Thursday, October 16, 2008

70's Day Thoughts

I stepped outside this morning and noticed moon light shadows spilling all around. I stood there in the moon light and breathed in the cool morning air. It was so quiet I could hear the waves crashing onto the sand. There were no cars I could hear, no people, animals and no birds out yet. I stayed there for moment collecting my thoughts, enjoying the silence. The peace I felt from last night was still with me and strong. Recollection slowly dawned upon my newly conscious mind. There is clearly pain in my left eye; a little tennis mishap from last night. My little furry friends got even with me for all those weeks of smashing them across the court and one hit me squarely in the eye. Luckily, my vision has returned but I’ve got a bit of a shiner.

I will survive and in a few days it will all be just another not so fun memory I add to the long string of memories in my head. I wonder at that thought. There are some memories I feel are kept in my heart. Particularly those of my children saying “Mommy, I love you so much,” The memory of friend’s words when I may have been down on my luck and the pure selfless kindness of amazing co-workers I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Then there are other memories that seem to collect in my soul such as those of my father’s philosophical discussions, my grandmother playing little red riding hood with me and the moment I realized there was a lot of pain in this world.

I’m excited about the day today. We’re celebrating an award at work with all the folks that made it happen. We’ve had a week of activities to thank the team like breakfast Monday, contests on Tuesday, and lunch on Wednesday. Today is 70’s day. We’re supposed to dress up like the 70’s. I laughed when I read those words because I’m sort of a hippie chick in my casual attire…I always loved the late 60’s and early 70’s look of hip hugger flair legged jeans, long bell sleeves or tie die shirts and platform shoes. That’s my typical casual Friday attire. So, today, I thought I’d add a little too it just for fun. I’ll break out the powder blue eye shadow and the hair straightener to complete the look. It’ll be fun.

As much as I love the fashion of the 70's and know every word to the music of the folk songs, I find the music and memories are hard to deal with. Those memories seem to dwell in both my heart and soul. I truly feel a sense of sadness recalling my childhood in the 70’s because I remember the turmoil within my family. In 1970, my parents divorced but they could not afford to live apart and remained in the same house for 3 years. That was rough. They tried to make it work but both were alcoholics so there was no way it could work. I remember the fighting, the emotional distress that made my little brother and I seem like we were more irritation than treasured members of the family. I’m sure that’s not how my parents felt but that’s how their actions made us feel. We both carry the scars today. We turned out to be good people deep down inside but completely opposite which is interesting. I went super type "A" and my brother went type "C" or "D." He’s a good guy with a big heart but has a hard time planning ahead or considering consequences. He digs himself out but has severely handicapped himself in life. It doesn’t really matter; I love him and always will.

It’s funny how certain times can impact your memories. Although the 70’s were a little rough, there were good times too. I remember camping, family get-to-gethers, playing at the park, taking trips and just getting by. It was the 80’s where I had my “coming of age” so-to-speak, realizing I was independent of my parents and could really do what I wanted to do and be who I was no matter who tried to stop me. I loved that music and still do today. It doesn’t hold the painful memories of the decade before although it should for other reasons. After that, it seems all the decades are rolling together while i gained more wisdom and serenity. I’m skipping rather quickly now but that’s really only because I’ve got to try to put make up on to cover my shiner and I really don’t want to look. I can feel that my eye is swollen but it’s not that bad. I took a peek from a distance just before I got in the shower this morning and it wasn’t that bad. Today is going to be a good day and I think I’ll pop one of my 70’s CDs in the CD player and try to soothe away some of the pain of it realizing it’s already been dealt with and I can hear the music that I really like without becoming melancholy with memories.

I think my theme for today is similar to most others, look back at where you’ve been, see where you are and be peaceful, tomorrow you can take you anywhere you want to go and you’ll get there in good time. Appreciate a fresh breath of air today. Appreciate your accomplishments and in at least one act today, put yourself first in an effort to make sure you matter to you. If you don’t take care of yourself no one else can do it for you, at least not meaningfully. Be good to yourself. When you’re kind to yourself it’s easier to be kind to others. May you have a beautiful day.

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