Moving Through Time

My youngest middle child graduated high school last week.  It was the most perfect day.  Work slowed down the weeks leading up to the event allowing me to take time off, the day was a bright beautiful and warm sunny day.  The stadium was huge and the vibe was a very, very light, excited and happy one.  We picked her out easily among the almost 900 children graduating.  I watched her sitting there, looking so grown up.  Sitting like a lady ready to receive her reward for many years of very hard work, she was.  I was so proud of her.  I was so proud of them all.

Now, tomorrow, the baby daughter is going to be promoted from middle to high school and sometimes I swear my eyes must be deceiving me.  She’s as tall as me now and is so excited to get to it.  Wow, there are just so many transitions going on in my life right now.  I’ve heard from my oldest middle child recently.  He’s got a good job and is helping his dad with the mortgage, I hear.  So, so, so proud am I.  My oldest is finishing up a certificate program in college and they’re all, every one of my children, looking forward to studying this, doing that, traveling and experiencing life.  Where did the time go?  Whatever will I do with the time that I have now?  We just keep moving through time.  I'll keep moving through time.

Child rearing now almost complete, I look ahead and see a whole new world and it is so different from when I was young.  It is always like that, isn’t it?  How many times have we heard our parents say, “The world is a lot different now than when I was young?”  I’m feeling a bit older, a bit wiser and yet so very curious.  There is that feeling of, “Okay, now what?”  I’m not sure I’m so eager to know.  Time, as we experience here on Earth is linear.  But I seem to be experiencing and re-experiencing so many times of my life all at once lately…yesterday…today…years ago.  I suppose it is normal to be in this space and time of my life feeling just exactly as I’m feeling.

I guess in a way, I’m being promoted too.  I’m graduating from one part of my life to the next.  No longer will I be the mommy person in my home with little one’s tugging at my pant legs for “uppies,” or picking those darned Capri Sun straw wrappers off of my shoes before I leave for work.  I look ahead and wonder what it might be like to experience a room I cleaned 15 minutes before, still clean just as I left it.  Ha ha ha who am I kidding, 2 are still living at home full time.  A mother can dream, right?

I’m so grateful today, for this moment, for the lives of each one of my children and for the time that I’ve spent from the first moment I saw them.  I’m grateful to be a mom and I’m grateful that as we move through time, I get to re-experience being just a woman again as far as the day-to-day goes.  My children’s lives will be so full, I’m sure of it.  I look forward to hearing of each new discovery as I give them more and more room to spread their wings and learn the beautiful act of flight.  I suppose my job will never truly ever be done but I’m glad for each stage and each new discovery that I make too.  We’ve come a long way over time and now I hope it, time… stretches out and reaches to ever more beautiful places for us all to see and experience as we live and breathe.  I send blessings to you all for each of your own promotion and graduation experiences.  Celebrate them with gratitude and great wonder for what has been and what may yet come.  Be fully present as you move through time. May your God or Goddess bless you fully each step of the way as well.  Never lose that wonder.  Keep the faith in you.  I do!

 

©2017 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

The Right Premise- What is That?

Wow is life so very amazing! You may or may not agree and that’s perfect. Your perspectives as I have often written are the filtered through which you learn. Many a famous teacher has pointed out and rightly so that you can take two human beings and put them in the same situation and each is going to perceive it differently, oppositely even if they agree on the basic premises of the situation. In this example, say the two human beings are placed in a tropical rain forest.

Both agree that they are in a rain forest and so begin their perceiving from the premise upon which their perceiving is built. Each perceives then, his or her experience through the filters that have shaped their beliefs about how they view their experience. One may love the showers and the other may detest it. One may love the Earthy smells and sounds and the other may dislike it thinking everything is dirty and unclean. Who is right and who is wrong? How is one person’s perception right and another’s wrong when two perceptions collide even if they agree upon the premise from which they begin?

This is not an original idea. It’s an old one — A very old understanding of the way things work here. But, if you were to spend all of your time following the thread of the way things work here, there is something important you are going to miss, like your own life, for example. It is your life and you can choose to miss it and focus all your efforts externally in blame, seeking conspiracy theories or searching ancient truths to validate the premise from which you begin to project your own perception or you can do something else. You could just decide live.

If you are of an inquiring mind in terms of your own self-development, seek out the patterns and themes that have existed within your life. Your own life lessons will tell you every single thing you need to know – add to that the observer’s “feeling” within you (not read emotion as that belongs to the realm of the small “c” conscious ego). The Observer’s “feeling” is much more expansive and comes from an entirely different place and just from experiencing that place within you, you may realize you have many premises from which you exist and project into this world via your own beliefs about what you experience. Is your world like the rain forest? Is it like a barren desert? Is it like a tropical Oasis? What is it for you?

You chose it for your experiencing pleasure and even though at times there seems not one thing pleasurable about your experience the moment you stop applying pressure to align to your beliefs about who you should be, there will be a moment of clarity of feeling that comes from the observer within you. Pay attention to that. Taste that like it is the rarest most delicious dessert you have ever consumed and be grateful for it for you have just found your true self. And that is very likely part of your true objective and purpose here within this plane whether or not you’ve consciously become aware of your premise.

© Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Pain and Love In You

There will be times in our lives we will be delighted by those that see the good in us and there will be times in our lives we will be disappointed by those that only see what is not good in us. Which perspective is accurate and is it right or wrong? 

This is limited thinking in action on all accounts.

We are more than any one person can truly take in unless that person is incredibly self-aware and near fully self-actualized which not a lot of humanity can claim. So, what does this mean in terms of those who choose to see the good or the bad in us? In terms of who we really are?...Nothing.

We each will see in others what we filter through our own life experiences. If we’ve not done the work to identify what places those filters firmly in place, we will not see accurately either in the positive or the negative.

 Maybe a better way to understand is not just in terms of what is good or what is bad but rather in terms of who and what resonates with us in a moment and who and what does not.

 Our lives and the things we have lived through will shape our beliefs and perspectives to a degree that will limit our vision of a good number of things. While this may be a fact we must understand and contend with if we wish to grow, there are ways we can strive for the truth and that truth is in feeling. I’m not talking about emotion and I’ve written about this in many of my works.

The feeling part of us is much deeper than emotion and is more akin to the likes of our souls for the sake of easier reference. At this level we can “feel” the truth about ourselves, a situation or others. We just need to learn to take the time in silence and learn to feel what we feel most deeply. If we can do this, we can come to better understand where people are in their development and that is really a more curious and positive way to look at situations and people rather than the required black and white of good or bad.

You see, we are all in various stages of emotional, intellectual and moral development. If we could understand this, we could learn to hold the same compassion for others that we would hold for a child learning what they do not yet know and that we have already come to understand.

This just takes a willingness to step outside of the framework of control, labeling and comparing. It’s not an easy thing to learn. But when you do, you free yourself to move through this world with greater authenticity, more compassion and infinitely more love and curiosity. There is both pain and love within us and these are the filters that shape our vision. What do you think shapes the vision of others? Can you wager a guess or try to understand? If you can, you’ve just made a huge leap towards your own development. Just some food for thought.

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Conscious Awareness

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I am called by the name my biological parents gave me as well as the name under which I write but that is just a reference for my own personal point of focus here in the physical world.  You can label me with other words if you wanted to but that wouldn’t mean that you were accurate in your observation or perception of who or what you think I am.  In fact, you can’t know who or what I am in truth until you have that moment of crystalline clarity where you know who and understand what it is you truly are.

In your observations of those around you, you cannot see the totality of who and what they are.  You may only perceive that which you are able or capable of understanding and you will project upon them as you most need to.  You must realize that your perception is a filter from which you have experienced this world.  This means that with whatever or whomever you perceive stands before you, there will be a form of expectation in terms of what role you most need to cast someone into.  If you look even now in your world you will find you are surrounded by the industrious, the loyal, the betrayers, the theives, the wounded, the heros, the angelic, the gifted and even the tortured, dishones or villains.  But did you know that other people may not cast people in the same roles that you cast them in even if some others share your collective experience?  Did you know or even care to realize that what you experience in another, at some level, you wish to experience or you would not experience it at all?

What does all of this mean?  It does not hold the much overly simplified part of truth in this concept that says what is in you is in others so if you see bad in others it is because you are bad or if you see only good in others, you are good.  Think bigger, much bigger as this is a much bigger game you are playing in.  What you are is consciousness, what you see is consciousness, what you experience is consciousness in the manner of your own chosing.  That consciousness you observe around you existing within their own points of focus here in 3-D may be aware or unaware but it is or they are consciousness…or vibration if you will.  The entirety of the universe holds  consciousness and our points of focus that represent our physical embodiment here in the land of 3 dimensions most commonly understood (at least in general) as life on Earth and our consciousness has been limited by those who forgot who and what they truly are so they had no means readily available with which to teach you the truth. You can choose to become aware or not as is your choice and I am here merely to paint a picture of another kind.  And it is that picture that some will readily see and others will not.  That thought does not change the truth of who and what you are.  It also does not make real that which you perceive to be truth even if you “believe it.”

You can ponder and contemplate the nature of the universe and it will be a wonderful endeavor but not near as wonderful as connecting to the center most integral part of the core of what you truly are.  It would be wonderful if we could be so transparent that we changed the entire paradigm of our conscious awareness in this place in space-time perception.  But until all are aware, this is not possible entirely.  Consider the beauty and purity of what you truly are and as you consider this, know too the potential beauty and purity of all who stand before you exists regardless of roles you may have chosen to cast them in.  Seek understanding and test your belief.  Belief IS only untested hypothesis.  So, test your hypotheses (are they real and can you say so with 100% objective certainty) and then you will begin to understand not only the truth about you but the truth of the other conscious points of focus in this realm.  God bless each and every one of you as you make your journey of experience through this life.  May you gain the awareness that you came here to gain.  In love and in light, so it is.

Copyright 2014, Jaie Hart (photo and words).

Shifting Focus and Entertaining Change

A silent morning spent sipping warm coffee and I find my mind wandering.  Days and weeks have had me thinking, wondering and worrying about way too many things.  I feel the change in season and very much love the fall but within me grows the need for more change, a deeper change as if a new direction is about to open up and I'm so very curious to see what that might be.  I need to change some things in my life as I've come to learn that some things no longer fit.  More accurately, I no long fit a framework that I, myself, have created.  The challenge or worry comes in that this one thing has kept everything so very consistent for so long and has assured me of a level of comfort.  The change feeling runs deep though and I know the only thing that I really have to do is just remain open and meet it graciously when it comes.

What does one do when they don't know what to do but the feel they must do?  I know the answer and my ego doesn't like it.  My ego wants to control and establish a security that doesn't exist except within its construct only.  Security is a funny thing.  How secure can a tiny life form be on a giant round rock spinning on it's axis somewhere around a thousand miles per hour while traveling through space around a little star at over 33,000 miles per hour in a much larger galaxy that is also in motion?  We are subject to anything and everything from biological, geologic and astronomical forces from a physical perspective.  If that were not worrisome enough, we have our own tiny microcosmic psychological matters to deal with as sentient beings.  I'm not writing this to scare or worry anyone really, just to point out a huge illusion that we all hold and the pointlessness of worry - even though I seem to have become a master of that particular negative activity at times.  Thankfully I look at those very moments as opportunities to realize fear is somewhere in my midst and its time to focus not on what is big and scary in this world but the lies I tell myself that generate unnecessary fears.

I watched a program on the Discovery Channel yesterday about an experiment conducted using random number generators and how at times of different significant events in the world, the randomness of the generators was affected by the morphic fields surrounding this Earth's inhabitants.  It made me realize how much I did not want to be an individual putting more negativity out there into the mix that everyone else must contend with.  I'm a sensitive soul who feels energy.  When tragedy occurs in the world, I feel it.  When beautiful things occur in this world, I feel it.  I realize at some level that I must be responsible, entirely, for what I put out there.  So, I come back to my local worrisome meanderings and realize they stem from my own ego's need to control a change I feel coming that cannot be controlled.  It's really ridiculous and humorous at the same time.  So, I stop the anxious thoughts for a moment and breathe in the peace and cool of this most beautiful fall morning.  We are always in a state of flux and change and no matter what happens, we go on whether physically and psychologically sound or, well, not.  It is what it is and what we think determines our experience.  I do not wish to have a negative experience in this life as that is not why I came here.  I wish to learn to relax a little better a times in my own skin and realize that everything in my play happens for a reason, a reason I wanted or a reason I needed (whether I liked it or not).

So, I shift my thought process as I sit here typing away to a completely different paradigm.  If I go over the facts of my own feelings that lie much deeper within at my core than mere random egotistical thoughts and ignorantly attached emotion.  Deepest within my knowing, I implicitly trust me.  I also know my own limits, strengths, challenges and opportunities.  I think rather than superficially feeling uneasy about seemingly impending change I will rest more peacefully knowing that it's my play and I will cast it and direct it and set the scenes up in a way that ultimately supports me quite positively.  I open myself trustingly to this change I feel is coming and the anxiety and uneasiness falls away.  It's not an easy process to trust....trust self or trust others, let alone trust in a plan you cannot easily recall.  Opportunity here in this place is endless.  We can seek the wisdom of opportunity rather than dispair over the perception of challenge experienced negatively.  It's all in our minds as is this entire experience of life anyway.  We're so amazingly powerful but we forget just how much so.

I think I shall sit back and breathe for a bit, take comfort in the void of nothingness, relax into curiosity rather than trepidation and learn to be a bit more present.  It's so hard sometimes but as I've often written, its worth the effort to work at it until you get it right, until you breathe in that one moment where you feel the energy within you rise in perfect harmony with all that is.  Those are precious moments and infinitely more rewarding than entertaining continually the bouts of discomfort and fear.  There is love to be had here and not the kind that can hold any definition of full and complete meaning in any dictionary or other book.  Love is the expansive energy that holds so much of what we experience together.  Trusting in that to bring about positive and necessary change in life is a beautiful experience.  I'm off to some silent contemplation of nothing for a short time.  I find comfort in the silence, peace in the stillness and love when I can silence the mind by letting the thoughts go one by one.  ~Blessings for a peaceful journey beautiful dreamers.  I pray you find your own spaces of curiosity over control, peace over worry and love over fear.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo copyright as noted on photo)

Integration

After a peak experience a few weeks back, life somehow feels quite different to me.  I wish I could put my finger on exactly what has changed or how but it’s too nebulous and wonderful for that. My thoughts this morning turn to one simple word that is not so simple at all, integration.  This dream we are living is more amazing than we realize.  My faithful readers won’t be shocked to hear me say “Life is amazing.”  I say it in just about every post and yes, it is a message I do try to impart through all my human interactions.  Peak experiences can be positive or negative depending on the emotions you choose to attach to them.  I’m certain you’ll never guess which view I hold between positive and negative.  I view all experiences as positive even when going through an experience might be particularly challenging for me in some way or in every way.  I guess I’ve realized along the path that has been my life that even though some parts of the road may seem stark, dark or painful and frightening, our experience is ever enriched by every single thing we go through.  Or thoughts about what we experience further shapes the sum total of the experience for us.

Through integration of an experience, we take in what is most meaningful to us and leave behind that which we have already learned or, well, have no further interest in learning.  I find myself in a time of integration.  The past several years of my life have been nearly indescribable in some ways.  If I wrote it all out right here and right now, I’m sure the things I’ve seen and experienced might seem quite outlandish at times, strange or even make me seem a bit, um, touched, I’ll say.  Touched is actually a very good word with many and varied implications.  Again, I’ll lean towards the positive realizing I have been deeply touched by people, visions, inspirations, nature and most important of all, love.  Maybe love is not so much categorized here in the typical sense or understanding of it.  It’s broader than that, much broader.  I could also add, all encompassing, weaving its way through every thought and vision as I went about some quite ordinary  and quite out of the ordinary seeming interactions within existence.

I have been on a very long pause, while trying to integrate all of the inputs and downloads that made their way into my psyche, my consciousness and my being.  Life is but a dream, the old childhood song goes and this is true.  But, this dream is very real based on my specific space-time orientation and I truly intend to make the absolute best of it.  I realized in my travels that I came to this place to learn and to better improve my own understanding of love in its myriad facets.  I can honestly say that I have learned so much and that I am so very grateful for this opportunity at this point in space-time to exist in the physical.  I look out into this world and I realize, just like the stars seem to shine individually with no seeming connection between them...the empty space in between is not so empty at all...just like the space between us here on Earth or elsewhere in the cosmos.  That empty space between us is not so empty and it is that thing or stuff that we cannot perceive that is the glue that connects us all.  It has nothing to do with our humanity or spirituality, it just is what it is – there...pulsing...moving...supporting and strengthening without being seen.   We just have no words or framework with which to define it.  Science begins to and Metaphysics does too.

With all these coffee-induced mental meanderings this morning and thoughts firing lightning speed in volumes and to spaces that are beyond my ability to follow each nuance an end...I am content just to be.  I’ve never before felt so ethereally and physically alive and comfortable within the confines of my own skin.  I take that as the gift of understanding that it is for me.  It’s been a long time coming.  There are many experiences you must integrate into your understanding to achieve the goals with which you set your own life plans.  Your experiences will repeat until the understanding dawns and your true understanding expands and the process just continues.  Rather than waiting for an event to feel the sentiment of achievement or satisfaction, do it now for the pure and beautiful act of living and appreciating this now.  There is no destination you suddenly get to and say, “See, there, I did it.”  None of us gets out of here alive.  At least not in the physical.  So, enjoy every breath and step on your journey and realize the gift that your life here in the physical is.  If you feel you lack love in your experience, know that you have the power to create it...the seeds have always been within you.  That spark of divinity with which you were so beautifully created gives you amazing power to enrich your own experience from inside of you and with trust and faith it will manifest without if and when you choose to make it so.

I wish you more than love and light as you journey through your lives, I wish you patience, openness of heart and mind for greater understanding too.  Know you are a beautiful miracle just as you sit there breathing and reading this little blog post of mine.  Peace be with you always and ever.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo is a fortunate random internet find - thanks google images!)

Change of Scenery

Your life is your opportunity to experience the divine in all of your endeavors.  How you choose to experience divinity in your life is your choice and it is also your choice to turn against the love and light within you embracing only fear.  You were not meant to live in that state, however.  Fear is the furthest reach away from your natural state that you can ever achieve.  When you find yourself in this state, you can choose the path of seeking understanding and then take the steps necessary to return yourself to your natural state.  The path is love, the steps are love, the thoughts necessary include love.  Realize that life contains always a myriad of challenges from which you will strive to learn and grow.  Sometimes those challenges can overwhelm you with emotion, negative emotion and negative self-thoughts.  Pain can seem to anchor you deep within the realms of darkness and distress.  But that is only an illusion.  It is an illusion that will fall away as you begin the work necessary to understand the truth playing like a movie in front of you.  Even the movies seem so real, but they aren't now are they?  Behind every scene in a movie there is orchestration, lines, music set and THE sets called into perfect focus to evoke an emotion.  Life is like that too only you are the script writer, the casting director, the director, the choreographer and the set designer.  It's all about you and your perceptions, the experiences you wished to have and the things you most wished to be presented with to learn from and either accept or transcend in the way you so chose. 

So, if you could but strive to achieve a state of balance and equanimity with your thoughts, hold tight to that center through the ups and downs knowing that nothing you see or experience changes the heart and soul of you, you can change your experience.  What you see and experience may influence your thoughts and shape your perspectives but the heart of you is ever-present and always consistent.  You have the power to create in this world.  If you focus continually on that which evokes in you fear, worry, incredulous feelings or even self-righteous indignation, your experience and your perspective will be always negatively shaped.  If you could raise your gaze and specifically seek to find a silver lining, something beautiful, evidence of the love being played for you right in front of your eyes, you will train your eyes to see the beauty and love in this universe.  You can give yourself the tools you need to change any situation to one that provides you not with never-ending pain and suffering but true love and greater understanding.  You are capable of this and you do have a choice.  There is nothing to loose in seeing love and beauty in this world. In fact, these things inspire your emotions in the infinitely positive and it feels good. So good. There is everything to lose in casting your gaze always downward.  You will miss the light and the love around you.  You can raise yourself up at any time you choose and you will be supported as you endeavor to learn in this world.  It isn't easy always.  Sometimes it is difficult and quite uncomfortable but you wanted this experience or would not have created it.  So, seek the wisdom of the experience as you would a beautiful silver lining in a sky full of dark storm clouds.  You will find your way.  Believe in yourselves and do all that you can to find that which inspires you most.  It matters so much in this place.  You matter so much in this place.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

The Ugly Christmas Sweater

Some thoughts to ponder...every single thing in life is a gift.  It may not always seem like a gift but it is, in fact, a gift.  The beautiful part about life is learning that you have a choice as to what you will do with the gifts that are given to you.  Take an ugly Christmas sweater for instance.  It may come to you as a gift from someone you love, someone you tolerate or someone you don't care for at all.  When the gift is presented, you may look at it and determine you do not like it and will never wear it, you may decide that you would like to return it or you may decide you do not wish to accept it at all.  You might even decide you'd like to have hurt feelings that the giver would give you something you think is ugly.  Some of the "gifts" in life we are presented with are like an ugly Christmas sweater, particularly where human relations come in.  You may accept the gifts that you are given and appreciate them, keep them if you desire or you may argue with the giver about their seeming lack of thoughtfulness in presenting you with such an ugly gift.  You  might even decide to give the gift back just like it was given to you or you may decide not to keep some gifts.  No matter what you choose, there are lessons both in the presentation and in what you ultimately decide to do with them.  Regardless, there is learning to be had in the gifts we are given.  Wisdom can be gained if we seek compassion and understanding while at the same time standing in our own light and honoring first and foremost, our authenticity.  You've all, no doubt, received the gift of the ugly Christmas sweater in some way, shape or form.  What did you decide to do with it?  Do you understand why you decided to do with it what you did with it?  Did you understand or seek to, the reason it was given?  Food for thought.  The objective is understanding and not the judgment of self for the disposition nor the giver of the gift.  Seek understanding and you will be given an even greater gift than what is presented to you.  That gift is the wisdom gained from the experience of giving, receiving or returning.  Always there is something to learn, to understand and to strive for.

Me, myself, I don't care for ugly Christmas sweaters and so will thank the giver of such gift (even if only within the privacy of my own mind).  What I decide to do next will depend on the frame that I choose to hold in a particular moment and whether or not I find myself courageous enough to stand in my own light.  Sometimes I might say thank you but no thanks.  You keep this gift but I appreciate your desire to share.

Blessings of higher love and understanding beautiful dreamers.

(c) Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find - and, to the owner of this sweater, please take no offense as I greatly appreciate the heart of creativity that went into this design - really).

Gems in the Rubble

"You're going to have to go out there and do this," the ruggedly good looking middle aged man, with chestnut brown hair said as we were hunkered down in some kind of dirt bunker.  Shocked at my surroundings, I took a quick inventory of the scene.  Rubble, broken pieces of things that once were the typical trappings of an every day life lay in ruin every where.  "But how in the world am I going to survive this," I asked as if I somehow understood what had happened and what it was I was going to have to do.  Again, a part of the scenery came into focus and I saw a thick deep river of mud that I knew I was going to have to wade through.  I thought, how am I going to survive without food or water and how am I going to complete the tasks I have to complete with everyone depending on me?  I'm just one woman and I have no skills in this.  The man spoke again softly but with so much love and compassion that shown clearly and beautifully through crystal blue eyes nearly camouflaged behind a very dirty and dusty face, "You will have all of the love in the universe on your side sweet heart and you will have these."  His hand opened and in it were four emerald green clear oval items that almost looked like crystal Nyquil cold tablets.  "How in the world are these going to help me do this," I asked him. He mentioned a four day flight.  I looked at him and said, "Yeah, about flying...."  I woke with a start and found my surroundings had changed.  I was safe and sound in the comfort of my room surrounded by the low light of the television I forgot to turn off before drifting off to dream.  It was 12:38 a.m.  I got up for some water troubled knowing the dream wasn't a literal one but was, in fact, one of those soul gripping metaphors that will take time to fully comprehend.

I climbed back into my huge, soft and oh so comfortable bed.  The air coming in through my bedroom window was cool and comfortable. The sounds of the night a far cry more comforting than those in the dream.  I wondered who the man was and what he represented...a guide, a way out of whatever muck I was about to have to find my way through...imbued with what...these green crystal things that were some sort of saving grace...and then immediately thinking that green, green is the color of the heart chakra and it's energy is often more powerful than we humans give credit.  I was troubled a bit but took a deep breath, let it out slowly, turned off the TV and laid quietly in the darkness just focusing on the sound of my own heart beat. I drifted once again into the land of dreams.

Back into the scene I somehow fell and I was drinking water that was so dirty I thought for sure I was going to be battling malaria soon.  But I had to.  There was just no other way to survive.  The skies were gray and still there was nothing but rubble and dirt I wandered through alone.  I fought often to retain my balance and the ability to continue forward motion rather than dropping to my knees.  Somewhere within me the only drive I had was that I had to get to the other side of this war zone of sorts.  It felt very much "Mad Max" like.  A great upheaval had occurred and we, those of us who survived, had to fight to achieve the remainder of some mission I could not recall but felt deep within me.  I felt a strong and core level ache of loneliness wash over me and I was suddenly fighting back tears and I knelt down in the dust of a small hill to feel my way through it.  Superimposed over my vision, he came again.  He could project himself into my field of vision at will some how and he spoke again..."Sweetheart, don't give up.  I know how hard this trek alone is.  I know you don't understand so much of what you do but it matters so much more than you know. You carry my love with you always.  You can do this. You have to finish this so we can go home," he said again, with so much love in his eyes and in his voice and I could feel his energy encouraging my every step.  I felt bad for doubting myself...and I felt bad that I could not remember where I was going or what I was doing and frustrated as hell that no one could tell me.  I decided to stop my fears and my worries and I stood up and brushed the dirt from my jeans, I pushed back long wisps of very dusty wild blonde locks, found a piece of string and tied it back so I could see.  I didn't like what lay ahead of me but I started walking again with a sense of conviction that I don't even understand how it could exist within me considering what I faced.  I reached in my pocket for the little crystal green oval things and took them out.  They glittered even in the low light of a thick gray cloud cover and they somehow seemed to emanate their own light and a tingling energy I could feel in my left hand.  I looked up and smiled thanking the Gods for them even though I didn't understand what they were or what the heck I would do with them.  I stuffed the lonely feelings down deep within me as I put the gems back into my pocket.  I began climbing another hill of rubble following a weak trail of light and some unknown compass within me.

My eyes opened again and I saw that I was safe and sound in bed still.  The sun was just coming up and I could hear the birds begin to sing.  A night filled with Mad Max dreams I don't understand with my logical mind... but somehow my soul has already begun to deconstruct and analyze it.  I have theories and ideas and I plan to test each one.  Sometimes our dreams don't seem pleasant at all but they stick with us and seem to grip us at the core of our very souls.  Those are the ones I pay attention to most as those are the ones that have given me the greatest insights into the happenings of my own life.  I understand this dream and the energy of recognition runs along my skin as the hair stands straight on end with seeming chills of acknowledgement.  Grateful to be awake and that there exists in this world a wonderful invention known as a coffee pot, a full store of coffee in my pantry and a refrigerator stocked with delicious sweet cream.  I had much to ponder as I sat up slowly.  I debated whether or not I would share this series of dreams.  After a cup, the decision was made and, so, here it is.

Dreams are not insignificant things.  It is how our minds work out the details we cannot quite grasp while awake and distracted but their themes - once you can fully taste them, are beautiful indicators of direction, summaries of thought and the ideas that create within us hope and faith. ~Blessings as you journey through this dream.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo and words)