To some, the above concept is a gross over simplification and nothing but new age BS. I used to be one of those so, I completely understand. Until the moment I realized my life was falling apart and I took a courageous look at what the common thread was in all of my life's happenings (e.g., me and decisions made that were not well thought out to say the very least), I could not complete the shift in thinking necessary to move from a negative state of results I didn't want to a positive state achieving results I did want. I've had conversations with naysayers and again I'll say that I completely understand. Words such as, "What do you mean I'm to blame - all of this s$%! just happens to me...everything I touch turns bad or goes wrong and nothing I do will change it...I'm sick of being hurt all of the time, I'm sick of being taken advantage of and left with nothing but pain," are not lost on me at all. I so get it. I remember those feelings because I once held them but there isn't some magical belief you hold that transforms you. You really have to look with a keen eye towards the major things you were involved in in your life that went wrong and understand how you had the hand in your own undoing. Maybe it's something simple as putting too much trust in others that had not sufficiently earned that trust. Maybe its that you had too high of hopes out of sync with the reality of a situation and who you were dealing with and you exposed yourself. Maybe the gamble was just too big or you were seeking a quick way out and took it without much thought to what all of the risks were. Maybe it was really you making not well thought out decisions all along that lead to your down fall time and time again. Believe me, I know how this feels. I've been there, done that and gotten many messy T-Shirts.
I spent 3 years in near complete solitude at one point in my life because everything had gone wrong, everything I touched lead to my pain, everything I did backfired and it got so bad all I could do was cry myself to sleep at night from the pain of it. But one sleepless night, something happened. I kept asking myself, "What is it? What is it that I am doing wrong? This victim thinking is putting my power in everyone else's hands leaving me a perpetual victim to float forever in a stream of nothing but terror and misery emotionally. And then, I saw someone else making the same mistakes as I had made and I realized, with chills, that there was no mistake about what I was seeing. I was going to have to spend some time trying to separate the themes and sets of assumptions I always made and based my decisions on. I found a good number of things as I began to go deeper within. First of all, I routinely expected those around me to behave like me - honest, high integrity and responsible - they'll do what they say they are going to do no matter what. One of the first things I learned was that THAT was a terrible assumption and expectation on my part and quite unrealistic. I realized quickly too that I needed to have much greater experience with people before I put forth any kind of trust. It is not that I refused to trust, it's just that I had to learn to be more cautiously optimistic with how I expended my resources with people who talked a good talk but I had not yet experienced enough time with them to see if they could walk the walk before I trusted them with my resources or goals, plans and dreams. I began to take accountability. I began to become more self-reliant emotionally, physically and financially. I wasn't making enough money for my obligations and so I took a second job rather than relying on others who said they'd help me and then didn't, wouldn't or couldn't. I cut out all extra expenses. I realized the assumption that I needed to hold was that I was in fact surrounded by people who could not be there for me the way I was there for them. I had to understand that also was a theme. Why did I feel responsible for stopping or mitigating the pain of others when there was no reciprocation - there was only taking from me in those around me and no giving. That wasn't their bad - that was mine. I blamed them but I realized that I needed to blame me for my own assumptions and expectations. The Serenity Prayer lead me out of that one - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdome to know the difference. These words a genius to me!
The deeper I went into my assumptions and expectations about situations and people I had experienced, the more I began to ask, why? Why did I do that? What was I really after? What was I hoping to gain from an action that lead to pain? Was I trying to change things beyond my control? What was within the realm of my control? As I tore apart the themes, I saw what lay hidden underneath. That is where things got very interesting. I found a lot of pain that had laid dormant, unhealed but affecting my thoughts in the negative. I wondered what would happen if I changed the premises of my thoughts and assumptions, maybe ditch all assumptions and seek validation and clarity in advance, if that might change the outcomes. It did but not enough. The trust thing came in again - even though I would validate with crystal clarity verbally in advance I still could not guarantee with certainty an outcome and began to realize that I couldn't control an outcome at all. The only thing I could really do was set my intent, be solid in what I hoped to achieve (e.g., have a good goal that had nothing to do with anything but honest input and healthy focus for result) and then do my part to get there actively and not passively. When I took accountability for doing my part, everything changed. I began to see clearly that the only power I truly had was the power I exercised to control my own thoughts and actions and that the actions of others were far beyond my control. I started to see things differently and started having better outcomes as a result.
This isn't a one-time process and you're healed though. It takes effort every day and now today when I see an unpleasant outcome, I can quickly diagnose where I went wrong in my thought process. I then can take the steps to focus on healing what caused me to overlook something obvious and plan to do things differently the next time. What is so funny is that the universe, in it's infinite wisdom, will give you plenty of tests to make sure your creation process is operating the way you intended based on the time and effort put into it. I'll give you an example I see so much: Dating - take someone who is lonely who just wants a date or a relationship but they are so fearful that what happened in the past that hurt them will happen again in the future. I'll stop right there - this - this is a bad way to start...fear of pain from what has happened before is never a place to start. Heal the pain first - set clear intent - and then take action so that you create from a place of curiosity rather than fear...that you create from a place of hope rather than contempt and then, then you will change your experience going further. First of all, behaviors in others that triggered past pain for you will be more visible and you won't invest time in those kinds of folks. This will clear the path for those to date that will be more rewarding for you. The process works just like that. Find out where you are holding negativity and fear and clear that before you engage in a similar interaction where those emotions will rise to the surface. If you step way back, you begin to see how it is the planning, the intent, the focus and your beliefs that create your outcomes. Test it. Try different things and see what happens. When lessons repeat, there is something you missed. Don't feel bad! Just go over the inputs again and see what you can refine or modify and then reset your intent and try it again.
Life is really amazing when you begin to understand just exactly how you create in this world. I hope I've done a little better job on expanding the concepts in the first paragraph. I love this lesson and test it often and it is a recipe that works...what I put into something, I will get out of something. If I go into something with pain, I'm going to attract something that will bring me more of the same. If I go into something with curiosity, balance and focus, I'm not going to accept what doesn't measure up to the outcome I seek and so will modify or change the resources that come at me to help me create...the outcomes will manifest if I do my homework correctly. I love how this works now that I understand but I hated it when I didn't know what was going on. We live, we love, we learn and hopefully grow. I hope I've given you some food for thought at least! When you hear that our thoughts are so powerful, well - this is just one of those ways. If you want delicious chocolate chip cookies, you can't go into the process fearful that they are going to taste terrible! You need to make sure you have the right ingredients, tools and process to make them come out right. If you get a bad result, note what went into the batch, the process or timing and modify accordingly. I'm hungry now! I hope you get out there and create a beautiful lives for yourselves. The tools seem to always shift and change but hey, you ARE powerful and can create new tools, look for better resources and pull everything together in a beautifully rewarding process. You can. Just believe it and half the battle is already won. ~Blessings.
(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (Photo - this beautiful painting is not mine but I loved it - the focus is peace and serenity - smiles).
Continued inspiration and endless blessings, Jaie,
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Thank you CG, so much. :)
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