Sleepless in....

Frenetic thoughts raced through the caverns of my mind.  Each one echoing and reverberating until a literal cacophony hit my senses.  It was like listening to an orchestra playing a love song out of tune. Tossing and turning left me taunted so I escaped to watch the clouds crawl across a midnight sky.  I could feel the restraints of this spiritual laryngitis loosening its grip on my voice and this amnesia clearing like the sky after a torrential storm in spring time.  How long I stood there, I can’t really say.  I needed to feel the darkness of night, to embrace the shadows and let the just less than temperate breeze fill my soul.  I used to be so afraid of the dark because I couldn’t see.  Now, I find the night a comfort.  It’s the things right in front of me in the daylight I seem to have had the most difficulty visually taking in with certain clarity.

I felt the whisper of an owl's wings  as she soared in searching flight and I did my best to breathe in the starlight and clear these racing thoughts.  For a moment I found reprieve as my skin signaled the thinning of the veil.  I could feel a presence looking for something to explore.  I gave no purchase with my silent acknowledgement and with a sight the presence left me.  Traces of memories of vengeful and wrathful deities played across my consciousness and I could not help but wonder why it is I would come here at all.  There has to be something I'm missing or I would not be so compelled to explore and seek understanding of this particular time and those that came similarly before.  If only I could see a little more clearly.

My mind drifted back to otherworldly things seen this week.  A simple flash of cobalt blue light in a place that it could not possibly exist on a day I set one of my fears free. An interesting coincidence or the cheering on of a beautiful friend watching while soul traveling?  I don't know.  I suppose such thoughts might sound crazy.  Well, you don't know the half of the thing I've seen.  Too much for my own mind to buy into its own insanity. I'll save those stories for another time and I let the thoughts go with a smile that comes from somewhere so deep inside.  The chills settled in and I wasn’t quite sure if the air had turned colder or the veil had grown thinner.  It didn’t much matter to me in that moment.  I was just grateful for something, anything else in the world to occupy my senses.

I found my mind searching through memories as my senses struggled to take in the night.  And there in my mind’s eye another night, and more stars…conversations rich and depths beyond measure.  Sweet recall are these and again they thrill my soul like they did way back then.  I love nothing more than a conversation so deep very few can follow even if well equipped.  I smile seeing firelight on a hill near a coast.   I sighed remembering... so glad at least this vision I could call to my soul.  I was lost reliving the joy of that memory for the longest time and so much peace did it bring me.  I smiled in the dark once again for no other reason than pure joy.  The chill came again as my memory slipped back into the night.  My ethereal visitor and visions seem to have taken wing to flight.  So I stood there feeling so alone in the darkness and I wondered if it would always be this way.  Chills again realizing it was not just the veil but the cool night air causing me to stir.

Thoughts of my routine and dire need for sleep came to the fore of my present consciousness.  I looked up at the sky once more, whispered a prayer on the breeze and decided to return to the very necessary task at hand…sleep.  I need to sleep body, mind and soul.  Please let me rest, I thought to myself.  I returned to my bed still warm as I left it.  I gazed at the ceiling and could swear I saw stars.  I drifted then deeply into a dream.

(c) 2012, Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)