Grief and Love -- Transmuting the Ache Through Understanding

 

Nothing etches an ache more deeply into your soul like a goodbye. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of goodbye it is — the loss of a loved one, a lover, a friend, a stage of life, or even a cherished belief that has fallen away. Life, in all its mystery, is full of them.

When we lose something or someone dear, it can feel as though the foundation of who we are begins to crumble. I remember my own early goodbyes — family moments filled with music, laughter, and stability that vanished almost overnight. What was once a source of comfort became painful to touch in memory. The songs of that era still reach into my heart, stirring both love and loss.

The Mirror of Grief

What I’ve come to understand is that grief and love are forever entwined. 

The depth of our grief is equal to the depth of our love. One cannot exist without the other. When love has filled our hearts and been woven into our lives, the ache that comes with loss is the echo of that love reverberating through time.

Even shattered beliefs or endings that seem necessary can hurt deeply because they, too, are forms of goodbye. Each one marks the closing of a chapter that once held meaning and life within it.

The Long Journey of Integration

Grief is not linear. It loops and spirals through time, revisiting us in unexpected ways — through a song, a scent, a place, a photograph. It doesn’t obey the tidy stages we wish it would.

What has helped me most is allowing it to move through me rather than fighting it.
There is no need to rush the ache away or disguise it as strength. True strength is letting yourself feel what needs to be felt — while knowing it will not consume you.

In my own healing, through illness and recovery, I’ve learned to let grief breathe. When the wave rises, I don’t resist. I sit with it. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I simply breathe. Each time, a little more love becomes visible beneath the pain.

Transmuting the Ache

When we allow grief to unfold with tenderness, something sacred happens.
The ache begins to soften into understanding. The heart, once broken open, becomes more spacious — more able to hold compassion for others walking their own roads of loss.

Love doesn’t disappear with goodbye.
It changes form — from something we hold to something we are.

This realization doesn’t erase the sorrow, but it does transform it. It allows the memory of what was to become a quiet blessing instead of a wound that won’t heal.

Living with Grace

I’ve learned to embrace each goodbye, to honor the ache as part of being fully alive. I remind myself:

“I will be kind in my thoughts for myself. I will engage in true and loving self-care. I will allow love, understanding, and compassion to fill the space grief once occupied.”

No one escapes this passage. But through it, we become more human, more luminous, more whole.

A Closing Reflection

If you are grieving, may you remember: you are not broken — you are becoming.
Sit quietly with what you’ve lost.
Breathe.
Whisper gratitude for what was, and for the love that made it so hard to say goodbye.

Let the ache remind you of the love that still lives within you.
In time, it will turn into light.

I wish you great blessings of love, understanding, compassion, and great healing — always.
And when the ache returns, as it will, may it greet you like an old friend — reminding you of how deeply you have loved, and how beautifully you are still alive.

© 2025 October Jaie Hart (photo and words)

 

Taking Things Personally

 

How much suffering do you want to take on in this life?  If it’s a lot, then continue to take everything personally.  If it’s not a lot, then consider something very important before you take things personally.  We sometimes get this idea in our heads that just because we would never do or say something like X unless we disrespected someone, doesn’t mean other people think or behave in the same way.  By our very nature, we are born to monitor and look for patterns in our surroundings to keep ourselves safe.  But when we make too many automatic assumptions about others and their intent (which we can’t with 100% certainty ever know), we actually cause our own suffering. 

 

If someone cuts you off on the highway, and you get angry – you’ve taken things personally.  You have absolutely no idea what’s going on for that person.  They could be on their way to the hospital to say goodbye to a loved one.  They could be on their way to day care to pick up a sick child.  They could have just lost their job or are running late for an interview.  Should they drive carelessly?  No. But you see, when things trigger our emotions and urgency, we do sometimes lose our ability to do things or say things with any amount of normal care.  Are some people just careless as a part of their nature?  Sure.  But none of that is about you is all I’m saying.

 

A part of our ego sometimes revels in the idea of catching others doing something wrong as if that might lift us in status in some way.  It doesn’t. What you see in others is filtered through what?  Your experience and your own intimate and personal awareness of your own short comings.  But wait, isn’t there a right and wrong here?  Sure, sometimes there is but also, sometimes that realm of right and wrong can differ from person to person and justifiably so given their situation, life experience and also their psychological state at any given moment.

 

Definitive truths in human interactions is hard to pin down especially when you are sure that your assumptions are facts just because they come from within your own mind.  Your deductions based on the limited information you observe do not equate to definitive truth.  When you understand that, you start to understand situations more, spool up less and your compassion and tolerance grows.  Why would you want that?  Well, intolerance, distrust, accusation, and anger all have their place but if you are living your life with the energy of those thoughts controlling the filter through which you see the world every moment of every day, you could be making yourself and those around you quite miserable.

 

We assume intention often but you can’t know someone’s intention with certainty so why let your mind take it to that level?  You punish yourself so much when you create a framework where everyone and everything is out to get you or ruin your day. Sometimes bad or rough things happen.  It isn’t necessarily personal, and I’d argue that even when someone attempts to make it personal with intention, you have to realize all the years of potentially detrimental psychology that person has lived with to come to that point where they may take issue with intention with you and your presence at a certain time or place.

 

I’m all for standing up for yourself and for what you believe in for sure.  But belief, please understand, is provisional truth at best. Belief is a hypothesis.  I’m not talking faith and religion here. That’s a whole other matter I’d prefer not to bring into this discussion at this time. Think more psychology – simpler like the thought process of – my husband didn’t take out the trash, therefore, he doesn’t love me and expects me to do all of the work in this house alone.  He lives here too.  Why should I do all of the work?  The thing is, hubby may be busy with other things.  So, if you want the trash out right this second – do it yourself or ask him again when you can tell he isn’t preoccupied.  Taking the trash out when asked does not prove love to begin with.  Love is bigger than that.  I’m not suggesting we don’t set boundaries on what we will and will not tolerate but understand what love is and isn’t.  If my imaginary situation is one that you have faced or feel, you might want to instead have a talk with your spouse rather than assume lack of love or care.  Assumptions, and we all do it – are part of the problem.

 

We assume so naturally, but we can’t know 360 degrees of a person or their intentions by assumption alone.  I find dealing in facts keeps me from constantly being disappointed by others.  I also find expressing my needs up front rather than trying to catch someone with proof they don’t love me is time better spent.  In my life, I have faced both intentional and unintentional slights or bad behavior.  Because I value my peace, I choose to see both as not about me.  I have developed a pretty good sense of self and I know that no one on this planet can know me at a 360 degree level.  So, their insult is not something I need to take on board.  If I’m concerned about truth in their words, I can own up to my actions or behavior without that threatening me at the core level of my being.  Most of the time though, I understand that someone who calls me names is telling the world more about the state of their own psychology than they are telling the world about me.

 

I mean, I am certainly not everyone’s cup of tea but if someone wants to see a monster in me, that’s on them and doesn’t bear out as the definitive truth about me.  If I get caught up in collateral damage by the unthinking actions of others, I’m not always quick to anger and even if I do become angry, I won’t act or react on that anger without first trying my best to see the truth of a situation.  Once I see that my own assumptions cannot be validated about a person or thing – again, since I value my own personal peace, I’m more likely to set the matter on ignore and walk away.  I choose understanding over asserting my ego for its version of right or wrong because I know me and my ego is wholly incapable of doing that accurately.

 

A few more parting thoughts on the matter…have you ever done something stupid, insensitive, uncaring or even cringy?  We all have as we have made our way through life.  Our mistakes are how we learn.  When someone “transgresses” in my view, I am likely to be compassionate and understanding – meaning, I’m not going to get crazy angry or feel bad about myself to the point I get angry.  I may be disappointed and I may choose to set boundaries so I don’t suffer further unthinking or bad behavior but I will do my level best to maintain my balance and equanimity.  Somethings just hurt in life and that is what it is but “hurting someone back” will never, ever remove the pain or other emotion that you suffered and any attempt at vengeance for a perceived slight whether intentionally or unintentionally committed will never un-mark that pivotal moment in your interaction.  Your energy is better spent understanding the emotion an action evoked in you rather than engaging in further battle.  In life, battle is all some people know and due to psychology, it’s the only way they know how to interact with others and it’s very likely – unhealthy. To continue to engage with some people in a tit-for-tat exchange is truly beneath you, won’t change that person or their behavior and is really not the best use of your energy.

 

From a bigger picture perspective, those things in life that vex you the most, the things that trigger that feeling of incredulous within you – those are all messages to you from you that you have wounds inside that need your time, attention and great care.  We all carry these.  It’s part of living life on Earth.  But when you strive for understanding both for yourself and another, you can home in on what is best for you in a moment.  Maintaining peace is a beautiful thing.  Engaging in battle often leads to escalation, chaos and worse.  Step back.  Take a breath.  Pause for a moment. See what within you can thoughtfully respond.  Ask yourself if this or that thing is really the thing you want to take personally.  Is there a basis inside of you that is easily triggered?  Do you know that if you figure out what those things are and strive to understand and heal them, no one can ever trigger you to unconsciously take things personally again?  Wow!  That is a powerful thing to possess – healing, the ability to stop, think, and respond to a situation (walking away or not saying a word is also a response).

 

So yeah, if you value your peace, don’t take things personally.  Things don’t always go the way we think they should. That doesn’t mean that we are bad, wrong or whatever.  It just means this or that interaction isn’t going as planned. So, stop, consider, reset and strive for something different, better or healthy for you.  You matter as does every human on this planet no matter how attractive of repulsive you find certain folks.  We are all part of a whole living here in this giant Earth School at this time.  We need to learn how to de-escalate and honestly, that begins best within and a starting point is not taking things so personally.

 

I wish you peace, I wish you love, I wish you the greatest understanding, and the deepest compassion.  You’ve got this!

 

© 2024 Jaie Hart (photo and words)

Chasing Dreams and Lessons Learned

 

So many miles have come between me and the land of my birth.  If I think about it too long, my heart starts to ache for the sound of the ocean, a strong and cool salty sea breeze, and the sound of gulls.  How many days did I sit at the shore just to feel the power of the waves, feel the enormity of the depth and the breadth of the ocean? Through sunny summer warmth, and cool, cold and stormy days, I’d find my way to the coast and gaze for hours in solitude.  I miss those days sometimes.  Fortunately, those memories will always live in my heart and bring me comfort still when most I surely need it.

 

As many in life have come to know, the land of your birth won’t always support your dreams and if those dreams are strong enough, you’ll pack up all that you own, kiss your loved ones goodbye and begin a journey to find whatever it is that calls to your heart and soul the most. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to go to far to begin to fulfill my biggest dream.  It was a simple dream to own a home on my own - large enough for me and my children, a yard big and green filled with flowers and trees, and some space to breathe with rare beauty.  I did find it and I’m so grateful.  But these words echo in my mind, “now what?”  

In my mind I have visited the echoes of yesterday and the enormity of lessons learned, love lost and found, broken, and bruised pieces of my heart and psyche along with the strength of the inner light that can and will carry you through the darkest of places if you just find a small shred of hope to hold.  I have not lived an easy life by any stretch, but I have learned above all else to trust my inner most urges and intuitions.  In all the times that I learned to listen and heed my inner guidance, I have found resolution to outer and inner conflict, new paths where all once seemed obscure and a beautiful light to reveal what lay hidden in the darkness (that of my own thinking and that brought to me by the lessons of others).

 

 When I look at all that I have accomplished, I feel really good.  Humble beginnings was the start to my story.  Where I am now I am not married to because I have learned in life that all is fleeting, transient and impermanent at every level.  I have come to know that it is not what I have and what I have done that matters most.  The greatest of my life’s lessons has been learning to take a measure of comfort in what is as it is in the absence of judgement or fear.  I have grown and gone far beyond anything I ever expected.  It only took me learning to let go of what this world, society and my family expected of me.  The conventional has never suited me and I will no longer entertain it.  I am content now, more whole and happy even - most days.

 

Life lessons still come and the pain can sometimes feel soul crushing.  But the key to leaving that prison is accepting what is, sitting with the pain without reacting, and allowing yourself to cry, shout, scream or be.  In time, we expand beyond the painful spaces within us.  We learn to bring in more light to shine more clearly into the darkness and we find our way back to the sun as long as we spend no time in resistance.  That is so hard and can take years and years.  It’s not an easy lesson facing grief, sadness and pain.  These things are part of the human condition and when we encounter them we must always remember – this is not it.  It is not all we will ever feel again.  We will expand, we will grow and as we do we create more space within us to take in other things – joy, love, curiosity, hope and so much more.  I think the pain never goes away but we take in more and with balance, we learn to live with the good and the bad seeming within us.  It’s amazing how that works, and it has worked for me time and time again.

 

 I stand here today so grateful for all of the mountains I have climbed, the darkness I have faced, the disappointment, the anger, the bliss and love – all of it.  My time is not yet done.  I just plan to live a little wiser, with more patience and acceptance.  Maybe find a little more courage, curiosity, and wisdom to face the rest of my journey wherever it is it may lead me.  I think sometimes the journey is within and without simultaneously.  How can it not be?  It’s like magic at times and it can make me laugh or cry depending on how I look at it.

 

If you take anything away from this piece, I hope you take with it hope, trust in your journey and yourselves to live your lives as perfectly and as meaningfully as you were meant to.  Count your blessings and lessons both (you’ll find they are one and the same in the end).

 

 

© Copyright 2023 Janice Harter (photo and words)

The Heart Break of Letting Go and Healing

At so many different points in my life I have faced the agonizing decision of letting go.  I have let go of jobs, places I loved, People I loved and even family pets that I loved so much.  None of these can be faced, I think, without encountering some level of intense grief in the act of letting go.  I don’t deal with these situations very well.  When I realize these are manifesting in my life for whatever reason, my body physically starts to fight back hard with that deep and heavy feeling in the chest, that sinking feeling of horrendous anxiety, or those doubtful feelings of failure, of losing something important or realizing you just can’t hold on anymore either for self-preservation or it’s just time for others to go.  So, letting go becomes the only option for many reasons.

 

In my time on Earth, I have had some pretty epic letting go scenarios.  The first and the hardest were letting my parents go. One through death, the other through substance and resulting extreme toxicity that I could no longer bear.  The latest, a beloved pet I raised from a puppy.  For some reason this feels like the worst letting go of all of them.  I’m not sure why really but I suspect that the grief of any letting go is cumulative.  You don’t ever heal from letting go and each time a new scenario presents itself and you must decide again that you must let go even when you don’t want to, all the pain from all of the past letting go’s come straight back out to the light of day from the depths of your soul.

 

They say grief and pain heal in time.  Sitting here today, I know that isn’t true.  You can come to terms with letting go, the emotional whirlwind of grief but when you love so deeply and must let go, there is no real recovery.  You must learn to expand who you are, stretch your very capacity for understanding, love and compassion and learn to live despite the pain.  It’s the hardest thing to do.  But what I can offer is that there is something I discovered along the way when dealing with the heart break of having to let go.  I mean, first and foremost, counseling is helpful in managing the processing of emotion. Given.  Important.  Please do it if you face extreme pain in letting go whether mandatory of voluntary. 

 

Next, what begins must end.  Nothing stays the same forever. On this planet, in this dimension and framework, things begin and end.  Or, well, things shift focus.  What is of primary emotional focus, will not be so in 365 days more than likely, or 6 months, or 1 month or whatever.  The same is true of emotional pain. The time leading up to the imminent decision of letting go is the worst, the moment of feels worse yet and then days that immediately follow are pretty bad.  When it comes to letting go of people and pets, there is an energy separation that feels very physical.  That intense energy separation period seems to be its worst for the first 3 days following the letting go.  The rest of the next week, moments of feeling normal wash in like waves from time to time in increasing intensity.  The next week after that is the same.  Emotional moments and more normal feeling moments come. The pain starts to lose intensity at times and you start to have more blocks of time where you feel normal again.  As you continue to engage in moving forward, the third week really starts to cement the new habits.

 

Now, you can step back and freeze yourself in these early stages if your push yourself into denial or bargaining, which the mind may want to do. But if you could just acknowledge these arising when they do whithout curling up into the fetal position when you encounter them, you can keep forward progress. 

 

The year of firsts is really a thing.  Key dates that first year will be difficult, as your mind wanders through memories or temporarily forgets that you had to let go, these moments can be painful.  Acknowledge the pain and know, the level of pain is equal to the love. That thought really helps you to give yourself some compassion.  Of course, it hurts, you loved.  They go hand in hand.

 

Now, when the letting go is voluntary, extra care is definitely needed.  Your mind could potentially dream up all sorts of scenarios where – you wouldn’t have to say good by if only this or that had happened.  But backwards thinking, wishing or fantasizing cannot change today.  You can also worry or doubt yourself into oblivion about whether or not you did the right thing but here is where a big dose of self-assurance and trust comes in.  If you gauged a situation as any form of danger whether that be emotional, physical or financial, to the point you felt letting go was required, trust yourself.  At the end of the day, the person you owe is yourself. Setting health boundaries means that sometimes you will need to let go of all that is not in alignment with what you need. There will be no shortage of challenge, judgement or harassment for boundaries and letting go when you felt you needed to.  If you are concerned, get counseling to vet your thoughts and decisions before you invoke them.  Then trust yourself to do the right thing by yourself.  Your happiness and quality of life matter.  That happiness and quality of life is something within your power to control.  You cannot control other people.  You may be able to influence them or their behavior, but you cannot change the reality of the exchange.  If it is toxic or dangerous for you in any way, letting go may help you preserve you.  Even though pain in such an instance is seemingly self-inflicted, it’s really no different than an involuntary letting go.  You must work through the steps and if you can steer clear of second guessing yourself or entertaining the harassment of those who don’t agree with your decision, you will move on and eventually learn to live your life again despite the pain.

 

Pain isn’t the enemy. When I feel it, I’ll be honest…a part of me panics.  I may actually have panic attacks of the kind where I lose consciousness as my system is overwhelmed with anxiety and emotion.  It is really uncomfortable.  I face the same reaction whether the letting go is voluntary or involuntary.  Although it is definitely made worse by outside harassment after I have decided that the best thing for me is to let go.  I know that if the decision to let go comes to my mind, I have already done all I can do, managed all that I can, considered all other options for me and must do what I feel is right. That is my right.  Bottom line. Dealing with the pain, as I said is similar.  Getting over heart break and the panicky feelings of the first days is hard.  You cannot heal them completely, but I think “getting over” is a better way to put it.  You learn to accept in time as you continue with your life, and you expand enough to do that. The pain may always be there, and you may even be reminded and feel that twinge of pain from time to time but sometimes letting go is the only thing that you can do.  No matter what anyone else says, the way you deal with parting is individual and unique.  My experience here may not be true for you.  I’ve just observed the energetic aspect – that physical feeling of separation that is the hardest at first. That energy deficit does calm down and right itself within about 3 weeks.  Emotional pain may take longer to work through, and each path is different there.

 

The most important thing that you can do for yourself when you are facing one of the many “letting go” periods of your life is to be really good to yourself.  Honor the emotions you feel, acknowledge them, give yourself time to feel them.  Emotional times aren’t necessarily times for action though.  Keep in mind that when you are grieving, you are impaired when it comes to things like decisions.  Rely on your circle to help you through any decisions that must be made during grieving.  Any important decisions that can be put off while you are grieving, put them off for a time.  Turn your focus inward kindly and gently.  The things that have helped me most during times of grief were just the simple acts of daily living.  Getting up in the morning when I don’t feel like it, showering, getting dressed, getting myself presentable as normal or eating, working and taking care of my home.  Take it easy on yourself but do keep up with as many of your responsibilities as you can.  Get outside if you can.  Breathe in nature with your lungs, with your eyes, with your ears and with your heart.  These things all help.

 

Letting go is part of life.  As I said, everything changes – nothing ever stays the same. We must learn to roll with the punches, flow with the changes and some days this will take epic amounts of energy and sheer force of will.  That’s okay.  Just keep going.  Even when it seems like life his horrible and dark, it won’t aways seem that way.

 

© 2023 J.L. Harter (photos/words)

Love All and Harm None

A quiet moment in the morning is sometimes all it takes to set the tone for the day.  And these days, I can’t think of anything more important.  In the entirety of my life, I have never imagined a world that could be in more chaos.  A pandemic is nothing to disregard. The divisive hate for wearing or not wearing a mask or the color of our skin is just something I never thought we’d be fighting about today.  Today!?  Really?  There are some days and in some moments that I am ashamed to be a human being.  We are one at one level – a whole called humanity.  But many of us are unable to exhibit any humanity at all these days.  Our fears put forth so much toxicity that it is just hard to be alive.  It is hard to witness it, to feel it and to imagine anyone having this directed at them.

I know that for as many short-sighted  folks lacking any form of empathy and mindfulness, exhibiting hateful words and wholly unkind actions there are scores more that care, who love and who are literally praying for peace and calm as we speak.  “Love All and Harm None” is the message at the core of my being.  But even with that sentiment, I know that I have harmed mostly unintentionally with words or thoughtless actions and for that I’m truly sorry for my behavior when I was woefully unaware as a frightened human on planet Earth.  But I’m awake now and I’m aware now of how my words can cause harm and that my energy can be felt by the collective.  So, I do what I can to keep my energy, thoughts and mindfulness pegged on High.

The “What about me” mentality that is running rampant and causing harm to many today, is a fearful cry from sleeping souls.  All who exhibit this are in the same trance.  Understand this as it just might quell your hatred or ire. Hold compassion for all even those causing harm with their words.  If they knew better, they would do better. So consider, you are witnessing scores of inner children crying out in pain on all sides.  Understand them first before you rally your troops and emit battle cries in vengeance.  Stop, consider, take a breath and ask, is this real? Is this the right action from the dictates of my soul and not my somehow long ago wounded ego striving for pole position here? I condone no form of violence towards any soul for any reason. I do not condone behavior that threatens the welfare, life and limb of others - let me be very clear.

There is a lot of wisdom to be had in quiet contemplation and reflection on life here on Earth.  There is a lot of beautiful sentiment taken in while in nature, on the shore of a stream, lake or ocean.  Peace can be had gazing up at cerulean blue cloudless skies or the night skies teaming with billions of ancient twinkling stars. There are a lot of inhabitants here on Earth doing the best they can.  Think about it…if you saw a 2 year old child screaming on the playground, would you not hold compassion for a new being here on Earth struggling to learn the rules?  There are some of us walking around this planet in adult bodies but with screaming children inside of us that flat out don’t know any better than to behave like uneducated human shadows.  They are raw and torn and succumbing to intentional divisive rhetoric.  Please understand before you retaliate. And consider, if every situation is met with an eye for an eye response, the entire population of this world will become physically as well as emotionally and spiritually blind.

So, I beg you, stop for a moment now and then when you’re feeling riled up. Stop for another moment and just breathe.  Feel your feet planted firmly on the Earth, feel what it feels like to be standing in your body.  Notice the emotion rising up from time to time and allow the emotion to be there just as it is but commit very strongly and with all of your being to take no action while emotion wells.  Just breathe.  Invite the calm back into your being and to all around you. Then, when calm, let a cooler and more rational mind take hold and respond not in retaliation but with compassion and love,  You can rise above any situation but you must want to, you must learn how to wield emotion skillfully and appropriately because if you don’t, any action taken while emotional will equate to extreme mental illness running the show and there are often very serious consequences to that kind of action.  Be the firm, loving and understanding parent to your frightened and reacting inner children.  Allow the child within you its moment to feel. Soothe frazzled and fear-filled nerves with calm mindful presence.  Breathe. Step back. Seek understanding.  It will find you if you seek it. Don’t succumb to the divisive narratives intentionally put forth to stir you up to a frothy hate for your neighbors.  Be in your right mind and deliberately so.

If it calls to you, see every human on the planet held in a space of compassionate love, healing love, prayer filled protection if-you-will.  Invite the calm and peace into your heart often because we are all one at many levels.  If you open your heart to love, understanding and compassion, it will be easier for others to do so.  If you tire of the terrible behavior you see in the world, screaming and shouting it out and pointing fingers on every platform you can won’t change a thing.  What will cause and create change is your living example of what it means to be a human, a kind and compassionate as well as wise and understanding human.  Give that to yourself first, and then those around you.  As you do, eventually they will.  It is like planting a tiny seed of a beautiful tree.  You will sow the seed but in your lifetime you may never enjoy the shade of it’s branches but you will have started something good don't you think?  You sowed the seed.  So, do your best, let go and trust the universe and your fellow humans. We will eventually right the wrongs but from the space of the heart in love and only in the absence of fear.  Be mindfully present with every breath and step you intentionally take here as you walk this Earth. You can do this.  You can restore balance, reason and a better humanity for you and yours as well as for All.  Blessings for peace, for love, for compassion, for understanding and great healing.

The Wisdom of the Elements

Have you ever been to the Grand Canyon?  I have, some time ago.  Nothing could have prepared me for the absolute breath-taking view.  You don’t realize how very tiny you are until you stand beside it, feel the ancient energy of it and imagine its creation.  I don’t know exactly why, but I was remembering the Grand Canyon in a dream I had a few nights ago.  I didn’t recall it for its aesthetic beauty and grandeur.  I recalled it because of what my mind has been wrestling with forever, it seems.

The steadfast rock and Earth surrounds us, water flows within and around us.  Great rivers erode the rock slowly over time and yet in some place and at some times, the work of the water flowing etches gently and cuts deeply into the Earth.  If you think about it or truly realize it, as stunningly beautiful as the Grand Canyon is – remember, it was created by water flowing over rock and wind whipping through it over time. I think of us, mere mortals, our daily trials and tribulations and even the minor things we tend to get so upset about.  To me, it’s all like water flowing over rocks and wind whipping through.  We may be etched and cut into by the various elements of existence that flow around and through us in our experience but we are no less beautiful in the end than before our lives began.

We do so many things, we strive to achieve this or that, to acquire, to gather and hold things to us and that is a funny thing to me.  Nothing remains forever just as it is.  Life here is forever changing, merging, falling away - blowing away even. We fly, we crash, and we tumble and flow.  Just like the wind, the water, just like the rocks we live upon.  We can stand firm in the fullness of our being and let life flow within and around us.  It doesn’t matter what we do, what we achieve, what we learn or acquire, the part of us that witnesses all of our life-experience, remains the same – unharmed and ever transformed.  We live, we breathe and we die but there is that part of us that remains untouched like the day we were born, pure and pristine.  It doesn’t matter what we go through and grow through because in the end, that pure and pristine part of us lives on.

The point of this is not that you should not acquire, grow or learn as you live and breathe in this life but rather that you should understand what remains and what changes.  In a way, what remains and changes is the same.  That is confusing in a way.  Perhaps it is all about aspects and perspectives of what we choose, how we take in an experience or how it is we might use it?  We ARE.  No matter what we have or don’t, who supports us or won’t, how we live or die – no matter what, we still ARE.  We are made neither greater nor lesser by what we do really.  We still ARE.  If we dress Class Act, or bare cozy and comfy, we still just ARE.  I think that the more I live, the more I understand what nature is trying so hard to teach us.

These observations and thoughts didn’t come to me all at once.   These thoughts didn’t occur to or comfort me as I acquired and gathered, or while I surrendered and lost.  Whether I was climbing ladders, or admitting defeat, I still AM.  There is a part of me that remains pure and pristine no matter what it is I mire myself in.  It seems that what I do, is for my entertainment, because I feel moved to do this or that.  It feels good sometimes to do this and that.  It feels bad sometimes to do this or that.  But when the feelings of whatever it is I am or was engaged in fade, I remain just as whole as I was.  I still AM.

I go back to my memories of the Grand Canyon and take a slow and easy breath in and out. The water is not evil because it cut the walls of the canyon.  The colorful rocks that have withstood the years and seasons are not weak because they stood still.  No matter what the experience, they still ARE and yet they are beautifully transformed in a way by the experience but their essence and their power is not lost or made lesser by interaction with the elements.  When I see the rocks now, I feel gratitude and deep appreciation for their existence.  When I see the rain, water flowing – I feel grateful and a deep affinity for it’s existence.  When the wind blows it carries aspects of rock and water and I’m grateful as the air I breathe carries the pure power of transformation.  When I feel the heat of the sun, I am reminded of the gifts of transformation it too brings.  These things can harm and support me but I am made neither greater nor lesser for my experience of them.

You, in your lives, living day in and day out, working and achieving or learning and growing – you are made no greater or lesser as a result of your experience.  Even though you may be transformed willingly or unwillingly remember that there is an aspect of you that will remain pure and pristine as the day you were born.  Live, laugh, play and love.  Enjoy fully the richness of your experience here.  Appreciate your surroundings, check in now and then to see if you find value in what you are learning. Strive if you feel moved to – to understand all of your amazing and magical teachers in this life.  Everything matters. You too matter.  Never mind how life has shaped you, cut through you or changed you.  Your soul is still beautiful and filled with magic.  You still ARE.  Blessings of great love to you.

Copyright 2020, Jaie Hart (Photo NPS.org)

The Real and Surreal of Life Just Now

 A year ago I left the State of California to make a new home and life in the beautiful state of Arizona.  We’ve been here almost a year now.  The living and dining rooms that once were crammed full of boxes from the floor to about 4-5 feet high, are finally cleared, furnished and decorated.  It’s the most peaceful part of my home.  Yesterday was such a beautiful day.  After getting required outings completed quickly, I sat for a time looking at the space and imagining how it looked a year ago.  I’m so pleased with the transformation and also so very grateful for the opportunity to be here, to own my home (or at least hold a reasonable mortgage to one) and find a measure of comfort and peace. My community now is smaller, we’re close to the very edge of town where it’s quiet and less chaotic.  I truly love it.

The heat of the desert here in Arizona takes some getting used to.  But this time of year is so beautiful.  It took me a year but we finally got screens on the windows and I took full advantage yesterday throwing the windows open wide to let in the most delicious warm breezes. I sat quietly and listened to the birds sing, children at play and the sounds of my part of the city absent the usual consistent drone and hum of air conditioning units. I’ve been out of the house only twice in the last two weeks.  It is a troubling time and getting necessities has been difficult.  But, when we can get a hold of those things that are missing, I completely reject every urge to stockpile.  We take just what we need so that there will be enough for all.  After four days of searching the internet, I actually found a place to order Toilette Paper from.  Sheesh!  But I still ordered only one 10 pack.  That will arrive about the time we run out.  I refuse to hoard and so every week that goes by, I pray there will be just what we need somewhere.

Grocery store shopping yesterday was better than the week before.  But it’s funny the things people are hoarding.  There was hardly any meat left in the stores, no rice, no pasta, barely any water, no snacks, ibuprophen gone, no Tylenol, no hydrogen peroxide, no laundry soap, no dish soap, and no cleaning supplies or paper products and we went to two stores.  I refuse to contribute to the problem.  I rearrange our meal plans to work with what we’ve got.  What else would we do?  We continue to support the local restaurants with orders several times a week because, again, what else would we do? We stay home unless absolutely required.

I’m fortunate that no one in my household is ill and I pray for all of those who have been exposed and those who have lost loved ones.  My heart aches for them.  I could swear one of my kids had this nasty virus back in January based on the symptoms and the duration.  But she made it through just fine and fortunately, the rest of us did not get it.  One in my household has a compromised immune system so every day, I pray.  With such a long duration of the incubation period, I think we still have another 7 days before we know if he was exposed.  After going out and about yesterday, I suppose we have another 14 days until we know if we were exposed.  Is this how we have to live now? I can't hold these kinds of thoughts for long. I have to learn to just be in the moment, accept what is.  Worry won't change this situation we all find ourselves in will it?

It’s quiet here now.  I’m sipping coffee in my beautiful home, cat purring beside me, birds singing joyfully outside.  It’s a cool Spring morning and I’ve opened the blinds to let the beautiful light in.  I don’t know what this day will hold but I pray it is quiet comfort and simple tasks.  Mundane and the ordinary are what I look forward to.  Peaceful activities, maybe some creative ones too will ease the back drop of anxious undertones for existence at the moment.  The world seems a bit surreal just now.  The things we're used too are different and we must strive to do our best to just be present, let go of the worry and just be here now.  In the now, it is less surreal, less worrisome, and holds this vast sense of just okay and you know what?  That’s not so bad considering the state of affairs.  Keep your chin up, take a breath, try to make a positive difference, check on your people, your neighbors and your friends.  Try to find ways to keep yourself up, going, and healthy.  Pray, meditate, and use this time to relax as much as you can.  I don’t know why at all honestly, but I still have this sense of everything is going to be alright.  Maybe not instantly, or even overnight, but this feeling is comforting and whether delusional or not, I’m going to try to hold onto it, breathe into it and do what I can to send that energy outward – calm, peaceful, healthy and okay!  Blessings to you all.

Copyright 2020 Jaie Hart (photos/words)

 

Taming Chaos - A Path of Thought and Integration

After years and years of intense experiences, deep and core reaching and teaching spiritual experiences, it has taken me a very long time to process and integrate.  Am I finished yet?  No, not by a long shot but I’m feeling my time of solitary contemplation is ending.  In a world that seems chaotic, punctuated by all that is negative in the media and the psychotic-seeming trolls that have permeated all of our on-line existence, it sometimes feels very pointless to speak a single word.  So, during such times, quiet solitude is necessary to begin to understand.  Will we ever? Honestly, although I’ve had some very serious doubts, I believe that we will.

The masses are purely frustrated and divided over things we all consider to be important but it is not really the dividing lines that are the real focus here.  We are being challenged to declare ourselves.  Just not in the way we might think at first.  I don’t know about you but if ever I find myself in wrong thinking, my body speaks to me.  It tells me, “wait a minute, you are going a bit too far – be silent and quiet – let the emotion settle and begin again in a better frame.”  I used to miss this important message time and time again until massive episodes of anxiety or depression would strike and painfully remind me.  So, I learned to be more silent and work through the feelings and fears of hopelessness in all I witness in life on planet Earth.  If I clear away the superficial thoughts and fears, I find something truly amazing.  It’s sometimes a very tiny gossamer thread of hope.  Just when I think there is no hope, I’ll see a sparkle out of the corner of my eye.  I may witness the true beauty of the nature of some humans so readily expressed that I cannot stay in a space of fear or of hopelessness.

While the media expounds on this atrocious thing or that heart-wrenching and mind numbing angry-toxic producing thing, they are getting the reaction they strive for.  I have decided to no longer give it.  I understand the stirring of baser emotion for the sake of stirring negative emotion.  It gets people into a very reactionary state and then the witch-hunts begin and the scape goats are strung up and strung out and then there is even more terrible news to broadcast.  But, but, listen – is that really the life we want to live -a life being manipulated by the media and those with a dark design?  How does that help you put food on your table, love those closest to you and strive always and ever to be better and brighter?  I can’t remember which book it was but Thich Nhat Hanh has said something to the effect of, “What are you feeding your head?”  When you are glued to the news channel late at night before bed.  Is it easy for you to fall asleep?  You get that concept, don’t you? If you turn to hope and what builds and better supports you in this life, can you sleep better and love better?

I don’t believe the world is any crazier today than it has always been here at the hands of fearful humans.  But, if that is all you focus on – that is all you will continue to perpetuate.  I now implicitly trust my inner guidance system.  Whenever I feel absolutely incredulous watching the news or being confronted by this human or that human I know there is a lie in the mix.  Either one I am being told or sold or one I am believing in.  Rather than waste my time and energy fighting back against the darkness of this reactionary manipulation employed unwittingly or unintentionally, I stop.  I pull myself back.  I calm gently my ego’s need to fight back, to be right, or to defend.  I pause and reflect to discover what part of my experience truly feeds my incredulousness and it doesn’t take long anymore to uncover the truth.  I then can move into the space of my heart, see more clearly and then simply hold a space of understanding.  Fighting back and defending is always an option but with so much time and energy poured into this negative manipulation of experience for ratings, for money or for God knows what else, it would seem to keep us all exhausted and vibrating so low, thick and desperate.  I don’t want that for myself and I don’t want that for others.  I also know that my only choice is to be the change that I want to see.  I need to focus on what lifts my own vibration.  I need to explore what better supports me and helps me operate more clearly as a conduit for balance in a seemingly crazy world.

We are all of us the darkness and the light in this world.  We can point our focus at any time and in any moment towards dark or light.  It’s not good or bad, right or wrong, it just is and you can argue these points from any angle for arguments’ sake.  You can troll me to the moon and yet, my inner guidance system will not waiver.  In that, I trust completely.  So, how have things been for me lately since this shift in thought, while integrating experience?  Peaceful.  I have found peace, I have found an inner well of unshakable love and support.  I have discovered in life where I “went wrong” so to speak but I’m not angry for it because it taught me so much.  I no longer need to learn from the obvious negativity in the world put forth by intentional or unwittingly participating humans expressing their own form of environmental psychology.  I can learn my life lessons by connecting with the Earth, appreciating the Sky, the Wind, the Clouds, the Birds, the Trees and every single blade of Grass.  Creation speaks often.  I now listen more closely and openly.

My intent and my focus of late is shifting my own energy and letting that vibrate out from my being, letting that be the wake I leave behind me as I place one foot in front of the other on this journey I call my life.  I’m living it my way and doing the best I can.  I’m turning off the news and disengaging from that which does not support me or those I love on my journey.  I’m doing what I can where and when I can to help change those things for the better where I see fit in a positive, non-violent and non-toxic way that does not infringe upon the free-will of others.  I’m making a commitment to myself and to all things I relate to – to strive to bring good, do not harm, and make a difference I can live with.  I can stand for something I find important without causing harm to another soul.  I have much hope that others in this world will rise up from this constant swirl of utter chaos and awaken and learn that they too can make a difference without imposing upon the free will of others.  I have hope. Find your hope and your faith.  Trust yourselves to find the best way.  May your God or Goddess or Nature or Life in General – bless you in every possible way with great wisdom, great compassion, great healing and great abundance.  I wish this for the entirety of this beautiful globe that is our home.  It is time.  And, So, It Is.

 

© 2019 (Photo/words) Jaie Hart