Beautiful Lesson Learned

Sometimes life can be so hard.  I went for a walk in the sun light to collect my thoughts and to feel my own feelings on a few things of late.  Although some things seemed to weigh so heavily upon me, I saw a simple rose bush on the path up ahead.  Even from a bit of a far off distance, I could see the red orange glow around them as they stood there perfectly drinking in delicious sun light.  The glowing really captivated and resonated with me.  Despite the heaviness I seemed to feel deep within my soul, I could see glowing.  I looked around and noticed everything was glowing…the birds, the leaves and the sounds I heard took on a sort of haunting and ethereal echo that was more than beautiful.  I tuned into my own soul and I felt that everything was resonating today.  A strange connected moment descended upon me days ago and I realized that although I’ve not paid all that much attention, it still hasn’t left me.  I smiled despite it all and kept on walking and noticing.

As I walked I covered emotional territory within my mind and heart.  Sometimes in life we come to a place where our own free will impinges upon the happiness (seemingly) of others.  It’s no easy place to find one’s self in.  So, what to do…do you stand in your own light and follow the dictates of your soul or do you sacrifice yourself for the happiness of another?  In some things and for brief moments, I can find merit in such thoughts and actions but in others, I can’t.  The reason I can’t is that I know where such paths lead having traveled down them time and time again in my years this time, here on Earth.  So, I wander through my memories to a story I once read about in a book by none other than the amazing Don Miguel Ruiz titled The Mastery of Love.  In one part of the story (and I’m summarizing greatly), a man took all of his happiness in the world and gave it to the woman he loved.  When he placed it in her hands, she could not hold it and his happiness shattered.  The moral of the story was not to place your happiness in another’s hands.  We forget about this as we move through our human interactions and its hard so very hard for us all when we move through these roles with various players in our dream.  It’s all important with every word and scene leaving indelible imprints upon our hearts and souls and the lessons so hard to grasp sometimes.

I think for me that the only thing I am capable of doing is standing in my own light and being accountable for my own steps, my own love and my own happiness and others, well, they may chose the same or otherwise and I cannot take issue with that.  Free will is just that and it is never up to us to influence or impose upon the free will of others.  We must learn to live and let live and to let people be just exactly who they are.  We can choose to participate in what we wish to and we can choose to stop participating in those scenes of the dream we no longer wish to.  There need not be judgment but there almost always is.  That’s where a true and undeterred sense of self comes in very handy.  We engage sometimes, if even unwittingly, in inappropriate emotional warfare where the heart is involved.  Human emotion makes us do so many things.  But be that as it may, we each must walk our paths as we see fit and find a measure of compassion and understanding for the things we experience in this life even if we don’t want to.  We cannot control all of the world around us nor can we engage in any form of manipulation or control of her inhabitants…well, except for one…ourselves.

I am never happy when I know that executing my free will impinges upon the happiness of another.  However, I do know that I have the right in my life to take those actions concerning me that I see most fitting for me.  I trust myself and my intent enough to know that I never purposely set out to hurt anyone for any reason.  I can be judged, hated and despised for acting in accord with the dictates of my soul and as much as it may pain me, I still have to stand in my own light.  I will always do so for my own reasons and I never wish anyone any harm.  I guess I fall back on intent.  Was my intent to harm?  If no, I can be okay with my decisions.  If my intent was to harm, it means I have much homework to do in this life.  Either way, I will always apologize where my decisions and behaviors have hurt another and have done so every step of the way in my life.  I can do nothing more.  I fight so hard to heal pain and so, when I create it – it is not an easy thing for me. 

 I wonder how often it is that we have these soul contracts in order that we come together with our lessons and dreams and then maybe experience things we find most difficult on purpose.  When the soul contracts are fulfilled for good or ill, we move on and seek to try to understand the message and hopefully not create harm for the messengers.  I now see the messengers in my life in a whole new light and realize I must appreciate their execution of free will even though it hurt me.  I now understand and fully forgive.  I see now the truth of things, events and people in life who taught me the hardest lessons my heart has ever known.  The understanding is it – the energy of release – the glow.  When our thoughts align more with our true authentic selves we are rewarded in subtle ways that one may often over look.  But, if we stop and pay attention—feel the thoughts in our minds and where they resonate within our bodies, we can discern the truth about ourselves and every person we’ve ever come into contact with.  

I stand here tired, emotional and yet at the same time, I stand here in awe of the magic of this world, this life and all of its lessons.  We come for the experiences that we do create and so beautifully.  We are all script writers, casting directors, set creators and executive producers of this dream we call life.  Source, be with me am I so incredibly grateful today.  So many battles have taken their tolls upon me but none more so than battling my own self-doubt, fear and pain.  I look around once more at this light, the flowers glowing and hear the birds singing deep within my soul.  I wish to commit this moment to my soul forever—a tough but beautiful lesson learned.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)