Chasing Dreams and Lessons Learned

 

So many miles have come between me and the land of my birth.  If I think about it too long, my heart starts to ache for the sound of the ocean, a strong and cool salty sea breeze, and the sound of gulls.  How many days did I sit at the shore just to feel the power of the waves, feel the enormity of the depth and the breadth of the ocean? Through sunny summer warmth, and cool, cold and stormy days, I’d find my way to the coast and gaze for hours in solitude.  I miss those days sometimes.  Fortunately, those memories will always live in my heart and bring me comfort still when most I surely need it.

 

As many in life have come to know, the land of your birth won’t always support your dreams and if those dreams are strong enough, you’ll pack up all that you own, kiss your loved ones goodbye and begin a journey to find whatever it is that calls to your heart and soul the most. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to go to far to begin to fulfill my biggest dream.  It was a simple dream to own a home on my own - large enough for me and my children, a yard big and green filled with flowers and trees, and some space to breathe with rare beauty.  I did find it and I’m so grateful.  But these words echo in my mind, “now what?”  

In my mind I have visited the echoes of yesterday and the enormity of lessons learned, love lost and found, broken, and bruised pieces of my heart and psyche along with the strength of the inner light that can and will carry you through the darkest of places if you just find a small shred of hope to hold.  I have not lived an easy life by any stretch, but I have learned above all else to trust my inner most urges and intuitions.  In all the times that I learned to listen and heed my inner guidance, I have found resolution to outer and inner conflict, new paths where all once seemed obscure and a beautiful light to reveal what lay hidden in the darkness (that of my own thinking and that brought to me by the lessons of others).

 

 When I look at all that I have accomplished, I feel really good.  Humble beginnings was the start to my story.  Where I am now I am not married to because I have learned in life that all is fleeting, transient and impermanent at every level.  I have come to know that it is not what I have and what I have done that matters most.  The greatest of my life’s lessons has been learning to take a measure of comfort in what is as it is in the absence of judgement or fear.  I have grown and gone far beyond anything I ever expected.  It only took me learning to let go of what this world, society and my family expected of me.  The conventional has never suited me and I will no longer entertain it.  I am content now, more whole and happy even - most days.

 

Life lessons still come and the pain can sometimes feel soul crushing.  But the key to leaving that prison is accepting what is, sitting with the pain without reacting, and allowing yourself to cry, shout, scream or be.  In time, we expand beyond the painful spaces within us.  We learn to bring in more light to shine more clearly into the darkness and we find our way back to the sun as long as we spend no time in resistance.  That is so hard and can take years and years.  It’s not an easy lesson facing grief, sadness and pain.  These things are part of the human condition and when we encounter them we must always remember – this is not it.  It is not all we will ever feel again.  We will expand, we will grow and as we do we create more space within us to take in other things – joy, love, curiosity, hope and so much more.  I think the pain never goes away but we take in more and with balance, we learn to live with the good and the bad seeming within us.  It’s amazing how that works, and it has worked for me time and time again.

 

 I stand here today so grateful for all of the mountains I have climbed, the darkness I have faced, the disappointment, the anger, the bliss and love – all of it.  My time is not yet done.  I just plan to live a little wiser, with more patience and acceptance.  Maybe find a little more courage, curiosity, and wisdom to face the rest of my journey wherever it is it may lead me.  I think sometimes the journey is within and without simultaneously.  How can it not be?  It’s like magic at times and it can make me laugh or cry depending on how I look at it.

 

If you take anything away from this piece, I hope you take with it hope, trust in your journey and yourselves to live your lives as perfectly and as meaningfully as you were meant to.  Count your blessings and lessons both (you’ll find they are one and the same in the end).

 

 

© Copyright 2023 Janice Harter (photo and words)

Rays of the Light of the Sun

Imagine, if you will, the sun…bright beautiful light with rays spilling all about in every direction.  Remember as a child, you might have liked to draw it with your yellow and orange crayons, paint it or just sit on the grass and feel it.  Consider for a moment the sun, not as a bright continually combusting and radiating star but a metaphor for our Conscious existence.  Think about it and consider the saying, “We are all one.”  Go back now, imagine the sun as if it were the ultimate Big “C” Consciousness radiating in all of its glory.  Consider now for a moment, each of us tiny humans with our little “c” consciousness…The microcosm of the Macrocosm.  We are each like a ray of the Sun’s light.  We emanate from the same Source and we travel and move – Consciousness in Motion!

It is a simple metaphor but you can pick any other as you may choose – branches of a tree, rain drops and the ocean.  It doesn’t really matter how you choose to consider it as much as it matters that you do consider it.  Because, until you do, you may go on in your lives not understanding or realizing the impact you have on the Whole.  You are a bright and beautiful part of the Whole, traveling outward, experiencing Consciousness in motion from the Source Consciousness of our Origins.  We are not small egoic only, self-serving, narcissistic humans.  We may at times behave in ways incongruent with that statement but that is only behavior and can be relegated to malware installed in the consciousness operating system.  We are more than that, all of us, despite how we engage here with our consciousness.  We are rare and precious, driving always to persevere, that drive to go, that impetus to reach and grow.  We are amazing and we don’t even know what we are.  We just live day in and day out never giving it a thought.

It’s okay, really.  You don’t have to think about it but if you did, if you realized what it is you truly are, how might you perceive things and respond or react differently to all that you see and experience?  If you knew the stranger before you was in fact your brother or sister, traveling just like you are, would you be so quick to judge or to cause harm?  Would you have the strength of spirit to strive more towards inquiry than belief alone?  You could if you so chose or you could not if you so chose.  Free will dictates you can do as you see fit here in this realm including the violation of the law of Free will if you wanted.  In the end, it’s mostly you that suffers the fate of that violation because in violating another’s Free will, you violate your own.

Going back to the metaphor of human beings existing as beautiful rays of light from the Sun, we all shine.  We cannot shine more by going after or attempting to merge with or thwart the other shinning rays you encounter on your Conscious journey.  It just doesn’t work like that.  What helps you to shine ever more brightly is the realization that you are a star, your light is bright and when you appreciate just how much this is so, you keep your own light pure, pristine and sparkling as you journey encouraging the fellow rays (humans) to keep on shinning, keep on traveling in the light.  Even if you meet with dark and ominous storm clouds on some strange planet you’ve no idea how you encountered, you are still a beautiful ray of light, energy and Consciousness that never dies.  Your light and energy cannot ever be extinguished, only transformed.

Did you know you could transform even now?  Did you know that you could awaken to the myriad of choices before you in every 3^rd dimensional breathing moment you exist here right now?  So many choices have you and despite how you may feel in a moment, never are you alone–millions upon billions and trillions of rays of light emanate from the Sun of which I speak.  We reach and shine, that’s just what we do…it’s what We do.  So, do what you were meant to do at the moment of your choosing and just shine…shine like the Sun…be the bright and beautiful Consciousness that you are just because you can.

 

© 2015 Jaie Hart

Beyond the Sun's Light

-->

Funny thoughts of late have I held for reasons I don’t know if I care to explore.  There are so many thoughts converging and feelings surfacing in this moment that I’m not sure where to begin.  I wanted awareness and I wanted understanding and I find it near comical the effect it has had on my vision.  I see things now so differently.  At first the sights in my new found vision hurt me to my core.  It hurt my heart to see what humanity does to itself, all of the pain and all of the striving to be better than even in the negative.  Oh it sent my mind spinning and my world swirling right straight back into the heart of me.  And there I sat so very quietly.  Long years spent thinking and searching for meaning and understanding only to find pain?  I knew that could not be the reason and something within me drove me further within.

I see so much now in this world.  I see sociopathic behaviors in companies, narcissistic behaviors in humans, antagonistic behaviors in those harmed by their own psychology and the wake of additional collateral damage left to flounder in a sea of not knowing, seemingly lost.  Was I better off before?  I questioned that.  I really did.  For what did understanding bring me now but to see how much humanity suffers with intent.  Yes, I said Intent with a capital “I.”  It took many years for the horizons to broaden ever wider and to contend with the emotions and feelings my new vision brought me. 

Reconciliation could not be had while working from within a framework I was given and unconsciously held on to.  I was working from the premise of malware so deeply installed within my own human operating system that I made myself such a victim of this world.  I couldn’t admit it but I felt it.  It crushed me and I unconsciously sought out lesson after life lesson to reinforce what I was learning.  But I wasn't getting the lesson so I fought back harder and longer and walked off eventually in dire frustration creating silence and distance while thinking I was stepping off the battlefield.  I was not.  The battle had only begun and I waged it well.  Unfortunately, no wait...fortunately, I waged that battle against myself.  The battle was an illusion born of delusion and mistaken belief held for so long it seemed real.  It wasn't real.  It was never real.  Breathe.

Perhaps it was actually growth that brought me to that point.  When I reached that point and the pain grew deep enough I had to stop all thought, all feeling and then begin to reach within for the truth.  Brilliant teachers from all parts of humanity helped me to understand that belief can be a deadly thing to our emotional states, our relationship with ourselves, our relationships with others, our relationship with this world and reality as well as our relationship to the Cosmic One in which we are all an intrinsic part.  I did not understand that it was belief alone that created the opacity of the filters through which I once viewed this world and life here within it.  From ground zero, you cannot see the Whole.  From 10 feet up, you cannot see the Whole and from 1,000 and 100,000 feet you cannot see the Whole.  You have to get yourself entirely outside of the framework you think you know in order to see the Truth.  And even when you see it at first you will not want it.  You won’t at first understand it.  Our consciousness is beyond our description and is more than the limited striations of psychology or any other “ology” that exists to define it.  We must learn to find our own resonance and the Source of that resonance and feel our way through the muck and mire of an unaware and zombie-like state of a life lived asleep.  We must awaken gently with a blessed curiosity that does not prejudge an outcome of our exploration other than knowing we are capable of not only seeing and feeling the Truth but being It.

In a naturally and intentionally altered state of consciousness, I saw the world at last and I felt humanity in its entirety and with everything in me to the level of the tiniest cell within I knew the precious nature of existence.  I was shocked and astounded at my own capacity then for not only understanding but love…a love so profound and purely endless these words are really useless in conveying the depths.  We are here in this world of dichotomy for learning.  When we awaken to the Truth, the definitive Truth that can only be intuitively felt, we relax a little and the former pain of our first awakening visions begin to subside, we come to find peace and resonance with life as it is.  We find no need to change or control what is and therein lies our freedom should we wish to take it.  We can take it.  We just have to want it.

So, the point again, where was it? Yes, there it is…feel it…close your eyes for a moment and breathe in the first fiery rays of morning sometime or the last scarlet golden rays of the day as night brings a blanket of stars into view.  Know that this understanding of the Whole of our Consciousness is not unlike the sky.  Every single day we look up and we see gray or blue and white but we don’t see what is really there when the sun is up do we?  The stars are there day and night; different positions maybe as we move on our little planet in our beautiful Milky way Galaxy.  The stars are always there behind the blue, behind the clouds, behind the blinding rays of the sun.  The truth, the Truth is like that too.  It’s always there…like the heart beat of eternity…when you hear it and your own heartbeat resonates in tune with the cadence of the heartbeat of the Source of all Consciousness, then you know you have found what you were looking for.  You know you never lost anything and you know some part of you was always Home even if you forgot and even if you still struggle to remember consistently.

I wish for you a blessed journey precious ones.  Enjoy your lives; the good times and bad times equally and with a grand and yet relentless curiosity.  Seek to understand what it is you are learning and you will begin to understand the amazing wonder that you are as a glorious part of this beautiful and powerful Sentient Conscious Whole.  In love and light, may the peace and stillness carry you and comfort you always and in all ways.  And So, It Is.

--> © J.L. Harter (photo and words)

Spaces Between

How many stories can one life hold?  As I consider the stories that make up my own, I cannot help but wonder.  There is still life in me to live in this realm and so it goes that there must be even more stories yet to come.  I think some how perhaps, those to come shall be different than those that came before.  Those that trail behind me like the wake on a river as a boat moves forward have shaped the reality of my presence in ways indescribable.  It wasn’t the events so much or even the people but the spaces in between.  I come back to the sky again and see the similarities.  Perhaps it is the darkness itself that holds up those stars where they hang so beautifully in the sky.  The space between, the space between…my thoughts trail off and stop.

The space between may seem empty but it isn’t, not by any stretch of the imagination.  It seems that it is only those sleeping unaware of their slumber that do not realize the importance of the space between.  The intangible knowings and etheric nature of the all of everything knits together understanding and the seeing of themes as if one were connecting a constellation or two or three.  All of life has meaning in terms of what it is you secretly wish to learn.  I say secretly because there is an unconscious part of our very being directing and attracting those things the deepest core of us most wishes to learn.  In that space between where feeling becomes thought and thought becomes charged with emotion to magnetic energy and then directed through perception, assumption…

The stories and events, the people involved are intrinsic aspects of our own nature and being and we just do not have the where-with-all to understand precisely how.  It matters not at that level alone.  What matters is learning to understand the clues to our own life purpose while standing in the truth of one’s own light.  But you’ll not find that light reflected precisely in the gaze or interactions of others here in a three-dimensional Earthly focus.  You must become aware of your own lack of awareness and begin to choose, begin to live consciously from the feeling parts of you beneath what we consider consciousness to the true all-encompassing Cosmic Consciousness of existence.  Then the entirety of the universe opens up and reflects right back into your own heart.  Shutting down the perceptions and senses of the physical world doesn’t close you off but opens you up to the unknown changing belief into the truth through experience turned to knowledge.

So, how many stories can one life hold?  I’d say surely there must be as many as there are stars in a clear summer night’s sky.  And for what purpose can they truly hold but to teach us the meaning of life in the form of the less tangible lessons learned.  It isn’t just the things we see but the things we haven’t yet learned to fathom.  The truth isn’t out there or just in here but some place in between.

 

© 2014, Jaie Hart (photo, random fortunate internet find.  Inspiration – A conversation with LJL).

Conscious Awareness

-->

I am called by the name my biological parents gave me as well as the name under which I write but that is just a reference for my own personal point of focus here in the physical world.  You can label me with other words if you wanted to but that wouldn’t mean that you were accurate in your observation or perception of who or what you think I am.  In fact, you can’t know who or what I am in truth until you have that moment of crystalline clarity where you know who and understand what it is you truly are.

In your observations of those around you, you cannot see the totality of who and what they are.  You may only perceive that which you are able or capable of understanding and you will project upon them as you most need to.  You must realize that your perception is a filter from which you have experienced this world.  This means that with whatever or whomever you perceive stands before you, there will be a form of expectation in terms of what role you most need to cast someone into.  If you look even now in your world you will find you are surrounded by the industrious, the loyal, the betrayers, the theives, the wounded, the heros, the angelic, the gifted and even the tortured, dishones or villains.  But did you know that other people may not cast people in the same roles that you cast them in even if some others share your collective experience?  Did you know or even care to realize that what you experience in another, at some level, you wish to experience or you would not experience it at all?

What does all of this mean?  It does not hold the much overly simplified part of truth in this concept that says what is in you is in others so if you see bad in others it is because you are bad or if you see only good in others, you are good.  Think bigger, much bigger as this is a much bigger game you are playing in.  What you are is consciousness, what you see is consciousness, what you experience is consciousness in the manner of your own chosing.  That consciousness you observe around you existing within their own points of focus here in 3-D may be aware or unaware but it is or they are consciousness…or vibration if you will.  The entirety of the universe holds  consciousness and our points of focus that represent our physical embodiment here in the land of 3 dimensions most commonly understood (at least in general) as life on Earth and our consciousness has been limited by those who forgot who and what they truly are so they had no means readily available with which to teach you the truth. You can choose to become aware or not as is your choice and I am here merely to paint a picture of another kind.  And it is that picture that some will readily see and others will not.  That thought does not change the truth of who and what you are.  It also does not make real that which you perceive to be truth even if you “believe it.”

You can ponder and contemplate the nature of the universe and it will be a wonderful endeavor but not near as wonderful as connecting to the center most integral part of the core of what you truly are.  It would be wonderful if we could be so transparent that we changed the entire paradigm of our conscious awareness in this place in space-time perception.  But until all are aware, this is not possible entirely.  Consider the beauty and purity of what you truly are and as you consider this, know too the potential beauty and purity of all who stand before you exists regardless of roles you may have chosen to cast them in.  Seek understanding and test your belief.  Belief IS only untested hypothesis.  So, test your hypotheses (are they real and can you say so with 100% objective certainty) and then you will begin to understand not only the truth about you but the truth of the other conscious points of focus in this realm.  God bless each and every one of you as you make your journey of experience through this life.  May you gain the awareness that you came here to gain.  In love and in light, so it is.

Copyright 2014, Jaie Hart (photo and words).

Beyond Belief: Good Versus Evil?

I wonder about this world and the construct I've been taught since the moments of my earliest understanding of the human language. I have always been taught that there has been "good versus evil" in the world.  We are also told that all of existence is a representation of light versus darkness. Interestingly, there are those who hold that there is an ancient fight between dark and light or good and evil.  What if this hypothesis is wrong?  What if you take apart that pre-existing belief that supports this hypothesis bit by bit? We should step back from the limited and up close experiential impression of life that is interspersed with this belief and attempt to see things differently.  Life itself was created by dark and light. Even the big bang theory creates a good basis for questioning the assumption of "dark versus light" in my mind...there was a correlation between both. There was dark matter and light matter in relative proportions that lent themselves to interactions and then reactions which formed various entities and different types of celestial creations.  What if this contest of dark and light is really just two aspects of the same whole - Life? Life in its myriad reflections is composed in part at least by both dark and light...by both good and evil.  Not one of us could say with true honesty that we've never done something some might consider dark, bad or evil in some way whether that be in our thoughts alone or in some cases, by our actions.

I step back a little further and think that perhaps the two concepts stem from the same indescribable Source and for good reason.  Maybe our understanding of the that reason may be limited in our current state of consciousness,  but there is a reason none-the-less.  Some interesting studies have taken place concerning the dark matter that exists in the cosmos and how under certain types of scrutiny, not only does dark matter exist but within some constructs, that dark matter seems to hold up the light in unexpected ways.  Pulling my thoughts from these concepts a little closer to personal experience, I ponder gazing up at a dark night sky. This is something I take great pleasure in for so many reasons.  Every time I gaze up I see nothing but the darkness interspersed with the light of stars that were born, held brilliant existence and then some burned out to be replaced in the continual cycle of birth and death.  I go back once again to the thought of light and dark and good versus evil.  As I recall how a night sky deeply contrasts and makes me appreciate the beauty of a billion twinkling stars, so too do I realize the interplay between dark and light in our human existence.  To be a little more precise with the example of human behavior I question, does not the action of actors conducting behaviors we find unsavory make us not appreciate those behaving good and kind even more?  Does inappropriate or dark behavior make us not wish to strive even more to do better, be better and work harder for good?  (Some of us at least maybe?)

If my supposition has any merit at all, then there must be some sort of design or purpose in the process.  This brings me to further questioning whether or not some souls actually agree to come here to play certain types of roles to teach others the consequences of choice, action and reaction.  I don't write to excuse or explain away what some might term bad or evil behavior in human beings that the moral majority has determined bad or evil.  I just mean to say that I wonder whether some souls don't come here just for the purpose of making the light behavior around them shine even more brightly.  When I compare the stars and my appreciation for the light, I must say the same is true in my experience with souls some might term bad.  They certainly make me appreciate those termed good all the more.  It also makes me realize we are all comprised of dark and light, good and bad whether or not we wish to hide or admit it.  We are all capable of great and wonderful things as a race of human beings but we are also capable of some pretty terrible things as well.  But maybe those good things and terrible things are only a matter of a limited judgment created from a lack of understanding of the true framework in which we all operate.

Stars are born, grow bright giving beautiful light and then they burn out over time but the darkness that holds them remains.  In this view, it seems the darkness actually supports the light.  Perhaps there are good reasons for this but we haven't entirely understood just why in the larger meaning-of-life kind of framework.  We can get to the mechanics through physics and other scientific disciplines but we haven't yet discovered the full scope and detail of the framework or fully understood that there is a framework much bigger than our limited capability for everyday thought can define.  The soul within me smiles as I write this morning because it knows in feeling what I still cannot fully articulate.  My consciousness on this side of the veil is much more limited it seems.  This grand design we experience here has a beautiful purpose in terms of what it has the potential to inspire in this Earth's inhabitants.  Our experiences, whether good or bad shape the whole of the resulting beingness that we are and have always been.  Free will dictates that we can choose how we will experience this world even if events occur seemingly randomly or by mere chance.  Even if our experiences are formed by random events or chance alone, we still have the ability to choose our perceptions of what we experience and no two of us see things exactly the same way under the exact same circumstances.  This for me, creates a wonderful diversity of experience.  This diversity of experience creates an energy of the whole that does something we are not entirely conscious of.  The collective of emotion, feeling and lessons can be accessed by us all through understanding that the differences exist.  We can agree to disagree when we experience the same thing differently or we can egotistically fight to prove that only our experience or perception is the right experience or perception.  We can choose to do whatever we wish within reason given the constructs of the elements of the world we exist in.

Some have called me a light worker.  I can't say that I own that title because I think it is incomplete.  I am not here to work the light but to inspire others to seek deeper meaning and appreciation for their experiences through this internal compelling urge to write about my own.  Am I brave or stupid?  Who knows - you can judge if you want.  I don't mind at the end of the day because I've learned about judgment too.  I can only experience a degree or two of a thing or person until I have found my way around experiencing a full 360 degrees of a thing or a person.  I find I'm continually reminding myself of this important fact.  I push myself to become more curious when I find I've entered judgmental territory.  Although I question our framework and perceptions (including my own), I do know that the judgmental landscape cannot carve out for me any understanding of truth as I seek it.  That doesn't mean, as often I've written, that I will not exercise my judgement in terms of what I will or will not participate in.  But notice that I'm curbing my judgment towards inspiring self action and taking no measure of pride in a negative judgment of another.  Oh, I've done it.  I'd be a liar if I said otherwise.  What I'm trying to say is that I've realized the futility of expending energy in that way.  It does not contribute to my growth but instead circumvents it.  I have come to this understanding by realizing fully that it is the dark and light or good and evil of all of our experiences including the interaction with all of the actors here acting in this play that is the path to the truth I wish to uncover beyond belief.  The light and dark, the good and the evil, these shape the sum total of all of our experiences.  I do not see this negatively but rather positively because this is where I've gained greater understanding.

I am utterly fascinated by the workings of the construct of this place we co-exist within.  I'm further fascinated with and very appreciative of my fellow brothers and sisters making their way through their lives.  It's no easy task although some make it look easy.  Just as many souls here can make it seem hard and such a struggle to attempt to exist at all.  Regardless, my heart goes out to them all in the hopes that they get from this place and this experience exactly what they are looking for.  The dark and the light, the shades of gray and the shadows cast from light around darkness all teach us something about our own framework.  I have no conclusions for others in my thinking this morning, just my early morning coffee induced mental meanderings.  The sun is coming up even though I can't see it.  The autumn blanket of clouds is here with us in my little part of the world.  I'm grateful for this moment to sit and to drink in the delicious feelings deep within that have resulted from the whole of my own experiences here on Earth.  There have been hard and terrifying times for me but there too have been times of such pure and pristine love and beauty that I am loath to describe them.  I fear my own limited vocabulary may take away from my experiences as silly as that sounds.

As I look back and reread these words I have written, I think I have come to a bit of a conclusion with my thoughts after all.  Everything in existence stems from the All of Everything, the Source, whether or not I understand it or can articulate the reasons why and whether or not a single other agrees.  Both our experiences of light and dark emanate in some manner from the Source.  We are given the ability to think and to create so we can do what we will with the lightness and darkness of our own thoughts and experiences and as a whole, we certainly do.  I breathe in deep the cool air of the morning and let all these thoughts go.  I need not trace every detail as I contemplate constructs. The nuances would simply drive me mad.  I only intended to scratch the surface just enough to give you something to consider.  Perhaps, maybe, some food for thought to expand your perspective beyond beliefs (which I consider to be untested hypotheses from collected or imposed theories). ~Blessings for an expansive and thoughtful day beautiful souls.  I hope you make the best of every single thing you encounter.  Savor the good and appreciate the challenging for the thoughts and actions these concepts compel you to live with and better yet, to truly understand.

(c) Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Transformation

There are those souls who exist in this world who are wholly incapable of love.  There are as many reasons for this as there are stars in a vast night sky.  As if that were not a fact tragic enough in and of itself, those same souls can create so much pain and so many scars in others.  Some souls can come thought this life and transform the negativity of interactions or influence of unloving souls into greater understanding of life's illusions and the nature of  human suffering.  There are also some who instead of healing hold that pain inside and perpetuate it setting off endless chains of negativity throughout time.

I'm one of the lucky ones.  In all honesty, I truly believe it is by the sheer grace of my Creator alone that I have been given the ability to transform.  I could tell tales of tragedy here sufficiently to support my claim but to do so I would have to suffer again the details in the retelling of my tales of woe.  And, so, I leave my past behind me and although I carry still the scars, some of which will always be tender, I heal myself greatly in the knowing that those at whose hands I most definitely did suffer, were lost souls so cut off from their own love that they could do nothing else but teach me through pain that I am not their reflection of me.  The outside world does not define my love, hold my power or dictate the truth of any aspect of my being.  No matter what dark passageways I have painfully traversed, I am as I was created to be...Hopeful, loving, compassionate and also very understanding.

My heart is filled with the love I learned to see and feel on my own and through blessed and loving souls strategically placed upon my path.  They pointed the way to the light for me and even when I could not see, a shred of courage from deep within kept me walking until I could find it.  As much of a stretch as it may seem, so too, can you.  Find the heart of your own soul and give it all the love you most wanted and needed in your life.  If you don't know how, ask for directions and you'll find the signs that lead you home.  When you stand upon the threshold you will begin to see that there was nothing ever wrong with you that you should suffer at the hands of love or lack thereof.  You may learn that what you have experienced had nothing to do with you at all.  You may have suffered at the hands of lost souls but this suffering does not have to define you.  Instead try a shift in thinking that the pain you suffered really showed you who you are not.  You are not pain, even if you feel it.  You are not harsh words, even if you have heard them.  You are not neglect, darkness and a victim, even if you have suffered at the hands of those who would make you unwittingly that.

Realize that you are a bright and beautiful soul.  Through seeing your own light, stopping the illusions the loveless hold and tried to leave you with and knowing that deep within your core - the heart of your soul is a beautiful light that burns so brightly, you can transform your knowing and expand your experiences in ways that will heal and support you.  It is a long journey sometimes, a painful journey sometimes but when you find the pain and refuse to hold it, it cannot hurt you any more.

With every breath and step I take, I wish you love, I wish you joy and I wish you great healing always.


(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate internet find)

Roles and Plays

How many times have I engaged in a play only to realize the part doesn't suit me?  I am afraid that I have most certainly lost count.  Even more times have I pleaded kindly with the writer of the screen play to cast me in a more appealing role only to have said same writer/director refuse me and insist on manipulating, shaming or imposing guilt upon me to remain in a miserable and overly dramatic play in the most horrid of ghastly and ghostly roles.  Having no choice then and heart-broken, I cast the script down at his or her feet and walked off the stage never to return.  How many more times will it be so?  I shall not answer any more casting calls and rather, I think I shall design my own screen play and it's one in which psychology is infinitely stable, love is spiritually at the core so very strong and optimism and curiosity shall guide every line, action and scene in a complete absence of judgement and inability to see the beauty of all of the play's participants.  I shall endeavor to initiate my own casting call and perhaps it is that I shall engage in said activities very soon.  But not now, I think.  I'm too busy writing, too busy creating, too busy healing the frustration from past roles gone awry and so very engaged in embracing all that is beauty, love and light in this amazing world.  Sadly, I suppose I did not clearly understand the roles I had unintentionally agreed to play.  I thought I was answering a certain call only to find the bait and switch trap had been laid.  But I cannot be trapped as a free-will human and shall be no one's victim of poor writing and directing even though I understand the point and the cause from which the roles were blindly created.  With great love I can find understanding and forgiveness but I cannot be manipulated, possessed or coerced into anything that does not align with the truth of my being.

For now, I tire of roles and plays.  I tire of trips and traps.  I dream of scenes more beautiful than most souls could ever even begin to imagine and I shall not settle for anything that is not in pure and beautiful alignment with my truest desire.  So, I go...practicing the lines in my head, creating the sets and scenes with graceful fluidity and openness enough to entertain those things I had not quite yet imagined.  I am not without hope or great faith and inside of me is a love that burns so pure and so bright.  I will never settle for a two-bit part in some psycho drama created by a soul overly mired in illusion to the point that they have so sadly lost touch with their pure love and light.  In my heart of hearts, I know I deserve by far much better than that and so, I must be always much better than that.  I do not fear my ability in any regard.  What I fear a little is the substance and volume of the pool of actors and co-creators of this dream here at this time.  But I have been encouraged to never give up hope on a dream, to lend my love and light to it instead always and trust in full faith it shall be just as I intend and create.  I smile from my soul now feeling the truth.

If you do not care for the roles you have been cast in, rewrite the role or step out of the play and create your own.  You are always infinitely empowered to do so. ~ In love and in light, I wish you all perfectly beautiful and inspiring dreams.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Numbers in the Dream

What if numbers are just numbers and days are just days with not one holding any more significance than anything else in this dream that we are dreaming?  It seems we as human beings always need a mystery to solve, something happening to endure or something tragic or wonderful to project our hopes, dreams or even fears onto.  Why, I wonder.  On one hand, I suppose I understand.  As sentient beings our minds might become so bored if we only had the option to look out into this dream scape we have created, interact with the actors we sent invitations out to to engage with us in our dream or to just contemplate the quiet stillness that is the heart of our souls.  I guess it is all in the way you look at things.  I have to be very honest though, I grow very weary of hearing about portals, 12/12 or 12/21 or the end of times or the vibrating out of this dimension.  Really, I do, I'm just being honest and I mean no disrespect to those who hold these things as significant.  I just respectfully disagree as is my choice in t he absence of mallice.  To me, numbers are just numbers and days are just days and portals are those places in time-space where we grab hold fully conscious of our soul-born inspirational sparks and begin a new journey of thought and emotion.  We'd like to think that sci-fi fantasy is real for all but it isn't.  We are collectively part of a larger dream and there are some things that we universally agreed upon within the dream scape or frame work, if you will, but then there are other pieces of that created so uniquely as to be experienced only by those souls who wish to create that - whatever THAT may be on whichever date they wish to experience it. 

While all of the natural cycles and circles that are all part of the physical framework we have projected our focus within swirl, as always they do, grab hold of the heart of your soul. It is there and only there that the truth of light and love will resonate deepest within you. If there is one ounce of anxiety - there is a lie in the mix.  If there is truly only love then your soul will resonate with the truth.  In great love and infinite light do I wish you all a peaceful, rational and beautiful journey through this amazing dream we call life.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo random internet find - and oh my goodness you should have a look at what comes up in a google image search on 12/21/12).  ~ PEACE

Change of Scenery

Your life is your opportunity to experience the divine in all of your endeavors.  How you choose to experience divinity in your life is your choice and it is also your choice to turn against the love and light within you embracing only fear.  You were not meant to live in that state, however.  Fear is the furthest reach away from your natural state that you can ever achieve.  When you find yourself in this state, you can choose the path of seeking understanding and then take the steps necessary to return yourself to your natural state.  The path is love, the steps are love, the thoughts necessary include love.  Realize that life contains always a myriad of challenges from which you will strive to learn and grow.  Sometimes those challenges can overwhelm you with emotion, negative emotion and negative self-thoughts.  Pain can seem to anchor you deep within the realms of darkness and distress.  But that is only an illusion.  It is an illusion that will fall away as you begin the work necessary to understand the truth playing like a movie in front of you.  Even the movies seem so real, but they aren't now are they?  Behind every scene in a movie there is orchestration, lines, music set and THE sets called into perfect focus to evoke an emotion.  Life is like that too only you are the script writer, the casting director, the director, the choreographer and the set designer.  It's all about you and your perceptions, the experiences you wished to have and the things you most wished to be presented with to learn from and either accept or transcend in the way you so chose. 

So, if you could but strive to achieve a state of balance and equanimity with your thoughts, hold tight to that center through the ups and downs knowing that nothing you see or experience changes the heart and soul of you, you can change your experience.  What you see and experience may influence your thoughts and shape your perspectives but the heart of you is ever-present and always consistent.  You have the power to create in this world.  If you focus continually on that which evokes in you fear, worry, incredulous feelings or even self-righteous indignation, your experience and your perspective will be always negatively shaped.  If you could raise your gaze and specifically seek to find a silver lining, something beautiful, evidence of the love being played for you right in front of your eyes, you will train your eyes to see the beauty and love in this universe.  You can give yourself the tools you need to change any situation to one that provides you not with never-ending pain and suffering but true love and greater understanding.  You are capable of this and you do have a choice.  There is nothing to loose in seeing love and beauty in this world. In fact, these things inspire your emotions in the infinitely positive and it feels good. So good. There is everything to lose in casting your gaze always downward.  You will miss the light and the love around you.  You can raise yourself up at any time you choose and you will be supported as you endeavor to learn in this world.  It isn't easy always.  Sometimes it is difficult and quite uncomfortable but you wanted this experience or would not have created it.  So, seek the wisdom of the experience as you would a beautiful silver lining in a sky full of dark storm clouds.  You will find your way.  Believe in yourselves and do all that you can to find that which inspires you most.  It matters so much in this place.  You matter so much in this place.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Compulsive Silver Lining Seeking

There are those times we will be called upon to endure some of life's more difficult challenges...things that rock our security, situations that press the edges of our seemingly gossamer string hanging sanity.  But, through it all, you hold the grace and strength within you to master the moment, to master your emotions and to find the courage within you to face all of the elements that are your life.  As dark or bleak as things may sometimes seem, allow yourself to become a compulsive silver lining seeker and you will transform yourself in moments of darkness into pure and beautiful feelings and emotions of love and light and it is this ability that will carry you through.  Master the fear and worry about what might happen or could happen.  Take a breath and be very present in every now moment...let your internal senses reach out beyond your person and your local world...feel the rest of the souls and angels that stand there beside you lending you love, light and support and know that you are courageous, you are resourceful and you are loved.  ~Blessings of courage, strength and positive focus dear souls.  You are the masters of your own destiny.  You are beautiful and magical and so very loved.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate random internet find)

Trigger

There was never a more perfect song to convey the thoughts I have today than this one.  Have a listen for a moment....


Triggers are a funny thing and nothing launches our being into ire more than quickly than a person who has triggered us, made us angry or hurt.  We wish to blame them, attack them for triggering us and make them suffer as we suffer.  But, and there is always a but now isn't there....The person who triggered you is not to blame for your pain.  The reality is the "trigger" person is a messenger in disguise.  You can take the egotistical road and attack them, blame them, insult them for making you angry but all you are really doing is continuing to feed a very painful illusion that you, yourself, has created.  I know, I know, this is going to be like a big heaping spoon full of the nastiest medicine you've ever had to take but stay with me a moment and maybe you just might understand and set yourself free once and for all from the trigger. 

We get angry when someone makes us feel bad about us...and we feel bad when triggered only because we believe unconsciously (very unconsciously) that someone has exposed us - or rather, exposed a very sensitive and wounded part of us that we believe somehow is justified but do not want to believe.  Take the issue of abandonment - hot, hot, hot topic as we all have abandonment issues at some level.  So, someone we thought should be there in a certain way in our past left us, didn't support us or ignored us and we, feeling lost and not understanding what was happening, formed an assumption about us - that we are not worthy as evidenced by what someone important to us did or didn't do.  So, then, forever after in our lives we will be triggered when people leave us or in some way disregard us.  We are triggered so that we might take the opportunity to better understand the original wound and finally and fully heal it.  The truth is, people do the only things they know how to do and sometimes, they make bad decisions and leave us hopelessly and helplessly as collateral damage and it hurts.  If we form any unthinking assumptions about us, we condemn ourselves to being easily triggered for life.  If we go on through our lives always blaming and attacking those who trigger us, we are missing beautiful opportunities to go within and heal the wound that created the trigger to begin with.  We can shoot the messenger but that only reinforces the original wound leaving us helplessly trapped.

Its a terrible situation.  But, we can step out of that vicious circle/cycle and realize that we always were worthy of love, worthy of caring, worthy of consideration and someone just did not know how to give you that at a key moment in time when your opinions of you were just developing.  We have to realize that when we give away our power to the person triggering us through attack and blame, we are only feeding the original wound.  The truth is that no one has the power to make you feel anything but you.  To believe otherwise is to marry yourself miserably to one of life's greatest illusions.  Don't do it.  It's a terrible, miserable marriage that will leave you broken your whole life.  Stop the egotistical low-road thinking and grab hold of your power and use it to find the core of the trigger and heal it.  If you can do this, you'll never be triggered and suffer needlessly on this issue again.  In every moment we have the opportunity to chose darkness or light.  When you choose blame for your own emotions, you are choosing to remain mired in darkness - it is you making you suffer.  You are a beautiful soul, worthy of love, worthy of light and you do not have to suffer at your own hand and realize truly that it is your own hand.  Learn to find the wound, learn how to heal it and free yourself from one of life's greatest illusions.  Stand in your own light and taste the delicious emotional freedom that comes with healing.

Blessings of patience, understanding and courage for your journey dear ones.  I pray you find the highest love and healing light within you.  You do have the power.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart

Summer's End

I stand here alone at the edge of a change in seasons.  Hot pink angel wing clouds sail silently across the deepening blue sky.  The sun has set and a cool wind blows.  I'm not sorry to see this season end.  This year and I have seen lessons great, love unimaginable and and new thoughts to contemplate.  I look back and see how far I've come from a place I never thought I could move away from.  Some of the things that I've learned so far are that sometimes love is born so deep inside of you it has no end and there are connections with certain souls that just seem to begin in that very same place.  It's beautiful and unimaginably complicated in terms of human standards.  But, no matter.  The learning is etched so deeply within my soul that it has become a part of me now.  I've come to a place where I'm ready to let things drop away and I'll welcome the seeming emptiness for a time because I know that only when the soul is fully empty and willing to remain open can that soul be truly filled.

I've walked a long stretch of lonesome lately and just when I thought I'd never get it, that I'd never understand the lessons sent to me, the universe saw fit to send me soul friends and it is they who inspired me to reach deeper for understanding.  So blessed am I to walk this world among these treasured souls.  I've been on a roller coaster of sorts for quite a while seeking the wisdom through the tears and shadows of pain, finding the love even when I couldn't see and knowing no matter where I went, that love was always right there inside of me waiting to be called forth.  It takes so much silence and stillness to truly understand why we do what we do and why others come forth and yet others let go.  We're so funny in that we want so very much to keep all things good just exactly as the way we think they are.  But then, then the truth dawns and well, you have to let go of the fantasies and embrace a reality that is truly more beautiful than ever you could have realized.

I don't mean to sound as though I'm talking in circles but it is cycles and circles that have perplexed me much in the days, weeks and months that unfolded so far in this year two thousand and twelve.  Every day and with every heart beat, life is so worth living and experiencing.  Life in this dimension is awe-inspiring, challenging, mind-bending and even crazy making sometimes.  But you see, that IS the beauty of it.  No matter where we are or what we do, life goes on and moves, changes and evolves and when we're willing...we evolve too.  We become greater or lesser than we could be by choice.  We align with either the light or the darkness whether we are conscious of those choices or not.  One of the beautiful things is that in every single moment, we can be reborn in our thoughts and emotions if only we would allow it.  So, off I go into my most favorite season of them all.  ~sigh~  I so love the Fall.  I hope for all of you that this change of season finds you hopeful, tested and standing with courage in your own light.  There is no better place for you to be.  Much love and light.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Mastering Unexpected Stillness

Sometimes at various points in our lives, our sources of divine inspiration can seem to be cut off, antagonists appear to challenge your existence and every thing you think or feel seems out of place.  These are very normal parts of existence and the truth is, we create these breaks as a means to pause and consider the lessons learned.  The universe, in its infinite wisdom, will clear your path in unexpected and sometimes ungentle ways in order to give you what it is you really need and that may be a time of complete silence and stillness.  It is during such moments that the myriad thoughts, emotions and lessons coalesce into concrete concepts from which you may gain a measure of wisdom. 

Now, during such times you can decide to throw pitiful thought barriers onto your own path, you can allow yourself to feel like a victim, like "I'm all alone in the world" or wonder what is wrong with you but such thoughts are never the path to the truth.  Always are you surrounded, guided and assisted but sometimes that may be ethereally only and until you learn how to see, hear and understand with your otherworldly senses (which is part of the seeming desolation), it can feel quite uncomfortable.  Don't give in to feelings of despair as that only prolongs the agony and gives you so much more to work on.  Although it may be difficult, don't give into any feelings of desperation or depression either as these are choices we can sometimes feel inclined to make in the quiet times when the mind is processing all it has come to know.

Healing comes in the quiet stillness when nothing seems to be in motion and no words are seemingly spoken.  In such moments we are free to create from the wisdom we are, in fact, attaining.  It just takes a little patience, lots of calm confidence and assurance of your own ability to walk though periods of silence and know you will reach the other side of the seeming chasm of shadow.  Shadows don't always hold smoky specters and apparitions.  They also hold the stuff of our dreams as the truth is, it matters not where we are but what we think, believe and put emotion and energy into.  If you stand in a stark time and your dark thoughts arise and you embrace them as truth, you may encounter a very long and lonely walk for a time.  However, if you stand tall knowing your own light will serve to guide you through those seeming times of shadow, you'll realize this is just a time created by you to take a break from all of those things that came before.  We create what we most need in any particular moment in time.  I look back now at some of my own, very beautiful creations.  I have found everything I have ever searched for.  Thankfully, I held love enough deep inside of me to hold that which required holding and to gently let go of that which must always be free to fly. ~sigh~

Okay, enough of my morning rambling.  Time to gear up and get this day started with hope, faith and pure knowledge of love, light and my ability to master it - you hold these things too - go within and find them.  ~Blessings of love and light.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Peace and Simple Breathing

It is my favorite part of the day as I sit here typing.  The sun has now dropped low on the horizon and the sky takes on ethereal colors in pinks and faded blue.  The energy rises from deep within to the point I can hear it.  I drink it in and am carried away.  My mind drifting from the work of the day to unusual things for me...string theory, dimensions and M-theory.  Perhaps I do a little bit too much Discovery Science watching but its fascinating to me all of the things that lay right out in the open before our eyes.  We look daily throughout our lives and we do not see the things not pointed out to us specifically.  However, once someone has pointed something new and fascinating out to us, we look out and up and around us and we see it everywhere.  It makes me smile from somewhere so deep inside that I can hardly contain the bliss of it.

This dreamy energy carries me away so much to the point its all I can do to sit here typing.  My soul wishes to soar so very far away from here, this place, this frame, this time and yes, even this dimension.  So many dimensions we don't even comprehend and yet they exist right here within our reach.  We need only disconnect from what we think we know and let the mind and heart travel far and wide until the soul takes over and carries us the rest of the way to where ever it is the light inside us most wishes to carry us.  Oh this dream of life is so rich and beautiful.  We have so many things here to experience from the mundane and simple to the magnificent, miraculous and mystical.  It can drive a soul mad to attempt to contemplate all the myriad nuances all at once.  So, then, not wishing to flirt with mental disaster I breathe in deep as the light fades deeper into the coming darkness.  Soon the light of the stars will shine and my soul will rejoice in freedom from this plane into the land of dreams.  It's not much different to dream at night than the dreaming we unconsciously do consciously during the day light...day after day after day.

There are so many little things that captivate us at our core until we understand what is being presented to us to solve, to enjoy and simply just to love.  When you find this precious space of love inside it lights all of the dark places of your mind, your body and your soul.  This faint humming energy in the background is by far more than a sound now.  I can feel it pulsing and moving in this ethereal matter we can't see but with our senses we can most definitely touch.  These might be considered crazy thoughts to most I know and surely I understand the sentiment deeply.  But, once you've touched a love so strong in existence it just filters your vision, increases your knowledge, enhances your memories in ways that just cannot be defined or replicated fully by any drug of choice.  It's life at the heart of it, light at the center of it and love at the soul of it to say the least.

I'm watching this play of light as if it's the first time I've ever seen something this beautiful.  The more it moves and vibrates into everything the happier it seems to make me.  This child-like excitement ignites from somewhere I never even knew existed within me.  When you get that tiny taste of who you are and why you are here, nothing can prepare you for the resulting feelings that ripple reality in the most amazing ways. There are no words to define it, you won't understand it unless you've felt it.  It's bliss pure and simple for no reason other than to be alive experiencing another sunset on planet Earth.  Today is the best day of all of my lives.  Let your mind and hearts soar where ever they wish to. There is so much here for you all to discover as soon as you set your intent and realize the importance of the dream of life that you dream right now.  It will come in time.  It will.  Until then, blessings of higher love and infinite light.  I'm off to watch the last light of the sun fade into a blanket of stars...and then...peace and simple breathing.