Set Me Free

I watched Sirius rise in an early morning summer sky and I let my thoughts drift far and wide and they came right back and rested on a dream.  Three dreams, in fact, all in sequence for three nights in a row.  I don't understand why they have come at all.  What part of me is it that wishes to torture my own soul?  I don't know, I just don't know but I smile here in the darkness realizing the one thing you wish to move away from will sometimes come back to you until its done and I guess its done when the life of its own it has taken on decides its over.  I don't know.  Its always been easy for me to move away from a topic.  I decide the matter is closed and turn my sights elsewhere, align all of my thoughts and emotions thusly and then the rest is history in time.  But not so this time and these dreams come unbidden.  Perhaps the other side of the dream is not finished with me yet.  I can only wager a guess because I made never a promise and prepared myself to live with it.  Oh no, it hasn't been easy as my tears can willfully attest but my emotions do not control this matter.  In my mind I can see the truth and logic holds my true direction.  No other thing can be done here as far as I can see.  To continue the path I had been walking before was madness for love and because of love, I chose another direction and yet walking away also was madness.  And, so, I resigned myself to madness, found the strength to stand when gravity pulled against me so hard I thought I might lose my mind and in a way I think I did lose my mind.  No matter, the path is set and sail I did off into the unknown taking with me my beautiful and unexplainable memories.

It's hard sometimes when we come upon a cross roads where decisions must be made - Heart or Head - which will it be?  I chose to follow my head this time contrary to my typical decision making and I do not regret it.  It was what it was and to stay meant to hurt another that I could never hurt and yet to walk away meant possibly hurting another I could never hurt and there was no easy answer and this was no easy choice and through my tears I tried with all of my heart to see the direction I walked.  All I knew was that it was away from a place in time that I stood - A place in time I have stood many times and well, I thought I could be free and I know that's what the other side of the dream would want for me, all things considered.  But damn these dreams they keep haunting me and now in procession.  I used to long for the nights because of this dream and curse the day because the dream ended.  And now it is the nights I curse as well because there is no freedom for me in them.  But I'll fight, oh yes I will fight because I have created this dream and now I wish to uncreate it.  Not out of spite but out of the deepest strongest love in all of the universe and I will not fail.  No, I will not fail.  But these dreams make me weak and these dreams make me cry and I can hold them no longer.  With all the intent, with all of the words, with all of the power of emotion I hold right now in this moment - if this situation cannot be changed from what it is right now in this moment then please grant mercy upon my aching soul and set me free of it completely in every regard right here and right now, please hear and feel the honesty of my truest wishes Universe of compassionate love.

I pause in the darkness and stillness once more.  I return my gaze to Sirius twinkling violently in an indigo sky.  Memories swirl from this life and other lives and I see them like smoke in the crescent moon's light and I beg the wind to carry them away for a time until I can stand to hold them again without this ache in my soul.  And to the dream itself I beg, please release me completely on all levels and all dimensions as I release it in the highest regard, with the greatest of love and in the beauty of all that is good and light - I release you on precious feathered wings unto new horizons.  I bid you a very fond farewell with the greatest love and great wishes for a peaceful and safe journey.  Forgive me and so please now, let me be - set me free.

(c) Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

A Moment of Understanding

Did you know that one of the greatest and most loving gifts you can give to another soul is a moment of understanding?  When the people in your life turn to you in a moment of weakness or pain and you quickly dive into dissecting their thoughts, actions and launch into the rescue or fix, you are not being understanding and although well-meaning, you may be unwittingly circumventing an opportunity for their growth. Sometimes all a person needs is to be heard and understood.  Try this the next time someone comes to you:

1.  Face them directly or sit next to them and hold their hand.  A human connection in a time of trouble can be the saving grace for a soul.
2.  Listen to what they are saying and hear what they are not saying.  The only way you can do this is if you truly stop looking for a fix, looking for the next words to reply and instead respond with your full presence.
3.  Find the heart of compassion within you and hold a loving space for this soul to finish his or her story.  Make no judgment about their actions and just really be present in the moment for them.
4.  Without any judgement, seek to understand their perspective even if you don't.  Ask questions if you don't understand but only ask questions to assist in your understanding and not to judge them or lead them down the path of judgment.
5.  Affirm this person by letting them know that you are there and you care about them.  Withhold any judgments or thoughts on what they should do.  Compassion does not judge or fix, compassion is just there fully and you can be too.
6.  If the person is open to a hug and you feel so inclined, hug them and give them a shoulder if they need it and again, don't judge or fix.  Respond with a moment of understanding absent all judgement.

To strive to conduct these actions can result in the receipt of a very important gift to someone in a challenging time.  If you attempt to fix, they may feel more broken and that is not helpful.  Ask questions if you want in a way that will be supportive, (e.g., "I can see this really weighs heavily upon you, what do you think you are going to do?")  Then just listen some more.  Offer no unsolicited advice out of deep respect for someone in pain.  If you let people work through their wounds, they can find their way out.  If they ask for your advice or opinion, then give it if you would like to but please be aware, although we have many similar experiences - no one knows the path of another...an easy fix for you may be another person's biggest mistake.  Just give them a moment of understanding, of non-judgmental love and acceptance.  Sometimes that is all that is needed for a soul to collect themselves and move through the emotion of a challenging lesson.

So often, we are well meaning and attempt to "fix" another or rescue them in some way.  Sharing the burden of pain is not necessarilly a good thing.   Sympathy and empathy can be an emotional trap that we unfortunately walk right into without realizing until its way too late.  Stay grounded in your own light and share that light with another without taking on their pain and without reinforcing their weakness.  If anything, you can be supportive by letting them know that you believe in them and their ability to come to resolution of whatever it is that troubles them.  If you have similar experience - share only with permission - don't shove it out there. The ego tends to contrast and compare but that isn't always helpful.

The gift of a single moment of understanding can bring so much healing to a soul in pain.  Give that gift whenever you can and you will find that it will come back to you some day when you most need it. ~Blessings

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Repeatng Life Lessons Part (Hmmm, Lost Count)

On my way home tonight, driving into the setting sun, I was listening to Queen, "Who Wants to Live Forever."  It's really a wonderful song.  If you've ever seen the Highlander Movies, you'll recognize the song.  Any way, the song has always held special meaning for me.  Our souls never die, I believe.  Our consciousness goes on.  I don't have to "believe" that consciousness goes on because I know.  So, in a moment, I was feeling very ancient and this song just echoed my sentiment - "Who wants to live forever...Who wants to live forever..."  I feel like I have lived forever and certain lessons of late, while liberating me, have seemed to age me at the same time.  How many times, I wonder, do we have to experience the same things in order to finally grasp all facets of important lessons?  Quite a few times I think - well, if you're not a quick study in all things emotional.  It's funny to me.  This morning I woke up with the words of a dream still on my lips and those words were in conversation with a dear soul to me.  I was asking him, "How is it that we see full well what we're doing and consciously and even logically we feel the familiar pull of "knowing better" and yet emotion takes over and we lose what we've learned in a heart beat.  Why are we continually forgetting?  What is it about emotion that draws us here incarnate to forget everything?"

Sadly, I woke up before I could hear his reply and that, I think is really unfortunate because I will have to wait a long time before I can sit through a conversation with him I feel.  Perhaps he'll come visit me again sometime soon and we can finish that conversation from within my dream.  In fact, a funnier thought was that last night just before bed for the second night in a row, I heard his words - "I'm still here, I see you, I feel you, I'm proud of you and I love you."  My thoughts were, "Yeah right, I'm imagining things again just because I miss you."  Right after that thought he whispered, "You'll know I was here when you remember your dream in the morning."  And two mornings in a row, I remembered my dreams which I almost never do unless they are warning me of something.  The past two nights were simple dreams but I remembered them.  I wonder.

There are some connections in life that serve more purpose than a soul can truly realize.  The tough and challenging connections you encounter are just as important as those that call forth love from deep within you.  Every single person who crosses your path has something to teach you and something to learn from you.  If the same student and teacher continually seems to turn to you behind different faces and places, realize the lesson comes again.  Realize also that it isn't that you failed in your previous efforts to learn a life lesson, it's just that there was yet another facet that you needed to learn and teach at the same time.  You will get it eventually.  I thought I was going to be held back in a certain grade for my seeming lack of ability to learn a repeat lesson.  This one repeated for at least 10 years that I'm consciously aware of.  But, I really think that I've got it this time.  Taking personal accountability for my own creation and finding a certain key that unlocked a certain cage of guilt I'd held myself in for more years than I'd like to admit, I am proof positive that you can learn, graduate and move on from that class.  Now, in my own mind and intent toward creating a richer, kinder and more loving set of lessons for myself, I think I'm finally free to manifest beyond just setting my intent.  It took a long time to get here.  If you're curious about the lesson, I wrote a little bit about it in yesterday's post.  It wasn't eloquently written in my excitement but it'll have to do for now.  My writing isn't quite up to snuff.  Big life lessons can be distracting and writing is hard for me just now.  But I continue because I love to write and as I write, the thoughts spinning round in my head crystalize into more concrete concepts for me.  Any way - I'm rambling so will sign off for now.  In parting, cut yourself some slack for those repeat lessons, would ya? Your thoughts about you contribute a great deal to your success in managing all of your life lessons.  Be blessed!

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

The Burden of Expectation

I learned today that there are just some burdens that are too heavy a load to expect a soul to carry.  One of those burdens is the heavy weight of another's expectations of you.  Nothing is more disappointing than to have another tell you that if your behavior does not change to suit them, they will withdraw from you.  It's a harsh thing to hear but I understand it so very clearly now.  I spent a good long time angry about an expectation someone placed upon me today and I finally, in this moment, understand why it bothered me so much.  For many years now I have been in a very rapid growth cycle and for very good reason.  One theme that has played consistently was my love for someone leading me to carry the burden of their expectations of me.  I tried, I really did but always seemed to find the burden of that expectation so heavy that I could no longer carry it.  I laid it down several times over the years only to be railed against, had vengeance played out upon me and even suffered stalking and insane attack just because I could not carry someone else's expectation of me.  Even though I set the burden down with one person and suffered the backlash for my inability, I turned right around and found someone else had taken their place and silly me, I did the very same thing again and suffered nearly the same result.

Today, a friend laid an expectation on me that made me incredulous and with it I was told how I should behave and I rose lightning fast to very deep anger and resentment.  I didn't understand why at first until I took a look a the theme.  What was the theme, what was the thing that has hurt me the most in the last ten years and then as I looked at my own timeline with people and relationships a thread began to glow and i picked it up...it burned in my hands as the tears burned my eyes.  When understanding dawned it was all I could do to stand upright and breathe.  Realization dawned and it became crystal clear.  My main complaint for these past many years was realizing that I was never allowed to be me and be loved for being me.  I had to be what everyone else needed me to be and without consciously understanding why, I would escape and mourn the loss.  But the lesson repeated.  I received a message not long ago that was so simple when I was facing this theme just a few months ago...the message was "stand in your own light."  I didn't fully understand it then but I do now.

I'm exhausted in this moment with the energy expended to face this, my biggest lesson in life.  My tears of anger, frustration and soul wrenching disappointment turned to tears of pure joy.  I stopped shaking from the core of my being and I looked up at a cerulean blue sky and just then a cool breeze came out of no where and took my breath away.  It literally felt as if gentle arms had wrapped around me in congratulations.  The world stopped for me in that moment and all motion and thought ceased as I felt years and years of pain and anguish leave me, finally.  When I could breathe again, I took a deep breath filling my lungs as if it was the first breath I had ever taken and it was beautiful sweet.  I felt the pure lightness of release from something that has plagued me as long as I have lived it seems.  I cannot live up to anyone's expectation of who they think I should be, how they think I should act, how they think I should think or how they think I should love.  I can only be me and being me has always been enough and those restless souls requiring my conformity had no clue the grievous insult and burden they laid upon me.  I hope some day they learn.  But that's not my focus any more.  I've learned in all of this emotion today that I can only be me and those who seek to manipulate me or change me into something else with sweet words, promises and lies are lost and I need not concern myself with them.  If they were to approach me now, they'd only fall away because I've learned the truth and the truth has set me free.  I don't have to carry the burden of guilt, shame and failure any more.  I didn't fail at anything but not being me.  I'm okay with that. I was always righting the wrong in the end but without understanding why I was acting I couldn't fix the problem at the core.  I will never apologize for being who I am.  I'm a good soul with a heart of gold.  I'm compassionate and passionate about life.  If those around me cannot see that and love me for who I am, I simply do not need them in my life and I will let them go in full knowledge of exactly why and I now realize, they really won't come any more.  I find I am reborn in this moment and I'm so elated I am moved to complete silence.  I'm going to go celebrate in my own way under this beautiful sky and setting sun. ~Blessings dearest souls.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart, Photo - Random internet find. :)

Perfect Journey

The rising sun gives off an eerie glow behind morning coastal clouds.  I notice a stillness in the air as if it was a calm before a storm.  I realize this feeling comes from within and is only echoed without.  Sipping warm coffee in the cool of morning, I let my thoughts wander among my many memories.  So much have I learned in such a short span of time.  I will always find this world to be a great source of wonder and amazement but not more so than the people within it.  So many strive each day to get through the day not giving much thought to all the orchestration that goes behind all those things they manifest in their lives daily.  I think about it all the time.  In fact, it has become a near single pointed focus for me.  I see the things that I have created in this world...painful things, joyful things and wonderful things and feelings and it makes me smile.  To see the things I created in my sleepy lack of awareness, I wonder what will come from my conscious creations.

I wonder about the things to come but not too much.  Everything will happen perfectly and in perfect time.  I'm just as much focused on the present and what I'm thinking and feeling.  It feels a bit like free fall.  There are those moments in time where we stop trying for anything and just exist moving through the moments without expectation and with no design on any specific outcome.  I think that's where I am right now and thus the feeling of the calm before the storm.  I do not hold any fear in my being.  Storms don't scare me but some probably should.  It doesn't matter to me what comes next really, I just hope I've done a better job of eradicating needless fear from my life in order that I may create from a more positive place.

The people in our lives can seemingly make or break us sometimes.  If we hold around us those that are positive and uplifting, life takes on beautiful hues and amazing feelings.  If we hold around us those that are negative and undermining, life takes on this gray drudgery and difficult feelings.  I've done my best to move away from toxic souls.  I had collected many in my life through my own lack of judgment and I realized a little too late the detrimental effect they were having on my life.  But now, now all is calm and quiet again.  I can breathe again.  I am at peace once again.  I do so very much appreciate serenity.  I don't even care if ever I am happy again, as long as I can maintain this sense of balance and calm, all will be well as far as I am concerned.  I worry less about others these days and focus more on my own thoughts.  I want to make sure that somewhere inside I do not allow the thoughts to do what the toxic people in my life have once done.  Sometimes the negative thoughts of others can be infectious and we begin to doubt ourselves.  I'm grateful to say I won't enter those rooms again and the voices from there will be quiet so long as I give them no credence.  I know the truth about me and my purpose in this world and I must say, there is no greater joy that discovering who and what you really are. 

You sometimes need to walk through a few dark nights of the soul to gain that understanding and walk I did, seemingly for miles and days and years even.  But I always knew the light shined out there somewhere and I never gave up and I never gave in.  One day I awoke and found myself in a dream and in that dream was nothing but love and light.  I was elated to find I'd made it through the emotions left over from days gone by.  Being freed from the past creates a feeling of a drastically lightened load.  It feels good to be alive and wandering this Earth.  It feels good to look out into this world and once again find the beauty of it.  Its amazing to look out at the people making their own way through life and see what motivates them, what deters them, what creates in them a resonating feeling of love and joy.  If only those mired in the darkness of pain could find hope and healing.  In time, perhaps and then this world might change.  The state of the spirit, soul and mind - these things are so important and yet we forget or we're never taught.  Feed yourselves with love and light, fill your soul with those things you find most inspiring and relax a little right there in your own skin knowing that you, your life and this journey are perfect and the perspectives that  you once held can be exchanged for truth, reality and peace. ~Blessings for your journey.


(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

You Are Home

There is no amazing place we journey to find one day and then we can relax, be happy and finally know that all is well. All is well right here and right now. The journey is the destination. If the past is gone and only its wisdom can be retrieved and there is never a guarantee that tomorrow will ever come, our energy is best spent being here now, in the present, appreciating that we have all we need. Enjoy the lives you have created - this is the point and purpose of this endeavor we call life incarnate. Be grateful for your existence and the facets of love you are learning to grasp - you really are quite amazing miracles.

We always seem to be seeking some fulfillment from somewhere, through something or through someone.  But no place, thing or person can ever fill you up.  Only you can do that, only you have that power and only you truly know where within you that you truly need filling.  There are indications all around us of people in pain, people lost, people in misery, people manipulating people to get what they want as if there isn't enough to go around of anything.  We misplace our efforts in pursuing things external to ourselves.  Now, it is necessary in this frame work at this time to work and earn money to put a roof over your head and food in the pantry (at least in my part of the planet) but I'm not talking about those things.  There is this need within us for love, for understanding and acknowledgement and we pursue that through manipulation of external sources but it is squandered energy even on your best day because nothing external to you will ever have the long-lasting effect that you truly need.  You will always be moving to this or that to get that quick fix high of love or attention and at the end of the day it will always leave you empty and your soul longing for something more.   That is, until you realize it is you who has disconnected yourself from the true long lasting love of Creation, Source, the Universe, God, Goddess or whatever other term that pleases you.

You  have the keys inside of you to find that love and reconnect to the inflow of love from everything.  Its a stretch to come to this understanding I realize and much of my words this morning will be lost on most.  However, I once was one of those souls reading the answers to my unasked questions in words that were completely lost on me and I continued my seeking and searching in places and faces, activities and dreams only to come back to those words echoing like some ghostly sound from far away in time.  But I began to tune in as those words planted seeds and I began to test those words in my life and then suddenly I realized "the path" is me.  "The Path" is you.  You are what you are seeking.  So, go then - but not somewhere,, to something or someone - go within.  I know it sounds crazy but explore every single thought you have, trace its origins and resulting feelings...test them so you may discern provisional truth and assumption from THE truth and then one day you will be standing where I am.  You will have come home to the realization that you never left home and there was nothing to find that you didn't already have inside of you all along and love?  Love is always there waiting for you to receive it.  So then, receive it.
 
 ~Blessings

(photo - fortunate google find)

One Illusion Dispelled

One of the biggest illusions in life is a belief that any person on the face of this Earth has the power to create emotion in you. Only you, dearest beautiful souls, have the power to create emotion in yourselves. Others may inspire emotion for good or ill but only you truly hold the power to bring emotion to life. This works in the positive and the negative -- if the person you are with is loving and seems to make you feel loved and loving - YOU have brought forth the emotion, the other person did not create it. They inspired you. Likewise, if someone you care about has insulted or criticized you and seems to make you feel hurt or angry - YOU have brought forth the emotion, the other person did not create it. We create emotion inspired by others only to the extent we truly believe in what they are putting forth for our consideration. Know yourself first and foremost and you can appreciate both positive and negative inspiration for what it is meant to teach you. Understand this and you will have dispelled one of life's greatest illusions. Oh, and when you do understand this concept - you will taste the sweetest freedom to be and learn to let others be. It is a natural result and it is beautiful beyond words. See the truth, know it when you see it and feel it with every breath that you take! ~Blessings.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo/words)