Grief and Love -- Transmuting the Ache Through Understanding

 

Nothing etches an ache more deeply into your soul like a goodbye. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of goodbye it is — the loss of a loved one, a lover, a friend, a stage of life, or even a cherished belief that has fallen away. Life, in all its mystery, is full of them.

When we lose something or someone dear, it can feel as though the foundation of who we are begins to crumble. I remember my own early goodbyes — family moments filled with music, laughter, and stability that vanished almost overnight. What was once a source of comfort became painful to touch in memory. The songs of that era still reach into my heart, stirring both love and loss.

The Mirror of Grief

What I’ve come to understand is that grief and love are forever entwined. 

The depth of our grief is equal to the depth of our love. One cannot exist without the other. When love has filled our hearts and been woven into our lives, the ache that comes with loss is the echo of that love reverberating through time.

Even shattered beliefs or endings that seem necessary can hurt deeply because they, too, are forms of goodbye. Each one marks the closing of a chapter that once held meaning and life within it.

The Long Journey of Integration

Grief is not linear. It loops and spirals through time, revisiting us in unexpected ways — through a song, a scent, a place, a photograph. It doesn’t obey the tidy stages we wish it would.

What has helped me most is allowing it to move through me rather than fighting it.
There is no need to rush the ache away or disguise it as strength. True strength is letting yourself feel what needs to be felt — while knowing it will not consume you.

In my own healing, through illness and recovery, I’ve learned to let grief breathe. When the wave rises, I don’t resist. I sit with it. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I simply breathe. Each time, a little more love becomes visible beneath the pain.

Transmuting the Ache

When we allow grief to unfold with tenderness, something sacred happens.
The ache begins to soften into understanding. The heart, once broken open, becomes more spacious — more able to hold compassion for others walking their own roads of loss.

Love doesn’t disappear with goodbye.
It changes form — from something we hold to something we are.

This realization doesn’t erase the sorrow, but it does transform it. It allows the memory of what was to become a quiet blessing instead of a wound that won’t heal.

Living with Grace

I’ve learned to embrace each goodbye, to honor the ache as part of being fully alive. I remind myself:

“I will be kind in my thoughts for myself. I will engage in true and loving self-care. I will allow love, understanding, and compassion to fill the space grief once occupied.”

No one escapes this passage. But through it, we become more human, more luminous, more whole.

A Closing Reflection

If you are grieving, may you remember: you are not broken — you are becoming.
Sit quietly with what you’ve lost.
Breathe.
Whisper gratitude for what was, and for the love that made it so hard to say goodbye.

Let the ache remind you of the love that still lives within you.
In time, it will turn into light.

I wish you great blessings of love, understanding, compassion, and great healing — always.
And when the ache returns, as it will, may it greet you like an old friend — reminding you of how deeply you have loved, and how beautifully you are still alive.

© 2025 October Jaie Hart (photo and words)