Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Pale Moon Rising - Random Thoughts

The weight of the world seemingly on my mind, just disappeared in an instant when I looked up and saw a huge pale moon rising in a faded blue sky.  I love it when the moon is full on the horizon because it seems like it's five times it's normal size.  The effect it has had on me all day today, even when I couldn't see it, was remarkable.  There is just something about moonlight.  It's silvery glow takes all the stress and worry or even frustration away.  It puts things back into perspective as its overwhelming sweet energy permeates my being.

I could sit here for hours in this quiet part of the evening.  The birds are settling in for the night, people occupied with dinner and chores after coming home for the evening.  I love this time of night.  I don't think there is really a time of day or night I don't absolutely love.  It took me a lifetime to get here or like my sudden fondness of winter...I've found in my 44th year of life that I love the winter, I don't mind the rain and gray skies can be just as beautiful as blue ones.  Everything is a matter of perspective I guess and tonight I've got a good one.

I've got a surgery coming up in a couple of days and that's just no fun.  Instead of getting carried away with the anxious thoughts, I'm sitting here in this delicious moonlight thinking of all the people I love, the friends I adore and every ray of sunlight and moonlight I've ever had the pleasure to experience.  We can so easily be caught up in the mayhem of negative and troubled thoughts.  When we train our minds to recognize the choices we make with our feelings, life takes on an almost ethereal glow.  Assumption never is an equal dance partner with truth.  Assumption is our own distorted perception of truth and nowhere near reality. Facts, on the other hand, are different and the only things we should allow our emotions to line up with and even then, we have a choice in how far we'll go and how long we'll hold them.  Believe it or don't, the choice is yours.  Me, I'm going back to this delicious moonlight, I'll contemplate the pure insignificance of my own existence in the scheme of reality as I know it and I'll smile just because I choose too.

I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful night.  Have blessed sweet dreams!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

You'll Always Have You

We speak too often
Because we cannot stand
To face ourselves...
The secret self that lives on the inside.

We run too often
But we cannot hide
From the reality
And totality of who we really are.

We search
The world outside ourselves
To find the answers
That only ever lie within

Our search
Brings us always home empty,
Disheartened, lost...
Until we find that spark inside.

If we pay attention
It’s that spark
That peels away the layers
Of all that is illusive and unreal in this world.

Take the time
To know yourself,
To love yourself,
And trust yourself.

Don’t fear the silence,
Never fear the stillness,
No matter what you think you do not have,
You’ll always have you.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Dog Days Are Over

All afternoon I watched these huge clouds rolling in, seemingly broken apart ever so slightly by beautiful pieces of gorgeous blue sky.  Some of the cloud cells were dark with water and dropped a gentle rain in long trailing gray patches you could see dotting the horizon.  The sunlight spilling down from the clouds seemed to be racing with the rain drops towards Earth as I sat in my office filled with crystals for sanity and chaos of just another typical day.  I was just stunned by the beauty.  When the sun dropped low on the horizon, the sunlight dancing around the edges of the clouds was jaw-droppingly beautiful…fiery deep orange, pink and purple etched every cloud in sight still broken in bits by fading blue sky. 

I turned the radio up to sing on the ride home.  The mood just struck me so I went with it with total abandon...”The dog days are over…” and then another, “sweet disposition…a moment a laugh...”  I was just in heaven seeing the gorgeous sky fill my view and listening to great tunes to sing to.  I didn’t even mind about the crazy southern California traffic.  The longer those cars took to inch home, the more time I had to enjoy this gorgeous sky and music and peace in my girlie nail polish colored pick up truck.  I thought to myself, I must be a sight – here I am in my forties, dancing in the drivers seat (sort of) while driving along singing-- not caring one bit what the elderly gentleman in the car next to me thought.  I caught him staring and flashed him a big smile and kept on singing.  You know I love getting older.  Maybe I won’t say that in 10 or 20 years from now but at my age now, 44, I love that I’ve come to a place in life where to be authentically me is okay.  I no longer fear repercussion for being who I really am.  I lived with my mom so cuss me out and call me names if you want, I’ll still look at you, roll my eyes and think, “amateur.” 

I could not begin to tell you the sheer emotional difficulty I’ve faced the last three years of my life and the little after-shocks that came trailing back to haunt me even just a few weeks ago.  I learned so much but mostly to appreciate the beauty before you and peaceful times when you have them.  Life isn’t always peaceful and it isn’t always beautiful.  But, no matter how hard the journey is, even when it feels like you’re walking barefoot, uphill in the dark on rocks and glass, this life is worth every cut, every bruise and every set back suffered.  Life is truly amazing especially when you recall the moments where it feels very NOT amazing.  The dichotomy teaches you a lot and if it teaches you nothing but withdrawal and distrust, get back out there and start living again.  There must be a nuance that you missed somewhere.  I’ve had it all and lost it all.  Had it again and lost it again.  But no matter what, I’ll always have me – comfortable for once in my own skin, at least for tonight.  That’s an amazing and wonderful miracle in and of itself.

Don’t fear your trials and pay attention just once to all of those crazy thoughts inside of your head.  In fact, make it an interesting assignment.  For the next 30 minutes, sit down and write down every thought inside of your head that attacks or undermines you.  Listen for them, they are there.  The words of every person who ever hurt you is creating lies and misery inside of your own mind.  In order to stop it, you have to first notice the pitch or drone of the hum of the lies.  Notice them, write them down and then throw away that piece of paper.  Now, when you hear the voice telling you all the lies that everyone else told you about you, laugh!  It’s all lies.  You are not what your mind describes you to be.  You are not stupid, you are not fat, you are not lazy, you are not anything but love.  Everything else inside that tells you that you are anything but love is just a lie.  Toss out the lies.  As Don Miguel Ruiz says, ignore them (Do check out his book The Voice of Knowledge).  You don’t have to replace the lies with anything. That’s just forcing your mind to think thoughts it doesn’t believe.  Just flat ignore the lies now that you know their pitch or drone.  Ignore them and go do something that makes you feel good to be in your skin.  Take a walk, drink a soda, have a piece of cake or chocolate, go look at the moon and stars, draw a picture, write a letter, play a video game, grab your partner and use your imagination…whatever it takes to put you back in touch with who you really are!  Its way different than the lies!  Truly.

There are just those moments when clarity strikes you and you can shrug off the awful yoke of acting like everyone thinks you should and you can be authentically you.  Those moments are life’s amazing treasures.  Enjoy them.  Love them.  Love YOU and appreciate your unique and wonderful nature.  Life is just too darned short to try to mold yourself into something that you aren’t.  So, be you…let your honor and integrity shine through the brightest, let your positive thoughts and smiles run free.  It feels good.  Try it.  Many blessings to you!