Heart

What do you do when the words won't come to say those things you most wish to say? I think the resistance and silence speak for themselves and perhaps it is time to rest and be still.  When the pull of the moon on the tides rests, the water can flow more smoothly, calmly and steadily unprovoked through unseen magnetized motion.  Perhaps a thought may be easy to choose from within the mists and swirl and commit to the land of the two dimensional as the force behind them, the impetus pushing settles to calm, peaceful repose.  I wonder now as I sit here with these thoughts of mine what a funny thing it is at all to attempt to commit 3, 4 and 5 dimensional feeling and vibration into two dimensional black and white in order to be understood.  The problem is more than half of the meaning and is lost.  At such realization, I abandon the beginnings and endings and begin again and again.  So, I sit and wait, hope and pray the right words materialize or maybe start a little closer to source and focus more on the feelings themselves that desperately seem to be begging for prompt release.  They must be complete and resolved or else they will stay mired in the foggy mist of a restless mind.

So, what then is this resistance at all I wonder deep within my core.  I'd like to say I haven't any idea but I'd be lying to myself.  I know the core, well familiar with the source and yet I am puzzled at the direction of resolve.  Is it that there is no resolution at all to be had from the many particles in this equation struggling so hard to resolve itself to the right answer.  Maybe there is no answer but that doesn't work because the equation still strives to resolve itself and therein lies the heart of the resistance. You cannot solve a puzzle, a riddle or an equation without all of its parts in one place from which you can engage the mind to arrange and rearrange.  Yes, that's it, the missing piece.  So what then is a soul to do who seeks resolution but parts are missing?  It leaves a soul stuck for an eternity and then, things remain unfinished and forever unresolved.  To what do I owe the presence of this wonder, hmmm, I wonder.  What did I do or what have I not done...there is no way to an end from this part of the page and there is no bridge from which to return to where it formed and began.  Stasis...I hold with great contempt even thought I know I understand stasis is required as all the puzzle pieces are formed.  Impatience grows to epic proportions and yet, there is a strange peace in the silence and in the letting of everything swirl.  Perhaps the solution is there is no solution and I've invited this turmoil for the sheer hunger for it.  But that, doesn't make sense to a rational mind and maybe my premise is off altogether.  I have wandered back to the beginning so many times.  I've gone over every single and beautiful line and although I'm all-the-wiser for my effort, a labor of love, I am no closer to solving than I was in the beginning.

I rest my weary aching mind and drift on a memory that floats on a cool morning breeze.  The clouds have obscured my view - a metaphor in a way that which solidifies a new and emerging assumption - that it is emotion that obscures this truth but this truth is the heart of emotion...the heart, I pause and breathe...and think and know.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo is a random internet find).