A Moment in an Ordinary Life

Crystalline shards of champagne colored light pierced the Earth and the mists of a gray sky slips silently into a pure sea of cerulean blue.  Trance-like I was struck by the awe and beauty in the midst of a very ordinary morning drive.  Curious, there was a human form still and prone on the sidewalk.  Draped she was, in black and red coat and now very crumpled hat near a walker now crashed against a wall just beyond the sidewalk.  My heart slipped into a less bright space at the tragic sight.  A lone policeman entered my vision, obviously called to her rescue, thank goodness.  Sigh and swift breath in and the trees caught my attention again as I flowed with the traffic along the road like a metal moving stream.  Black car weaves in and out of the lines while blue car swerves to miss something in the way.  The pavement sparkles in morning’s first light in between dancing shadows looming large still as we all go.

In unison we move oblivious to each other and I find that ever more curious still.  There is such diversity crashing into the breath of one single moment here but no one seems to notice it.  It seems sometimes I stand like a still figure in the frame of a slow motion movie where all is swirling, moving and chaotic.  I breathe in slowly and then let go.   I follow the dance of dark and light in some chain-reaction motion and commotion that never seems to stop and then I wonder how it is I could feel so distant wrapped in a warm cocoon of silence as all around me stirs.  It must be the achievement of my 86^th day of meditation without break that allows me now to step out of the stream and witness from both within and without.  Every more curiouser my consciousness grows

What an interesting sensation this space between heartbeats,; between breaths and choice?  Would that I could stay here but I know myself all too well.  In just a moment here or there an emotion will sweep in undetected until it is by far too late and I’ll slip out of this quiet space and flow again in the stream of life looking back and remembering the silent stillness of the conscious pause I was some how able to take.  I’ll be glad for the moment’s peaceful pause and the infinite strength and peace that it brought me.  Life is chaotic, agitating, invigorating and ultimately wonderful.  We just need to continually remain open to the unexpected.  Maybe decide to allow new experiences and ever greater compassion to set into our souls along with an ever increasing capacity for understanding what is with a keen awareness that does not resist the flow.

I pause again now as my thoughts wish to settle into the warm sunny dance of these beautiful rays of morning light.  It’s just another day in an extraordinary moment of an ordinary life.

© 2016 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Life: Ugliness and Beauty Through the Eyes of an Artist

There can be beauty in ugliness

From the outside, some may not think of photographers as artists but I say truly they are. Among my many creative outlets, photography is one. It requires an artistic mind to not only compose a shot but to think ahead about the light and shadows, the colors and over-all emotion of a scene we plan to capture and then there are of course the technical components of the capture.

So many of us take great pleasure in showing the beauty of life. We can zero in on the tiniest beautiful flower in a field of pure ugliness, focus in on the shot, take it and voila! We have now made something beautiful emerge from something not so appealing. The very picture I’ve posted with this article is an example.

California is in drought and nothing I do can keep my plants alive when I have to cut back on water (yes, I’m one of the few who actually follows the rules). So, my last remaining potted plant to survive the unending streams of heat waves and lack of water gifted me a few last tiny little flowers.

If I hadn’t stopped to look, I’d have missed its last hurrah. I’ll try to save it if I can because it’s so beautiful but it’s just not looking good. From this picture, all you see is the color, the set up and the vision I wanted you to see. You don’t see all the dead and withering blooms all around it. You don’t see anything other than the beauty I want you to see.

What you focus on, you create

Likewise, some of us wish to train our lens on the plight of those who struggle in the city, in sparsely populated or even overly populated areas. Even in an ugly city, an artistic photographer can capture beautiful lines in the architecture and compose the shot in beautiful harmony despite the surrounds.

This form of art is to me quite a spiritual endeavor. You see, we create sometimes from pure ugliness a work of beauty or we take the ugliness and show you hope. The artists of this world are often starving because of our love of the challenge of showing you something from another perspective. As a practitioner in metaphysics, it’s part of my job to show you the beauty that dwells deep within you and within this amazing and wonderful universe. It’s my role to show you how much power you have to paint your life like a skilled artist even when you’re dealing with the ugliness.  When I'm taking pictures, I'm reminded that we have the power to see from only certain perspectives or to show certain perspectives.

Color your world the way you want

We are the artists of our lives too. We can train our eyes on the beauty or the ugliness as we so choose. We can feel the emotion of it or ignore it. So many choices do we have. Just like the photographer who chooses carefully what he or she most wishes to convey with one perfectly timed shot. So too do you live your life whether consciously or unconsciously.

However you choose to present yourself, there will be those who will see your beauty and there will be those who see your ugliness. We all possess both to a degree as does this amazing world we live in. But, I remind you again, YOU are the artist and you get to choose how you show up here and which perspectives you will give life to. Thank you for showing up here. I challenge you to let that artistic part of your being come out every now and then and like a photographer or painter, capture something before you in your mind and study it a moment in silence and with appreciation. You can choose what you will bring out of that moment and the perspectives you will carry from it. It’s up to you and how creative you wish to be.

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Better Than Ever

Engaged in quiet meditation was I, enjoying fully the peace and stillness and noticing with amusement that there seemed to be no silence at all.  In growing quiet and turning within I heard sounds that had nothing to do with the outside world and not one single voice was spoken but I felt beautiful words conveyed in tones.  One was so high, like the highest tone of very small wind chimes or even the imaginary singing of angels.  The sound was so pristinely pure and so high it was nearly inaudible.  This sound, so faint, was steady strong as I observed from my spectator position nestled safely within the confines of my own mind.  There too, was a very deep and rich tone that reminded me of the deep sounds of a violin or a cello.  It reminded me of the Earth, so hauntingly beautiful it steadily played on in the silence while I felt it’s tune.  Somewhere in between several more could I hear and feel in that moment.  I realized with delight it was energy I heard.  Out of the various tones I perceived in that moment, I picked one familiar, my own and observed it playing in tune with the sounds of the Earth and the Universe.  In one second of observing the tone changed and took on a strange sense of rising.  It became infinitely vast and resounding with a depth I could not fathom an end to.  Just then, I physically felt a very strong and powerful and yet gentle swirling of the energy at the base of my spine. My sensation of the world rippled and became much less solid with every revolution of the energy as it swirled.  No sooner had I noticed the physical sensation of movement when I felt also the warmth of an internal fire beginning to spark to life at the base of my spine.

I could not move, gripped with curiosity and maintaining an observer position so I would not get in the way of whatever it was that was most definitely transpiring.  The energy began to inch it's way up my spine gently.  The further it moved, the warmer it became.  With that sensation, many more began firing as all of my nerve endings seem to come alive all at once bringing waterfalls of tingles from head to toe.  I sat there still, quiet, eyes closed observing.  The sensation moved to my heart center and exploded in heat like the hottest day of summer and with eyes closed the light inside my mind’s eye glowed bright as the sun in rich gold, tangerine and purple with white, moving and glowing and speaking a language I did not understand.  The energy moved up into my throat and there resided a little while longer and the light in my mind’s eye changed to sage green and blue radiating still more warmth and intensity.  It was becoming harder to breathe from the sheer heat of the moment and the infinite seeming strength of the energy but I sat there calmly willing myself into observance.  The energy moved to my brow and the heat grew even more intense but there it sat and not uncomfortably so at all.  I realized the heat was not the physical heat we typically experience here on Earth somehow. It was different and it did not burn.  A calm peace descended as it moved to the top of my head and a thought came then, “open.”  I felt then the stream of energy running freely and an interconnectedness to everything in existence.  "Pure unadulterated bliss" are the only words I can struggle to define it.  

I sat there in the afterglow for minutes that turned to an hour and I found my steady breath once again as the solidity of my physical being seemed to be returning.  This moment, this one moment in time I shall never forget, the love it brought me and left me still feeling.  One week ago it came and has visited me repeatedly since.  A new light and clarity of my vision ensued.  For a very ordinary existence, so very routine, the past 10 days have been so very precious to me.  Something inside me has been burned away and I feel an almost giddy sense of mourning which is so very hard to convey.  Life can change so quickly in seemingly quiet moments.  This moment I shall treasure and each moment that follows even more so.  I love this life and all that it brings.  The design is so much more perfect than we can truly understand until that precious and invaluable moment comes when we do, finally, at last understand and then nothing will ever be the same again.  No, never the same...but, better than ever. 

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate random internet find)

Create a Moment

I was awakened in the darkness by the sound of gentle rain drops falling.  I was smiling before I even opened my eyes.  I laid there for the longest time just listening, feeling the cool breeze through a wide open window.  The curtains seemed to be dancing in the breeze and it set the mood for an easy morning.  After long moments I sat up - again, not wanting to move too fast.  I really wanted to soak in the energy of the morning.  Such a journey have I had of late and I truly wished to enjoy this simple pleasure of morning.  I wanted most to just feel the simple beauty of this moment and let it carry me into the day.

The coffee, part of my morning ritual, smelled amazing while brewing and I stood near my kitchen door with my hand out in the rain.  I stepped out into it letting the child within take control and I smiled for no reason at all - in a moment, truly happy just to be.  It's been a while since I felt pure and simple joy such as this and again, I wanted to really feel it and maybe somehow commit it to my physical memory.  Life holds such gentle and simple beauty sometimes.  If you blink or become overly preoccupied with what you do not have in life, you will miss life's amazing treasures.  A rainy morning is a favorite for me and in the middle of summer too.  I have prayed for a summer storm hoping it would come and wash away from my being the painful sensations of hard lessons learned.  I'm happy to report it did just that and I stand here refreshed, eager and hopeful for the day ahead.

A moment is what you make of it.  I choose to fill mine with thoughts of love, appreciation and a child-like wonder for all that is.  My path is the perfect path - the road I walk, the perfect road and the lessons I have and will learn are the perfect lessons for me now I see.  I pray you find a measure of joy in a moment of freedom...allow it to manifest and it will beautifully consume you. Much love and light!

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo random and beautiful internet find)

Pushing the Boundaries

What do you do when there is so much to say and yet all of the feeling that exists within you rises to the surface all at once fighting for conscious cognition? You do nothing but breathe, be silent and still.  And so tonight I write out underneath my beloved stars.  Apparently some words I can still chain together semi-coherently.  Its an amazing thing to be human and even more so to have a heart...senses...sight.  A very welcome cool sea breeze blows and the stars are there but not quite yet visible.  Any moment now they'll flick on all at once as they do every night at about this time.  This is truly a beautiful world.  Oh if only I could tell you of all of the things I have seen.  You may not believe me even if you heard the words and saw my lips moving in person.  You might think me quite insane unless you could feel the sensations in your own body of a soul speaking the truth from their heart.  Sometimes there is nothing more beautiful nor tragic in life than the truth.

I've been on an interesting journey that shifted its focus in January of 2011.  Things I thought impossible have expanded before me and become reality and illusions, well, many of those had to be traded for the truth and I don't regret a single moment of that exploration.  If you are very lucky or at least aware in life, you will come to know all of the ways in which we each are guided as we place our feet in sequence on the Earth and we dream this dream.  We can reach straight through the vision of reality that we hold and grab onto what's real but we touch it and have no way in which to measure what we hold...no words to define...no pictures...just feeling.  Its beautiful if even very difficult to understand.  So, at such times a soul may grow very quiet trying to wonder if what they see is real or what they feel is real and which is more real any way.  And eventually you come to a place where you realize it doesn't matter...the journey doesn't matter, the questing for truth doesn't matter and the only thing these things ever really bring you is right back to the threshold of your own door.  Standing in disbelief you open the door to your soul and you're home...a place you never left and only seemed to.  Without the fabric of understanding to realize what you have done, it feels a little as if you've lost your mind but the truth is, you've finally found it.

This life holds not one ounce of separation from Source.  We were never cast out of the kingdom from sin.  We closed our eyes and went to sleep is all we did and in a dream we forgot our starting point and what we are always surrounded by...pure, sweet and beautiful love and enough power and energy to keep creating any way we wanted to in the dreams we dream.  We forget the dream is a dream even and we get lost along the way it seems but the reality is its only a mind trick we play on ourselves just for fun.  And it is fun when you begin to understand there isn't much to understand other than what and who you really are...where you came from, what you've done and not in any sort of judgmental way.  This life is meant to be lived for as long as you should choose to live it.  There is no turning back once the journey begins, you must see it through or suffer your own admonishment somewhere down the line.  The Kingdom has always been within you and never once has your connection to it and its Source ever been severed.  Its a beautiful realization.

I'm off to appreciate the stars in this beautiful sky I have dreamed and I shall relish it, feel the pure joy of it, breathe in the blessed bliss of it and then I shall embark on another dream and who knows what else then.  Tomorrow the Earth will still be turning and we'll see the sun in the sky and we'll do what we do every day over again and again until we're ready to go home.  There is so much to do in between and so much to create and understand.  Please don't misunderstand my words or their seemingly obscure meaning.  There is a purpose to my rambling meandering thoughts and that is to show you that our linear progression of thoughts think things are just so but life gets infinitely more rewarding when you push the accepted boundaries of what reality is and do some exploring on your own.  Immeasurable beauty will you find and come to know.  Infinite wells of love and light will be there at your finger tips.  You will come to know who and what you are.  And for the first time in as long as you can remember, you will be more than satisfied. ~Blessings.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random but quite fortunate internet find)

Superimposed

What an amazing view this morning!  The skies were clear cerulean blue at 7:30 am when I dropped my youngest off at summer camp.  We both noticed how beautiful the sun looked making it's way ever higher into a beautiful morning summer sky.  The humidity was already beginning to climb and it was very warm.  I signed her in, gave her a hug and a kiss and headed out the door.  My clear blue sky had, in a matter of a few minutes, become streaked and dotted with clouds again.  The clouds appeared as a bright opalescent white painted images against the contrasting depths of pure blue.  It was just more than beautiful.

Not quite ready to return home, I headed for Starbuck's.  I'm guilty of the need to satisfy a mocha craving now and then and today was just such a day.  The line of cars at the drive-thru was wrapped around the building so, I parked and walked inside. To my pleasant surprise and fully realizing I had good coffee karma, only a small handful of souls were inside waiting.  I had my mocha in hand and was headed out the door in a matter of minutes.  I'm moving in slow motion today for the sheer joy of appreciating every single moment, every single view, experience and even emotion.  Not ready to return home, I decided to head towards the beautiful Pacific coast.  I'm blessed in that I live only a few short miles from the beach and most days off, I'm usually headed to the ocean for a drive or a walk.  There is something about the ocean that reminds me of elsewhere...a place somewhere in time and so I go and love precious moments spent communing with the tides and feeling the raw energy and power of the sea.  Did you know if you sit there long enough, opening up all of your senses, you can hear the ocean speaking to you?  You have to spend some time learning it's language but it speaks in loving and soothing tones.  It's definitely a wise source of amazing power and it is all too willing to fill up all of your empty parts if you ask nicely and wait patiently.  I decided to park and take a closer look this morning and it was just incredibly beautiful.  I was filled with so much gratitude for the simple things in my life like a mocha, a paid day off to roam the south land and explore and maybe come home and finish up some writing projects.  Having emptied my soul of heavy thoughts for days on end, this little trip to the shore was like a much needed mini vacation.

As I sat on the shore I was transported to another stretch of ocean in another place more precious to me than there are words to convey.  I somehow seemed to be in both places at once and was struggling with my vision of blue skies and pink skies, two suns and one and just relaxed into an ethereal and physical ocean breeze.  I glanced to my right and I could see a silhouette elsewhere... a presence known and loved by me for all of eternity.  We did not speak but words were never needed between us. I thanked this amazing soul for his presence.  I'm grateful for it immeasurably.  I glanced to my left to see the sun rising higher in a blue sky.  I turned back to look again and elsewhere had dissipated into the mists that suddenly struck here in my world.  I smiled from so deep inside of me for a beautiful view both here, there and everywhere.  I'm reminded at once how precious life is in all of its dimensions, at all of it's levels.  There are so many miracles right before our eyes but we cannot see them until we wish to see them and then when we do we must know that we do see them and embrace the reality of a truth we're not taught here.  There is truth a soul my find and embrace completely unassisted in the physical.  However, we are never alone and ethereal assistance remains steadfast whether or not we can see.

I begin to feel my many unfinished projects calling to me and so, I stand up and dust off the sand from my person.  Mocha in hand I toast the beauty and glory of the sea, my well of inspiration, representative of the depths of my love for this life.  I sigh a little not wanting to leave.  Would that I could I'd sneak back through the veil to my favorite shoreline elsewhere.  But, I'll save that for later - a tasty desert after finishing another beautiful day in paradise.

Sometimes in life there are things we do not see because we will not allow our minds the freedom to roam.  While there are rules and limits to what we can do with our physical bodies, there is an aspect to our personages that is completely unlimited by the same confines.  Let your spirits roam where ever it is they will and experience life from both sides of the veil from time to time.  Its only as difficult as you believe it to be.  ~May you be blessed with unlimited vision today and the freedom to feel all of the things and beings speaking to you.  Much love!

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo is a random and fortunate internet find)

Soft and Bright

There was a beautiful softness to the energy today.  I can't explain it but felt it so strongly from the moment I opened my eyes and it's with me still this evening.  Along with the softness of this energy another perception emerged, one of everything coming into view seeming brighter than normal from the sun in the sky, to the colors and even the contrasts over every single thing in sight.  How is it possible that everything light was brighter and anything dark was deeper as if to beautifully contrast just for something new to take in?  I realize that nothing in this world has really changed other than my perception.  This is not tied to any new or amazing spiritual truth as I can assure you that I've had none lately. In fact, my days of late have been quite run-of-the mill ordinary in every respect.  Well, everything but my perspectives.  Images come into and out of focus as I go through the day and the energy I feel from within this vessel shifts and changes often.  I don't understand how I've never noticed it before and figure that it must have always been like this and I just never noticed.  Perhaps my mind was so burdened with pain or the scourge of lessons as yet unlearned that I was never able to see or feel what has been there all along.  I really can't say.  I wish I better understood because I like the feeling of today.  There was no heaviness underfoot, in the air or deep within me.  All was light and flowing, moving as if perfectly timed within this infinite universe of endless possibilities.  Earlier while outside in the sun I stood there just taking in the same view I've seen for years but today it was definitely different.  I correct myself right here and now as I realize very clearly in this moment that the view has not changed.  It is I who have changed and gained the ability to shift my perspective.

It's a beautiful thing, I think.  At least it feels beautiful.  I still have with me this sense of completion as if I'm still waiting for something big and wonderful about to start to rise up over the next horizons. I guess that's hope in action as I've somehow learned to never give up hope for a brighter tomorrow.  It was likely those thoughts yesterday that delivered to me the gift of today.  Today was surely a gift.  Even now, the light is so bright it's hard to focus.  I just want to get lost in it and enjoy the sheer dreamy beauty of it.  But alas, no, I have domestic goddess duties to attend to and well, my writing time is over.  Before I get back to them I must get outside for a few moment and soak up the sun's last fiery rays while this beautiful breeze blows the rest of the cobwebs from my mind.  I love it when I arrive at a moment where I don't think I could feel a greater sense of bliss than I do in this moment and yet I smile knowing that I will be surprised often in my life as so often I have been on this topic in times past.  My life is so simple that some would call it routine and boring but to me, I have the most beautiful life and I love it so much.  I pray that you find a moment in the sun to drink in it's delicious rays, feel the breeze blow love into your heart and smile for no other reason than you have the ability to.  ~Blessings.

(c) 6/12 Jaie Hart (photo - see bottom of photo for copyright info).

Seeing Clearly

I watched storm clouds roll in last night off the coast.  They were huge white clouds that appeared to be rolling and tumbling like waves onto the shore.  For a brief moment, I watched a large mushroom shaped cloud with tendrils hanging all the way to the ground.  I had never seen anything like it in my life and then suddenly it disappeared and reformed into a typical cloud right before my eyes.  I was immensely grateful since I was driving right into it.  It was a good feeling knowing the instability was calming as I was headed into that situation.  It reminded me of my life.  So often have I seen very tense and seemingly untenable situations on the horizon only to head right into it seeing that it’s not so bad and definitively NOT insurmountable.  I spent most of the rest of the late day and evening watching the clouds—winds of change carving and shaping clouds into miraculous pieces of temporary art.  It was quite beautiful.  When the sun finally dipped over the horizons, the sky was just absolutely amazing.  I wanted to head down to the coast but sadly, I was just too tired to make the trip.  It’s been a very long seeming couple of weeks with time barely seeming to move.  I think that when that happens, it’s time to pay attention.

The past year has flown by for me in a day and I had gotten used to it and suddenly, time slows down and I feel, hear and see things differently.  That has been part of my goal of late – to see things not as I ‘think’ they are but as they truly are.  I see the themes in my own life, the ones that repeat and I realize they repeat because I have not yet seen the truth.  The universe in its infinite wisdom brings me opportunity after opportunity to see the truth and so I go within to understand at a much deeper level why?  What is it that I have unconsciously created?  What is it that I fail to see time and time again?  These questions are a very good place to start.  However, rather than seek to beat myself up for those things I have unconsciously created in the past, I will shift my focus onto what I wish to consciously create…the real truth.  I think the only thing I can come back to and feel on solid ground about is that if nothing else, I can stand in my own light…not the shades others attempt to paint for me…but in my own light.  As much as I have unconsciously created in my world, others have also participated unconsciously creating and now that I look back, I see so much so very differently.  It brings me hope and comfort.  It is as if I meet myself in the light of truth for the very first time and now, now I can let go of the assumptions I have held as truth for far too long.  When you can stand in your own light, bravely…courageously…and completely unafraid to see the truth about you and use the love within you to see the truth about others, things, situations well…Well, it changes something within you.

I come back to my memory of the clouds again and see them perfectly formed.  I see the ragged lines joined to perfectly painted opalescent soft lines that expand and grow the moment I focus my attention on them.  I am reminded in the sky right in front of me a truth I have always known but misapplied many times.  What you focus on…the thoughts you hold inside of you about what you see—these are the seeds from which what you plant will grow and flourish.  It’s a beautiful design and so perfectly tuned to each soul as they dream and create within this larger dream we call life.  I stand under the same sky today and I see not a single cloud but the rays of the rising sun.  I am at peace and it is those thoughts I shall hold close and in clear focus today.  The truth is, I am the creator of everything in my world and I have designed everything perfectly and in just the way I most needed things to be.  Now, I understand.  As a new day dawns I find an interesting freedom that blows through my soul.  I stand in awe.  Blessings dear souls.  May you find the truth within you, be courageous enough to face you and find the strength always to stand in your own light! 

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo is a beautiful random internet find)

Dream in Love, Dream in Light

Oh this dream grows ever more interesting…the sights, the sensations, the knowledge and experience gained.  I shake my head sometimes in awe of the connections and confirmations everywhere I turn.  The design of life is both beautiful and tragic, seemingly.  It truly is a matter of perspective.  We can focus on demons and darkness or shadows.  We can focus on angles and light or love.  It’s all up to us and the way we wish to dream as well as what our soul dictates we most need to learn while we’re dreaming here.  What I think I love the most in this world are those moments between daylight and night or night and daylight – where every energy, breath and thought hangs in perfect balance.  When that perfect moment of equanimity strikes,  it has an unmistakable impact on the soul, the mind and even the heart.  In those rare moments of balance and clarity, we know that everything is truly perfect.  I love life so much and this dream, well, goodness.  All I can seem to say is that it is truly, sincerely, divinely perfect in every step and breath, experience and sensation.

In those very quiet moments in which I feel I am most alone, I reach out with my soul and I can feel how much I am a part of everything and then, if I really let go and tune in, I begin to really comprehend that I am never alone.  In quiet moments of stillness and peace I can feel the heart beats of all those I love both on this side of the veil and beyond.  It’s true what they say that love—once you find it or it finds you, it is never ever lost. 

 Love is the one thing that we take with us where ever we go.  It’s essence is more valuable than all of the gold and other precious elements of this Earth and among all the stars and planets in existence.  The soul is made for love and compassion to both give it and receive it.  We need only open up to it and let it flow.  It’s so simple.  All of the drama we create to divert our attention and create our lessons—I laugh sometimes.  We are like master programmers of the most amazing games and dreams we can imagine.  We set the pace, the time-frame, the keys and levels –all of it.  We are the master planners, gatekeepers and dreamers.  It’s so funny how much fog we create to obscure our own divine vision.  But rest assured that you are the architect and as much as you create diversions and walls, shadows and smoke, you always retain the power for mastery and clarity of your own designs.

We are so powerful.  Our words give off so much magnetic energy.  We draw to us those things we need born of the very thoughts we think.  We drive and yet we do not know we are in the driver’s seat.  We create unimaginable things and start to think, “this is too much for me, hand it over to God, let God deal with it” – always seeking rescue.  We are children of Source and our benevolent Creator has empowered us with the gift of creation in our own lives.  If we have created something that is too much for us, we need only clear our minds, our hearts and our thoughts and create anew, create more cleanly with greater love, compassion and understand.  We hold the tools and the powers to manifest our divine destiny.  We just unconsciously wield those tools and power.  Step into your light and Source given love and strength.  Master your world in clear confidence that it is perfect, you are perfect and your brothers and sisters dreaming here with you are also perfect.  See the truth through the illusion of small-minded thinking.  You are better than that.  So much better than that.  Be the love and the light you want and need most in this world.  Heal the pain from the illusions you have created with your own minds…see your experiences from a macro view point instead of the micro view of an ego wounded and fearful and you will be free.  You will learn to control the elements of your dreams.  Step out of the shadows and shine your lights. Give yourself permission to throw off unnecessary mind-created limitations and step more closely into the Mind of the All of Everything.  Life is beautiful and precious.  Enjoy your dreams in love and pure light.  ~Blessings dearest souls.

(c) 2012, Jaie Hart (photo source imprinted on photo and is not mine - I just love it.)

More Change...Just What I Need!

Well, parenthood is the focus of late and man, am I really getting an education. My oldest child is almost 19. For a year, she has done nothing but hide out in front of the computer screen. She hasn’t worked, doesn’t help much around the house and is royally mean to her siblings. She’s not doing drugs, isn’t hanging out late at night and I’ve done nothing but encourage her to get out, get a job and meet new people to enjoy reality as opposed to virtual reality. So, this has gone on for 18 months with no change…sometimes marginal in all fairness, but mostly no change. So, I get ready to have “the big talk” with her about…contribute to the household by doing your chores, lay off the little ones and get out and get a job or find a new place to live. I figured something drastic was what was going to be needed to get some kind of about face.

Well, my little sweetheart had a surprise for me. For the last two months she has been planning to move to the opposite coast with a male friend. Okay, my heart broke in that moment because I know how ill prepared she truly is but as she aptly reminded me…whether I think her decision is a mistake or not, it’s her decision to make and not mine. She’s right. How can I argue with that?! So, I had to back track and tell her what I think would make me feel less worried about her decision. Namely, buy a round-trip ticket with an open ended return date…that will help her with a way out if it doesn’t work out well. My motto has always been “plan for the worst but hope for and believe in the best outcome.” So, she agreed. I also told her it would be best to get a job fast so she can save up as much money as possible so she’ll have a little breathing room when she gets there…until she gets a job. So, instead of leaving in March, she’s going to wait until May. Ugh! Not enough time to save up much money but I do have a sneaky hope that getting a job here might introduce her to friends HERE that might make her want to stay HERE. Moving out would be a great idea for her…absolutely. She needs to test her wings. But, going without thinking or planning is just so not a good idea.

So, she got herself a job her first day out looking and I came home to a clean kitchen and living room. Amazing! If only she could have done this a while ago. I’m excited for her journey and think she is incredibly courageous for what she’s doing…to go so far from home her first time out…but then I realized, my daughter, who has also often times been my friend, is leaving me and all of a sudden I feel so very sad. If she was moving close by, I could visit or she could visit but the opposite end of the continent just won’t allow that so it’s a cut it quick, rip off the band aid kind of thing and I just don’t like it. I’ve got enough change to contend with right now and this one will be tough.

Aside from this, my boyfriend and I are moving in together in a few months, we’ll be renting a new place that is a bit less expensive and hopefully more roomy and then trying to adjust to all the kid’s comings and goings. At the same time, now my 9 year old has brought up wanting to go live with her dad. She misses him and I know how hard it is. I’ve suggested to her that she wait to finish 5th grade. When she changes schools to go to Junior high, it’ll be the perfect opportunity to make a change then. I don’t want her to go. My son did this just 2 years ago. So, I’m dealing with too much impending loss and potential loss and I’m feeling really sad and depressed. It’s hard but I know better than to get too worked up. Life’s happenings some times are just not about you and the changes, well, you get used to them eventually and move on. The day I learned my son wanted to live at his dad’s across the continent, I was devastated…it felt like the end of the world but I adjusted. Right now, I’m not adjusting. My oldest is at work, the two younger ones are out playing, my boyfriend is visiting family up north and I’m sitting here all by myself trying to make sense of my own feelings. It just feels weird. I’ve been tired for days despite going to bed early and…I’m quitting smoking this weekend. Ugh! Whatever, if you’re gonna go with change, go BIG, I guess. I’m also moving my office at work 18 miles south. It’ll be a closer drive and a nicer office (with a café down stairs that proudly brews Starbuck’s). Too much to deal with.

So, I had a little glass of Bailey’s, smoked like 5 cigarettes and just decided that no matter what happens, I should never be afraid of my own feelings…even when I feel bad and like I want to crawl outside of my skin. I know that ultimately, balance will be restored because that’s just who I am. I got good news today that was a bright spot…I actually still get a bonus. It’s a few K shorter than normal but in today’s economy, that’s awesome and I’m grateful. Got an “A” on my annual evaluation and have lots of plans for the next year to get me busy. I also just published two books and hard-launched my website…http://www.mysticfyre.net. I’ll certainly have more time for some side work and work that I love, helping people, so it’ll all be good. This too, no matter how difficult it seems, shall pass and life is still beautiful and amazing, the sky is still a beautiful cerulean blue, the sea breeze is still a comfort, and I’ve got lots of people in this world who love me. The cool part about all of it is after all the crazy stuff I’ve been through, I still love me and that’s how I know this will turn out just fine even though I don’t feel so hot right now. I realize I’m on change overload and ultimately it will be good and I’ll adjust. Wow, with kids moving out quicker than I expected, I may get to go back to school…take that journalism class I wanted to take, the psychology classes I wanted to take and well, start to focus on my impending move.

So, my thought for the day is this...I’m sort of having a really bad day today but even though I don’t feel good emotionally or physically right now, I fully realize this is just a normal response to life stress and I will adjust. I’m also still quitting smoking. That’ll make things seem worse but who knows…maybe the nicotine I’m ingesting now is making this all seem worse than it is now. I’m in for a rough couple days starting the day after tomorrow but, maybe I might actually be over the worst of it before my boyfriend gets home next week. That’d be a great surprise. I’ll bet he thinks I can’t do it…well, I can, and I will because I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I allow my addiction to be right now. I’m also a lot stronger than all of this change going on. I’ll get through it one feeling or maybe one tear at a time and I know I’ll feel better a little at a time. So, whatever you’re dealing with or feeling, realize you can get through it one moment at a time, you can still find silver linings and appreciate the sun. My prescription for myself for the next few days is to notice as much beauty in my surroundings as I can. That will generate some positive happy feelings to combat the ones I’m struggling with. You should try it…even if it feels like your heart isn’t in it. Peace to you and to me my friends!!!! LOL