A Life Lacking Authenticity = A Long, Dark and Lonely Road

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What is it within us that keeps us tied to someone else’s ideal of who or what we should be?  I think within us lives a primal fear from days long gone of being eliminated from the pack, shunned or otherwise humiliated for being authentically who we truly are.

I was reminded of these thoughts yesterday while out and about.  A simple thing no one but my partner and I noticed, but there was a woman walking down the street.  She wore brightly colored clothing that did not match.  It was partly cool ethnic, partly hippie and partly beach casual.  Absolutely nothing in her attire was in sync;  not the style, not the colors and certainly not the mixed prints.  She was a beautiful woman I thought, maybe somewhere in her forties.  My partner commented on her dress and wondered about it.  I let my senses go out and feel for what it might be that gave her the inspiration for her choice in attire.  Now mind you that I can only filter through my own perception of this reality I experience but what I felt was a spirit true to herself.  I didn’t sense mental illness, lacking awareness of fashion, drug-induced ignorance, color blindness or anything else.  I saw a soul comfortably walking her own way.  And you know what?  I respected and appreciated it so much.

Admittedly, I am a recovering co-dependent people pleaser.  I have lived most of my life trying to be what every one else thought I should be from an A student, to a star team player to a perfect wife and mother.  None of these things could I ever measure up to for long in the eyes of another.  Eventually I’d fail to live up to an ideal and oh the wicked lashing I’d get then.  Not from those with the expectations of me but from my own mind.  That, in my opinion sitting here this morning, is the absolute worst. 

Somewhere along the timeline of my life a feeling grew inside of my core that could no longer be ignored.  I was tired of working so hard for an unachievable perfection that I nearly imploded and in that moment was true perfection born.  I began to question why on Earth would I ever endeavor to be anything other than who and what I actually was?  I realized that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, my choices, or my desires for my own life, (except for the minor point that I had no clue what any of that was).

As I look back on my life I see so much of the authentic real person within me who tried so hard to fight its way out of my ego’s seemingly forced invisibility.  There is such a thing as an inverse ego.  It is a very fragile one as are most wounded egos.  But something within me kept begging for cognition, awareness and the desire to throw away invisibility and anyone or anything that required that of me.

I spent years then trying on new things to see if it felt right and good and in the process, did the best I could to raise my children the way I thought best despite the frustration of the expectations of others, despite the lectures and the “you oughtta’s.”  I became a self-made success nearly in spite of myself and that’s kind of funny to me.  By sheer force of will I reduced all barriers to mere rubble so-to-speak and I forged a new path if even in pure darkness and eventually as the twists and turns of my life completed themselves, I came to the tiniest glimmer of light from deep within.  I no longer question who I am and have come to learn that I need not worry so much about what others think because they don’t define me, I don’t define me.  The part of me that would try to define me is only my ego and it is incapable.  So, I have learned that I am of two minds in a very interesting and psych-spiritual-philosophical way.  I see myself getting caught up in things and I pull myself out with rational thought and a true sense of authenticity but usually not unscathed.  But those scrapes, bumps and bruises from exploration have taught me what I am not by process of elimination.  Some of you may identify with that process of learning.  It is a very interesting path to say the least!

I rebel against the idea of dictates towards me now near automatically.  I work very hard to quiet the voice inside my head that tries still to tell me who and what to be and well, how to do it even.  I grapple and struggle with that voice that says, “No, you’re wrong, you can’t do that and you’ll never make it this way or that way.”  I struggle with that voice because I see its true origin – again, malware in the psyche.  It’s not mental illness per se.  This is more environmental psychology – along the lines of the natural effect of living in a perfectly imperfect world with individuals who did not understand a human being’s true potential.

Every single soul on the planet does the only thing they know how to do…even when they are doing things morally judged as wrong, mean, horrible, awful, insulting, demeaning, etc.  We all have choices to make in life; including how to manage the effects of our own very personal environmental psychology.

Walking your own path in life can sometimes be a lonely experience.  When you refuse to conform to societal norms or enforced conformity for the ease of others, life takes on a new meaning and the challenge that arises becomes an invitation to climb.  And by climb, I mean climbing out of the pit of other’s ideals of who you should be and embracing the true authenticity within you, accepting yourself exactly as you are and loving yourself despite any lingering traces of a voice whispering negative thoughts to thwart your progress.  The lonlier path truly is complacency, sleepy conformity and ignoring your own true inner feelings and spiritual urgings.

Being authentic means you have found your true inner voice and it will no longer keep quiet.  You can recognize the true inner voice by the way that it speaks to you so that you can feel the purity of the flow within you.  This is the voice you can begin to recognize as the higher part of the self guiding you up and out of the lower designs of the ego.  The ego is not to be destroyed mind-you, but rather understood and then transcended.  Old paradigms of thought and outmoded methods of activity can be overcome when you grab hold of those few precious nano seconds between judgment, emotion and action.  The span is so short from a human timeline perspective that if you remain asleep and unaware that such times are a gift in which you can step out of normal reaction and into, instead, understanding and thoughtful response, you might miss a beautiful opportunity to truly see yourself just as beautifully as you are.  It is absolutely amazing the way you can truly feel living life honestly from a place of authenticity.

Why does this matter, I often write in my posts.  I want you to think for just a moment about why this matters.  If you live the life someone else designs for you – even if that design comes from your own ego spurred on by environmental psychology and unconscious malware, this is a recipe for a very unhappy and unfulfilling life.  I don’t want that for myself certainly and I don’t want that for you either.  I can pretend I am a teacher of sparkling and impeccable thoughts and actions but that would be a lie.  I teach from the heart by real experience that I have been through, that I grapple with and that I succeed at if even painfully sometimes.  I like to find meaning in the ugliness and take it as a personal challenge to find some shred of beauty in it no matter how long and hard I must contemplate, reflect and adjust my sometimes-myopic vision.

This is one incredible ride…life.  It is meant to be lived from the heart and soul of you. When you can determine that which most prevents you from living life in joy from the truest center of your being, everything changes from the mundane to the extraordinary.  You become (once again) extraordinary and the thought of that makes me smile.  Blessings for your journey beautiful dreamers.  Find that thread of authenticity fighting within you for conscious cognition.  Give it a tug with a smile on your face and be willing to deal with all the stuff that falls out.  It’s that “stuff” that you must wade through and clean up to get to the good stuff in life.  Be fearless and courageous.  You were born of the stuff of the stars that shine so very brightly.  Live your life like you mean it straight from the heart.  Much love and light always and in all ways. And, So, It Is!

 

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© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo and words)

If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy my books.  You can find them at http://www.jaiehart.com or Amazon Kindle and even in Nook.  Bless!

Fearless Introspection is the Way to Freedom

When faced with something toxic, gently set it down.  Examine it dispassionately for the purpose of understanding for in that understanding therein lies a true and beautiful opportunity to gain wisdom and insight into your own spirit.

The above statement came to me earlier this week and turned out to be a bit precognitive in nature.  I’ve written about malware in the psyche in some of my works and we all have it.  As uncomfortable as it may feel, when you are faced with yours, it can be both frightening and exhilarating at the very same time.  When moving through our day to day we come across a present day scenario that sets off a trigger from a moment in the recent past, it feels so very uncomfortable.  When you set that down and look at it from a calm and peaceful perspective, you begin to see the entirety of  the picture in that the recent trigger is not the only one and that is exactly why you may feel completely undone (even if you don’t show it on the outside).  I’m a highly functioning member of society.  I have much insight about any number of things but must admit that turning it inward is much work.  That’s a little funny to me because all the things I write about are based on direct experience.  I'm just as infected with malware as everyone else on the planet.  The only difference I've become more aware of it over time and have learned that through that awareness we can buy ourselves precious seconds to over-ride our automatic mental operating systems infected with malware and make healthier choices for ourselves.

Writers are always encouraged to write what they know.  Well, if I wrote only about emotional trauma, distress and disappointment, I’d be writing soap operas that are useless and reinforcing the negative rather than embodying a curious reflection in the fullness of faith in myself to face whatever it is that has been created by me in my life to deal with.  So, I’m reflecting this morning about a trigger I faced this week.

I can’t reveal all the details because others are involved but I will just say that a fear seemingly originating from just a bit further back in my timeline seemed to be manifesting in my present.  I thought I had solved that fear by stepping off the battlefield and taking a different path.  But fear is funny – if you don’t deal with it head on, it will reappear not to drive you crazy but to give you a better opportunity to understand it.  So, I encountered this opportunity this week and  in the moment of discovery, my body and mind were in reactive mode with so much toxic emotion that I could barely function.  I realized that even though I was in an emotionally reactive state I could still feel the opportunity I had to experience this fearful thing with grace.  Also, fortunately for me, I had  the benefit of unexpected assistance in a moment that helped me realize I was safe to explore what was really happening.  Now, this particular situation is an ongoing one and so I had to ask myself, “Why am I reacting like I am right now?”  I was stunned by an unanticipated and seemingly uncontrollable involuntary emotional reaction.  My own response is in part due to the event I mentioned a little further back in my timeline when I found myself in a similar emotionally reactive state.  I thought I solved this issue at its source when my inner guidance prompted me to take a new direction in an area of my life.  I followed and life was still tough but ultimately it was better.

There was a part of the scenario that always had the potential to come back and it did, a tiny little sliver of it in just the way I most feared and my body unconsciously reacted to that tiny sliver as if I was squared off on the battlefield with broadsword in hand again.  I analyzed my own reactions being of two minds always on a thing – the object and the subject both witness and experiencer of life.  And so, I curiously felt my way through, letting the emotion be…trying not to beat myself up in my thoughts that all of my progress was for naught – all of my progress was brilliant and perfect and the only threat was a perceived one and not a real one.  There was an old fear that creeped up – a fear that I could not handle what was before me.  A lie inside my own mind I recognized immediately but it generated emotion.  I had no choice in the moment other than to let the emotion have its voice and so I just allowed it to be.  I am emotional today but I am also something more – I am wise for my experience of the recent and not too distant past experience but with a little analysis and reflection I see this is a pattern and theme.  There is a string of these very same things that run through the whole of my conscious experience here in physical reality.  This means there was a moment where a certain kind of fear was installed in the form of mental malware by careless individuals who knew not one ounce better.  An old belief was uncovered and that belief was, "I am not good enough."  This realization became a threat to my current conscious belief of what being good enough is.  I realized that the source of the old belief of "not-good enough" was fighting to become completely conscious.

I see the string of triggers and events and their meaning to me, so personalized, so perfect and so me to combat something such as a belief that was never mine but one given me not so much in word but in circumstance (and well, sometimes word).  If I could give you all of the specifics it would make so much more sense but I cannot as it involves others I said and their part in this journey are confidential and well truly irrelevant to my present thoughts and understanding.  I see them as blessed teaches of a very tough life lesson, the threatening of self at the level of a belief held unconsciously.  This is the most destructive type of thoughts there is.  It is unreal should you ever encounter it.  The belief – is null, invalid and untrue and no soul who approaches me and attempts to push that belief back upon me will be met with nothing other than compassion along with a very strong rejection of any form of illusory attack.

My reaction this week was a cellular reaction of a child who knew they were being told a lie, a destructive lie that was reinforced so many times that it crossed their ethical line into oblivion.  I see now that child and how her presence within me today, the way she evoked an unconscious reaction in me in my present situation was the most beautiful gift I have been given in a long time.  The gift of wisdom and the gift of insight…She has been speaking to me for years through anxiety, depression, disappointment and self-limiting thoughts.  She has been fighting to get me to remember the time before we were given the belief – the malware…remember that moment when you knew and believed in the truth of you, that you stood in the brilliance of your own light unphased by the insanity of the malware of others and there do I still stand.

As I reflect on my present day triggering of a core level aspect of malware, I’m shaken a bit physically and emotionally but the observer of the subject (both are me) are actually over joyed.  There is no threat. There is only bad behavior I prefer not to tolerate and there are my choices I will make in line with my own light.  I will participate in full awareness of the truth of my being, I know what I’m capable of and I know where my boundaries are.  I will exercise all aspects of the fullness of my being to face this trigger once and for all knowing no matter what comes of the situation, I am safe, I will be safe and no words or actions can ever change that.  By safe I mean emotionally safe.  This is no physical threat that I face but the challenge of healing an old emotional wound.

We are such amazing and complex creatures.  Beautiful aspects of The Whole are we.  I find as I stand in that light, it's time now to challenge my own perspectives.  For in so doing, the present elements I face become nothing but actors playing roles in a play I thought I might find entertaining to bear witness to.  So creative it is and I’m pleased in this moment at the creativity expressed by all who have participated from the first moments in the long distant past to the present individuals who stand in the roles now.  What a blessing it is to reach a moment of understanding of a life lesson learned and finally understood.

 

© 2015 (photo and words)

Healthy Detachment: A Far Cry Different Than Being a Doormat

In spiritual circles, there is much discussion about detaching or rising above something frustrating or bad behavior that truly is wholly unacceptable.  This talk ensues leaving an earnest seeker thinking they are somehow trapped in the space of forcing down anger and frustration while they try to rise above something or not let something bother them.  It is so very important to note that many spiritual principles are discussed but not necessarily understood in their proper context and without that context, you could be misapplying principles to your own psychological detriment. 

Healthy detachment does not mean that you walk around letting everyone use you as a doormat while you just smile and I say, I love you or I forgive you.  You can do and say these things, absolutely!  But, if you are in any way being inauthentic about that, you are actually harming yourself.  Sometimes you have to say something until you mean it but that is mostly applicable to negative self-talk and that is certainly not what I’m talking about here.  What I’m talking about here is actually several concepts wrapped up into one designed to help you better understand how you can make some choices that will hopefully be more in line with your integrity and authenticity as well as helping you understand human interactions and their true intent.

Let’s face it and be real up front, not all of us know how to play nice in the sand box in terms of human behavior.  We’ve even been guilty of this kind of behavior ourselves, lets be very honest, at least at some point in our timelines.  The first part about this concept is to understand that another’s bad behavior is not your doing, is not your fault and is nothing for you to carry no matter how loudly the poor behaving person screams from the mountain tops.  Bad behavior is about the person conducting it and not you.  Learn accountability for your own behavior and you will start to notice where that accountability is lacking in another.  When you start to notice, don’t slip into the trap of judging another’s side of the street dirtier than yours because that doesn’t really lift you up either.  You have to deal with what you face to get the true meaning and essence of the life lesson before you.  

When people behave poorly to us, until we break old patterns of our own thoughts and normal reactions to the behavior or others, that behavior is likely to generate negative emotion within us.  That’s perfectly fine and completely okay.  Allow yourself to feel the emotion and then consider whether you might be able to understand its true message to you.  Perhaps that message is simply this:  Some people have suffered environmental psychology they are either unable or unwilling to change and this causes them to behave poorly and sometimes even in ways that hurts your feelings.  Fighting back with vengeful-type behavior is like trying to put out fire with gasoline.  You’re likely the one to go up in flames.  I always suggest that when someone has hurt your feelings with their behavior, it’s best to take a moment, a breath or even a walk long enough for you to gain your composure to the point you can articulate how you feel.  Then I’m going to suggest that if it is safe for you to do so, tell the person how you feel when they behave in a certain way.  I suggest that you don’t attack the person but instead you focus on the behavior.

State your piece and then get ready to let go of your attachment to outcomes.  You see, people who behave poorly cannot change their behavior until they learn how.  You can speak how you feel when it is safe to do so (or journal or talk to a trusted friend or adviser if it is not safe for you to speak how you feel) but you can’t control another person or their behavior at the end of the day.  To complicate matters even more, the way you perceive the “bad behavior” is filtered through your own environmental psychology and part of the emotion you feel may not necessarily be from the outside world at all but for something within you left unexamined, a belief held and long-forgotten that you were unconsciously reminded of by someone else’s bad behavior.  Regardless of your perception, regardless of the reason for the other person’s bad behavior, you can express how you feel about it.  Consider a discourse rather than a raging argument.  Consider a moment of listening within for what is calling to you.  Listening without for what someone else is really saying.

There is a final part to this and this is perhaps the most important.  If you’re getting the message and still the bad behavior continues and you really don’t want to participate, that’s where you have to choose your own side and set a boundary to protect yourself.  The best way to do that is to step off the battlefield or seek the appropriate assistance with processing what is happening and making the best choices for you.  Healthy detachment is when you arrive at a place where you know what “stuff” in an interaction is your “stuff” and what “stuff” in an interaction belongs to another.  Set boundaries.  Participate only in what you wish to participate in and do so gladly whether that means stepping further into discussion or stepping off the battlefield entirely.  Know that you were put here to be no one’s door mat.  Sometimes some people behave so poorly that the only way you can hear your own inner messages on whatever it is they brought up for you is to get away and spend as little time as possible with that person.  Set a boundary around what you will or won’t participate in.

In closing, truly for your own sake and benefit, you must let go of the idea that you have the power to change another’s behavior.  Healthy detachment means that you truly understand that you have power only to understand and control your own behavior, make your own choices for your own ideals.  No other can be accurately judged by your standards, perceive exactly the way you do or contain within the exact same messages for life lessons that need learning like you do.  Healthy detachment means that you allow yourself the authenticity to feel how you feel, think before you act or react and that you choose then what you will or will not participate in.  It is work and hard work sometimes.  The malware that runs rampant within our sense of self-needs to be right, validated and vindicated and thinks it can control others.  This is an illusion. 
  

With healthy detachment you can show yourself compassion by allowing your feelings to be felt, seeking understanding, speaking up if you need to be heard and then moving on if need be in order to set boundaries more in line with your own personal integrity.  You can also show another through healthy detachment, the respect and the courtesy to allow them to be exactly who they are without your interference or requiring them to change.  Participate or don’t but let go of any idea of getting them to change.  Let go of the thoughts of “only if.”  You can “only if” every single relationship or encounter and never will you get to the space of healthy detachment while you dig yourself deeper into the emotional egotistical drama of it all.  If you want to engage in it, it is up to you but if it isn’t healthy for you then you have some choices to make to get off the floor and decide you will detach rather than be a doormat or martyr. There is nothing of true value in that for you.  You’ve done nothing so wrong that you deserve such self-inflicted punishment.  Know this and feel the truth of it within you.

These are no easy things to learn.  Simple in concept perhaps but more challenging in action and action for you personally is what this is all about.  Your timeline, your life and your experiences are about you but not necessarily in the way you might think.  So, give yourselves room to be, to feel, and to respond to life as you deem most appropriate. Detach from the need to manipulate or control what you consider to be bad behavior in others and try if you can to accept people and situations just exactly as they are.  If you don’t like their behavior, set boundaries for yourself, communicate your boundaries where needed and you can go on living, understanding, expanding and growing in a healthy manner in your life.

 

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo/words)

If you like this post, you might enjoy some of the concepts in my books.  You can visit my website at:

Http://www.JaieHart.com.

The Ultimate Learning - Simply Put.

On the path, we may come to learn to be conscientious. We may then learn about sympathy. From there we may graduate to empathy. From there we may learn the mastery of true love and then compassion - The Ultimate Learning!

To elaborate a bit further:

• When Conscientious, we realize that other people have feelings too and we seek consideration of them as we go through our lives. Conscientious is good but just a stage on the path.

 

• When Sympathetic, we certainly mean well but eventually learn sympathy truly reinforces another's weakness and is truly an act of malware in the ego.  Sympathy is not the goal but a stage we move through.

 

• When we graduate to Empathy, we have learned to not only feel within to but to feel others as well. The challenge then becomes the ability to set boundaries and the realization that we need not carry another's burden in pain or emotion. Empathy is not the destination but yet another stage on the path.

 

• When we come to Love and we learn that it begins within us, we learn to carry ourselves and to allow others to be as they are. Love is not the only destination but still, yet, another stage in the journey of self-realization and ultimate discovery.

 

• When we find Compassion, we learn to love all as we love ourselves, including this world and all worlds. Compassion allows an understanding at the deepest levels possible and is an imperative on the path to true understanding.

 

• The stages continue on refining and enhancing us as we move along in our lives like diamonds shaped to that perfect light reflecting sparkle.  A return to ourselves with a knowing we held the light all along.

Bless.

 

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo and words)

Are You Giving Just to Get? How's That Going For you?

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Do you give in your life only to get something in return?  In this article we’re going to explore the conscious energetic flow of the mind sets of giving to give and giving to get.  It is important to understand flow and how you create what you truly desire in life.  It requires a lot of courage to take a cold hard look at your own actions and see where you truly are.  Are you ready?  Are you certain?  Okay, let’s dig in.

There is an unspoken psychology as to which side of the fence you sit on and in actuality either one can be healthy or unhealthy depending upon your own motives.  When you can strike that balance of health reality and positive frame of reference to begin with, you are “in-flow” and create an entirely different set of circumstances than when you are out of balance, in a fearful or negative frame of reference to begin with and are “out-of-flow.”  So, how does this really work?  First, you have to understand your own internal messaging a little bit and you have to understand your true motives and beliefs.  If you do not know your true self and your true motives, your outcomes will never match your expectations.  So, the whole “Law of Attraction” or “Secret” work that you may engage in with passion after studying up will not matter a hill of beans to you if you don’t first understand how you negatively create.

First of all Quid Pro Quo – I give and you give back to me is a heavy expectation but it’s not so bad if both parties mutually agree and give consent in a clear state of full and fair disclosure.  If you go into the agreement as such then both agree to conditions and terms of giving and reciprocation and you might see some gains.  If you give with unspoken expectations you are ultimately giving from a state of fear or lack or from a psychological need to control or be controlled…sometimes this one is even pure manipulation in action and it carries over into every area of life.  If you give for gain only, that giving is conditional and will only interrupt the natural flow.  You may see some gains but you'll likely experience more loss and disappointment in the end, not to mention create sometimes a bit of conflict verbal or otherwise.

If you give, give for the beauty and flow of the feeling of giving.  Give in a space of benevolence, of abundance and of positive frame regardless of what comes back.  When you give from this space, what you give comes back to you and often ten fold.

Important to note is that when you give just for gain or to get, that also comes right back to you and locks you into this give-get-give-get without necessarily getting the truly good stuff “in-flow” with the positive circulation of thought and energy.  I know it may sound hokey or New Agey but the New Age wisdom isn’t actually new.  Our ancient philosophers understood this and ancient schools of thought promoted this concept – “give for the flow of giving.”

Now, I do not suggest any human being become a giving door mat.  If you find yourself in such a space, you may be unconsciously giving to get.  Follow your heart when it comes to giving that is how you stay “in-flow.”  Follow the ego solely in terms of your giving for gain and you will be trapped in a space of conditional giving – the old axiom says it best – I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine. This might work in some places but the energy forces one person potentially to do something that forces them to potentially cross their own boundaries just to achieve a goal or gain favor with you. This interferes with "in-flow" behavior.

I suggest to you that if you are giving in order to obligate someone to reciprocate, you are operating from a sense of lack and you’ll continually find yourself in conflict with the flow and in fact, will be disrupting your own.  When you give, “in-flow” with no expectation, what you give comes back to you.  Some like to call this Karmic law but it’s more than that and we are by far greater than that.  If you want benevolence, be benevolent.  If you want unconditional appreciation and respect, be that and give that with no strings attached.  This is not to say that if you offer a service for money and you set that out clearly and honestly in advance and consenting adults agree to this kind of reciprocal and conditional contract is a problem, it isn’t.  And, such a contract mutually agreed upon is not negative manipulation outside of the flow.  When you say, “I did this for you, now you must do something for me” you are outside of the flow.  You are outside of the flow because you assumed mutual contractual agreement.  In such cases you create from an unhealthy state.  A way to avoid this is to obtain mutual consent, clarify mutual agreement first, be open and honest and fully disclose in advance to stay “in-flow.”

In this world there are givers and there are takers.  Some will take, take, take while you just give, give, give.  Don’t worry about them so much.  Start to focus on any beliefs or assumptions you have made about a contractual agreement or mutual reciprocation for your giving if that is what you desire and you will keep yourselves “in-flow.”  Keeping yourself “in-flow” is what keeps your giving coming back to you.  It’s funny how it works.  Give from a good place within you -- a place that wants to feel good for giving.  If you want someone to give back, say so before you give or you risk much disappointment.  Unspoken expectation is like a retroactive contract clamped on someone like an iron cage and it truly is a recipe for disaster and is actually a very nasty form of manipulation.  That also stops your natural positive flow.

Keep something in mind - while you may  naturally be conscientious and one who automatically returns favors given honorably and honestly, not every one is.  Judging others by how you behave will also take you out of flow.  To stay "in-flow" you need to understand that all of humanity is motivated differently, have different levels of awareness as well as the ability for consideration.  Just tuck that knowledge away and then act accordingly.

So, take a look at your motivations, clarify your intention, speak it to those from which you are hoping to gain, be honest, hold yourself to a high standard of integrity, honor and honesty and in your dealings express that this is what you require if you are desiring a contractual type exchange (and this includes the relationship arena as well).  If you can do this, those onboard have an opportunity to join with you “in-flow” or decide to opt out and they should be permitted the free will to opt-out and your allowance will maintain your “in-flow” actions and behavior.

In life, we win some and we lose some.  We lose more by unspoken expectation, giving from a place of fear and manipulating others for our needs dishonestly.  Just some food for thought beautiful dreamers.  Question your motives, question your actions, question the motives of others not in a paranoid manner but in an honest and honorable manner.  Confirm your agreements and expectations before you assume that people will return what you give. Quid pro quo should be agreed to openly and not assumed, expected or retroactively imposed.  If you are uncertain about whether an unspoken contract is being imposed upon you, notice how your body feels about this if your mind cannot grasp it or is confused.  Stand in your own light and question obligations you are not ready to take on and say so if you are not consenting to the contract or obligation.  You get to choose what you will or won't participate in as well as create.

Blessings.

 

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©  2015,  Jaie Hart

Photo:  http:www.ahusbandsepiphany.com

Superiority? Realy? Let's Think This Through? (Re-Post)

For reasons I don’t understand I’m called to look back into history in order to try to discern how and why women became regarded as property and of value only to the extent men wished them to bear children.  I am not a feminist (but do not begrudge them at all) but a soul who finds great distaste in any form of oppression of souls condemned to be lesser by those who foist themselves up as greater.  Call it a character flaw if you will but it discomforts me greatly to see such a long history of abuse that is still often perpetuated today.  In History as a Weapon by Howard Zinn, you can see in the United States at least in its very early beginnings, the dismal manner in which women were treated merely because they were women.  Then a quick glance around the internet and we see that many women around the world throughout history were great leaders.  A quick excerpt of many of them can be found at http://www.womeninworldhistory.com/rulers.html.  So I wonder, why, why were women treated so horribly?  Why were women singled out to become mere property and other too dismal to expand upon objects? It’s really a question there is no answer to other than in my own opinion, fear and stupidity.

In my querying I mean to position neither of the sexes as superior to the other but to point out that mistreatment based on sex alone, religion alone or culture alone is of the same ilk…fear and stupidity.  I usually keep my opinions to myself but I’m bothered by mistreatment of any class for any reason.  The depth of which this subject bothers me is I see it in the world, I see it in my own neighborhood and I hear it on the news which I try hard not to watch (but since others do and talk about it, I still must hear the horrors perpetuated by the unaware and woefully unawakened).  As much as it disappoints and even at times causes me much pain, I cannot sink to the same level as those who created the problems to begin with.  I will not hate.  It’s just a personal commitment I have made to myself.  I will become not one bit a part of the problem but I cannot stand by and watch it consistently perpetuated and have no feelings either - I think.  I can pray or join an organization and stand with greater voices and numbers to help decry the wrongs and strive to help put them right through education but never ever could I engage in the violence so many choose when feeling as I do just now. 

I see the reports of youth carrying out random acts of violence based solely on color of skin or choice of romantic entanglement and it makes me want to cry.  Why do we raise a whole generation of children perpetuating even more fear and loathing of our racial, religious, sexual or political differences?  We could accomplish so much more in this world if we stood together side by side in the one manner that unifies every single one of us on the planet.  I refer to us all being members of the human race.  If we stood together unified, without any fear of each other or without the need for control by the men declaring superiority over the women, or the white declaring supremacy over the black or the perfectly religious over those wrongly considered mere and vile pagans, we might be able to help each other through this thing we call life.

I realize that the incredulous feeling that rises within me is merely yet another message from me to me for me to figure out and better understand. I have great capacity for understanding both the oppressors and the oppressed but where does that leave me other than greatly conflicted as I read of or learn about the latest heinous activity committed during the day?  Why can we not have a society in which everyone has a better and more equal role?  We are so smart and resourceful today.  Why can we not find a way to use the strength of that intelligence and resourcefulness to teach our children to choose love over hate, to stand up for what is morally right, to live in this world giving their best to contribute to the human race as a whole rather than to just a select few deemed worthy only by a select few who claim worthiness to determine worthiness?

I grew up very poor in the welfare system.  My parents were uneducated and unable to cope with the intricacies of the workings of the world in which they found themselves.  They were looked down upon by others because they were good looking people but were so very poor.  Under-performers were they judged and maybe that was so but they had a right to be respected as human beings.  So does every poor person, every homeless person, every addicted person, every soul who has had to steal to feed their families and even every criminal who is acting out the perpetual cycle of victim turned villain by pain and abuse.  If we could stop this cycle of fear and hate maybe the pain would finally end.  But that is my very human side that cries out in pain for all of those who were wounded and thrown away.  My heart will always ache for them but then again,  maybe not all is horribly and irretrievably lost.  

Maybe if we were to pay attention to the themes and roles that are occurring right now at this point in the history of this planet and see how it has repeated in nearly all societies throughout the civilized history of this planet, we might just learn something.  If we could look to the good and focus on creating more of that and if we could look to the bad that hurt those societies and brought them crumbling to the ground and then refused to engage in or perpetuate that, maybe life could be better on Earth.   Maybe Pollyanna is my twin sister huh?

I’m afraid I have no real answers, just a heavy heart this morning seeking broader resolution that may never come.  It may never come because I live in a framework not designed to resolve these dilemmas of thought I’m choosing to assign emotion to in this moment.  In a single moment I can dispassionately re-review history, I can re-review the news reports and see everything as if it is a book of lessons from which we are all given the opportunity to learn and I mean really learn.  As with all students, some will take a class and pass, get the lesson and move on to their next class thus achieving the goals of their lesson plan overall.  Some will take the class, miss the concepts the lessons were designed to teach and be doomed to fail the class thus having to repeat it or give up altogether on the goal of mastering their education.  I’ve referred to this place, this beautiful planet in our Milky Way Galaxy as the Earth School and I do so on purpose.  Perhaps I am but learning one of the hardest lessons of this place and that is that it just is what it is concerning prejudice, judgment, hate, idiocy, stupidity, pain, suffering and missing opportunities out of nothing but fear.  

The only choice that I can find the courage and strength to muster is just to love all whether or not I understand the reasons why they do this or that or not do this or that.  Women are not lesser beings than men.  Black men are not lesser beings than white men.  Gay, Lesbian and Transgender human beings are not lesser than heterosexual human beings.  Members who choose one form of religious expression are not lesser than human beings who choose other forms of religious expression or no religious expression at all.  This I understand and must still love all regardless because that is who I am.  I must realize that I stand in a framework here that I do not totally and completely understand and my role is not to turn the tides on everything wrong in this place but to seek to understand it and learn from it.  At some point, perhaps, I’ll stop grieving for those I see so horribly mistreated and realize that they may just be the bravest and most amazing souls that ever existed because of the sacrifices they selflessly made so that those of us watching would learn and see.  My deepest respect goes to them all throughout all time past, present and into the future.  

I can share nothing else with these series of thoughts anything other than a hope.  My hope is for greater compassion in each human being on this planet, greater understanding and love to eradicate fear and greater tolerance and understanding to end the suffering of those who are different.  Realizing that in this world where my true power to affect change lies is in one place and in one place only…within me, I now understand there is much I can do.  I can change my thoughts and how I assign emotion.  If I can heal from the pain I see in this world, I know that I can create the energy and a path for others to follow.  If I can learn, hold compassion, love and understanding, I can create a pathway for others to follow, just as I have followed the path after those who learned before me.  I need more coffee and a moment of silence in the stillness of this cool summer morning to appreciate all that is and all who have lived and do live here in this framework today.  Oh, and one more thing, on the men versus women thing (and this may certainly have broader applicability to all the other better than issues I have cited), I truly believe we each have strengths and weaknesses.  I believe truly that when we come together we all gain from our strengths.  One sex is not better than the other but when both sexes work together in love, harmony and respect...great and amazing things come.  That's it for my morning caffeine induced ramblings.  ~May the Source bless each and every one of you with courage and strength, much love and healing light.  Have a blessed day.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (the photo is of Anne Hutchinson that I found randomly on the internet.  You can read more about her here:  http://www.annehutchinson.com/anne_hutchinson_biography_001.htm)



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Chasing Rainbows is a Worthy Endeavor - Just Don't Mind the Rain (Re-Post)

Watching the sunrise through gray skies and rain is no less beautiful than when the clouds are all gone.  The colors change but even the shades of gray broken up by fresh green grass and the few leaves left on the trees washed clean can be incredibly inspirational.  The quality of the color of the skies leading up to and then following those rainy days are like magic to me.  Sometimes I think I know all of the colors and then I’ll drive into the sunrise awestruck at having discovered new shades of smoky neon pink and silver and golden tinged peach.  Oh, can you just imagine it?  For nearly half a century I’ve watched the sun rise and set and still I am learning about new colors?!  What?!

Okay, maybe that’s a bit too peppy for this cool rainy Sunday but I don’t really care.  I love it when it rains and I love it when it doesn’t.  I love every day and when I think of my life in this way I find the colors change.  Blue is not just blue, it’s cerulean or azure.  Red isn’t just red, it’s scarlet or crimson.  Your perception is what you allow it to be.  It can be heavy with the filters of your experiences in life that limit the colors right in front of you OR it can be transparent and open allowing the full spectrum of unanticipated or before known to you colors to appear on your horizons in the blink of an eye.  It’s amazing when you notice the befores and the afters.

I have seen dark stormy days that seemed like they’d never end.  Sometimes this or that created this filter of experience that left me feeling as if I were trapped in this vortex of absolute dire distress, doom and gloom.  Lucky for me I figured out that such moments are usually short in duration if and only if I decide to shove the negativity out of my perspective and open up to the lesson instead.  What caused the darkness to enter my realm of experience?  Was it the lingering past hurt I forgot about?  Was it that one that occurred so long ago I allowed to be reinforced over and over again unchallenged?  Was it just an unfortunate series of tragedies and stress?  No matter.  All can still eventually be dealt with through greater understanding. There is a reason we encounter the things we do and it is up to us regarding how we wish to integrate that into our experience. 

At first it doesn’t seem like we have a choice.  Environmental psychology may have dictated our deeply ingrained beliefs laced with fear and wounding.  But, when we begin to understand the true source of those things, challenge all facets of thwm in terms of proving the beliefs to be truths or a series of misguided falsehoods, we can learn to embrace a new experience all-together and one free from the filters of the past psychological trauma and drama.  It can be done.  I’m telling you from experience and not just some made up positivity mumbo jumbo that won’t do you any good.  I have walked through the darkness of despair.  I have challenged my beliefs and rooted out their misguided existence and I have faced the pain, the terror, the fear and worry and then a light appeared at the end of a very long, dark and lonely road…freedom….the colors of life in a full spectrum…and all the love in the universe.

I won’t lie, it’s not an easy road and there is no one that can bring you there, give you a pill or point you to a drive through where you order up some healing to lift the filters of a life filled with malware and pain.  You have to be the one who wants to do the work first and then it is you who must map out the steps, find a way to leave behind you the fear of the dark and embrace hard work, roll up your sleeves and dig into the stuff that just prevents you from experiencing the beauty and magic of this world.  Sometimes you do need help with that – so get it. What are you waiting for anyway?  (smiles).  You can do so much to create joy, beauty and magic in your life.  You don’t have to spend a lot of money, but you do need to invest in yourself in some way.  Figure out what makes you tick; figure out what you really love without the filters of worry, fear and pain.  Find something healthy to do to lift your spirits knowing that THAT is your true state and if you are not now in it, you can be.  You really can be.

The picture above is not the prettiest picture or the best shot I could have taken and that doesn’t even matter…what matters is I saw it…a beautiful rainbow right there in the sky and I shot it to remember that the memory of the rain coming in to cover the sun brought me the gift of a rainbow.  There are so many gifts in life if we decide to look for the beauty, the color and enjoy life even if a storm is rolling in.  We were meant to enjoy life.  Find a way, a very whole and healthy way and walk that road not with hope born of fear it cannot be but with the very strong faith born of love and truth that lies deep within the heart of you to get you there.  You can.  Really!

 

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo and words)