Saturday, April 20, 2019
The day came and went, the day I had been waiting for, the day I had been hoping for and the day I’ve been dreaming for. This part of my story began so long ago, I might have forgotten about it if a friend hadn’t reminded me. A while ago, a long while ago, I had a calling. It was something deep in my soul in the form of an idea…it’s time to go. It’s time to move and the place came to mind. It was a place I had been and a place of good memories. I just couldn’t see at the time how in the world I could get there from where I was. The roadblocks at the time were simply too immense to overcome.
At the time the call came, I had just given birth to my third child. I spent long nights alone thinking, planning and working out how I might approach the rest of my life. Then, detour after detour, another child made four and lots and lots of life lessons came and oh my goodness, did I learn. Then, after years of tears, frustration, striving, succeeding, failing and then learning to listen, it came again. I didn’t know it would lead me to where I would soon be but it did and perfectly so. The roadblocks simply rearranged themselves into a very clear and perfect pathway. So, now I sit here, quiet in the early morning pale light. I’m recalling all the beautiful and terrible memories this place has brought me in the last 20 plus years. But if I’m honest, and I mean really honest, it was all beautiful and truly not so terrible as it might have seemed. Everything was perfect. I mean, truly perfect – bright peaks and dark valleys -- all of it.
As I look back, I see so much magic in the orchestration of my every move, decision, challenge and lesson learned. And then, the calling materialized not long ago in the outside world this time instead of from within my soul and the resonance of the idea from within and without... I still didn’t know how it would further manifest itself so I did what I could – stayed open and oh, so very curious. Step by step the urgings became requests, inquiries and out and out searching and pursing. With not much effort it has all come together. On one hand, I’m completely surprised but so very and pleasantly so. On the other, there is a core-level knowing that whenever it is I heed the deepest callings of my soul, things come together. They always have and I’d like to explain it but I just couldn’t. I’d rather just appreciate the magic.
So, well, I’m moving. The life I have set up for myself and my family here has been perfect, comforting, safe and supporting. We have really thrived and I couldn’t be more grateful. But, in less than two weeks we turn everything upside-down, pack it and move a state away. The job goes with me (thankfully), and then just those things that truly matter the most. I have the home of my dreams and beyond. I am so very blessed. I am so very grateful. I will remain ever and always curious, open, hopeful and grateful. I see how much the energy of those perspectives have brought me and I trust myself and the universe now more than ever. All will be well and as it is meant to be. One step, one breath and mile at a time and we’ll finally be there and enjoy the journey in our new locale. I will leave behind me the sensitive and painful memories for in this moment I find they are transformed. I trust life, I trust myself and I trust the call to go, do and be what I need to be and where I need to be it. I came here like a rebellious child and I leave here time-tested, strong, hopeful and ready to live intentionally, purposefully and gratefully.
Listening to the inner urgings can be tough until you truly understand the difference between running away from something and running to something. It is all a matter of perspective, staying open, remaining trusting and willing to step up to those callings. I know that ultimately all will be well. How? Well, whenever in my life I have truly heeded an inner soul-felt calling, everything magically fell into place even when no amount of analysis, experience or tactical preparation could have predicted a good outcome. It’s crazy, sometimes I think, how life works and the perfect things, situations and people rally that around to help a dream come true. I love that. Maybe I’ll get back to writing or discover a new adventure. I honestly don’t know but I’m ready and willing to find out.
These last few days until the day will be filled with the necessary strategies and mandatory activities but they will also be filled with the deepest gratitude and appreciation for all that has transpired at every point, juncture and crossroads of my life. It’s been so beautiful. If anything, I strongly recommend that every soul strive for and truly learn to hear that soul call, that deep and true inner urging. Get so quiet that the ego can’t touch the truth of the call, so that you feel the pure beautiful truth of it and then take your steps in beauty, light and pure faith. Bless!