Life is a journey comprised of millions of little journeys we take with our minds and hearts and every day one of those journeys ends in some way. They end because greater realization of the life lesson; the purpose behind that journey has somehow been completely fulfilled and the journey just ends in that very second the lesson dawns.
So, for a very long time (call me a slow learner if you like – I like to think I just savored the journey), I have been on a spiritual quest of sorts to understand my place and space in this universe; the gravity from alternative realities (aka illusions, beliefs, etc.). Somewhere inside of me a rebel was born and I naturally bristle against any kind or form of system. Oh, I can play within them, but I don’t like them. Inauthentically, I will play within them out of curiosity or necessity. Maybe that isn’t so inauthentic after all. Maybe I need to right my own thinking there for ease of the tension that line of thinking creates for what is tense shall surely break.
The New Age movement (a system of sorts) called to me in my early twenties and I researched and explored a good number of things. Life presented me with no shortage of miraculous things to contemplate in my travels through time/space in this reality I liken to a dream; a somewhat lucid one. Were I entirely awake in the dream, it and all of you would disappear. And a part of me lets go further with the very thought and I begin to move away from one system of many.
So, philosophy then knocked on my door and all that I learned suddenly didn’t matter any more. I argued myself into a place where I felt something indefinable but somewhat familiar in an eerie way there are no words to define. There is a timelessness to the feeling and if you sit within it ever longer, you realize that timelessness is beyond words, it is alive, conscious, and infinite. And, better yet, you are intricately connected to it – you are it. Oh the realization then dawns unconsciously at first when the urges to explore begin to cease and curiosity becomes “whatever happens is fine” and everything that used to get a rise out of you begins to relax and smooth out around the ages. Maybe it doesn't feel that way all of the time but enough for you to notice that there is something much bigger than the small-minded thinking you’ve held onto your whole life.
If you allow this notion to unravel further (and for each it unravels differently), you realize there is no spiritual quest – you are both the quest and the questor – the beginning of it and the end of it; the single constant observing the entirety of your life through eyes you claim belong to you and ears you claim belong to you and a body you call your own and demand so much from and yet take for granted. It’s truly a beautiful vehicle that contains a complex mix of consciousness, stratified by egotistical views, compassionate and expansive views and perfectly functioning systems layered precisely to maintain a constant state of homeostasis despite environmental effects.
Did you ever wonder about any of this? For years I did but the spiritual quest or journey is over for me suddenly, I find and I liken it to the feeling of air flight just after take off when you achieve initial altitude and rocketing skyward and then there is that moment when the engines cut a bit and it feels a little weightlessness before a direction is set and the plain moves gently towards it. I found that part – that stopping of rapid movement and the slowing of effort into this weightlessness of letting go of yearning. I rest now so peacefully in the expansive conscious knowing that the wait and quest for spiritual answers are over. And now I breathe content to be as I AM.
© 2016, Jaie Hart (photo/words)