Are you Conflict Avoidant? Read On...

Wow what a week has it been.  I’ve had one conflict after another arise and I’m reminded of the Whack-a-Mole game.  I realized that as soon as I whacked one away, another cropped up.  After a while I began to lose patience with all that whacking away of conflict.  I decided to step back from it and get some perspective, a much higher perspective.  What I saw in a moment in the sun, listening to Deval Premal chanting was that each conflict that presented itself was actually an opportunity to learn.  I took a deep breath and just soaked in the light of the sun.  I calmed my frazzled nerves and went back to my day with a new perspective.  I can choose to be conflict avoidant and irritated when it shows up on my path or I can observe it and consider precisely why it showed up on my path.

Now, with this perspective, I can see with much greater clarity that conflict is actually a wonderful opportunity to learn something.  Whether the conflict is generated by people, situations or things, there is something to be learned.  So, learn I did and I’m so very grateful.  With people conflict arises primarily from assumption.  When each side makes an assumption from a perception filtered through their own environmental psychology and considers that assumption to be truth without even attempting to fact-check, conflict will arise.  Now, if each side is willing to tackle the conflict head on, open their minds and hearts to the fact that their perceptions and assumptions may not be the truth, each may have an opportunity to grow closer in understanding and even embrace compassion for the formerly held perception or assumption.  Is that not amazing?  It certainly is to me.

Oh if we only came with instruction books!  Sadly, we do not and we do not for good reason.  Are you curious about that reason?  It’s simple.  You are infinitely amazing just exactly as you are and whether you know it or not, you love the experience of living and through that living, you learn.  If you had a book that gave you all the answers, you’d be bored because you are just too smart for a simple class in the Earth School.

So, the next time you encounter conflict, observe the little “c” consciousness or ego’s need to engage.  Try if you can not to judge anything about what is happening but just observe and see if you can feel your way to the truth beyond assumption and perception.  You can then ask questions, validate facts and then move forward in full awareness.  It’s really quite amazing when you can train yourself to respond in this way in control of your faculties rather than being controlled by your little “c” consciousness.  Just some more food for thought beautiful souls.  Have a great day.

And if you need a little calm inspiration, have a listen to this great work from Deva Premal:

 

Experiential Reality

What precisely is the basis of your experiential reality?  Do you know? As I consider my own experiential reality, I have to consider what comprises its component parts:

The 5 Physical Senses:  What I see, hear, smell, touch and taste.

    The 6^th Partially Physical Sense:  What I instinctively know (auto-biological, genetic and intuition).

    The 7^th Sense:  This is really a refined aspect of 1. And 2. Above but it comprises the less tangible but no less important concepts of sensing energy and vibration.

The 8^th Sense:  This is a further refinement of all of the above but can be compartmentalized in alternate states of consciousness and is more dimensionally oriented and not necessarily just in the physical.  I consider this sense more in tune with the level of the Spirit which is closer to the One Consciousness or Cosmic Consciousness (or 9^th Sense and there are more).

So, all of the above “senses” are part of my experiential reality but based on how I perceive what my senses are taking in and then further how I objectively or subjectively label or judge what I perceive what my senses are taking in, I have established my Experiential Reality.  Is everyone’s experiential reality the same, you might wonder?  Well, the way we humans sometimes act, it seems at some level we must believe that everyone’s experiential reality is in fact the same because we are very quick to attack someone who slights us in some way for not acting or behaving as kindly or thoughtfully as we do.  But, as you can begin to see (or will see shortly), the truth is we don’t all perceive everything exactly the same way because we can’t.  We can share some perceptions and observations but part of the way we experience the world comes from our senses and how we filter and store the data.  We sense or open to receiving data and then the mind runs its processes to look throughout our experience here in this lifetime (or even others) to find something similar with which it may come to know what it is sensing.  Based on a person’s very individualized experience, the sensory data that comes in will be compared to data taken in at some point in our past.  Simulations of the mind are then run as a result of the comparison processes in order to determine what something is that we have sensed in our experience.  This means that we can have the same inputs but our resulting findings based on our experience won’t always be the same.

I find this an interesting series of thought particularly in light of the conflict of human interactions.  We assume because hubby didn’t take out the trash that hubby doesn’t think very much of us.  We also might assume based on our mind’s findings post-simulation and analysis of data, memories, etc. that when Suzie doesn’t call us when we want her too, she doesn’t like us any more.  Okay, you get the basic idea here, right?  Not everyone comes to the same conclusion after taking in the same data sets.  What further complicates the comparison process from one human being to another is that our senses are different at various levels.  If you just take the first sense, sight.  Not everyone can see 20/20 or see with color.  So, how do you determine the same data taken in but different outputs in thought results?

You see, the data we take in is first filtered by our senses and then further filtered by our memories, perceptions, judgments and beliefs and then we determine the outcome of the data set, (e.g., because of “x” in my memory banks, this is what “this” is).  Now, to further my point lets take Vera, Chuck and Dave.  Vera’s hearing isn’t perfect  but her vision is 20/20.  Chuck is color blind but has exceptional hearing.  Dave is neither color blind nor hard of hearing.  All 3 are standing on the sidewalk at a parade.  Marching directly in front of them a brightly costumed float followed by a band is playing some kind of song loud enough for the crowd to hear.  Later, all 3 of my imaginary friends get together and compare notes on the marching band and parade.  An argument ensues about how loud the music was, how drab the costumes seemed, etc.  Each asserts his or her perception is right.  But, consider, who is really right and who is wrong?  Each can argue from their perspective just on the first physical sense alone.  But what if each also has another trigger-filter inside.  The last parade Vera attended, the man next to her had a heart-attack and died leaving her her a bit apprehensive of parades.  The last parade Dave was at, he was with his friends having the time of his life.  The last parade Chuck was at, someone launched a bag of popcorn that landed squarely on his head leaving him a bit annoyed.  How might these experiences further shape their perceptions of the parade and marching band?  Again, who would be right and who would be wrong in their experience?

Now, take this concept and look at life.  Through the first 5 senses and the mind’s operating processes, we’ve already run data through multiple filters, first physical and then mental.  We can argue on the labels that result from these filters but who is right and who is wrong?  How can you tell?  Well, the 6^th and 7^th senses can help if you are attuned to them but what if you are not?  How could you tell who is right and who is wrong?  What if the 8^th sense kicks in for one of the three and leaves one of them with a knowing that the whole event, parade, music, costumes, being there together watching it and then arguing it afterwards was just a way in which folks might better learn to understand how we take in information and experience this world? What if the 8^th sense, residing more at the level of the Spirit is very in tune with all that is and sees things not in terms of right and wrong but rather in what is beneficial and what is not to a particular person’s life path?

The more you dig into this and analyze it, the more questions arise for the careful and open observer.  When you dig in you start to realize the common conflicts humanity suffers is all based on the same data taken in but sensed and then filtered differently forming individuals aspects of experiential reality.  But, if our experiential reality is not the whole truth then what is the truth?  THAT is THE Million Dollar question and one worth asking, not others, but of the self and only the self.  For only in the still and quiet moments of reflection and understanding can we ever hope to comprehend that there exists a truth of reality beyond the limits of our Experiential Reality.  Arguing for the rightness of our Experiential Reality and, therefore, negating someone else’s Experiential Reality comes down to a choice of how much energy one is willing to expend on something potentially irrelevant and illusory.  On the other hand, through the sharing of the various Experiential Realities with the understanding of the various filters and perceptions, we could stand to gain much knowledge rather than belief based on perception alone.  This theme is key to awareness of our larger conscious existence.  It takes effort but is by far more worthy of our efforts to seek understanding that to fight to be right.

From the Journal of Metaphysics and Connected Consciousness:
http://journalofmcc.blogspot.com/2014/11/experiential-reality.html
 

© 2014 J.L. Harter

Outcome Modification Process Explained

Physics teaches us that what we focus on, we create. Until we become aware and more awakened, we unconsciously create from a place of fear, anxiety and pain. As we learn, grow and begin to heal from the wounds within (and we find them by seeing the product of our thoughts manifesting without) we learn that we can consciously create from place of love, hope and joy. Like attracts like and our thoughts magnetize the energy about us so that we draw to us what our thoughts command. Think positive, heal the source of the negative thoughts and then begin to consciously create. Unconscious creations are good for learning but when you get tired of those kinds of lessons and can stop blaming the outside world for them, you can change the outcome by what you put into your world. Positive thoughts and conscious creation will change the outcomes in your lives. Know that there is no right or wrong way to learn...there is no judgment...and we have free will to hold either negative or positive thoughts. We will attract to us what we most need to learn and in that, the creating is perfect for each either way.

To some, the above concept is a gross over simplification and nothing but new age BS.  I used to be one of those so, I completely understand.  Until the moment I realized my life was falling apart and I took a courageous look at what the common thread was in all of my life's happenings (e.g., me and decisions made that were not well thought out to say the very least), I could not complete the shift in thinking necessary to move from a negative state of results I didn't want to a positive state achieving results I did want.  I've had conversations with naysayers and again I'll say that I completely understand.  Words such as, "What do you mean I'm to blame - all of this s$%! just happens to me...everything I touch turns bad or goes wrong and nothing I do will change it...I'm sick of being hurt all of the time, I'm sick of being taken advantage of and left with nothing but pain," are not lost on me at all.  I so get it.  I remember those feelings because I once held them but there isn't some magical belief you hold that transforms you.  You really have to look with a keen eye towards the major things you were involved in in your life that went wrong and understand how you had the hand in your own undoing.  Maybe it's something simple as putting too much trust in others that had not sufficiently earned that trust.  Maybe its that you had too high of hopes out of sync with the reality of a situation and who you were dealing with and you exposed yourself.  Maybe the gamble was just too big or you were seeking a quick way out and took it without much thought to what all of the risks were.  Maybe it was really you making not well thought out decisions all along that lead to your down fall time and time again.  Believe me, I know how this feels. I've been there, done that and gotten many messy T-Shirts.

I spent 3 years in near complete solitude at one point in my life because everything had gone wrong, everything I touched lead to my pain, everything I did backfired and it got so bad all I could do was cry myself to sleep at night from the pain of it.  But one sleepless night, something happened.  I kept asking myself, "What is it?  What is it that I am doing wrong?  This victim thinking is putting my power in everyone else's hands leaving me a perpetual victim to float forever in a stream of nothing but terror and misery emotionally.  And then, I saw someone else making the same mistakes as I had made and I realized, with chills, that there was no mistake about what I was seeing.  I was going to have to spend some time trying to separate the themes and sets of assumptions I always made and based my decisions on.  I found a good number of things as I began to go deeper within.  First of all, I routinely expected those around me to behave like me - honest, high integrity and responsible - they'll do what they say they are going to do no matter what.  One of the first things I learned was that THAT was a terrible assumption and expectation on my part and quite unrealistic.  I realized quickly too that I needed to have much greater experience with people before I put forth any kind of trust.  It is not that I refused to trust, it's just that I had to learn to be more cautiously optimistic with how I expended my resources with people who talked a good talk but I had not yet experienced enough time with them to see if they could walk the walk before I trusted them with my resources or goals, plans and dreams.  I began to take accountability.  I began to become more self-reliant emotionally, physically and financially.  I wasn't making enough money for my obligations and so I took a second job rather than relying on others who said they'd help me and then didn't, wouldn't or couldn't.  I cut out all extra expenses.  I realized the assumption that I needed to hold was that I was in fact surrounded by people who could not be there for me the way I was there for them.  I had to understand that also was a theme.  Why did I feel responsible for stopping or mitigating the pain of others when there was no reciprocation - there was only taking from me in those around me and no giving.  That wasn't their bad - that was mine. I blamed them but I realized that I needed to blame me for my own assumptions and expectations. The Serenity Prayer lead me out of that one - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdome to know the difference.  These words a genius to me!

The deeper I went into my assumptions and expectations about situations and people I had experienced, the more I began to ask, why?  Why did I do that?  What was I really after?  What was I hoping to gain from an action that lead to pain? Was I trying to change things beyond my control?  What was within the realm of my control? As I tore apart the themes, I saw what lay hidden underneath.  That is where things got very interesting.  I found a lot of pain that had laid dormant, unhealed but affecting my thoughts in the negative.  I wondered what would happen if I changed the premises of my thoughts and assumptions, maybe ditch all assumptions and seek validation and clarity in advance, if that might change the outcomes.  It did but not enough.  The trust thing came in again - even though I would validate with crystal clarity verbally in advance I still could not guarantee with certainty an outcome and began to realize that I couldn't control an outcome at all.  The only thing I could really do was set my intent, be solid in what I hoped to achieve (e.g., have a good goal that had nothing to do with anything but honest input and healthy focus for result) and then do my part to get there actively and not passively.  When I took accountability for doing my part, everything changed.  I began to see clearly that the only power I truly had was the power I exercised to control my own thoughts and actions and that the actions of others were far beyond my control.  I started to see things differently and started having better outcomes as a result.

This isn't a one-time process and you're healed though.  It takes effort every day and now today when I see an unpleasant outcome, I can quickly diagnose where I went wrong in my thought process.  I then can take the steps to focus on healing what caused me to overlook something obvious and plan to do things differently the next time. What is so funny is that the universe, in it's infinite wisdom, will give you plenty of tests to make sure your creation process is operating the way you intended based on the time and effort put into it.  I'll give you an example I see so much:  Dating - take someone who is lonely who just wants a date or a relationship but they are so fearful that what happened in the past that hurt them will happen again in the future.  I'll stop right there - this - this is a bad way to start...fear of pain from what has happened before is never a place to start.  Heal the pain first - set clear intent - and then take action so that you create from a place of curiosity rather than fear...that you create from a place of hope rather than contempt and then, then you will change your experience going further. First of all, behaviors in others that triggered past pain for you will be more visible and you won't invest time in those kinds of folks.  This will clear the path for those to date that will be more rewarding for you.  The process works just like that.  Find out where you are holding negativity and fear and clear that before you engage in a similar interaction where those emotions will rise to the surface.  If you step way back, you begin to see how it is the planning, the intent, the focus and your beliefs that create your outcomes.  Test it.  Try different things and see what happens. When lessons repeat, there is something you missed.  Don't feel bad!  Just go over the inputs again and see what you can refine or modify and then reset your intent and try it again.

Life is really amazing when you begin to understand just exactly how you create in this world.  I hope I've done a little better job on expanding the concepts in the first paragraph.  I love this lesson and test it often and it is a recipe that works...what I put into something, I will get out of something.  If I go into something with pain, I'm going to attract something that will bring me more of the same.  If I go into something with curiosity, balance and focus, I'm not going to accept what doesn't measure up to the outcome I seek and so will modify or change the resources that come at me to help me create...the outcomes will manifest if I do my homework correctly.  I love how this works now that I understand but I hated it when I didn't know what was going on.  We live, we love, we learn and hopefully grow.  I hope I've given you some food for thought at least!  When you hear that our thoughts are so powerful, well - this is just one of those ways.  If you want delicious chocolate chip cookies, you can't go into the process fearful that they are going to taste terrible!  You need to make sure you have the right ingredients, tools and process to make them come out right.  If you get a bad result, note what went into the batch, the process or timing and modify accordingly.  I'm hungry now!  I hope you get out there and create a beautiful lives for yourselves.  The tools seem to always shift and change but hey, you ARE powerful and can create new tools, look for better resources and pull everything together in a beautifully rewarding process.  You can.  Just believe it and half the battle is already won.  ~Blessings.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (Photo - this beautiful painting is not mine but I loved it - the focus is peace and serenity - smiles).