Thursday, December 15, 2016

Gentle Rain from My Ceiling

The leak in my ceiling is like a gentle waterfall and as the hours go by, the paint bubbles to release some more.  It’s almost like this place is filled with pent up emotion bubbling out and ready to fall.  I’m home now waiting for the contractor to arrive.  He’ll pull down the dry wall and the water will fall whichever way it wants to.  It won’t have to find the seam from the last repair to try to worm it’s way out and about from behind the dry wall.  So many metaphors spool up and race to reach my finger tips.  I think I’ll just acknowledge them and flow more gently with the vibe of the day.

Things go wrong sometimes at the worst possible time.  You can stress and worry about these things or you can just take things as they come, do what you can do and well, just breathe.  I never in my life would have thought a leak coming through my ceiling would bring me peace.  Really, I’ve already done everything I could possibly do and now I wait.  I wait for help and assistance and listen to the tink, tink, tink as the water drips from the ceiling onto the cookie sheets I have strategically placed around my living room floor.

The floor is now getting wet and all I can do is shield the electronics I’m not able to move at this time.  I’d take out the only semblance of norm we’ve been able to somewhat restore since the leak became apparent.  I did take the opportunity to rearrange the furniture while everything was torn up.  I’m trying to change up the energy a bit.  Preliminarily, I’m happy but it needs some fine tuning.  I’m also using the opportunity to throw away the clutter, get rid of a couple more big pieces of furniture that just no longer suit me.  All the money I spent for this piece 10 years ago feeling like I was somebody because I could spend $900 on a beautiful desk.  It was one of the first really nice things I bought for myself.  I’m now going to give it away.  I no longer need things of monetary value to feel okay. I find it easy to let go of things these days and become so much more curious now to wander through my motivations then.

I’m so much happier, I think - letting go.  I’m simplifying my life as much as I can.  I’m down grading, releasing, breathing more comfortably and making plans to get rid of some more.  So much have I physically carried with me for all of these years.  Honestly, I’m going to empty my garage without opening the boxes.  I’ll donate what I recall as usable, recycle what I can and then just enjoy the space with no need to fill it.  I suddenly feel so grown up, content and happy.  Life isn’t about attaining material things as much as we think it is.  At some point you realize you didn’t really even want half of the stuff you bought for a quick fix of ego-joy.  It pales greatly in comparison to acceptance of self, love of what is, as it is and just being.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m as sentimental as the day is long and have small trinkets from family and my partner all around the house that make me smile.  It isn’t the things that matter but the sentiment behind them.  If I lost them all tomorrow, I’d carry the memory of the sentiments and just count myself blessed.  I glance up at the ceiling and see yet another bulge in the paint as big as the palm of my hand.  At any moment, it is going to break and more water will be tumbling down.  I’ve prepared - another cookie sheet is at the ready to catch the mini deluge.  I don’t know why I’m calm right now but I like it.  My home is chaotic at the moment with everything being removed from the room where the water is gently coming down.  I’m not feeling chaotic.  If that bulge gets much bigger, I may opt for a pot…hmmm.  Not necessary, I now hear dual tink, tink, tinks as the water is now making it through the other leaking spot in the ceiling. Only another hour to go until help arrives and we’ll hopefully have the leak found this time, staging for repairs of the source and after-math of it and then repairing the ceiling and drying the floors.  Who knows how long it will take.  But I’ve got the day off today to manage it and the frame of mind to handle it.  I guess that is just good enough.

Water is an amazing substance, I must say.  I wholly admire its tenacity to move and flow.  I might appreciate it more where it falling from the sky instead of my ceiling but, well, this is what I’ve got to contend with today.  So, I’m off to it.  Whatever you face in your day, whatever inconvenience or frustration you encounter, just do what you can do.  Make sure you take some time to breathe, step back and view the situation as if it were on a TV screen.  Let it be as it is, let you be as you are and know that you are up to the task and if not, ask for help and be grateful when it arrives.  Blessings of great peace, calm and understanding for your journey.

© 2016 Jaie Hart