Not an Every Day Journey

 

 

I woke up early to watch the sky change colors as the sun climbed up into the sky.  The display is one I never ever tire of.  Its magical how the sky goes from inky black with millions of pin point stars, to dark blue, faded blue, to smoky pink, peach and then golden.  Every new day always strikes me as a rebirth.  It isn’t actually that but the world turning on its axis as it orbits the sun. But I like my magical thoughts more than my scientific ones this morning. 

 

I made some coffee, fed the cat and retrieved and then filled the bird feeders.  I sipped coffee watching my little winged friends flitting about excited for an easy meal.  The brightly colored Finches and Sparrows are a favorite.  After they finish a nibble, the bigger birds swoop in to pick up off the ground what the little birds pushed out of the feeders.  The Grackles and Doves get a bite too.  I just love to see them for some reason.  I have small windchimes around the posts that hold the feeders so I can hear when the birds fly in for breakfast.  Well that and I love the little windchimes.

 

It's cool out now so I threw the front and back doors open.  I can hear the birds singing happily along with the occasional whir of air conditioning units kicking on.  Out here in the desert, we are heavily dependent on the air conditioning to keep us not only comfortable but safe from the extreme heat of the late Spring and Summer days.  Sometimes I long for greener scenery but there is something about this place that called to me so long ago.  It came to me one afternoon nearly 20 years ago.  I lived in Southern California and was paying ridiculous amounts of rent, daycare on three kids on one income.  The idea of moving to Arizona came to me.  I could at least solve the exorbitant housing expense.  I just wasn’t quite ready to leave.  But then, over the years the call changed.  Added to it was a desire to not just move to a new place but to be a home owner.  As a single parent of 3, there was just no way I could come up with a down payment.  There was also no way my boss at that time was going to let me telecommute.  A few years later, I had 4 children and no idea how to manifest the dream.  But it came back due to circumstances reinforcing the original thought – giving me pause to remember and consider. I wondered, why couldn’t I just manifest the resources?  That changed to – why don’t I just manifest the resources. And that is exactly what I did.

 

I found my desired location (the city felt like home as soon as I accidentally found it) and started looking for houses in my price range.  I figured out what I needed for a down payment.  I definitely didn’t have that but I didn’t let that discourage me.  I imagined what it would feel like to sit in my back yard sipping coffee.   I imagined my bank account growing so that I would have enough.  I stayed open, positive, and every day looked at homes and started getting really excited about the idea.  I found myself a mortgage broker and an agent.  I found a way to manage a down payment, pulled together the funds for a mover and before I knew it an offer had been made and accepted on a home that really sparked my inner being.  We went to Arizona to see the house and fell in love.  45 days later, we were moving in.

 

I was paying twice my now mortgage plus just for rent in California.  But, my new boss allowed me to telecommute and I was able to bring my California salary with me to Arizona.  My dreaming, positive thinking, staying open to ideas that would better align me to my goal paid off.  Here I sit 4 years later on my back patio sipping coffee watching the birds munching happily the bird seed I just filled the bird feeders with.  I did it on my own.  I did what I once thought impossible.  I manifested a dream I scarcely let out into the light of day.  I’m still amazed today at how everything came together.

 

The trick was giving voice to the dream, as specific as I could while staying completely open to the how and trusting the how would come together.  I did my part.  I researched, I gave good positive thoughts to it daily, I worked to do my part and not one hitch was encountered.  It could have been a disaster, but it wasn’t.  Uprooting your life from being born and raised in one state to another is no easy thing.  But it was the perfect thing for us.  I always knew that Arizona held magic for me. Yeah, there’s that word again.  Let me have my magic!  My first grandchild was born a year ago and as I ease myself into that next part of life I have managed with the Universe’s help, to create for myself a fabulous framework for that next stage whatever it will hold for me.  I couldn’t be happier.

 

More than thirty years ago while driving through the desert, a thought came to me – “Lost and Found in the Desert.”  I didn’t think much of it at the time but as I sit here now, I know exactly what that means for me.  I was lost in so many ways before but when I came here, to the desert in the land of the sun, I found myself.  I found what I didn’t even know had been missing.  The journey of the last 30 years, every step, every misstep, all the good times, all the hard times – they all led up to this moment.   In this moment I feel tried and tested.  I feel strong and so happy.  Times won’t always feel happy because there have been some hard, hard things to face on this journey.  While I know now that dreams can come true, the every day journey is going with the flow, knowing that emotions and circumstance are fleeting, and that every life journey is extraordinary.  It’s no everyday ordinary journey that brought me here.  It was a dream that I gave voice too, concentrated on and helped manifest into reality.  I’m grateful for every part of my journey up until now. The good times – the bad times – the happy times and dire sad times…all of those times instilled in me the character I needed to build, let shine, let grow and to keep on dreaming.  Yeah, this had not been your every day journey.  It has been a magical one.

 

© 2023 J.L. Harter (photos and words)

Resistance is Futile

There are times in our lives where our emotions will seemingly take us any way the wind blows and we may end up in some highly undesirable places in our own minds. It can at times be quite uncomfortable as we try to figure out not only how we got here, where ever here is, and how we may endeavor to get out. We are emotional creatures and act sometimes from the heart of these emotions in the absence of true understanding which can lead us to  places like anger, frustration, disappointment and even despair. We’re often lead to believe this is just life on Earth so get on with it.

At an overly simplified level this may be true. This is just the way life is so maybe we should just get on with it. But what if we could do so with greater understanding, certainty and confidence? Wouldn’t that make the bad feeling parts even a little easier to bear? I’d say certainly. What about you?

Sometimes there seems no easy way to get there from here when in an emotional state but when you do not understand your emotions or you resist them I’ll tell you that “there” seems an impossible distance from where we stand. Take heart though. There is a passage way and that passage way is understanding.

If you could understand that your emotions were not the enemy and learned to make friends with them, how do you think that might improve your journey? By making friends with your emotion I mean to say that you endeavor to open your mind to the idea that emotions are messages from you to you that something needs your attention, love, forgiveness, acceptance or just simple kindness.
When we can stop resisting our emotions long enough and understand that what we go through is ultimately for our greatest good no matter how bitter and jagged a pill that seems to swallow, we can over come much and with greater ease. We can get from here to there with grace, with ease of pace and even with a measure of joy for the journey. We need only be willing to entertain new thought or endeavor to embrace perspectives we might never have considered before.

Your life is an amazing journey even with all of its ups and downs. Emotions are messengers that tell you about the things really going on inside you that need your pause, reflection and consideration. When you can begin to understand this, you can ease into your life lessons with a little more certainty and a bit more control over your own thoughts and emotions. You can even render fear completely powerless with love if you try. To me, trying is doing. It’s not an in-between.

I encourage you to move through the journey that is your life with this greater understanding to one of life’s greatest secrets. Your emotions are you friends. Your anxiety is telling you that you may be moving too fast. Your depression may be telling you that you’ve had to act strong for too long without giving yourself credit. Your feelings of anger or incredulous may be telling you there is a lie that you are telling yourself or a situation you consider is not what it seems. You can learn about these emotions with pause and reflection. And of course some assistance of a coach, a cleric or licensed counselor. They are there to help you when you’re trying to understand not only where you are going in life but how you can get there in a way that truly best suits you. Just some food for thought. Blessings for your journey.

© Jaie Hart (Photo/Words)

Are You Living Your Dream or Someone Else's Idea of It?

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Many things have I learned as I look back and many things it seems I have forgotten.  I have counted myself road weary without understanding truly how stamina and strength are built.  I have counted myself fearful due to the anxiety in my core in facing this lesson or that lesson without understanding truly that that is just exactly how courage is created because despite the anxiety, you forge ahead.  I have been tired and tried, judged and persecuted and once thought myself victimized.  I didn’t know these things are how character and success in learning about the true belief of one’s self are built.  There are no victims but creations, actions and consequences with which we must deal for a good reason even if it takes a while to find the good.

I look back again with fresh eyes and see what I once thought as negative challenges I had to face are but lessons in life that taught me things that are just absolutely invaluable to me.  I grew up poor but it taught me to know that “things” are not everything.  I grew up neglected but it taught me how to stand on my own.  I grew up judged and harshly so but it did teach me what it means to be humble and right or wrong, that was a valuable lesson.  I grew up feeling isolated for what I contended with but later on I learned that was all in my head because everyone else had their challenges to overcome too and that they were just that, challenges to overcome.

I went so far beyond the lines I drew for myself succeeding every step of the way but without the proper framework of understanding, my success did not bring me happiness.  In fact, I found that it made me quite miserable.  So, I began to allow the shifting and transformation of thought to occur and before me what now seems like turmoil is truly only the creative stuff from which the truer success I ultimately desire can be born.  By truer success I do not mean power, position or money, I mean happiness.  I will admit that I struggle a bit with trepidation for what I face but deeper down I know that trepidation is only fear and fear can be transformed with love.  In love, I have the greatest confidence!

I have overcome insurmountable odds time and time again beating myself up in the process for not doing it in the traditional sense.  I allowed others to beat me up as well and to define me as unworthy and sadly, believing them while struggling all the harder to attain something I was told I could never achieve.  It wasn't ever really even my dream but rather something I was told I could never achieve and so I sought to prove them wrong (egotistical pursuit = waste of energy and time).  At one time I’d have said I was proud to achieve what I have and in some small ways I still am but I see my premise was flawed and I can lovingly allow myself that.  I began from a place of fear and a place of feeling not good enough just to prove to others that I was good enough to do something I didn't ever really want for myself.  Well, I did more than that, I proved to myself they were wrong about me and I need never look to the outside world for validation again.  I learned that I could achieve whatever it is (spoiler alert) I set my mind and heart towards achieving.  Therein lies the keys.  I need never again operate from a place of lack or fear by developing any need to prove anything to myself or to anyone else.  Nothing in the outside world compares to what we create for ourselves inside.

I find today in this moment that success means something different to me now than it did more than 20 years ago.  Success means one can engage in their livelihood with passion in their hearts along side those who support you without the need to manipulate you through fearful or insulting statements or pleasant ones to make you falsely feel about you anything different than the truth of who you really are.  I have learned that those who are wounded will attack you and those who want something from you will manipulate you with kindness to get what they want (Guard the ego false positive and negative statements).  I have also learned that true success is happiness in action in one’s life from which one can give more to everyone and everything around them.  True success is being who and what you truly are and doing meaningful work whether real work or project work or simply just enjoying what one has.

I’ve come to a pivotal point in my own self-development and I have to say, I’ve not handled it so well lately.  I’ve allowed stress (resistance) to take hold without questioning it’s true source.  I was simply unhappy.  I was successful by another man’s terms but not by my own.  It’s time for changes and I’m so happy for these realizations.  I can correct my thinking and embrace an outcome that is better suited towards my own desires.  I know the power of making up one’s mind and heart and pursuing a dream.  I now have different dreams, simpler dreams and I shall hold the pictures of these close, with love in my heart and a smile on my face.  I may have made some terrible mistakes up to this point in my life but I see each one as a step towards the truer success I most wish to hold (and hold, I will).  I cannot fail if I never refuse to dream and then never refuse to try.  Every step and breath matters, every thought and attitude matters and every way in which a soul takes care of themselves and others matters.  Nothing goes unseen in this universe.  It is a beautiful place and we are so fortunate to be here at this time.  What we send out into the ether with our thoughts and feelings vibrates in a frequency that brings back to us in some form or manner what we send out.  I see how this is not a fancy new age belief untested but a fact.  I've lived it.

I’ll shift my thoughts for now into some quiet meditation.  Sipping coffee, contemplating my day spent with those I love makes me smile.  I live and breathe, I feel and compassion is the biggest part of my being.  Through that compassion it is my sincere hope that if you find any shred of unhappiness in your being that you be blessed with the ability to comb through your life and your thoughts and find those false beliefs and thoughts within you (that's right, it comes from within you and not in the outside world) that prevent your happiness.  Find and transform them and be forever changed for the good.  It really is that simple once you begin to understand how truly very powerful you are in creating what you experience here on Earth.  Hold positive thoughts, use positive words, look for silver linings when faced with setbacks and never give up on seeing what it is you most want and be grateful and so very appreciative for receiving it.  It’ll manifest soon.  All you have to do is believe.

Blessings of great joy, happiness and love beautiful souls.

(photo is mine and can be used with permission)

Wandering with Intention

I wander along the pathway my thoughts have created.  I do not know or desire to, where they may lead me.  I'm content just to meander along them sifting through memories and thoughts once held important, dreams laid by the wayside and then there are the hopes.  Hopes and dreams can seem funny things sometimes.  We place much more emphasis on them than we likely should and often we do so from a seeming place of lack.  We aspire to be this or that not realizing we already are that and more.  The realization is funny even though it makes me wince a little.  The pain of this discovery always seems to feel a bit too fresh.  Years of searching, seeking understanding unknowingly and encountering one demolition after another of my poor tattered ego.  Just before I become too distraught with these memories and thoughts I realize what a beautiful thing the destruction of one's ego can be.  If off kilter in even the slightest degree one unknowingly wreaks havoc upon one's own life for reasons we have no conscious cognition of.  Decisions are often made to fend of spectres real or imagined that can truly confound all manner of happiness, logic and reason for a time.  Or, so it may seem.  What if nothing unintended ever really occurred in life? What if every single thing under the sun we encounter and experience was exactly what we intended to experience?

So many questions have I as I continue to wander through the days, years and moments of my life.  Expectations, I've learned have been an utterly ridiculous part of my experience and I laugh as I recall how I've created my own misery with them.  I decide to let go and continue to stay with this curious sway and weight the energy carries as the wandering through my own history continues.  I recall with a smile all scenes and actors even one's I cringed at finding in my play so long ago in my complete lack of understanding.  I realized some time ago that it was I that cast every actor in the scenes of the plays of  my life that I actually scripted, directed and produced.  Again, a tinge of that wincing feeling and soon I notice it's replaced by a permeating peaceful feeling.  All those anxious moments worried I was not living up to the expectations of another, all those times I judged myself by someone else's misplaced words and deeds or how I held those same thoughts towards others truly to no avail...It's so funny to me now.

Although the thoughts now seem to be traveling at lightning speed, behind the smoky anxiety looms a deeper peace and I know it's true source.  No matter what I have seen or experienced, no matter how many missteps that I have seemingly taken, no matter how much I never knew about love I find that am surrounded by it despite my best unconscious efforts to miss it in action.  Love is the very air we breathe and yet we search for it high and low in things, people and places.  We hold it within us, love surrounds us and when we get to the heart of the truth beneath all the layers of lack and loss, we find it waiting right exactly where we left it so very long ago.  A sigh leaves me as I smile at these thoughts and the frenetic manner in which they became a part of my consciousness.  No longer fearful I walk the path now in earnest.  No longer questioning now as I take each step.  No longer worried now I won't find my own light.  I realize it has guided me in every breath and step for the entirety of my life.  In a sense, in a very long and peaceful sense, I've come home.  Blessings of great love and wondrous mental meanderings on your journey dearest souls.  Be brave and courageous as you make your way through your lives.  Don't take too much too seriously and love yourselves and everyone and thing with every step and breath that you take.  You'll make your way and be so glad of it.  You can do it.  What are you waiting for?  Dream, live, laugh and love.  That's what you were born to do.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (photo from recruiterpoet.com)