Painting a Life Anew

I opened my eyes in the darkness and saw a few unexpected characters staring back at me:  4:00 am.  My mind scrambled to remember what day it was to quickly determine if I could nestle back into cool soft sheets and drift back into my dreams or if I had to rise and get ready for a busy day.  I quickly remembered it was the latter and not the former but I laid there in the dark gazing up at the ceiling for a few moments longer anyway.  I wished in that moment I could see the stars and so decided to get up and start moving, get myself downstairs to make coffee and step out side to see what I could see.  Moments later, with coffee in hand, the back patio door slid open and into the cool and darkness of early morning I went.  There was an electric anticipation about me, so palpable and well, I could actually hear the energy this morning (a strange and new sense that has developed over the past few months).  I sat down in my chair placed next to my beautiful purple daisies that glow even in the darkness and I looked up at the sky.  Saddened for a moment was I to discover a coastal blanket of clouds had obscured the view of my twinkling friends.  No matter, I thought to myself as I took a sip of warm bitter sweet coffee.  I collected my bearings a few moments longer and my thoughts of the events of late kicked in.

So many levels of understanding descends upon my consciousness and I see how my own mind betrays me at times by fighting to stick with old paradigms that I ultimately know are useless.  I stand firm in my own light in this moment and set my intent to let go of old thoughts that no longer serve me.  I relax again and think back over the emotions of the past few days.  There have been no significant events to speak of but rather memories that surfaced bringing with them strange emotions.  Sadness tried to rise to my consciousness and I realized again that was the old paradigm trying one last time to retain a stronger hold in my experience and I smiled there in the dark knowing that provisional truth ultimately holds no sway over me any longer.  I understand things in a different way today than ever before.  We create much in this world, so much and we don't question things enough.  We should question our own thoughts and emotions, test them for universal versus provisional truth much more often than we do.  I recalled the painting I began working on late last night.  I picked the deepest blue I had in my supply that I find is so beautiful, reminiscent of lapis lazuli.  Not knowing what I intended to paint, I filled the page with just that.  The color was so soothing and the tactile effort of each stroke sent joy through me for the simple act of creating.

Then I pulled out some more paints and before me a sundown sky scene began to materialize and while my paintings do not contain the expert realism that others do, the essence of my vision unfolds and will most definitely be felt.  I realized my work is my view, my expression and my creation.  It may never be understood or appreciated fully by others but this painting is not for anyone else but me...just like my life...I do not live it here for the pleasure of others.  I am here for the experiences I wish most to create and I have enjoyed every single experience I have created in this life so far.  I look back seeing the paintings of old, the stories and scenes that were my life.  I see the pictures from boredom I created.  I see the ones from fear I created.  I also see the ones from love that I created.  All the experiences are worthy experiences with not one scene ever truly wasted.  It is the collective of our experience we are after and we unwittingly seek most often to refine certain aspects of our creation and so we create the scenes again and again with new actors and tools and we experience the same things and wondering if we might have a different result.  It's funny, I think to realize how many times I've used the same colors, the same techniques and attempted to end up with a different painting.

So, this quiet time of morning finds me in good cheer.  Yeah, I did wake up way too early on my day off and I could still be sleeping but I'm grateful as I sit here watching the clouds turn from a dark gray directly above me to a slightly tinged pink in the East.  The sun, she comes and will brighten my day and my twinkling friends, oh, I'll see them tonight and toast them with a delicious glass of red, some classical music with deep and heavy notes on the violin and I will breathe in the lessons of the day and enjoy the things that I have learned.

Blessings of great love, rich experience and joy to fill your day with something exciting dear souls.  Your lives are so beautiful and painted so amazingly.  Find an aspect of them you most enjoy creating and create them again from a different perspective just for the fun of it, just for the joy of it and just for the opportunity to gain mastery over the tools at your disposal.  Heck, be really crazy for just a moment and create some new tools out of the old and watch in amazement at the new scenes you can create.  Much love and light!

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)