Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I said I’d write more on love and seeing through the eyes of love. Do you ever wonder why this might seem so hard in some situations? Well, I think it’s all based on common definitions. For example, the definition from one of the local world wide web sites: http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/love indicates:
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity Charity.
10. Sports A zero score in tennis.
So, aside from the last part of the definition, you can see that love is essentially defined as a deep affectionate feeling that comes from within, makes you feel like you’re in the flow of something bigger than you are and that changes your perspective and causes you to hold someone you love in higher regard. If you’ve been involved in a romantic relationship, you know that feeling. If you have children, you know that feeling. If you have pets you adore, you know that feeling. The tricky part about life and seeing the world through the eyes of love is to expand that feeling from your close circle of family, close friends and pets. Expand that feeling from the close to the broader sense. That same feeling you hold of love for your family can be held towards co-workers, acquaintances and even strangers on the street. It can be held for people who generally make you happy and even those that really irritate you. In fact, if you can hold that feeling of love and move into the deeper levels of it…compassion, can you imagine how different a single day might go for you?
It’s hard some days to hold a feeling of love and compassion towards the guy that just cut you off on the freeway, the lady who grabbed the last item that was on sale you were looking for or even the individual you never even met who felt the need to seemingly insult you in some way. Or is it? It isn’t hard and the most amazing thing is that you never lose anything when you view people through the eyes of love. I’ll let you in on a little secret, we are not as separate as you think we all are. We’re not all that different from each other on the inside. We all hide behind the masks we designed to protect ourselves from the pain in the world. But what if that was really unnecessary? If you know that someone loves you and they say something to you that might not seem very nice, are you more inclined to be forgiving than if a stranger says the same thing? Why is that? Well, it’s because maybe there is someone you love unconditionally and you know that the things they say are not about you, the things they say may be about a bad day or a wounded place inside of them and so you chose not to react. Did you know you can do the very same thing with a complete stranger who has insulted you and you will lose nothing?
When people lash out at you, attempt to hurt you or make you feel bad, what if you looked at them as a family member you loved unconditionally and you knew that what they said was not about you, it is about them and you were grounded and comfortable in the fact that nothing that person says can take anything away from you? Did you know that’s really how things are? No one can take away from you, anything that you are. You can chose to give pieces of yourself away through a victim mentality or through blame but that isn’t someone taking something from you, that is YOU giving parts of you away…it’s you diminishing pieces of who you are. So then, what to do. STOP blame, stop giving away your power…see everyone and everything from the higher realms of love and compassion. Hold yourself in higher regard and be grounded and comfortable taking action through the eyes of love.
Sometimes being loving when others are not in a loving space, makes us fearful that the object of our love and affection will hurt us. But, did you know the hurt doesn’t come from outside of us. The hurt is already there inside and people direct our attention to that hurt with words and actions and our thoughts do the stinging. It doesn’t have to be that way. That’s where self-love and holding compassion for yourself comes in. If someone called you an ugly stupid jerk but you knew that was not true, what would it matter what someone else thought…especially if that someone else was actually acting like an ugly stupid jerk? Transference…one of my favorites. Do you get what I’m trying to say here? Be confident in who you are mask or not and take only those words to heart you really think are valid. I saw a cartoon once. I think it was called Little Bill and it was created by Bill Cosby. In the show, Little Bill was being made fun of and it hurt his feelings. His father taught him a little trick and it’s one I have actually used in situations where people like to name-call in the negative…it’s a simple word…”So.” If someone calls you an ugly stupid jerk and you fight back…you are giving their pain more power and that is actually not a loving thing to do. If you each keep feeding each other’s pain, you have escalation. Someone must win at the expense of someone else. But, if someone calls you an ugly stupid jerk and you respond by just saying “So” or “And” you are not giving the other person’s pain more fuel…and by not giving into your own fears of inadequacy, you will not feed anyone’s pain and can actually create a loving space for them to figure it out. Will they get it right away? Probably not but that’s not for you to worry about. Don’t let the behavior of others change who you are. If you remain in a grounded place of love and compassion, these little ego dramas that pop up around you will eventually stop…because you don’t give them power. Add to that you positive intent to no longer be pulled into such dramas and do so because you wish to be loving and compassionate to bring more peace into your own life and you will be amazed at how interactions begin to go more smoothly for you.
So, to end on a good note…we can all be loving individuals. We can all use love to heal our pain. We can all express love and lead by example by loving ourselves and creating a loving space around us so that others can find love. If you get confused by the many seeming facets of love, know it’s all just misaligned perceptions…there is one love…that deep sentimental and affectionate feeling that gives light, life and hope to this world. You can be part of that and live your part of that at any time you choose. With much love and light to you and yours, have a blessed day!
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Last night I stepped out into the moonlight. The night was cool and in the western sky I saw smoky orange clouds painted low on the horizon. The stars were out twinkling so brightly and a sea breeze blew away all my worries from this week. I slept peacefully, soundly with a smile inside of my heart. When I woke up this morning, I stepped outside. Warm cup of coffee in hand. The birds were singing so sweetly in the darkness and I realized right then and there that the darkness does not hold fearful things but can just sometimes mask the beautiful things that are out there.
As I watched the sky fade from black to pale blue, a smile rose from deep inside of me again. It’s a new day and the rising sun always leaves me with this feeling of pure elation. I have my worries like everyone else does but a brand new day always feels like such a precious gift that I just cannot hold onto the worries and fears. I have to let them go as the light of the sun on a brand new day spills its light wildly in every direction. Gratitude is the greatest healing balm to the soul. Don’t ever forget that.
Our view is always shaped by the thoughts we hold in our hearts. I speak the truth here so please understand…holding worries in your heart is like turning off the lights and trying to walk through life in the dark. Holding hope, having faith in you dreams and seeing the infinite possibilities in your life is like shining the sun’s light on your path. You control that. Did you know?
If you were to look at the postings from the wonderful friends and associations I have on my Facebook site, one thing you would notice is the high volume of some very positive thinkers pushing a positive message throughout the day every day. They learned a secret a long time ago as I did. Life can seem so bleak, scary, empty and lonely if you hold only those thoughts in your heart. But, if you change them around, you will see the light begin to shine. Everything you experience may seem to be randomly placed upon your path to contend with and perhaps it may seem like you have no control and some of those things may leave you feeling very out of control. However, your thoughts and choices as well as actions are yours. You can see the sunlight and yet feel only sadness for whatever reason or you can see the sunlight and let it fill you with hope, with faith and with the creative and loving thoughts you need to help you make it through whatever part of the journey you are on.
There were so many times in my life where I did not know nor understand that my thoughts and even my emotions (which are so very closely connected) were a choice that I made. All the conflict I suffered painfully I look back on now and see how I made the choices I made…I thought the thoughts I held during those times. And now, for mere moments things might get me down temporarily but I immediately stop blaming the world for not being exactly what I wanted and I accept it on its terms, I accept me and my thoughts and reactions on my terms and then I strive to see things in the most positive light possible. It doesn’t make my bills disappear but it does restore my faith and trust that I will always find a way to take care of my obligations and responsibilities no matter what. I take nothing for granted and appreciate every blessing that crosses my path and dawns on my consciousness and with such a mind set, I might make mistakes along the way but I will never fail. So you, you may make mistakes but it’s your life…it’s okay to make mistakes…just learn and start to look for the many blessings in every situation…hold positive thoughts…see those points in time and in life that you were gratefully carried by some seemingly unseen force until you were strong enough to walk again.
Life is amazing. Find love in your heart for something, for anything from a tiny blade of grass to the all of a deep and clear cerulean sky and you will be amazed at how much smoother life seems to go and even if you should find bumps in the road and hills to climb, your positive thoughts will help you meet your challenges and lessons with courage and strength instead of fear and trepidation. Every experience in life refines your spirit in ways more important than I can possibly explain. Don’t dwell on the pain…feel it, move through it and embrace the light in your life. If you can’t see any light, open your eyes and look for it. You’ll find it. Many blessings and much love to you.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Take, for example, someone who insults you. Your natural tendency may be to react quickly and hurl an insult right back to make them hurt as much as they just hurt you. That perspective is totally a wounded reaction. If you were not feeling insecure somewhere, someone insulting you would not really matter. And, what if no insult was intended? If you knew that, would you still react? What if the person did mean to insult you—what if you knew they were very wounded inside and were actually just projecting as a cry for help? Would you still react? If you were looking through the eyes of love—at yourself and also at the individual who is insulting you, you could respond instead of react. Responding evokes a sense of control. Reacting evokes a sense of non-control. Also, when we sit in the space of the victim and feel like we are being victimized by the world, we have given away not only our ability to be accountable but we’ve also given away our power. Another thing, and this is a big one, is that when we react from a victimized state, we have already assumed that what someone said might be true or that someone was really calling out our weakest parts to the world. It’s not necessarily true. Many people project or transfer their pain onto us through insults and injury. We don’t have to give them any more power to feed their illness and pain by reacting or getting even (cut the addict off from their poison). In fact, we can respond by not responding, deflecting or asking them about how they are really feeling if we care to.
Another way we can see through the eyes of love is to treat people who are acting like children like children. What I mean is, if a baby in frustration hits you—do you, as an adult, hit the baby back? Of course not. We are patient and understand that the baby doesn’t know better so we set boundaries and teach them their actions are not okay and instead we strive to give them what they need. That is a great example of seeing a situation through the eyes of love. I could really go on but I think you get the point on this aspect of seeing through the eyes of love. There is so much more. This is really just the tip of the iceberg. I’ll write more about this in upcoming articles. So, I challenge you to think the next time conflict approaches you in human form-- How can you respond to the situation seeing it through the eyes of love? Think about it? Try a different approach and you might be amazed at what you find yourself capable of. I wish you much peace!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I like spring sunsets out West. As the sun sinks slowly into the horizon, for a time the sky is white hot, like liquid light almost. The rays etch everything in a white golden light. You would think an absence of color would not be very pretty but the details become so crisp and clear. The leaves on the trees seem painted in sharp strokes, thin lines, beautiful dark contrasting with fiery light. It really is breath-taking. It reminds me, as everything seems to lately, that beauty is a matter of perspective, mind-set, frame of reference and so much more. It can be so very complicated trying to understand how it’s rare, so rare for two people to take in the same view and see it differently. One may see magic and beauty beyond description and one may just see blinding light requiring sun glasses to cut down the glare. I’m standing outside barefoot in the grass, closing my eyes and watching the colors play behind my eyelids…hot pink, magenta, indigo blue and I open my eyes and the blinding beauty of the setting sun returns.
It’s been a good day. A long one and I’m tired but it was beautiful. I’m reminded in this moment of desires and constraints…when you want something so much and yet there seems to be miles of distance and too much time between you and the object of your desire. It’s not an easy place to be but then a very dear soul to me told me just recently that things happen on God’s time and not ours. The thought can really tend to make you relax a bit if you trust it. I do…as uncomfortable as it sometimes seems. I think I can only because I know first-hand that everything in life happens in its own time, in it’s own season and for very good reason and well, who am I to question? I can always set my intent, hope, pray and imagine the best, sweet victory and the tragedy of waiting will one day seem like nothing. Sometimes I think that your attitude counts for more than experience in life. You can have all the experience in the world but if you have a crappy attitude, everything you do means nothing to you but grief and pain. Why would you do that to yourself, I often think. It just doesn’t make much sense. Maybe some people see no point in searching for silver linings. I do. I’ve walked on the dark side. I’ve seen pain, tragedy and gut wrenching depression and I remember the thoughts that precipitated those feelings and I remember the negative outlook that brought me to my knees. It wasn’t life bringing me unlucky tidings. It was me and my negative thoughts that made me fall…and fall, and fall.
Never again! I’ve seen the light…literally speaking and when the dark days dawn, as they often do, I’m not afraid and I smile even when walking underneath the darkest storm clouds. I’ve got something life cannot take from me…my reason to smile. It comes from inside and it’s like a little game I play with me sometimes. When the world gets really tough and seeming to spin wildly on it’s axis, I laugh at the anxiety and fear. They are really funny things. They cannot live where I will not let them. I feel them like everyone else does, but I really do take the time to think it through and then I just decide to choose differently for no other reason than I can. There was a time I didn’t know I had a choice. But, now that I know, there is no turning back. My world is amazing not because I’m lucky or blessed. What makes me blessed and lucky is my ability to choose to see things differently. I don’t need sunglasses to dim this glorious light I’m so very alive to witness this day. I wish only to drink it in because it makes me smile. Well, and I also wish that others might find their way to this place I’m in right now. I didn’t have to go far to get there…I just had to go inside my own mind long enough to dispel negative thoughts with positive ones. I’ll tell you, even when it rains, I’ve got sunshine inside. Even when I get down or bad things happen, I just move through the pain of it and let it fall away choosing to see the wisdom in a situation, the life lesson and I smile knowing “this too shall pass.” And…it does, it always does.
I hope you enjoy the sunlight where ever you are. Smile and be happy just because you can! Many blessings to you and yours!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
The silver waning crescent moon hangs low in a dark southwestern sky. The air cool and damp as I stand gazing intently at a brand new day dawning. I slept well but feel as sure as I’m breathing, my mind was busy with thoughts, working through plans and dreams. How easy it would be to curl back up in bed and dream some more. I waiver on my decision to wake for a few seconds, then take a sip of warm delicious coffee and decide it’s time to keep the day rolling. The sky is fading from black into the deepest blue just now and I see my friends, a sea of twinkling stars. My consciousness goes up and out beyond my reality, it’s into the stars and across the miles, time and distance with purpose and intent to reach out for a dream. I reach it in seconds, I can feel it but I cannot yet touch it. It is not time but soon will be. These moments of gratitude in the early morning hours, to the 7 directions…deepest, deepest gratitude for all that I have, all that I am and all that I am able to give.
This world is an amazing place. Amongst the chaos you can grab a piece of stillness and sit in quiet contemplation. You can focus on the stars, shining so bright and so far way. You can dwell in the past, the present or the future as much as you choose to. Me, I’m right here in the present walking among ethereal clouds on another plane of existence just now. I have some place to go and someone to see. We meet in this place for now, as we have at other times in distant past in thought and in concept. My world comes alive with the sun’s first fiery rays spilling across the sky in every direction. It represents this swirling of emotion in my heart that comes truly from the center of my soul. I am alive right here in this moment, entranced by my Creator’s most beautiful display of timeless power and completely in awe at His infinite wisdom. Would that I could shift my form and fly like a bird on the wind just now. I’d fly straight toward the sun, take a small turn on a ray of light and reach the direction I most wish to be going.
Soon I will get there, so soon the time will come and until then I stand here...spirit slowly, unwillingly returning to my body, grateful for the journey, to touch this essence in spirit is beyond mere mortal words…its thoughts come in the language of the heart that just cannot be spoken. I am so very much at peace in this moment. I am so very aware of and can feel everything about this moment in time. I smile and get ready to go about my day somewhat unwillingly but as time passes, the closer my dream becomes a reality in my world, and I realize it is no longer just a dream.
Consider your dreams. What are they? What do they mean to you? Can you close your eyes and reach out and touch them? Have you tried? You should! It feels like magic and with that feeling, you can make them come true. Believe!