Saturday, September 17, 2016
This morning I watched the full moon set in a clear sky just as it transitioned from the black of night into the beautiful blue of the day. Not long after, I watched the sun rise and brighten the silhouettes of the trees outside my window. The clouds moved in and the gray skies added such a beautiful contrast for the Crepe Myrtle tree outside and the green Sycamore leaves that soon will fall. In my mind I walked back through the memories of my experiences of life on planet Earth this past week. For whatever reason, the anxiety and fear generally felt all week was still overwhelming. As a soul that leans heavily towards the empathic, you learn after some time and experience what is your “stuff” versus what belongs to others in terms of energy and emotion. This week the sensation from outside felt like it was coming from within. But it was only this morning I realized the fullness of what I felt was not entirely mine at all. Much of it truly had nothing to do with me. I’m just feeling more lately and I find that interesting.
Anxiety and fear are great messengers if you understand their purpose and the fullness of the message these two sensations in particular can bring. Both are of the same source truly. I don’t really care much for the reasons why, the source or what lead to the feelings. I only know that I cannot carry things that are not mine to carry. I woke up this morning with the remnants of the sensations from my week – the lingering energy and I thought, “Wow, really? Why on Earth would you carry this?” I got up realizing that it wouldn’t help to beat myself up for my own sensitivity that left me feeling slightly less than awesome as my first thought for the day the moment I opened my eyes. So, I cleared it all away in a little shower-meditation. You literally just visualize letting the water pull away all of the negativity. It is truly an amazing thing to do after a week of high-stress!
When I came down stairs and saw the moonlight spilling down to wash my patio in a beautiful silvery glow, I paused and just took in the beauty of that gorgeous orb seemingly hanging in the sky to punctuate a beautiful and serene moment. I made some coffee and engaged in some mindfulness meditation to allow the rest of my week’s experience to drop back into the background with my full and complete acceptance of it. My realization of what I was feeling and the true origins helped me feel more peaceful, more understanding and much less anxious. I’m going to allow myself to just feel as I feel, be as I am and stop the fear that rises with these thoughts. Even that fear is a beautiful messenger. For me in truth, it is a worry that I am not handling all that is before me “perfectly.” “What a silly fear,” I think now by the light of day. What does it matter if I am not perfect? I am not here for that. None of us are here to be perfect. We are here to be who we are and to learn to see, understand and allow others to be as they are. The challenge comes in when others lay their expectations on you and think or even secretly demand that you should react to their expectations for no other reason than they have them. I learned this week that sometimes you just have to say “No." The “No” may have repercussions and that just really isn’t your problem.
For a recovering people pleaser such as me, I can admit that I wince when I have to say “No” sometimes still. My life’s experiences have taught me that quite often your “No” is followed by much conflict and heavy duty sales tactics by others to try and turn your “No” into their desired “Yes.” But something happens as you age in this realm. You start to gain wisdom and you realize that no amount of people pleasing will insure you against someone else’s displeasure. When you realize fully that another’s displeasure has nothing to do with you, you stop a really negative process from perpetuating itself into oblivion. You stop taking on the pain of others and chose to throw off their pain and just stand in your own light. This is not a painful process really and if you stand firmly and confidently enough in your own light, you begin to see the truth of this. When you say “No” to something, there are no shortages of people or situations that will rail against the “No.” Too bad I say. Sometimes the “No” is about self-preservation, it is about your own peace, tranquility and happiness and sometimes you just have to choose your own happiness over someone else’s and still be okay. It isn’t easy but truly, with practice it feels like the only thing you can do from the point in your life you begin to understand why standing in your own light is the most important thing you can do in your life.
So, I come back now to less heavy thoughts and the precious beauty of my surrounds. I’m grateful this week for all of the conflict I felt, for all of the emotions I encountered, the stress and anxiety even. For these things have taught me to be open and curious about what is going on inside of me despite all of the noise outside of me within my environment. I am responsible for myself and my thoughts and feelings. I am understanding and compassionate towards the thoughts and feelings of others and I bear no shame in standing up for myself and my own needs. Come what may from it, I’m happier in this moment for all of my experiences. I’m grateful in this moment for every soul I’ve encountered this week along with everything done and said. It’s been fine week on planet Earth and I’ve many things to consider about all that I’ve learned. A new perspective dawns and I’m glad. I don’t know where it will lead but I’m sure it’ll be great!
© 2016 Jaie Hart
Saturday, September 3, 2016
The sun is only just creeping up to the horizon and a strong breeze blows outside my window. To hear the wind rustling the leaves in the giant Sycamore tree outside my window with a warm cup of coffee in hand is just one of those moments I am truly grateful for. To have a moment of stillness in the cool and dark, wind chimes making beautiful music, it seems as if I’ve left all of the cares of my world behind.
The days are so warm still and yet the nights begin to cool a bit. I love the changing time – those moments when Summer begins to move gently into Autumn. All the remnants of those childhood memories and feelings of excitement for the new school year, Fall activities, Halloween, Thanksgiving – I can feel them just around the corner and it makes me smile. I’m more than grown up now but I still hold within me that child-like wonder for all those moments I’ve lived up until now during this beautiful time of year.
In meditation this morning I felt a great peace unlike anything I’ve felt in months. It feels almost as if I’ve been running and running some made race to get to some unknown place and only now have reached the top of the latest hill climbed. I’ve slowed my pace now in this moment and am really just very much enjoying the view – this moment – this now. Another strong gust of sea air blows in through the open window and I feel so calm and peaceful still. This song of the morning has been so beautiful and so very sweet. It is a calm reverence that washes over me as I sit here in silence embracing the fullness of a collection of very simple moments spent ever so present.
These moments are rare in a very busy life but something within me wishes to slow down now in every respect and appreciate all of the moments with a deeper reverence and even more gratitude. What ever this is – a call from my soul maybe – I’m stopping and I’m listening. I do not wish to spend the rest of my days in a blur of activity without tasting each precious moment of life. It is so fragile, so fleeting and I do no longer wish to take even one second for granted. I don’t know what that means for my every day-work-a-day life. Maybe it is that I just allow this gentle shift within to take over – to take hold and breathe more. Maybe i learn better what it means to openly take what comes just as it is with ever deepening gratitude just for the gift of presence.
The light comes now and with it gentle gray skies. Wind rustles the leaves a bit more loudly now and I can see the bright pink blooms of the Crape Myrtle tree that also thankfully lives right outside my window. Such contrast exists in the vibrant pink blooms against the newly lit gray sky. It is really beautiful. I’m going to savor this day, every moment of it. I think I may go to the park this morning for a nice walk in the coolness before the sun chases away the more temperate air. I don’t want to miss another moment of this life and wish instead to gain greater appreciation every day for everything for the rest of my life. It is a fine goal - this...appreciation and gratitude. These things deepen the calm and peace within the soul. That is what I need most just now. I treasure this moment as I do all others and I hope to carry the undertones of this as the symphony of life plays on. I wish you all a steady stream of beautiful moments - the kind that lets you know gratitude always.
© 2016 Jaie Hart (photo/words)