Wisdom Givers - Introduction - Chapter I

I'm toying with the idea of writing another book. This one is called Wisdom Givers. I thought I'd share a chapter. If you like it, leave me a comment and let me know...

 

 "Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." C.G. Jung

1 - Introduction: Dawn – Waking Up


In the early morning hours of late November, I was struck by the darkness and coolness while gazing outside of my open window.  I was quietly contemplating the past, what might come today, and what the future might hold.  Deep philosophical thoughts often come to me over my morning coffee while I sit safe and warm in the comfort that is the home I created.  As the Earth continued to turn toward the sun, I took in a deep breath to prepare for a beautiful show and I was not disappointed.  There is a beautiful energy to sunrise that most miss unless they patiently watch with open hearted curiosity.   This moment felt particularly special.  Watching the sunrise has always felt like a sacred greeting or deep initiation that is soon rewarded with spectacular array of colors painted wildly vivid and then slowly fading into the normal blue sky and surrounds.

This day and moment was special to me.  It’s not that I haven’t seen a sunrise before but this sunrise was just different.  I sat transfixed by the sights and sounds, and I deeply appreciated the reality of the city stirring – waking up.  Maybe that’s why I love mornings so much because it is yet another chance in our lives to wake up, learn and become more aware of the grace in our lives and be touched by the light of the entirety of the cosmos.  I wrote this poem that morning to commemorate a return to awareness and a path I had diverged from more than a decade ago.   This time, no trepidation.  This time, I held only curiosity and courage…hard won sentiments and gifts given in the course of my life…blessings of time if you will.

Before the world fully awoke, something in me stirred…

 
A Morning of Grace
The trees stood, silhouetted sentinels
Emerging from the last traces of night,
Morning’s gentle brush painted broad swaths
Of smoky pink and orange light
Blanketing the view from my window—
A quiet unveiling, soft and bright.
The hum of distant highway traffic
Streams in with the cool morning air,
I become a silent witness
To this strange beauty—unfolding, rare—
Moment by moment, on an ordinary day,
In the tender hush of life’s daily affairs.
As if beauty couldn’t gather more notes,
Faint birdsong drifts in—
Soft at first, then drawing near
As Earth slowly turns to face the day.
Coffee warm, against crisp air,
Light emerging, darkness held at bay.
Witnessing, in silence, the uplifting birdsong,
Grateful for this moment in time,
This precious instant, deeply watched,
Each breath unique, each heartbeat a sign
That this moment, treasured and close,
Will not return—never again align.
When the turning in your world
Brings chaos, disappointment, or frustration,
Pare back your thoughts, your plans, your motion—
Return to simplicity, to quiet observation.
If you calm yourself into presence,
You might discover the notes of grace’s revelation.
That grace, woven through all that exists,
Awaits the open, vulnerable heart—
Meet it face to face, with curious hope,
And you’ll find your life set apart.
You’ll see how precious every form is,
Every moment—a masterpiece of art.
Thankful for this day, I send silent blessings—
Of gratitude, of peace, and gentle ways to everything and everyone.
May each passing moment infuse
Precious grace, to light all days.

Every day is another opportunity to live, to learn, and to love.  Making that seemingly simple concept more precious is the idea that no matter what it is we encounter in a day, our lives mean something.  Maybe you don’t yet realize what your life means or you haven’t thought about giving it meaning or becoming aware of the meaning it has to others. You may not have become aware of the light of grace weaving its way through your life and striving with an ever-present energy just waiting for you to notice it.  When you do, and when you feel the light of that grace, you will begin to see things differently.  You might be able to follow the beauty of a moment into the grace lighting the way for you attain precious wisdom in your life.

We encounter moments in our lives in one way or another that seemingly takes away from or mars our experience of safety, love, or trust.  You might feel safer limiting your world view through a sense of lack, scarcity, or fear.  You wouldn’t be wrong.  Some things in this world just seem to randomly happen at the worst time – no explanation – no rhyme – no reason – just random chaos or seeming darkness.  In such moments it may be hard to imagine anything could ever be light again.  But, as luck would have it…we often encounter situations that give birth to our awakening.  We may then come to realize that everything on Earth is transient and impermanent.  When you want everything to remain exactly as it is forever and ever, this truth may be devastating.  But if you are in a darker moment of your life, this truth may be just the thing that lights you up and brings you hope and strength enough to carry on.

Every awakening has a beginning, though most of us do not recognize it at the time. Long before we know how to name the sacred, we encounter it in subtle ways—through light, through intuition, through a sudden knowing that feels older than we are. These early moments become the quiet architecture of our inner life, the foundation upon which all later wisdom stands.

If Dawn is the soul remembering itself, then the lessons that follow are how the Earth teaches us to walk with that remembering. My own journey began with a single moment—unexpected, uninvited, yet profoundly shaping. I didn’t understand then that it was the first touch of grace - only that something in me opened, gently but unmistakably.

And so the first teacher of my life arrived not in the form of a person, but in the form of a broken vase of roses…

 

© 2026 J.L. Harter

Dapplied Light - Life in Motion

   

Among some of my favorite things of all time are dappled light streaming through branches and tree leaves onto a road, a field, the grass, within the forest and well where ever.  There is something mesmerizing about the movement of the light and dark, almost like you’re watching the tree but not the tree.  The thing giving shade and it’s oxygen so readily creates beautiful swaying dappled light when the sun is just the right place in the sky. 

There are simple things in life that don’t cost you much to notice but when you do, it can be a breath of fresh air or a moment of calm appreciation in the midst of a stressful day.  Having a love for photography, you can’t help but also love the play of dark and light on the subjects in your composition.  One of my favorite pictures was taken at Huntington Beach at sun set.  I saw a suffer come out of the water and he walked parallel to the water and I sat there with my camera waiting patiently for that moment he walked dead center in front of the sun that had already seemingly splashed down into the water.  I snapped so many pictures in rapid succession determined to get at least one good one.  It wasn’t the best photograph I ever took but the excitement of waiting for the shot I wanted was exciting.  Now, the dark and light in that photo was amazing.  Life and light moving and doing what it does while not everyone notices is an amazing way to spend some quiet time in my opinion.

This world just seems to move faster and faster the older that you get.  It reminds me of those long and hot summer days as a child when it seemed like it took forever for your friends to get done with breakfast, get dressed and come out to play.  The days were long and filled with laughter, the smell of cut grass, snacking on fruit in the back yard snagged from a nearby tree.  Sitting on the grass under the dappled light with your friends is amazing.  I think those days when you were small and there wasn’t as much to occupy your time, the Earth days seem to move so slowly.  When we’re grown up and doing grown up things, working, child rearing, family caring, and more, time moves fast.  I guess it’s all perception.  Time moves slowly when we’re grieving or missing someone but moves so fast when we’re caught in the moment having the time of our lives with family or friends.  Perception can be a funny thing depending on which side of the dark or light you choose to stand upon in any given moment.

If I sit back now, some of my earliest memories where about the play of light streaming through a window, dust particles creating sparkles in the very air, trees, flowers, or even curtains bringing a dichotomy of shadows and light to change the view and add to the movement of a moment. When you’re still and watching, it’s fascinating how light and dark are part of the same thing.  I think about people in this frame.   We like to think of people as all good or all bad or maybe we think of ourselves that way.  I’m about to begin my 60^th decade on Earth and while I’m generally a good citizen, friend, caring family member or member of my community, I am far from perfect.  Within me is both dark and light…good things and bad things.  I think the same is true for most of the people I know.  I think when our perception kicks in for this reason or that, the way we experience each other shifts and changes.  It’s hard to hold two truths at the same time but learning to hold multiple truths is a worthy endeavor.  People are not all dark or all light.  That perception changes by the experience of the people around them.  To some, I may be kind, to others I might be sharp or blunt and to others I could seem aloof or disengaged.  I think about that when I encounter someone who rubs me the wrong way.  I remember that we’re all part good and part not like the yin and yang symbol.  The dappled light reminds me that light and dark do something to our perception physically and metaphorically.  A photographer loves the interplay.  As human beings, we appreciate one more than the other for many reasons.

I think as time goes by, I find myself more appreciative, and even understanding of the exchange, the dance between dark and light.  I’m not overly fascinated by good and evil here and that’s not really what I’m focused on.  It’s more superficial and also philosophical I guess.  I appreciate both darkness and light.  I appreciate all of the seasons.  I love the heat and the cold.  I like blue skies and dark gray ones.  I like quiet mornings with birdsong and diffused light and I like the sharpness of a turbulent sky punctuated with fractured lightning and instantaneous booms of thunder. 

I think the more I live, the more I appreciate life in motion.  I may not like all aspects or enjoy exchanges with every aspect of nature or even human beings but what I will hold is enough grace and respect for life as it’s happening.  I think the more I learn and understand, the less I find myself borrowing trouble with worry or rigidity that does nothing but frazzle my own nerves.  When the road ahead is shorter than the road behind you, I think you start to become choosier about the thoughts and emotions you most wish to entertain.  I think I’d much rather hold forgiveness and it’s resulting peace, than anger and it’s resulting animosity or love, instead of fear.  I have rambled.  Thoughts over coffee have concluded, I promise.

I’m glad that you stopped by little corner of the internet, I’m glad that you are here lending your time and your energy to life on Earth.  Whether you are feeling the light or the darkness, you are life in motion.  Everything matters, you matter.

© August 2026, Photo and Words

2026 Fire Ant Skirmish and Lessons Learned

 

I’ve been quiet a little while but not intentionally.  I’ve been busy just experiencing life.  I wanted to share a little story with you all.  Some of you may relate.  Anyway, a couple
weekends ago, I was mowing my back yard.  In Arizona, we have to do these things very early. Especially this time of year because it is so hot.  Anyway, I’m out at 8:00 in the morning, wearing my Tom’s, a comfy T-shirt and shorts doing my thing.  Unbeknownst to me, several colonies of fire ants had migrated into my back yard since I last mowed. In fact, they had taken over just about 50% of the yard.  So, I’m mowing like normal when I felt something bite my hand…and within the same span of time, several very painful bites on both of my feet.  I stopped (in the wrong place, of course) and brushed the swarm of black ants off my shoes, my legs, the tops of my feet and my hands.

I went into the house grabbed my gloves, and the hose to hose off the infantry assaulting my little push mower.  I like the exercise so use an old school push mower.  Although it’s pretty turquoise, it was covered in black ants.  So, I moved it away from the ant hill, hosed off the ants, made sure I didn’t have any more on me, and then I finished up the last third of my yard very quickly and only received a few more bites even though I was more aware.  The bites were super painful.  Within a couple of days I had very big raised red welts that were painful.  I think I only ended up with 15 or so bites/stings…whatever.  It was wholly unpleasant.  But I finished the task.

 

I called Terminix to come treat my back yard and they came out right away.  They treat it every 3 months and we’ve had problems in the past but never so wide spread. Anyway, two weeks later it was time to mow again.  I had decided a week ago, I needed better equipment to mow.  I had gloves – check!  I ordered some hiking boots, thick socks, and ordered myself a white long-lightweight T-shirt and put on a light pair of Khakis.  My thought was, tuck the pants into the thick socks so if they do climb, they can’t get skin!  Then the light colors were just to make the ants easier to spot.  My boots are also khaki color just so I can spot any hitchhikers.  

 

So, today was the day I had to mow the lawn again and trim all the shrubs.  I was apprehensive that morning, I’m not going to lie.  Woman versus Fire Ant Skirmish 2026 did not go well.  But I wasn’t going to surrender my yard to the ants.  Also, I’m just getting over a virus and so have zero tolerance for any form of nonsense or fire ant declarations of war on my person.  But today, I was better prepared.  I started on the other side of the yard furthest from the ant colonies.  If I had to stop, I did not stop on the grass.  I made it half way through the yard before the hitch hikers popped out in abundance.  I could easily see them on my shoes, if they climbed up my mower, got my gloves or my white shirt.   I spot checked every few feet and stopped at the pavement to stomp any off of my being, do a quick spot check and then back to it.  I was almost finished and had about two more passes to go when exhaustion and overheating set in.  I’ve always just pushed through things like this but a thought occurred to me – do you want to pass out on the ant hill?  Um, not so much I thought after considering.  I took a water break in the house where it was nice and cool, drank some water, and let the little warriors settle for a few minutes.  I got back out there and tackled the last two passes very quickly and finished the job.  I was even able to get out the trimmer and shape up my shrubs without encountering any more ant soldiers.    

 

Today was a success.  But not because I won or I beat the evil fire ants.  My thought was:

•         Understand:  Fire ants do what fire ants do…they swarm, they sting and bite anything that moves remotely near.    No need to take it personally.  Just call the exterminator and stay on top of “negotiating” a lower population in places my grandson would not be safe without intervention.

•         Prepare: Dress properly for the task you’re about to take on – your safety matters. 

•         Be Thoughtful:  Don’t push your luck in the AZ heat.  Heat exhaustion is real and happens quicker than you think.  Also, pushing through isn’t always the best way to accomplish a task – I mean I take a break between sets when I’m lifting weights for a reason.  I lift heavy and push myself but never too far.

•         Shift Strategies:  You can accomplish more with planning but do also be prepared to shift your strategy if you find it is not successful.  Don’t stress the process, just shift to something else that works and keep moving.

 

I have always appreciated the statement:  The Obstacle is the Path.  Today, I learned something from that.  The fire ants were definitely an obstacle but with some understanding, preparation, being mindful and openness to shifting strategies, I got the job done in no time and not one bite today.  The ants are still present in my backyard and that’s a discussion my friends at Terminix can help me with.  I need something a bit more intense than granules maybe but we’ll see what they think when they’re back out to my place in a few short weeks.  I learned today that I don’t have to fear the ants or consider them villains and myself a victim.  I could take a completely different path and do my best to co-exist.

© July 2026, Jaie Hart

The Simplicity of Grace and Gratitude

 

 

The trees stood as silhouetted sentinels emerging from the last traces of darkness.  Morning light came in gently painted broad swaths of smokey pink and orange light that gently blanketed the view from my window. 

 

The hum of highway traffic echoing in the distance streamed in along with the cool morning temperatures. 

 

I became a silent witness to this strange beauty unfolding second by second on an otherwise ordinary day in a life.

 

As if this weren’t beautiful enough, the first traces of bird song began faintly and grew closer as the Earth turned toward the sun.

 

Coffee warm in contrast with cool fresh air, the emerging light and fading darkness, the silent witnessing and uplifting birdsong – I’m so grateful for this moment.  

 

This precious moment I took time to watch closely and feel every breath of is unique and will never ever come again.

 

When the turning in your world finds you feeling chaotic, disappointed, or frustrated,  pare back your thoughts, your plans, and your motion to the simple and basic.  Observe the beauty in life and if you can calm yourself into the presence of the moment, you might just be fortunate enough to find a moment of precious grace.  

 

That grace is woven through everything in existence, and should you take the time to meet it face to face with an open, vulnerable, and curious heart, you will never be the same.  You will come to realize just how precious life is in all of its myriad forms here. 

 

I’m thankful for this day.  Sending you all blessings of gratitude.

 

© 2025 photo and words, Jaie Hart

Grief and Love -- Transmuting the Ache Through Understanding

 

Nothing etches an ache more deeply into your soul like a goodbye. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of goodbye it is — the loss of a loved one, a lover, a friend, a stage of life, or even a cherished belief that has fallen away. Life, in all its mystery, is full of them.

When we lose something or someone dear, it can feel as though the foundation of who we are begins to crumble. I remember my own early goodbyes — family moments filled with music, laughter, and stability that vanished almost overnight. What was once a source of comfort became painful to touch in memory. The songs of that era still reach into my heart, stirring both love and loss.

The Mirror of Grief

What I’ve come to understand is that grief and love are forever entwined. 

The depth of our grief is equal to the depth of our love. One cannot exist without the other. When love has filled our hearts and been woven into our lives, the ache that comes with loss is the echo of that love reverberating through time.

Even shattered beliefs or endings that seem necessary can hurt deeply because they, too, are forms of goodbye. Each one marks the closing of a chapter that once held meaning and life within it.

The Long Journey of Integration

Grief is not linear. It loops and spirals through time, revisiting us in unexpected ways — through a song, a scent, a place, a photograph. It doesn’t obey the tidy stages we wish it would.

What has helped me most is allowing it to move through me rather than fighting it.
There is no need to rush the ache away or disguise it as strength. True strength is letting yourself feel what needs to be felt — while knowing it will not consume you.

In my own healing, through illness and recovery, I’ve learned to let grief breathe. When the wave rises, I don’t resist. I sit with it. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I simply breathe. Each time, a little more love becomes visible beneath the pain.

Transmuting the Ache

When we allow grief to unfold with tenderness, something sacred happens.
The ache begins to soften into understanding. The heart, once broken open, becomes more spacious — more able to hold compassion for others walking their own roads of loss.

Love doesn’t disappear with goodbye.
It changes form — from something we hold to something we are.

This realization doesn’t erase the sorrow, but it does transform it. It allows the memory of what was to become a quiet blessing instead of a wound that won’t heal.

Living with Grace

I’ve learned to embrace each goodbye, to honor the ache as part of being fully alive. I remind myself:

“I will be kind in my thoughts for myself. I will engage in true and loving self-care. I will allow love, understanding, and compassion to fill the space grief once occupied.”

No one escapes this passage. But through it, we become more human, more luminous, more whole.

A Closing Reflection

If you are grieving, may you remember: you are not broken — you are becoming.
Sit quietly with what you’ve lost.
Breathe.
Whisper gratitude for what was, and for the love that made it so hard to say goodbye.

Let the ache remind you of the love that still lives within you.
In time, it will turn into light.

I wish you great blessings of love, understanding, compassion, and great healing — always.
And when the ache returns, as it will, may it greet you like an old friend — reminding you of how deeply you have loved, and how beautifully you are still alive.

© 2025 October Jaie Hart (photo and words)

 

Shifting Your Personal World View - Take Care of Yourself

 

 

How do we look out upon the happenings of this world and not see so much discouraging hate?    I only wish I had an answer for you.  Of late, it can seem that it is everywhere you might look both close to home and afar.  It’s heart breaking regardless.  It seems senseless, the murders, collateral damage, and ignorant and inflammatory commentary running non-stop on social media.  I remember my Grandmother’s words so many years ago, “What is the world coming to?”

 

If I think about it – that very thought spoken so many years ago – tells me that  every generation will have its moments of shock at what it perceives to be unsettling (or worse).  It feels to me that we are having such a moment again.  The bad news is – we’re seeing the extremely unsettling around us and if we let fear take hold, the extremely unsettling is all you will see.  There is more to this world and it’s happenings than just the extremely unsettling things.  Life is tenuous and precarious on a good day. That’s just the reality of life on Earth.  But if we can endeavor to train our eyes and hearts carefully and with specific intent, we can begin to perceive so much more than what fear would dictate.

 

One thing I know having lived many decades now in life here on Earth is that tragedies abound in every direction but so does the miraculous.  You just have to be willing to see it and work tremendously hard at it in some moments on some days.   I’m remembering a quote from Mr. Rogers:

 

 

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

― Fred Rogers

 

 

In a continuing time of sensationalized news and click bait, designed to manipulate you into subscribing, out of fear, our vision can be skewed and very negatively so.  There are things in the world that can hurt you. That is true.  But there are also things in this world that can lift you up and inspire in you love and great compassion.  It somewhat comes down to choices.

 

In a moment of experiencing some of the more challenging and worrying happenings in this world, we need to give ourselves a moment to entertain our emotions - feel and be not okay but at the same time learn the wisdom of sitting with our emotions or feelings and not taking action.  The intensity of emotion begins and ends whether those emotions are positive ones or frightening ones.  So, give yourself a moment to feel and be.  There is a time to be, a time to plan, and then a time for action - striving ever to avoid the imbalance of re-action – that might cause you to do or say something you might later regret.  One of the greatest teachers, in my opinion, puts the idea simply with regard to anger but you can take the same approach with any emotion.

 

 

"When you get angry, go back to yourself, and take very good care of your anger. And when someone makes you suffer, go back and take care of your suffering, your anger. Do not say or do anything."—Thich Nhat Hanh

 

 

There are ways to cope healthily and positively with all the things you perceive make the world a dreadful and unstable place to exist within.  Take the time to learn these things.  Set aside time to recount your blessings, the things you are grateful for and the things that inspire you every single day.  On a horrendously difficult day for me where it felt as though my heart had sunk deep into my toes, I felt hollow and beyond sad.  Every breath needed to exist took a great amount of effort to accomplish and I could not hold back tears that seemed to pour from the heart of my soul. I went outside to get some fresh air and noticed some flowers leaning into the sun near by.  The colors became more intense the longer I gazed at them.  At one point they began to glow and seemed utterly and amazingly content to delight in the sun rays and be caressed by a warm summer breeze.  In that moment, the pain and suffering I felt could be set down for a time and gratitude sparked and grew as I wondered about beautiful flowers, firmly planted, taking in sunlight, and swaying in a warm summer breeze.  I recounted my blessings and put a focus on all of those things I was grateful for.  Did I still hurt and have worry?  Absolutely I did.  But, in opening up to this unexpected experience, I somehow made room in my perception for something good.  That something good helped balance and center me in that moment.  Nature taught me a huge lesson that day and I have come back to it time and time again.  I’m coming back to it right now full of worry for all the seeming hate, insensitivity, anger, ignorance, and fear I see being played out in the world both near and far.  I can’t stop it or change it.  Ignoring it would be unwise.  However, letting all that negativity take control of my perception of life or the entirety of my world view is not a choice I’m willing to make.  I care about myself and my family too much for that.

 

When the world seems to be going crazy, rather than subjecting myself to feelings of anger and hopelessness for things I have zero control over, I focus on taking care of how I feel.  When I can calmly respond to what I’m seeing, I can take action without trying to boil an ocean or save a world I cannot control.  I can do what I can.  I can start small and simple.  I can focus within and take care of my emotions.  I can strive to look for the good in this world and those doing their best to do definitively good deeds.  I can plan to support those good deeds and maybe get involved in humanitarian activities, give to a church or an organization that calls to me.  I can leave something truly good in this world too. 

 

I guess today, I just wanted to share some thoughts to maybe give others something that they can do in a healthy supportive way in a world that at times seems to have gone mad.  You don’t have to engage the hate, ignorance, fear, or violence.  That ultimately does nothing but cause you and others more pain.  You can support efforts to bring about change in a positive and uplifting way.  You can take care of your own emotions.  You can learn to see the good in this world and engage in it or support it.  You can start small and take positive steps.  You can seek help if it all becomes too much for you.  You can look for support in your community, within your circle of friends, and your family.  There are positive steps that you can take to cope with what you experience in this world without getting carried away by the negativity that does definitely exist here.  It’s a matter of choice and it does involve looking for opportunities to take a breath and choose to respond instead of letting emotional reaction take hold and potentially steer you in the wrong direction - to wrong and devastating action.  It’s possible if you decide it’s possible.  You are empowered to support yourself.  

 

The meaning of life is in the journey we make as we live through it.  Don't lose sight of the good.  Learn to see it.  Keep looking for it.  When you find it, breathe in and breath out.  You've got this.  

 

 

Helpful Links:  

 

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Eightfold-Path 

https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh/key-teachings 

https://www.amazon.com/Changing-Perspectives-Jaie-Hart/dp/0557180570

 

 

© December 2024, Jaie Hart (photo and words)

Taking Things Personally

 

How much suffering do you want to take on in this life?  If it’s a lot, then continue to take everything personally.  If it’s not a lot, then consider something very important before you take things personally.  We sometimes get this idea in our heads that just because we would never do or say something like X unless we disrespected someone, doesn’t mean other people think or behave in the same way.  By our very nature, we are born to monitor and look for patterns in our surroundings to keep ourselves safe.  But when we make too many automatic assumptions about others and their intent (which we can’t with 100% certainty ever know), we actually cause our own suffering. 

 

If someone cuts you off on the highway, and you get angry – you’ve taken things personally.  You have absolutely no idea what’s going on for that person.  They could be on their way to the hospital to say goodbye to a loved one.  They could be on their way to day care to pick up a sick child.  They could have just lost their job or are running late for an interview.  Should they drive carelessly?  No. But you see, when things trigger our emotions and urgency, we do sometimes lose our ability to do things or say things with any amount of normal care.  Are some people just careless as a part of their nature?  Sure.  But none of that is about you is all I’m saying.

 

A part of our ego sometimes revels in the idea of catching others doing something wrong as if that might lift us in status in some way.  It doesn’t. What you see in others is filtered through what?  Your experience and your own intimate and personal awareness of your own short comings.  But wait, isn’t there a right and wrong here?  Sure, sometimes there is but also, sometimes that realm of right and wrong can differ from person to person and justifiably so given their situation, life experience and also their psychological state at any given moment.

 

Definitive truths in human interactions is hard to pin down especially when you are sure that your assumptions are facts just because they come from within your own mind.  Your deductions based on the limited information you observe do not equate to definitive truth.  When you understand that, you start to understand situations more, spool up less and your compassion and tolerance grows.  Why would you want that?  Well, intolerance, distrust, accusation, and anger all have their place but if you are living your life with the energy of those thoughts controlling the filter through which you see the world every moment of every day, you could be making yourself and those around you quite miserable.

 

We assume intention often but you can’t know someone’s intention with certainty so why let your mind take it to that level?  You punish yourself so much when you create a framework where everyone and everything is out to get you or ruin your day. Sometimes bad or rough things happen.  It isn’t necessarily personal, and I’d argue that even when someone attempts to make it personal with intention, you have to realize all the years of potentially detrimental psychology that person has lived with to come to that point where they may take issue with intention with you and your presence at a certain time or place.

 

I’m all for standing up for yourself and for what you believe in for sure.  But belief, please understand, is provisional truth at best. Belief is a hypothesis.  I’m not talking faith and religion here. That’s a whole other matter I’d prefer not to bring into this discussion at this time. Think more psychology – simpler like the thought process of – my husband didn’t take out the trash, therefore, he doesn’t love me and expects me to do all of the work in this house alone.  He lives here too.  Why should I do all of the work?  The thing is, hubby may be busy with other things.  So, if you want the trash out right this second – do it yourself or ask him again when you can tell he isn’t preoccupied.  Taking the trash out when asked does not prove love to begin with.  Love is bigger than that.  I’m not suggesting we don’t set boundaries on what we will and will not tolerate but understand what love is and isn’t.  If my imaginary situation is one that you have faced or feel, you might want to instead have a talk with your spouse rather than assume lack of love or care.  Assumptions, and we all do it – are part of the problem.

 

We assume so naturally, but we can’t know 360 degrees of a person or their intentions by assumption alone.  I find dealing in facts keeps me from constantly being disappointed by others.  I also find expressing my needs up front rather than trying to catch someone with proof they don’t love me is time better spent.  In my life, I have faced both intentional and unintentional slights or bad behavior.  Because I value my peace, I choose to see both as not about me.  I have developed a pretty good sense of self and I know that no one on this planet can know me at a 360 degree level.  So, their insult is not something I need to take on board.  If I’m concerned about truth in their words, I can own up to my actions or behavior without that threatening me at the core level of my being.  Most of the time though, I understand that someone who calls me names is telling the world more about the state of their own psychology than they are telling the world about me.

 

I mean, I am certainly not everyone’s cup of tea but if someone wants to see a monster in me, that’s on them and doesn’t bear out as the definitive truth about me.  If I get caught up in collateral damage by the unthinking actions of others, I’m not always quick to anger and even if I do become angry, I won’t act or react on that anger without first trying my best to see the truth of a situation.  Once I see that my own assumptions cannot be validated about a person or thing – again, since I value my own personal peace, I’m more likely to set the matter on ignore and walk away.  I choose understanding over asserting my ego for its version of right or wrong because I know me and my ego is wholly incapable of doing that accurately.

 

A few more parting thoughts on the matter…have you ever done something stupid, insensitive, uncaring or even cringy?  We all have as we have made our way through life.  Our mistakes are how we learn.  When someone “transgresses” in my view, I am likely to be compassionate and understanding – meaning, I’m not going to get crazy angry or feel bad about myself to the point I get angry.  I may be disappointed and I may choose to set boundaries so I don’t suffer further unthinking or bad behavior but I will do my level best to maintain my balance and equanimity.  Somethings just hurt in life and that is what it is but “hurting someone back” will never, ever remove the pain or other emotion that you suffered and any attempt at vengeance for a perceived slight whether intentionally or unintentionally committed will never un-mark that pivotal moment in your interaction.  Your energy is better spent understanding the emotion an action evoked in you rather than engaging in further battle.  In life, battle is all some people know and due to psychology, it’s the only way they know how to interact with others and it’s very likely – unhealthy. To continue to engage with some people in a tit-for-tat exchange is truly beneath you, won’t change that person or their behavior and is really not the best use of your energy.

 

From a bigger picture perspective, those things in life that vex you the most, the things that trigger that feeling of incredulous within you – those are all messages to you from you that you have wounds inside that need your time, attention and great care.  We all carry these.  It’s part of living life on Earth.  But when you strive for understanding both for yourself and another, you can home in on what is best for you in a moment.  Maintaining peace is a beautiful thing.  Engaging in battle often leads to escalation, chaos and worse.  Step back.  Take a breath.  Pause for a moment. See what within you can thoughtfully respond.  Ask yourself if this or that thing is really the thing you want to take personally.  Is there a basis inside of you that is easily triggered?  Do you know that if you figure out what those things are and strive to understand and heal them, no one can ever trigger you to unconsciously take things personally again?  Wow!  That is a powerful thing to possess – healing, the ability to stop, think, and respond to a situation (walking away or not saying a word is also a response).

 

So yeah, if you value your peace, don’t take things personally.  Things don’t always go the way we think they should. That doesn’t mean that we are bad, wrong or whatever.  It just means this or that interaction isn’t going as planned. So, stop, consider, reset and strive for something different, better or healthy for you.  You matter as does every human on this planet no matter how attractive of repulsive you find certain folks.  We are all part of a whole living here in this giant Earth School at this time.  We need to learn how to de-escalate and honestly, that begins best within and a starting point is not taking things so personally.

 

I wish you peace, I wish you love, I wish you the greatest understanding, and the deepest compassion.  You’ve got this!

 

© 2024 Jaie Hart (photo and words)