Wednesday, October 8, 2008


Tell me something I don’t know. Tell me something I want to hear. Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to know about falling interest rates, rising inflation and political rhetoric. I don’t want to know about high gas prices, wars and wounded. I don’t want to know about jilted lovers, angry mothers and inadequate feelings of frustration. I crave something new in my sphere of existence and am about to get it on one front. A change of focus so desperately needed.

Every year we all grow older. Every minute one step closer to the grave, a reality we all should not live in denial of. So, what to do with those minutes until then? I think I don’t want to spend them nutted up, cross-threaded, angry and anxious no matter who is trying to push my buttons. Life is too damn short to spend it clinging to the rickety car of some unseen roller coaster you never bought a ticket for to begin with. Life is really too amazing to walk through it oblivious to the beauty that exists in small pockets of the world, your world if you just stop for a moment and notice.

Now, this might sound strange, but I see the world and people differently than I ever have. When I look into someone’s eyes, I see the spark of divinity within. I see the aspect of their soul that is still connected to the source. A friend mentioned an unpleasant transgression committed at random causing the defacing of local property and this friend said he’d like to shoot the perpetrators. I immediately piped up saying that I understood that frustration but to take such action one would have to presume that the perpetrator was raised with morals and values and goes out of their way to deface just to spite. More likely it was environmental factors that shaped his or her psychology and caused the lacking self-respect to manifest outwardly against other property owners. My friend then said, I don’t want to understand them, I just want to shoot them.

I thought about that for a moment and reflected back inward. I understand the statement, “I just want to shoot them.” I have impulse thoughts like that as well but as strong as those thoughts might sometimes be, the logical mind kicks in and tells me that form of punishment, if seriously considered, would not fit the crime. I think I’d be more apt to force them to not only clean and paint the graffiti (that is what we’re talking about I neglected to mention) the individual left but I think I might have them carted around for a month of cleaning any graffiti that showed up anywhere in the city. But I can’t help to want to go further to get at the heart of what drives the perpetrators…what horrors have they lived, what pain have they been through that cause them to care so little about their community. Is it the gang mentality in that the only self-worth feelings derive from committing crime that would gain them approval from the collective of the other gang members? That is psychology and psychology can be helped.

I’m on a slippery slope as a co-dependent who understands psychology and the motives of others. It causes me to be forgiving when maybe I shouldn’t be. Of this, I am all too aware having my heart broken from living that understanding to points that maybe I shouldn’t have. So, I think balance is key…my thoughts of let the punishment fit the crime is a good compromise for an overly understanding soul I think. I starting to think I’m learning a little separation between auto-understanding to the point of co-dependency and reasonable discipline and accountability. That’s a good place and while the natural tendency is auto-understanding, I can work myself towards reasonable discipline. I do it with my children daily and should do it more. I understand what they’ve been through and make concessions perhaps where I shouldn’t. That’s okay; I’m not perfect I’m learning. But I want to learn something I don’t know, something positive, something happy, something wonderful today. I’ll just put that out there and see what comes back.


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