Be Still and Allow What is to Be

Seemingly unsettled somewhere deep in my bones, I cannot help but wish for a greater space of silence and stillness to just be.  Unfortunately, it seems this deeper desire competes with an unconscious one to become so busy, there is no time to think or just be.  Reality speaks in busied tones these days with too much to do and not near enough time to do it in.  Couple this with some unreasonable and unseasonable bouts of pain related to repetitive motion injury and gosh, life has become a bit challenging of late.  Were it not for the ability to slip into mindfulness and watch the play accepting and yet disconnected from the reactionary urges, I’d probably be quite mad about now.

The sky only begins to lighten the tiniest bit and my coffee sends up tiny swirls of steam into the cool coming in from my open window.  I used to want to figure everything out.  I’ve spent hours and hours in contemplation, writing as I go for some strange reason.  May it is that I have this hope that others who stumble upon my words will either know they are not alone in their noticings while they live or maybe I’ll run across someone who has already figured out what calls from seemingly, the center of my soul.  If I stop that thought I habitually think right there and ask myself to explain, I wonder what might come through.  So, let’s give it a whirl and see what happens.

So, my soul, most trusted essence of everything that makes me, me, what is it with this dichotomy of feeling both stasis and a continuing curiosity to figure things out?  What have you got to say or, maybe, what is it that you seek in this moment?

There is nothing that I seek for I only witness the goings on of this world connected and then disconnected simultaneously. This is no thing that I need – no thing that I want, I just am.  The dissatisfaction you feel is connected to regret, this sense of wasted time which is a very skewed perception of what you think it is that you see, have seen and will see but none of that truly means anything more than your meandering mind desiring to flex it’s muscle so-to-speak.  Let the mind roam, it will do no harm and through it, if you pay close attention to the feelings the process brings you, you may become aware of the things at your core – namely experiences and your judgmental perceptions of the experiencer that will call to your attention.  Within that attention you embody the whole and all of its component parts.  You can analyze with clarity each of the parts but you will be unable to calculate them into the whole.  A drop in the ocean cannot adequately define the whole of the ocean as it hasn’t the ability to see past itself in a see of same creation.

You can let your mind roam over the memories and years and concern yourself with your perception of time or you can move through it without such care except for that you most wish to focus upon.  We have no needs but to understand satisfaction, harmony, alignment; imperfect perfection.  The seeming dichotomies you face are not divisive but rather parts of a clock that perhaps move in different directions and yet the whole of the thing keeps perfect time.  No intervention is needed unless the clock that is your dream or life is the kind that needs winding or a battery.  Maybe you merely are in need of recharging and that is actually the center core issue that is your impetus for curiosity at this time.  Sometimes life is very simple and you merely over-think it.

So, now, slipping back into my normal thought process reigning in the mind to view what I’ve just written seems to make sense to me.  I understand and an automatic deep breath comes in and out freely as I read my way through sentences written without specific thought or direction.  The sky lights more and now the trees outside have returned in silhouette form to punctuate the darkness with outlines against the faint but expanding light.  The skies are gray yet this morning but the sun rises even if I can’t see.  Some say life is meaningless, others say there is nothing more meaningful than life.  What is it I believe?  I think, in this moment, my belief doesn’t matter.  Whether I dispute it or give it more energy to query, everything will be as it is.  Curiosity or complacency are on the same spectrum as is every other type or category of desire, emotion, even impetus.  I think I found satisfaction in a tiny little moment of freedom gained from letting it all go.  Maybe this series of random thoughts will make more sense as the day progresses.  Maybe they won’t.  Either way, still I breathe and still I hope and still I live.

Whatever it is you think should be will be.  Whatever it is you desire you will pursue.  There is nothing that you will do to prevent your own growth and progress on this journey that is your dream, your life in this place and space in time.  Be still and listen, be still and know, be still and take comfort.

 

  © 2016 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

With Thousands of Thoughts In Your Mind, How Do You Support You?

The average human mind thinks thousands of thoughts a day (estimated to be somewhere between 12 – 60K). If you could sift through them and bucket them, I wonder how many might truly come from the outside world in the form of negative judgments or beliefs creating more internalized thoughts of unworthiness and how many of them might be truly supportive, uplifting and self-loving.   I suppose there is no real way to definitively know but I think there is a way for us to tell and that is by how we feel should we become quiet enough and give ourselves permission to reflect.
 
Our thoughts race sometimes seemingly at the speed of light. If so many of those thoughts go through our minds unconsciously attaching emotions in the negative, we could end ourselves up in a really bad place without having any clue as to how we got there.

The way to slow down this unconscious process is to become very quiet in a moment alone and spend some time just noticing the thoughts that race, the thoughts that swirl, the ones that stumble and fumble through to our conscious cognition in the absence of any judgment. If we could find a few moments here and there to do this one thing and learn to dispassionately view the thoughts as not truly “us” per se but a by product of the ego functioning in part the way it was designed to in full acceptance of it just as it is, I think we might better be able arrive at a more pleasant present focus.

In the present, we need not worry about our thoughts or their feelings but just let them be and allow ourselves to think them realizing their origins may not have anything to do with us. With negative thoughts in particular, this is really important. A beautiful soul born on planet Earth would not come to carry the weight of negativity without purpose. So, why do we carry the heavy weight of our negative thoughts in the absence of understanding?

To give ourselves permission to reflect in the absence of judgment, gives us the power we need to create consciously and positively in our lives. We’re not necessarily taught this but it is one of the ways we can learn to better support ourselves. So why not begin to support ourselves by allowing greater understanding?

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

Wandering with Intention

I wander along the pathway my thoughts have created.  I do not know or desire to, where they may lead me.  I'm content just to meander along them sifting through memories and thoughts once held important, dreams laid by the wayside and then there are the hopes.  Hopes and dreams can seem funny things sometimes.  We place much more emphasis on them than we likely should and often we do so from a seeming place of lack.  We aspire to be this or that not realizing we already are that and more.  The realization is funny even though it makes me wince a little.  The pain of this discovery always seems to feel a bit too fresh.  Years of searching, seeking understanding unknowingly and encountering one demolition after another of my poor tattered ego.  Just before I become too distraught with these memories and thoughts I realize what a beautiful thing the destruction of one's ego can be.  If off kilter in even the slightest degree one unknowingly wreaks havoc upon one's own life for reasons we have no conscious cognition of.  Decisions are often made to fend of spectres real or imagined that can truly confound all manner of happiness, logic and reason for a time.  Or, so it may seem.  What if nothing unintended ever really occurred in life? What if every single thing under the sun we encounter and experience was exactly what we intended to experience?

So many questions have I as I continue to wander through the days, years and moments of my life.  Expectations, I've learned have been an utterly ridiculous part of my experience and I laugh as I recall how I've created my own misery with them.  I decide to let go and continue to stay with this curious sway and weight the energy carries as the wandering through my own history continues.  I recall with a smile all scenes and actors even one's I cringed at finding in my play so long ago in my complete lack of understanding.  I realized some time ago that it was I that cast every actor in the scenes of the plays of  my life that I actually scripted, directed and produced.  Again, a tinge of that wincing feeling and soon I notice it's replaced by a permeating peaceful feeling.  All those anxious moments worried I was not living up to the expectations of another, all those times I judged myself by someone else's misplaced words and deeds or how I held those same thoughts towards others truly to no avail...It's so funny to me now.

Although the thoughts now seem to be traveling at lightning speed, behind the smoky anxiety looms a deeper peace and I know it's true source.  No matter what I have seen or experienced, no matter how many missteps that I have seemingly taken, no matter how much I never knew about love I find that am surrounded by it despite my best unconscious efforts to miss it in action.  Love is the very air we breathe and yet we search for it high and low in things, people and places.  We hold it within us, love surrounds us and when we get to the heart of the truth beneath all the layers of lack and loss, we find it waiting right exactly where we left it so very long ago.  A sigh leaves me as I smile at these thoughts and the frenetic manner in which they became a part of my consciousness.  No longer fearful I walk the path now in earnest.  No longer questioning now as I take each step.  No longer worried now I won't find my own light.  I realize it has guided me in every breath and step for the entirety of my life.  In a sense, in a very long and peaceful sense, I've come home.  Blessings of great love and wondrous mental meanderings on your journey dearest souls.  Be brave and courageous as you make your way through your lives.  Don't take too much too seriously and love yourselves and everyone and thing with every step and breath that you take.  You'll make your way and be so glad of it.  You can do it.  What are you waiting for?  Dream, live, laugh and love.  That's what you were born to do.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo from recruiterpoet.com)

Archived Thoughts

I finished my last meeting for the day at 3:26 p.m., fell into the zone on some matter my mind was trying to work out all of the pieces to, looked up and realized I had lost 3 hours.  I apparently wasn’t too lost because I had worked out, mostly, the problem I was trying to solve.   I quickly sent out some draft communications and realized I was really done for this very long day.  I caught up with a wonderful co-worker for a few minutes as I closed up shop and then headed out the door. I nebulous sort of feeling dawned on my consciousness as I began the three flight descent down the stairs to the door of my office building. As soon as I was outside, I caught the last gentle remnants of day light and the nebulous feeling crystalized...and intense sense of equilibrium.  I was pleasantly surprised to feel it considering a very long day but just smiled and decided to embrace it.  I made my way to my car not recalling exactly how I achieved a walk across the parking lot in what felt like 3 seconds, climbed in and just stared at the sky a few moments.  There were angel-wing clouds everywhere.  I thought to myself, “perfect, this is just perfect” as I started up my ride.

Somewhat absentmindedly I made my way home thinking only a little.  As I made the turn west for the last stretch of road for home, I caught an unimaginably amazing fiery glimpse of the setting sun behind some beautiful heavily color irradiated clouds.  The design in the sky was perfect and my mind wasn’t done yet.  It carefully traversed the concepts of the energy that created all I could see and not just this moment, in every moment I have lived.  Still not done yet I arrived at the thought of the Creator behind the play before me and I pondered in awe at the sheer magnificence of it.  Every detail in life is truly perfect if you ever take the time to really notice absent the ego.  More thoughts pulled at my very tired mind.  There is no thing in this universe that is not perfect.  When we see imperfection, I cannot help but wonder if it is not really that things are imperfect but that we fail, miserably, to perceive things the way they are and they way they are is amazing.  To imagine there is a vast and beyond description impetus for mass creation all at once…the sky exists, the stars exist, the ever-expanding light exists defined perfectly by shades of gray and then even darkness…people exist, plants and trees exist, space gasses are created from various combinations of elements and conditions not really so haphazardly as we’d think.  Well, at least I think.

The dazzling display before me caught my eye again at the next stop light.  I could feel this energetic and yet even more enchanting swirl of creation…of existence…of motion...time passing only casually noticed.  I sat there, nerdy, humble me, contemplating space, physics, science, love, nature and just the wonder of it all.  My thoughts, so pleasant, were spinning at lightning speed and then that thought singled itself out as I observed and then compared itself to a long ago archived thought that I struggled at first to understand how and why my mind had made that connection in that moment.  I’ll share because, well, I do that sometimes.  I had a very troubling moment one night at age 19.  A very troublesome set of thoughts plagued, worried me and made me so darned fearful I was immobile.  When I could shake some thoughts free, I wrote down on my note pad, “God, please give me a sign that I can fix this.”  No sooner had I set the pen down than a huge flash of lightning right outside my bedroom window at the same time as a deep and intense reverberating clap of thunder. It shattered the darkness and all fear all at once leaving the slate of my mind empty for a fragment of a second.  The lights in the neighborhood were extinguished on impact.  I sat there in the dark and could not stop the tears from making any remote attempt at clear vision impossible.  No, these were not tears of fear or worry but tears of joy.  I got what I asked for and with the force that it was most definitely delivered, I realized the path was entirely up to me.  I seized the opportunity by changing my head immediately and actions soon followed.   I never looked back at that troubling series of thoughts again that lead up to that moment.  Well, until this moment, that is.

Becoming consciously aware now again in the present, taking in the view and feeling that same Source behind the intense display of colorful beauty before me I realize life is more amazing than one could ever consider in one sitting.  Part of my mind remains elsewhere uplifted by the light of the stars lingering in some far off galaxy.  I can see it as if I’m there and I’m speechless.  So, my smile grows bigger as I turn into my drive way.  The mundane tasks of coming home now completed. The feeling has not left me yet.  I’m still grateful in this moment.  I pray I will always feel this feeling because I find it better than all of the rest. ~Blessings for the blissful joy of pure gratitude.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo and words)

General Gratitude

I left the windows open a bit too long.  Late winter days in California can be quite temperate but the moment the sun slips below the horizon, it’s very chilly.  I could get up and close the windows but for some reason, I like the chill in this moment.  Days on end of work, problem solving and then peace.  Life seems a bit, at the moment like the old shampoo commercials stuck on repeat – you know, rinse, wash and repeat.  It’s so quiet in my little neck of the world in this moment.  My sanctuary alive with evidence of happy children, sigh.  The birds are settling in for the night as my dishwasher hums and the washing machine spins.  I’m having quite a frenetically peaceful moment.  In fact, it feels as if I am about to burst out in laughter.  I recall a time earlier in life, sitting on the floor of my room in my dad’s house, staring out the window, begging for God to scroll the clock forward so summer would get here.  Unfortunately, some prayers are best not thought of.  I look back and see near 30 years have gone by since that moment.  I don’t have much of the things I think I wanted all of those years ago as a very young woman.  I can’t say I ever had them.  But I’ve got something else.  I have love and it does not come from anyone or anything.  I found it deep inside the core of me when all the rest of my cares were figuratively washed away.

 Now, for a fraction of a moment, my mind opens up to the pathways ahead of me.  I don’t know what the next part of life might bring me.  Will it be my dreams?  Will it be some more of the same?  Will it be more than I had ever hoped for?  I don’t know, I think as I sit here silently willing my fingers to keep tapping out these thoughts.  I do know that I will be content whether or not silly wishes and dreams have come true.  I can smile for all I’ve been permitted to accomplish – I say it that way because I know I’ve been helped along my path with every breath and step.  I own nothing of my own merits other than the love I have inside.  Hmmm, but even that was given to me before I arrived.  A precious gift, a spark of divine inspired love I shall carry with me until my time of departure, whenever that is.  Would I ever come back?  If given the choice, and knowing what I know now, I’m not sure.  Additional “knowing” may change my mind at some point in man’s time or even beyond it.  For now, I’m feeling so completely content.  Movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention as I snap back to be present.  Peacefully, I’m gazing at soon to bloom Iris stems bending in a breeze as the last of the sun’s fiery rays etch them in flaming gold light.  I smile realizing what a beautiful place this is and for however long my stay shall be, I will remember this moment and all of those like it.  Those spacey distant feeling moments where nothing and everything seems thought of at once and no thought singled out can take hold in any feelings.  Well, other than general gratitude anyway.

I ramble tonight.  I do that sometimes.  ~Blessings for your journey.

(c) Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Thoughts and Stars by Morning's Light

These pathways I have traversed in time, ethereal moments intertwined with souls of great love and beautiful light. So much have they taught me and I am often so humbled.  Child-like they so often seem but wisdom defies their appearing stature and not of this world are they who walk so gently outside of space and time.  To them, my depths of gratitude are infinite for they have shown me the pathways home, the voyage to the center of my heart and soul. I never truly understand the path of love nor could I have ever found the pathway home without their help.  These thoughts meander through my conscious vision amidst the concrete jungle that is my world in this moment.  Again both here and gone have encompassed this hour of brief reprieve from the daily work-a-day drudgery.  Oh but my mind does drift like the wind back to the night of peace and this morning's dream.  Greater understanding has the light of day brought me...themes and words, pictures and colors, impressions both physical and not physical at all.  They represent a culmination of long thought out choices and well, those choices are what they are in this part of the journey, in this part of the dream.  I accept the gifts so readily given and return with these gentle words of love and gratitude. 

Thank you I whisper up into the stars and they twinkle as always in their ethereal seeming reply.  I pull up my sweater collar close about my neck to ward of a chill and breathe deep the peace of this night.  I wonder what visions and dreams this night will hold.  I can no longer wager a guess as those days are long gone.  There is no more a need for guessing and precognitive reaching through space and time.  I am satisfied all
at once with my life, my journey, the love that I've found and gladly given away, the gifts I've received and those I chose to refuse to accept.  All have meaning of infinite depths and now I see with a bit more clarity.
But even that is irrelevant and insignificant compared to the clarity and depths of this beautiful star filled sky.  I send my love up and out to those who know just how to reach it.  I love this world and I love this life and I'm grateful for every single soul who's path has crossed mine.  It's true perhaps I appreciate more some than others and so it goes with resonating souls I suppose.  We seek merely understanding from those who will love us despite how much we have yet to learn and who will stand by us always and ever holding that sacred space of love and light.  So many have and a fact to which I am infinitely grateful.  Gratitude is now the gift of my day and higher understanding perhaps will be the gift of tomorrow as my journey continues.  Come what may, there will be love...there will be joy...there will be much laughter.  I was blessed to have been given a gift of a vision of a future time.  Its what I wanted to see but I almost wished I hadn't asked.  Thankfully the
pathway there remains a mystery.  I do love a mystery. Off with me then, into my day with a collection of thoughts to ponder from the last 24 hours.  Make it a beautiful day.

(c) Jaie Hart (photo, random but beautiful internet find)

Connected Moment

There are just those times in life that you command the ability to tune in very clearly to your own soul.  Most of the time we are unaware and don’t care to think of such things but sometimes it can be as important as breathing air.  Sometimes that “tuning in to the authentic self” can be quite revealing and show you things that you just couldn’t see.  Things and plans and even people can change in terms of how you perceive them and so can your own actions.  At times the things that seem most important turn out to be the tools for learning and when the lesson is learned, there comes a time for solitude, separation and quiet time for the sole (soul) purpose of pure and unadulterated contemplation.  I’ve run across such times periodically throughout my life and find myself in such a situation now.

There are things I thought I wanted and then once I achieved them, an empty aching took over my soul.  I paid attention to those inner feelings and I was lead to greater understanding of some things, at least in terms of me, my own life and my own purpose.  I am a gentle and very sensitive soul and sometimes find that I tune out way too many things that I really should be paying greater attention to.  But, I just didn’t know what was happening in my own being.  I know now but that doesn’t help much in terms of the things I had previously created and because of those creations pain has ensued.  It’s not a bad thing, pain underscores our lessons sometimes in order that we might really remember them.  It’s okay in the end even when it truly doesn’t feel okay.  Time and patience, more gentleness and understanding will bring the lesson home.  Sometimes that means letting some things go that might stand in the way of true understanding such as limited thoughts and beating one’s self up for not seeing things.

I stand quietly in morning’s first light giving thanks to the All of Everything – the Source, the impetus of thought that created me into being in this hologram and framework called life.  I am nothing more than a thought experiencing its own reality for the sheer purpose of the experience itself.  The colors, the images and the emotion all have purpose regardless of which form they take in terms of manifestation in my awareness.  But, I can dream and have learned that I can create within this dream.  Nothing is lost and everything matters even still if actions desire consequences.  Sometimes things are as they are so other things can come to be as they were meant to be.  Soul searching I gaze up at patchy clouds letting in a blue and pink tinged sky.  The sun makes her seeming ascent (it’s really only the world turning) and I stand here feeling the dichotomy of very small and insignificant along with incredibly vast and very powerful.  It’s interesting to feel both at once but everything has purpose – every inkling in our souls, every tinge of sensation in our bodies and every thought in our minds.

I breathe in the cool morning air and feel a solemn sensation – a seriousness of life but when I dig a little deeper, I scratch the surface of bliss for the beautiful energies in this life I have experienced.  Bliss, a connected moment yet again – I find I am feeling beyond all measure of gratitude for every soul, every word and every experience in all of my lives and not just this one.  The ones to come, I’ve had a sense of as well.   An interesting sensation and visuals, I must say.  But, enough of such thoughts for now.  I would really enjoy another cup of creamer with a little coffee in it (smiles) and I need to get a lot of things done today to find time to play.  I’ve got two little girls much in need of a picnic in the park and I so wish more than anything to give them the most joyful visit they’ve had so far.  It will be beautiful and I can’t wait.  I embrace this day.  I embrace every action I have ever taken.  I embrace every thought that has ever crossed my mind.  I embrace every emotion I have ever called into existence for me.  I am truly blessed.