lesson for me. If I have not learned, this lesson will repeat in new faces at another time. Sometimes I feel like I’m not meant for this world. I really am sensitive in more ways than one. I think Jewel has a song with lyrics that say “Be careful with me because I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.” I think like that. I am sensitive and I do not wish to change that aspect of who I am. I would, however, like to gain a greater sophistication in seeing through charming actors and actresses so wounded they must take everyone down with them. It saddens me not that I’ve been betrayed but that they are so low and so diminished as human beings that they would engage in a betrayal without even blinking. There goes the expectation thing again.

So, the one thing I understand now about betrayal (and it took a good week for the anger to subside in order to see this), is that betrayal is not about me. The betrayal is never about the betrayed. That realization immediately cut down the stinging agony of angry tears, truly. So, understanding brings healing and I now understand that in this world there are psychologically damaged, evil and deceitful people. There just are. But, I am in control of how I experience them. I no longer wish to experience them so set my intent that they would be safely removed from my sphere of existence and that they would find the healing sufficient to curb their passive-aggressive and pathological tendencies. I also set my intent that their presence would be replace by light beings. That part was immediately answered. I’m grateful. I’m also just really grateful for the experience I have recently had. I knew when it hit it would be hard and it would hurt but I never gave up hope for a minute that what was happening had a purpose. Like Dr. Christiane Northrup wrote in her affirmations this week, trust that there is a purpose whether or not you understand it and you will grow through the experience. This is true. Over the weeks and months as I process this drama, I will focus on what all the lessons meant and what I learned and gained from the experience. I assure you it will be much more than broken trust and a broken heart. I identify most with those feelings right now but I certainly do not fear them. Pain is a process and I intend to work it in a healthy way with compassion for all involved so that we each can achieve our highest potential in this situation. I can only control mine though and that’s okay with me.

If you are facing a betrayal, my best advice for you is to sit with any intense emotions. Talk to a friend, a counselor or clergy person but do not take any action until your emotion has subsided. As the emotion begins to settle a bit, consider that there may be a universal reason the situation presented itself to you and some good may come from it even if that good is just learning who you can trust and who you can’t. Sometimes these dramatic situations bring new people and better experiences into our lives that we might have missed without the drama. So, too much drama is not a good thing. A little drama might not be so bad if you knew one day something good would come from it. So, consider for a moment that is true. Seek to understand your actions and keep yourself control. Set boundaries where you need to and see yourself first and foremost—healing--from the experience in a healthy way and be completely open to letting go of the anger and embracing healing. In time it will come. How much time is entirely your choice alone.


Barefoot Walking

To dream once again,
Of barefoot walking, 
Gentle green blades bending, 
And yellow flowers glowing in the sun...

To step once more,
On salty shores,
Cool breezes blowing
And  my hands less empty...

To see the night time sky besides 
And warmth of proximity, 
A smile I can feel without seeing it,

Ah, then...happiness Would fill me again! 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Things I Know....

If you make an assumption about something and line up all your emotions thinking your assumption is true, you are likely to make yourself miserable for no reason at all. Validate assumptions before getting emotional about them.

If you attempt to fight back with a wounded person, you are wasting your breath. Those who are emotionally unhealthy will use all manner of nasty tricks to find out where your goat is tied up. Don't let them find your goat. Don't have your buttons where they can be pushed with these folks. Consider the source, you don't need to argue your point with a wounded soul, let go and move on. Set boundaries and disengage.

If you do the right thing when given a choice whether or not someone is watching, you will feel better about who you are.

In relationships, love is never enough. There has to be so much more in order to hold a relationship together. Try all of those things and more if a relationship means something to you. If your ego has been engaged, you've already lost the fight. Go get some quiet time and think about what you appreciate and then start over.

If you don't pay the bills, the credit collectors will hound you and it will feel really bad. Don't over-promise and then under-deliver in any aspect of your life. This will help ensure your happiness.

No matter how good you think you are, there is someone out there better than you. BUT, that doesn't take away from who you are. Never forget that for a single moment.

Sometimes in life, bad things happen. You aren't being punished, neglected or overlooked by your Creator. Life lessons occur day in and day out and you will always be given the grace to cope, a shoulder to lean on or a thought to lead you out of the dark and into the light--you just need to be open to receiving that thought.

A negative attitude will attract more negativity into your life. Every day, start and end your day with gratitude. Recount the good things you did that you were proud of. Acknowledge the things you'd like to improve upon. Always hold out hope that you can do anything you set your mind to.

People will do and say hurtful things that might make you feel bad. There are positive ways to deal with these situations and negative ways to deal with these situations. Try your best always to stay above the line in your thoughts and reactions and you won't add to any bad feelings you are experiencing.

Anger promotes a thick and toxic energy, as does fear, vengeance and hatred. Check your expectations, work to expose and heal your fears, step away from vengeful thoughts and steer clear of any form of hatred. This is not for the benefit of those around you but just for you and your happiness. Anger is a warning. Take it as such and deal with anger constructively. Calm anger by removing yourself from heated situations so you won't do things you might later regret. This is a boundary you always have the right to set.

Compassion is the highest form of love and appreciation. It holds the highest healing feelings in almost any situation. Watching compassion in action makes everyone feel good--love. Choose compassion every chance you get and watch your life change for the better.

Obsession is always an unhealthy form of escape from something within you trying to get your attention. Give up any obsessions and step into the seat of your soul and feel whatever feelings are trying to get your attention. You can love the pain away (and you can get professional help if you need it).

Addiction is another unhealthy form of escape from something within you trying to get your attention. See above!

When you feel bad, step outside of your worries and woes and do something kind for someone else and it will help to elevate your mood.

When the stress of the world begins to feel overwhelming, a walk in nature will soothe your soul. Connect with nature as often as you can, watch the stars in a vast night sky or catch a sunrise or sunset as often as you can. Our days are numbered here. Spending them all in a stress-filled manner is a waste of your life. Find serenity on your journey. Don't wait to find it until you arrive at some unknown or planned destination. The journey is always the destination.

I am blessed to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, an aunt, a boss, a co-worker and a friend. I am grateful for all that I have and all that I have learned. I appreciate life and all of it's lessons and most of all, I appreciate YOU all of you out there who follow my blogs and my posts and encourage me every step of the way. Thank you dear souls. Many blessings and much love to you!