Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Script Writing

So, while change is good and I recognize there can be no good opportunities without it, I just don’t seem to handle it well. I love my new job and coming back to my favorite team to work with. That is truly a blessing but the location I’m in does reflect back to me many memories of the time I was nearly destroyed emotionally by life with mama drama, work issues and spousal issues all at once. I stood outside yesterday and had a smoke break (no, I haven’t given it up yet but will) and some pretty hard memories cropped up of the times I went out back to smoke and could barely stand from the fits of anxiety and grief that overwhelmed me. I calmed myself telling myself it was a long time ago and these memories were just residue of lessons I learned by first hand physical and emotional experience. They made me stronger so how could I regret remembering them, right?

I realized the “change-factor” is what was really going on. Last night I was dreaming that I was in a large auditorium, like the kind they have in some schools. There was a stage at the far end of the room. I was in the back on the right and something bad was coming and people were trying to get out. Everything in this auditorium was gray. The seats were dark gray, the stage was dark gray, the walls a lighter shade of gray, the carpet on the floor dark and light gray, the sound proof tiles on the ceiling were light gray. The people around me were mostly men and they were telling me it was time to go. Just then I knew I was conscious…doing a bit of lucid dreaming and because my body was paralyzed with the chemicals the brain produces while sleeping and dreaming I couldn’t move. I was trying so hard to scream for help but everyone was getting out of there. Everyone but me and because I was conscious while in my dream I stopped trying to scream and willed myself will all of my might to just wake up. I did. Sat up for a moment and realized my dream was a desire to escape the dreary sameness of day in and day out and that the people there were intended to show me the way out but I was the one who had to wake up and get myself moving.

Interesting dream. I was disturbed by it for about 3 seconds after I woke up but immediately I realized the meaning and stopped struggling against fear. There was no need for fear and I would keep moving. I went right back to sleep without a worry at all. I did change the channel on the TV to something very benign on the nature channel and didn’t stir again until my partying neighbors woke me up for a few seconds two hours later. I wasn’t even mad, just watched TV and went to sleep. So, change is hard for us all but I think it’s time for me to stop saying I don’t handle change well. The more I own that, the more it will be true. I handle change just fine. Job changes are on the list of majors as is divorce and move. I’m only a few months out from many of those changes and am doing quite well. So, time to change some scripts that keep running through my head. The more we permit negative scripts to play unfettered, the more we keep them a part of our reality.

I’d like for you to make a list today of 3 scripts that you let play in your head. I want you to see them on paper. I’ll give you mine for example:
1. I don’t handle change well.
2. I’m damaged material romantically.
3. I’m not good enough for true love.
So, look at those scripts. Do you know they play in the background reinforcing and manifesting in your outer-worldly existence? They do as long as you hold onto those thoughts. So, now I want you to rewrite those scripts. The above ones will continue to play but you can cancel them out by repeating a newly written script to cancel them out. For example, here are mine:

1. I handle change exceptionally well.
2. I am wholly and completely healed from past romantic relationships.
3. I’m grateful for the true love I have in my life right now.
Not so hard right? Well, be vigilant with the new scripts and ensure you call them up to your consciousness when the negative scripts run. It’s so key to your happiness and healing. You can even expand on them. Take each new script and write about it in your journal…list all the examples for why the new script is true and if related negative thoughts crop up…create new scripts and don’t delay. You draw to you those things you think about. I’ll share with you that once I was really ready for a relationship after purposely spending 3 years single. But, there were no options in sight. A voice popped into my head and said “Make Room.” Hmmm, interesting I thought so I cleared out all of the clutter in my physical place and not 2 weeks later did I meet the man who was to become my second husband. I made room as an outward manifestation and reminder for what it is I truly wanted in life most. Maybe it’s time to do that again…clear out my space and the thoughts in my person that don’t support my truest goals in life…which really are love and a happy home. I can see how clearing away the clutter once again and eliminating residual thoughts and items could really help me there. So, this weekend I think I will be all about that. I’ll also be doing some script writing as sometimes the negativity seems to creep in unnoticed.

I hope that you have a positive day filled with love, light and laughter. Blessings to you.

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