Let This One Go

The gulls soar over head back to the sea while in the opposite direction and much further up, beautiful white clouds sail across an infinite sea of blue.  Muted sunlight brightens the back drop of just another amazing day in paradise.  I recount the day that escaped me in minutes unseen.  A surge of energy swept me away this morning as my list of chores was growing ever longer.  I made my way to them and then from one to another and noticed a bliss permeating my being.  I asked Divine Mother to assist me in thoroughly and clearly contemplating a matter near and dear to my heart.  In the moment of my asking, my heart felt heavy and the tears were very close to falling.  One moment longer and my prayer was answered but not in the way I thought it might be.  At the time I had wished to rethink a matter that had been heavy on my heart for years.  I wanted to reconsider whether I had done the right thing because in one emotional moment so far from me now, I made a fateful decision while in the throes of pure emotional exasperation and distress.  I did not know what else to do and wondered if I should open myself to revisiting the matter with those involved.  As the seconds passed into minutes after having asked for intervention, I was astounded to find a healing love descending upon my entire being. The more love I felt, the more the pain dissolved until it was no more within me.  I wondered, is this it?  Is this the answer, the pain of it is removed from me?  The only response I received from my questioning was pure and sweet bliss.  I drove around as often I do when I'm thinking through significant matters and nothing could deter this bliss...not the man who unthinkingly cut me off, not hitting every single light red for twenty minutes straight, not shopping traffic or people milling about when they ought be moving.  Within each soul I could see and feel a bright star shining, that light was love and it didn't matter what people said or did, I knew the truth of a moment.  So, the lesson of love continued and brought me greater understanding.  It was so simple, I nearly missed it.  At times we do the only things we know how to do whether right or wrong.  The reasoning then for whatever we did won't matter in the end as much as the love that we hold for everyone - including self...and the ability to create or allow forgiveness to ease the guilt and shame of regret.

In my particular situation, I wished that I had handled things differently once upon a time. But I handled a matter the only way I knew how at the time.  There is no shame in that, there is no pain in that and now, regardless, there is nothing but love for the parties involved whether or not I can bring myself to say the words. To open the door to say those words brings back all of those things I tried so hard to defend against.  The door shall remain closed but my prayers for love, for healing and light will continue always unto the rest of my days.  So be it then, I let this one go.