Voluntary Solitary Social Confinement

And so it goes, another day in this voluntary solitary social confinement I find myself contemplative in.  I'm sipping coffee in the coolness of a gray morning.  The birds are singing as they so often do.  The sound, sweet music to my ears gently stirring this gypsy heart of mine.  I never thought of myself as a gypsy before but considering the moves I've made at a couple levels of existence, I suppose my heart is quite restless.  Perhaps it is my own desire to understand that I have committed myself to this solitary social confinement.  In the absence, completely, of the typical conflict I encounter in this world I find I have greater ability to feel and to see the truth of a good many things.  Enamored by the silence, enchanted by the stillness and caught walking the corridors of my own mind unhindered has given me a freedom I have not before known.

It is hard to maintain this commitment for so very many reasons but I've learned enough lessons in life to pay heed to my soul and honor its murmurings.  And so, I wander the shores of the sea in my own mind taking in diffused light in tiny drops of emotion I'm soaking in with great pleasure.  Through the anxious seeming feelings of alone on the periphery, I do find a certain measure of peace.  This feeling, this rare and treasured feeling calls forth love from the deepest depths within me.  This isolation is nothing new.  Often have I been isolated from the world around me.  I observe the happenings within this world, the roles conducted by the directors and actors of many plays and I feel so disconnected with a very strong feeling of "I have already wandered through that dream."  In an emotional sense, it is but a rerun I've seen at least a thousand times and I no longer wish to participate in such plays, nor do I wish to sit through them again.  I want something by far greater.  I want something deeper.  I want something much more meaningful.  I live in the depths in terms of spirituality and emotion.  I cannot suffer another day of engaging in the superficial egotistical psycho dramas of the great majority of this Earth's inhabitants.  I wish to be free of it's pointless and senseless superficial meandering.  It plays in the background of every scene like a discordant tune that grates on my senses in every way.

"But this is life in this world called Earth," says an angel in my dreams.  "You wished to be here or you would not be.  It is this place that called to you from the Heavens as home and so you descended deeply into the dream to dwell yet again among the souls of men on this blue world called Earth.  Although you may not recall the specific reasons why, there are reasons great that you would be here learning again dear one," he said as I sat there motionless, emotionally distant as I heard the words and felt even more disconnected.  "Why are there so few here like me," I asked "And why is it I find it so hard to find them."  "Time dear one, in due time," said the angel as he faded from view.

I continued to walk the shores knowing I am connected to so many souls here fulfilling agreements, lending the support of my energy to them as they do for me and all without understanding the reasons why but driving from the core of my soul toward one dream in particular, one strong and true desire.  I wonder often if that one shall occur in this life time at all.  In nearly 46 years I feel I have never lived the life that I most wanted. It took me so long to understand the power of unconscious creation.  I exit such thoughts of disappointment, frustration, lack and yearning knowing the stirring emotion of those sentiments will bring them to fruition manifesting in this life in silence.  I do not wish a lifetime sentence of "more of the same" and remind the world and all who will hear me in this moment that when you voluntarily commit yourself, you can walk out whenever you are ready.

A smile reaches my lips with a memory of what feels like another time.  There, walking hand and hand are two silhouettes against the sinking sun.  Is it a memory or the vision of a dream yet to be?  Is it both perhaps?  I wonder...so deeply with every fiber of my being...yes, I wonder.  The beauty of the vision is beyond words as I feel it from inside of me as if I were one of those silhouettes and I can feel the warmth of a hand there in mine and I smile knowing the answer will manifest right on time.  And so, it shall be.

(c) 6/12 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Origins of Eternity

Today I spoke your name out loud
Gazing up at a beautiful pale morning sky
The sound brushing my lips as it went
Brought me your essence in sentimental feeling
I wondered about the state of things
Elsewhere feeling so far away
I can't seem to touch it with any party of me lately
And that sends my soul into the depths of pure yearning
My mind seeking purchase in something concrete
Wandering through the stuff of my memories and dreams
I saw you standing there on the coast
The sunlight behind you casting shadows across your face
But in your eyes I could feel the depths
And these feelings of loneliness brought a single tear
I let flow back to the Source of our origins
And the warmth of the light flooding my consciousness
Not unlike the first gorgeous rays of a fresh summer morning
How long I stood enchanted with a sound
How long I stood wrapped in a feeling
How long I searched here and Elsewhere to find you
I just don't know and I cannot wager a guess
Eternity strikes a chord of truth so deep within me
I cannot seem to shake its vibration
And with no effort coming forth I can't say that I tried
Awash in the glow of silver and gold
Source emanating love from within and without
You lead me always to my core
Back to the silence, the stillness and then
I find my way back climbing thoughts and pure emotion
Back to the sun under skies so blue
I whispered, "I love you always" my dear
To my world I return with my thoughts of you

(c) 6/12 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Blazing Light to Life

I love the stillness in the cool of morning.  Darkness still shadows familiar things until the birds begin to gently sing.  Soon the sun will climb over the horizon setting the sky ablaze with golden light.  Pale blue sky and clouds will gently be replaced by slowly brightening colors of life.  Anticipating the beauty is it's own gift, I think.  The days are always beautiful in life to me but I see things differently often.  Mired of late in this mental state of weeding through thoughts to glean the remaining bits and pieces of lessons learned has left me yearning for the simple beauty that only nature can provide.  As I sit here thinking over a delicious and warm cup of coffee, my mind wanders back through a beautiful memory.  It was a warm summer morning with all the makings of a very hot summer day in gentle progress.  Already I could smell the scent of the grass, summer flowers in bloom and a gentle breeze straying from the ocean.  A butterfly flew across my field of vision and I watched her land on the daisies right next to me.  I was lost in the patterns and colors on her wings, enchanted by the glowing core of the flowers and tasting the freedom of a day with no school.  Childhood memories can be the best and the worst sometimes but that is all a matter of perspective and that which we wish to call to and hold within us.  I choose the light as my point of focus and always patiently await it's appearance.  I am never disappointed in that regard for the light of life is everywhere and in everything.

I step out onto my patio sensing the coming of the sun's first rays.  Under the now dimly lit skies I see my own flowers glowing in the darkness.  I think I feel them more than I see them but the effect is no less mesmerizing to me.  I love Mother Earth's beautiful displays that tantalizing open and waiting senses.  Such beauty is part of what makes this place draw souls like butterflies to beautiful daisies.  Life, is purely amazing.  Life, so rich in color, depth and experience.  It's hard to imagine not holding gratitude for the opportunity just to be present incarnate.  Like a child on a warm summer day do I greet every single day of my life.  You may not think to find freedom in the grown up drudgery of work and obligations but I find great joy in my responsibilities and pure pleasure in taking accountability for my wants, needs and actions.  I've come to a place where victim thinking cannot take hold to one ounce of the light within me.  My light shines so brightly it burns such darkness away.  I am aware of the thinking as I spent most of my life there and then I realized that the happenings in life are not so personal as if to serve only to deter, demean and diminish us.  Life's happenings are meant to test our constitutions, our resilience and beautiful creativity.

This day holds for me opportunities as yet unknown but I hold no fear nor worry at all.  I have agreed to take life as it comes and appreciate every scene as if it were a petal of a beautiful flower unfolding.  The further I go, the essence and fragrance becomes part of my existence.  My energy, my vision and my dreams are alive and I abide not one moment in negative or destructive thoughts.  My heart craves the love and the light and within there is more than an abundance.  You just have to see and look, train your eyes to recognize the beauty, the patterns and love hidden sometimes in the seemingly mundane.  Exit the restless self-aggrandizing ego and embrace the feeling in the soul.  We are by far more powerful than sinking lowly souls crawling for crumbs in the outside world to lift us up by bringing others down, stealing away power and pushing people down.  Unnecessary tools for dishonorable and painful existence are these.  We do not need them.  At any time, any soul can stand up tall and be embraced by the light of love.  Layers of pain and lies may have to be gently peeled away but the love and light are there.  Beneath the surface, like diamonds in coal.  We need only train ourselves to see what is there in all regards and choose our experiences accordingly.  It's so simple that it seems impossible sometimes.  Having crawled on my belly more times than I can count in life, I know the beauty of that moment when you realize no one holds you down or back but you and your own uneducated thoughts. For more than forty years have I studied this ability in life.  I have watched the struggles and the successes...the origins of darkness and light are the same and it is our perception that shapes our actions and they repeat with the same results until we change our view and learn.  Then we can take new action in line with new lessons learned and reach beyond the illusory aspects of our past thinking that seemingly held us down.

We have an infinite ability to rise above and to transcend lower-level thinking and action.  For some the realizing may take much effort and even require assistance at times but the beauty in life is that what ever you need and passionately hold in your mind, conscious creation will manifest just what you hold most for you.  When we stop creating in fear, life becomes so interesting.  I think back now to that sunny summer day as a child of 9 born to observe in this life, with a knack for looking always for the light that etches even the dark things in some form of beauty.  Time passes so quickly now and I'm grateful for every warm summer day, for every dark and rainy one too.  I have lived in a beautiful world and had many beyond beautiful experiences.  For 40 years have I studied, for a few more yet, have I just observed and I smile now as even more memories coalesce in my conscious vision. And then it comes, the first rays of the sun.  I'm going to sing her up into the sky along with the birds here in my own way.  For no other reason than the fact that I'm so very glad to be here, so glad to be alive and so honored to see these colors blazing light to life on another glorious day of my life here on Earth.  ~Blessings.

(c) Jaie Hart 6/12 (Photo, random but so beautiful fortunate internet find)

Realizations

I woke up again this morning feeling this energy of softness.  I'm still not entirely certain what it is about the energy that seems to have shifted from the ordinary normal hum to this beautiful soft and muted feeling.  In a word, it is simply beautiful and I think I'd like to make this energy feeling an opportunity.  The opportunity is that from a place of feeling nothing but the soft and gentleness of love, we can consciously create within our worlds.  During such times, we can bring our truest goals into focus and begin to visualize the states and thoughts needed to achieve them.  I have many goals in focus just now but they primarily revolve around a certain theme of lessons that have played on and on over the last seven to ten years of my life.

As I consider those themes and do my best to take hold of the true essence of the lessons, I come back mainly to one concept, standing in my own light.  For so long I did not understand what that meant but thinking back to all of the things I've "put up with" over the last seven to ten years, I think the lesson begins to form more concretely.  For far too long have I made concessions and exceptions, behaving in a way that others would find amenable while feeling this sense of a noose tightening ever and ever slowly around my neck.  As the noose tightens, the farther I go compromising what I wanted and needed to be what others wanted or needed something always seems to snap within me and then in those moments the only thing that I can see, feel or truly want is freedom.  I crave the freedom to be exactly who I am without suffering the judgement of those who find fault in this core-level need of mine because it means I take care of me and stop catering to them.  It's funny how that works.  Some people seem to love you only to the extent you are making them happy and then not one shred of care is given to the fact that in the act of making them happy, you are condemning yourself to periods of much unhappiness for self.

I think when such thoughts enter my consciousness, I begin to realize that the kinds of souls who routinely expect my self-sacrifice over and over again, who will use guilt and shame if I deviate in even the slightest degree - while good souls they may very well be - they are not good souls for me to have in my sphere.  So, I've come to this realization again and again and each time I set myself free and remove these souls from my sphere of existence with a sincere and apologetic good bye.  It seems I have had this knack for finding such souls who routinely mistake my kindness for weakness they can exploit and manipulate for their own gain.  It's almost comical how shocked such souls become when you put your foot down and say, "no more."  I refuse to be your human sacrifice for love, for attention or for any form of gratitude you might rustle up from the depths of your delusions and misinformed psychological existence.  Human beings are not to be manipulated in the name of love and I will continue on my path removing these souls from my sphere where I find them.

I have learned these many years that life is way too short to be miserable for any length of time and so have made a covenant with myself that I will only move in tune with the dictates of my own soul and react not one bit to those souls who either with intent or ignorance attempt any form of manipulation with me.  I refuse to engage in any friendships, relationships or any other form of interaction with such unaware souls.  I find them toxic and vexatious for me to deal with day in and day out.  Free will dictates that I get to decide with whom and how I shall spend my time, my energy and my love and I simply refuse to spend a single moment with an unaware manipulative and toxic soul.  It's sad how many of these individuals are unaware of their actions and their effects on another.  Over and over will I stand tried and judged by such souls and that's just fine with me. I will wish them much love and light as I turn and go.  I love my life and I love me.

(c) 6/12 Jaie Hart (photo copyright is on photo - I do not own it but find it beautiful).

Soft and Bright

There was a beautiful softness to the energy today.  I can't explain it but felt it so strongly from the moment I opened my eyes and it's with me still this evening.  Along with the softness of this energy another perception emerged, one of everything coming into view seeming brighter than normal from the sun in the sky, to the colors and even the contrasts over every single thing in sight.  How is it possible that everything light was brighter and anything dark was deeper as if to beautifully contrast just for something new to take in?  I realize that nothing in this world has really changed other than my perception.  This is not tied to any new or amazing spiritual truth as I can assure you that I've had none lately. In fact, my days of late have been quite run-of-the mill ordinary in every respect.  Well, everything but my perspectives.  Images come into and out of focus as I go through the day and the energy I feel from within this vessel shifts and changes often.  I don't understand how I've never noticed it before and figure that it must have always been like this and I just never noticed.  Perhaps my mind was so burdened with pain or the scourge of lessons as yet unlearned that I was never able to see or feel what has been there all along.  I really can't say.  I wish I better understood because I like the feeling of today.  There was no heaviness underfoot, in the air or deep within me.  All was light and flowing, moving as if perfectly timed within this infinite universe of endless possibilities.  Earlier while outside in the sun I stood there just taking in the same view I've seen for years but today it was definitely different.  I correct myself right here and now as I realize very clearly in this moment that the view has not changed.  It is I who have changed and gained the ability to shift my perspective.

It's a beautiful thing, I think.  At least it feels beautiful.  I still have with me this sense of completion as if I'm still waiting for something big and wonderful about to start to rise up over the next horizons. I guess that's hope in action as I've somehow learned to never give up hope for a brighter tomorrow.  It was likely those thoughts yesterday that delivered to me the gift of today.  Today was surely a gift.  Even now, the light is so bright it's hard to focus.  I just want to get lost in it and enjoy the sheer dreamy beauty of it.  But alas, no, I have domestic goddess duties to attend to and well, my writing time is over.  Before I get back to them I must get outside for a few moment and soak up the sun's last fiery rays while this beautiful breeze blows the rest of the cobwebs from my mind.  I love it when I arrive at a moment where I don't think I could feel a greater sense of bliss than I do in this moment and yet I smile knowing that I will be surprised often in my life as so often I have been on this topic in times past.  My life is so simple that some would call it routine and boring but to me, I have the most beautiful life and I love it so much.  I pray that you find a moment in the sun to drink in it's delicious rays, feel the breeze blow love into your heart and smile for no other reason than you have the ability to.  ~Blessings.

(c) 6/12 Jaie Hart (photo - see bottom of photo for copyright info).

Metamorphosis

I am traveling while standing here on planet Earth.  It seems as if I am standing still but that is just my perception or a completely false illusion.  How do I know?  Well, science in this case.  You see, I am standing on planet Earth who spins or her axis at over a thousand miles per hour (if one is standing near the equator).  Add to that the fact that this beautiful world is traveling through space around the sun at approximately 67,000 miles per hour in its orbit.  I begin to understand a little better one of the seven Hermetic Principals as is outlined in The Kybalion.  The Principal of Vibration states that, “Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates.”  Every single thing in this universe is moving and then we get to the details on matter and how matter is merely a collection of densely vibrating atoms and molecules.  But I wonder why and how many more illusions there are in this world.

I pause in my thoughts as I spied a lone white seagull circling just above me.  I watched him fly South East until I could make him out no longer and my thoughts picked up and drifted again but this time even further away.  In my mind’s eye I imagined he headed for the distant shores of Elsewhere and would alight with joy upon the pristine grains of sand there.  I find myself often walking blissfully there.  But, lately, things have changed.  The joy of being there I have somehow seemed to miss lately even though I return often as some sort of sacred self-duty.  I know if I didn’t go at all, my soul would ache.  Lately when I arrive I find that my soul seems to ache any way.

As much as I enjoy coming full circle at the point of finally attaining the wisdom of lessons learned, I do not care for the seeming pause as the velocity and impetus within me slows, shifts and changes.  I sigh a little knowing I am no longer who I thought I was.  I’m no longer a fearful malleable soul awaiting direction or for someone to notice me standing here.  With much divinely gathered assistance over the past 18 months have I combed the sands of time finding the clues that lead me to all of the places I had unwittingly discarded or given away pieces of my own soul.  I took myself apart a long time ago for reasons that would never even closely resemble the word “reason” here today.

I found my light in the darkness and in the process learned the darkness held nothing to fear but imaginary wrathful deities like monsters under the bed.  At some point we grow from fearful children and begin to gain the courage enough to have an honest look at those things we feared existed in the darkness under our beds.  Lately, I have learned there was nothing ever there and it was all an illusion designed to give birth to flavor and color the creations of my dream.  It’s painful, a bit, to realize all the fear and drama were created for nothing of substance and just when I had learned to cope so well.  The strength gained in such life-long battles are as meaningless as the illusions I created to battle to begin with.

So, what then now but to immerse myself in this feeling of balance and disconcerting peace.  I have no dragons to slay today and I seem to have lost interest or taste in creating them.  Perhaps it is time I learn a new skill…one in which the universe has seemingly already begun to teach me.  Perception, awareness and deeper understanding of the sacred symbols are among my lesson plans and I suddenly now see so much was always hidden right in plain sight.  I smile a little and wince a little chasing away the emerging egotistical self-admonishments for my prior exercises in seeming futility.  Nothing is ever an exercise in futility here and the egos who have learned this now will begin to be taught patience.

Change is on the wind again…always really.  But, this time it’s even less clear what I’ve left for myself to discover.  Even this moment is already recorded in space and although the version of me in this dimension has free will to roam and move about, another part of me has already moved on from this plane and dimension into a future not so far away.  My “connected moments” speak now louder and more clearly than ever before.  There is much yet to learn in this frame for me and so, I do go gratefully and feeling all of the love and support from Source, from Elsewhere and the quiet one’s who rarely speak out loud but communicate regularly with me without words in inklings, feelings, knowings, energy rippling through my body at any given moment and colors (the opalescent ones are my favorites).  To the All of Everything I must say now Thank you, just thank you for this beautiful opportunity for growth in this life and through all my lives in all times, all space and all dimensions.  With what you have given me and brought me through dear others, I think I can find my way now.  I find I am lost no longer and in a very big way, I’m home.

(c) 6/2012 Jaie Hart (I regret that I do not know who painted this beautiful painting so am unable to give proper credit.  It was a random internet find.  If you happen to know - please contact me.  Thanks.)

Time

Time, it’s such an interesting concept both within and outside of this frame.  Having experienced many occasions of being outside of time completely, I wonder about our experience of time within this frame.  Time seems to hold certain laws in common consideration.  However, we have evidence of time behaving differently such as in cases where our astronauts are propelled out into space by rockets speeding ever skyward on stellar expeditions and slight changes to their experience of time while ours back here on Earth remains unchanged.  I come back to thought within this frame work and cannot help but go immediately to perception.  Perception does not escape the law of time in this frame but it seems to at times.  I think back on the last 30 days.  Time seems to have accelerated at such a pace that I cannot believe how quickly the days have seemed to escape me.  But even though they may have seemed to escape, every single day of the last 30 days has been filled, at least within the frame work of my perception, with bliss for fleeting or long moments knit together.  Is it the state of bliss that transforms or affects to passage of time?  

I think back also to a simple event, meditation.  I had 15 minutes to meditate the other night and get free from this framework all together.  Within the time I was deep inside my own mind and being, I had two very long conversations.  One with someone I love very much in this life here incarnate and another with a dear angelic friend who is not incarnate at this time.  Both conversations by the laws within this framework, would have taken hours to complete and when I pulled myself out, I looked at the clock and saw that exactly 15 minutes had transpired.  How is it that I can have two-at least two hour conversations with two different souls on topics that I have fully realized the benefits of in every fiber of my being in only 15 minutes?  While in meditation, do we escape to a realm that is outside of time?  Is it just a perception?  If it is only a perception, how can I explain the volumes of information that within this frame would have taken several hours to take in?

If I go back to a premise of life, one that I hold dearly in that this, this life is only a dream, I think my questions start to make sense.  One thing I’ve noticed about dreams within this dream is that whole scenes of activity and information take place in the span of about 15-20 minutes, often, even shorter down to mere minutes.  However, the information taken in is beyond the time within this framework.  Within dreams we are outside of time in this physical frame work and we do not have the limits within our dreams that we have while dreaming in this larger dream we call life.  So, if the larger dream we call life is just a dream, then it would seem that time here is only a perception and it also is not limited by anything other than our thoughts.  Our perceptions can serve to slow our experience of time or can seem to cause it to speed up.

As we age within this larger dream of life, they say that time accelerates.  Within this framework the law of time lapse is as it is.  It does not change while we remain static but our perception can affect time at least in our own minds.  So, if our perception can break the barrier of this law of time in this frame based on our own thoughts and level of engagement within the dream, my mind immediately goes to what other concrete seeming laws can we change with mere thoughts?  Our perceptions are fueled by the energy of our emotions I now realize and that energy contains the stuff of creation for us to use either consciously or unconsciously to create as we wish for our own enjoyment (whether in the positive or the negative).  Can we really be so powerful?  Is this the divine aspect of our existence moving subtly under the cover of labels and rules that we somehow inflict upon ourselves?  Can you imagine the freedom of holding this perception?  Can you imagine the things we could do and learn and the lessons we could take in on a much grander scale?  Time can be distorted so for me, in many instances, the law of time does not exist.  

What about the limited laws of matter as we perceive them?  We think what we see is solid but when you break down those barriers in the study of physics, we learn that what we perceive as solid is really atoms and molecules vibrating more quickly or slowly forming our perceptions of matter.  If we could but understand how it is that we come to these agreements of perception, how might we change what we see into something we would really love to experience?  I don’t know the answers to my questions but I want to know and will look for ways in which I can experiment on my own for no other reason that the pure enjoyment of discovery.  I’m a natural rebel when it comes to rules at times and so my thoughts cannot help but roam through simulations and potential options for creating differently.  Simply put, I believe our perceptions expand or limit our experience in this dream and even dreams within the larger dream we call life.  Time is just one rule that is often broken…at least in our perception.  One conclusion I come to after these stretched and unscientifically proven mental meanderings is that perception itself is a tool for creation.   

Well, I must get myself off to work thinking of “time.”  My boss perceives that I should be in my office at my desk at the agreed upon time of 7:30 a.m.  Hmmmm, today of all days I wish I had the energy to manipulate that perception oh, say, for about 9 hours at least!  (giggles).  I hope this day that you all are enjoying the time of your lives.  Be blessed. (Forgive typographical and grammatical errors as I won’t have time to proof read until later.  I thought this was a fun topic so decided to post it unedited for now).

(c) 6/12 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find).