Let This One Go

The gulls soar over head back to the sea while in the opposite direction and much further up, beautiful white clouds sail across an infinite sea of blue.  Muted sunlight brightens the back drop of just another amazing day in paradise.  I recount the day that escaped me in minutes unseen.  A surge of energy swept me away this morning as my list of chores was growing ever longer.  I made my way to them and then from one to another and noticed a bliss permeating my being.  I asked Divine Mother to assist me in thoroughly and clearly contemplating a matter near and dear to my heart.  In the moment of my asking, my heart felt heavy and the tears were very close to falling.  One moment longer and my prayer was answered but not in the way I thought it might be.  At the time I had wished to rethink a matter that had been heavy on my heart for years.  I wanted to reconsider whether I had done the right thing because in one emotional moment so far from me now, I made a fateful decision while in the throes of pure emotional exasperation and distress.  I did not know what else to do and wondered if I should open myself to revisiting the matter with those involved.  As the seconds passed into minutes after having asked for intervention, I was astounded to find a healing love descending upon my entire being. The more love I felt, the more the pain dissolved until it was no more within me.  I wondered, is this it?  Is this the answer, the pain of it is removed from me?  The only response I received from my questioning was pure and sweet bliss.  I drove around as often I do when I'm thinking through significant matters and nothing could deter this bliss...not the man who unthinkingly cut me off, not hitting every single light red for twenty minutes straight, not shopping traffic or people milling about when they ought be moving.  Within each soul I could see and feel a bright star shining, that light was love and it didn't matter what people said or did, I knew the truth of a moment.  So, the lesson of love continued and brought me greater understanding.  It was so simple, I nearly missed it.  At times we do the only things we know how to do whether right or wrong.  The reasoning then for whatever we did won't matter in the end as much as the love that we hold for everyone - including self...and the ability to create or allow forgiveness to ease the guilt and shame of regret.

In my particular situation, I wished that I had handled things differently once upon a time. But I handled a matter the only way I knew how at the time.  There is no shame in that, there is no pain in that and now, regardless, there is nothing but love for the parties involved whether or not I can bring myself to say the words. To open the door to say those words brings back all of those things I tried so hard to defend against.  The door shall remain closed but my prayers for love, for healing and light will continue always unto the rest of my days.  So be it then, I let this one go.

How Do You Carry a Cactus?

How does one carry a cactus? A question I have asked myself many times these passed five years.  Something I have always intuitively if not consciously known is that the cactus contains within it the same spark of divinity and love that unfolds in all of the other plants and flowers in existence.  Logically, I know this and when I open up my heart to the infinite, believe me, I feel this.  A little story to share.  Some time ago, a cactus came to call.  It requested my assistance actually and me, feeling so egotistical and superior, thought to lend myself to it's assistance.  Considering with gentleness, I did my best to carry it but then felt the painful wounds as with my bare hands I learned that I was ill equipped to carry a cactus.  I felt bitterly sorry that I could not carry the cactus as the pain was just too great for me.  The cactus then did a funny thing, it began releasing it's prickly appendages with force in my direction and as each landed, sorrowfully I felt the pain as each of it's barbs met its mark deep within in my skin.  I felt terrible and fought back and screamed, "How is it that you should be angry with me?  I carried you and it cut me deeply.  I went as far as I could but had to put you back where you were.  You are a cactus and I have only bare hands with which to carry you and the stickers full around you pierce my skin and cause me to bleed. My arms were already full and now I do not wish to feel pain and to bleed.  My love for you is as strong as it is for all other plants in the plant kingdom and I am so sorry.  Even though I tried, I could not carry you and can no longer try."  The cactus responded as a cactus would all stickers painful apparent and ever more still in abundance.  I considered the source and realized that a cactus will be a cactus.  I walked away from the cactus and to God and all around me, I openly admitted my failure at the inability to carry the cactus. I realized the folly of my egotistical desire to rescue the poor thing from itself. To this day, the thoughts still come, "Carry me," "How could you  not carry me," "I will never forgive you this grievance and God himself shall punish you grievously for your failure," says the cactus still. 

I walked away but I walked away schooled, more than humbled, deeply wounded, bleeding, guilty and remorseful for my own failure.  I understood the spark of divinity within the cactus but all the wishing, insults and demands of the cactus, my own desire to be helpful and loving, could not help me to carry the cactus.  I could not take the pain, I was weak.  Someone suggested then, a barrier between me and the pain...but even that was difficult for even were I to find a barrier, my hands were fully carrying other flowers in God's garden.  My arms were not big enough to carry the things that I had to carry, that I agreed to carry no matter what.  I turned my back on the cactus in full defeat but my love never wavered, my love never changed and I prayed to God for the strength to heal the visible and invisible wounds of my folly.  I also prayed that another might come along better equipped to manage the movement and carrying of the cactus.  In time and with much reflection I learned that calling a cactus a cactus did not help the situation.  Informing the cactus it's prickly barbs wounded and hurt me did nothing to help it's disposition.  I learned that standing there trying to hold what was too painful a burden to carry would not work for me.  I learned that standing their feeling helpless while the cactus unleashed additional fury upon me for my failure would help no one.  But I realized, although my arms were not big enough and the burdens I carried were mine to carry, the cactus would have to learn to conduct itself or patiently wait for understanding to dawn or perhaps a soul with thick sturdy gloves might come along with the ability to carry it.  My visible wounds have healed and there did come along a soul with thick gloves and skin who could carry that cactus.  It's funny the cactus seemed to get what it wanted but still it was angry because it wanted me to do it?  Why me?

While I may have failed the cactus in it's request, I could not fail myself taking responsibility for what I could not carry.  I was sorry, no one was sorrier than I in those moments and I felt the sting of the barbs every step as I walked away.  There was nothing else that I could do.  So, how do you carry a cactus?  Well, you ensure you have sufficient knowledge of the cactus, what is required for it's care and that your arms are protected, your hands have thick gloves and that you are courageous enough to brave the potential pain of proximity.  No, I do not hate the cactus.  I have nothing but love and respect for it as I do the rose, the daisy or even the sweet pea but I am unable to carry some of God's beautiful creatures in close proximity to my skin if I am unable to bear the pain of what comes with them.  It does not make me love them less.  It makes me realize my limitations and forgive myself my inability to carry what I was never meant to carry.

There are some people in our lives who are like the cactus.  The cactus is  beautiful and filled with divinity like any other of the creatures in the plant/flower kingdom.  Respect the cactus for it's divinity and know your limitations for proximity.  Respect all, love all and stand in your own light no matter where you are.  You are never a victim.  The people and things around you are your gurus in a moment.  Show them the same love and respect as you would show God incarnate - A Secret...that is exactly who they are.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Sea of Red Lights

Water color blue and orange sky paints a panoramic silhouetted view before me.  Darkness encroaches upon the day at last and I, motionless in a sea of red lights.  We are all motionless for this one moment in time and yet, I can feel the cacophony of thoughts flowing like a raging river all around me.  I take a deep breath as I watch the last rays of the sun slowly fade from view and realize how this pure moment of complete lack of motion suddenly seems as if it has all turned into slow motion.  Were it not for Lifehouse playing on my car stereo, I'd not know that time was moving at all.  Frozen we were, all together, something somewhere on our minds not realizing we are but a collective one expressing itself in an abundance of individual thoughts moving forward from our original impetus of being...like the stars we see still moving outward from the big bang.

My mind drifts back through this past year and the things that I have learned.  They were valuable things, painful things and things I am most appreciative of.  I've learned at times I can be dumb and gullible but I can always trust my gut, my intuition and my feelings because they will always lead me to stand squarely within my own light.  I may commit a wrong but will always right myself.  This year I learned about the depths of manipulation that people unwittingly engage in for this or that that truly is not of any lasting import but they just don't know and will risk everything through the use of it.  I've learned about forgiveness this year...to forgive others for the things that they cannot help, myself for the things I should have come to realize very long ago and I've learned to love myself despite it all.  I've learned in this world that some moments of happiness seem so fleeting and some moments of pain seem to encompass an eternity.  I've learned that there are angels on Earth who feel me as I feel them, who stand by with a loving thought, a healing heart or a steady hand just as I would also offer without a moment's hesitation in return always.  I've learned that everything is transient, impermanent and perishable except for one thing, love.  Love defies all the laws, the rules and programs.

I've come to realize a dream that has tormented me for most of my adult life can finally be let go of, not because I cannot seem to make it come true successfully but because a new desire emerges that is so deeply ingrained in my being that I care not for dreams any more.  The only thing that seems to hold any significance at all for me is to see and to recognize the light and love of Source in every single thing and person before me, around me and that I may have the honor to cross paths with.  Regardless of It's shape or It's form, It lives and breathes in every single aspect of this dimension and all others.  There is nothing more important than that love or that light and in this discovery, I find I am set free of the trap the dream held for me.  I find it almost unbelievable to think it but I realize that I no longer need it.  It was never meant for me because I would eventually come to this one conclusion and in so doing, set myself finally and ultimately free.

Years have seemed to pass in the length of one four-minute song and the red lights slowly dissipate and the sea begins to move nearly in unison and its my turn now to move with it.  One turn and I have separated from the sea of metal boxes and red lights and I finally and gratefully make my way home.  I pull into the drive and notice the sky has grown quite a bit darker.  The stars begin to sparkle and shine and the peace within me deepens in a way I never thought possible.  Returning to the peace, safety and sanctuary of home I realize what a blessing it is to free one's self from certain vexing desires.  Some dreams can be like a lead weight too tightly secured around one's neck.  Such dreams can never come true because they were never meant to and they were never meant to because one will soon discover something more important than a silly dream exists and one will be delighted so much to find it heart and soul within.  I'm not sure how the road shall twist and turn from here but I'm finally free I think now in whispers... I hope, I pray.  I want peace, serenity and to feel the beauty of this amazing world more than I want anything.  At the end of this day, I know that I truly want for nothing, I need nothing and have everything I could ever imagine wanting.  This sense of wholeness of purpose of being...a place not of complacency but wholehearted acceptance of what is never minding what may be.  Perhaps this is all just simple joy that the shortest day of the year shall come and go tomorrow without event...without event.  Dreams within dreams begin to seem like such silly things when there is love to be had by opening up one's soul to the infinite.  Maybe I've put in too many hours at the office this week and I've rendered myself silly and dizzy with such thoughts.  No matter, really.  At this treasured moment in time and within the clear fulness of my present perception of it, I have peace and love, hope and faith. That's enough for me.  It's really enough for me. ~Blessings beautiful dreamers and take heart.  Those things of the most import will always emerge not from the outside world, but from within the deep well of your soul that contains the true heart of you.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Roles and Plays

How many times have I engaged in a play only to realize the part doesn't suit me?  I am afraid that I have most certainly lost count.  Even more times have I pleaded kindly with the writer of the screen play to cast me in a more appealing role only to have said same writer/director refuse me and insist on manipulating, shaming or imposing guilt upon me to remain in a miserable and overly dramatic play in the most horrid of ghastly and ghostly roles.  Having no choice then and heart-broken, I cast the script down at his or her feet and walked off the stage never to return.  How many more times will it be so?  I shall not answer any more casting calls and rather, I think I shall design my own screen play and it's one in which psychology is infinitely stable, love is spiritually at the core so very strong and optimism and curiosity shall guide every line, action and scene in a complete absence of judgement and inability to see the beauty of all of the play's participants.  I shall endeavor to initiate my own casting call and perhaps it is that I shall engage in said activities very soon.  But not now, I think.  I'm too busy writing, too busy creating, too busy healing the frustration from past roles gone awry and so very engaged in embracing all that is beauty, love and light in this amazing world.  Sadly, I suppose I did not clearly understand the roles I had unintentionally agreed to play.  I thought I was answering a certain call only to find the bait and switch trap had been laid.  But I cannot be trapped as a free-will human and shall be no one's victim of poor writing and directing even though I understand the point and the cause from which the roles were blindly created.  With great love I can find understanding and forgiveness but I cannot be manipulated, possessed or coerced into anything that does not align with the truth of my being.

For now, I tire of roles and plays.  I tire of trips and traps.  I dream of scenes more beautiful than most souls could ever even begin to imagine and I shall not settle for anything that is not in pure and beautiful alignment with my truest desire.  So, I go...practicing the lines in my head, creating the sets and scenes with graceful fluidity and openness enough to entertain those things I had not quite yet imagined.  I am not without hope or great faith and inside of me is a love that burns so pure and so bright.  I will never settle for a two-bit part in some psycho drama created by a soul overly mired in illusion to the point that they have so sadly lost touch with their pure love and light.  In my heart of hearts, I know I deserve by far much better than that and so, I must be always much better than that.  I do not fear my ability in any regard.  What I fear a little is the substance and volume of the pool of actors and co-creators of this dream here at this time.  But I have been encouraged to never give up hope on a dream, to lend my love and light to it instead always and trust in full faith it shall be just as I intend and create.  I smile from my soul now feeling the truth.

If you do not care for the roles you have been cast in, rewrite the role or step out of the play and create your own.  You are always infinitely empowered to do so. ~ In love and in light, I wish you all perfectly beautiful and inspiring dreams.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Great Progress

There are a good many reasons, seemingly, to reach out and grab hold of fear waiting, worrying and wondering about what next will be taken from, disrupted or destroyed in your world.  Darkness can come in surprising packages.  A single moment where internal love is completely cut off by despair can create great tragedy in so many ways.  As many good reasons as there may be to fear dear ones, there are even more reasons to stand fearless in your own Source-given love and light.  Nothing in this world is within your control and still  you have no reason to fear.  The attachments of this world are nothing but an illusion created by a fearful small mind.  You never did need the small mind inside of you to grab hold of what truly matters.  Find the love inside of you, remember that wonder and awe from childhood - it's right there next to it - reach for that...remember the most beautiful thing in the world you have ever held in your mind or your heart - the love is right there.  We project so much onto this holographic design and we're so good at it that it looks real and feel real.  When you feel only love, only peace and only joy - you're getting to the truth.  When you are feeling fearful, anxious, disappointed and sad, there is a lie in the mix...there is a skewed perception and perspective just waiting for you to discover it and uncover the truth.  Find what inspires you heart and soul and give more of your  love and attention to that.  Move in tune to the beat of your own heart and in so doing, you shall inspire others to follow suit thus freeing themselves also a little more from the fear machine - the illusion.  ~Great blessings of love, clear vision and deepest understanding beautiful dreamers.  You ARE making GREAT progress.  Keep going.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Healing Grace

(Disclaimer: Realize as you read this article that I intend no harm or ill will and that in my own way, I too am grieving along side our brothers and sisters for the tragic events of yesterday.  This is my own way of grieving and I mean no disrespect to anyone - I honestly mean only love).  Contemplating the significant tragic events and loss of innocent life we have witnessed of late, it would be too easy to lock ourselves into prisons of  fear wondering "what is this world coming to."  Such thoughts will only lead us to a place of pain and despair and will not help us to deal with our grief at these tragedies.  Human beings, since before the beginnings of recorded history have had a propensity towards both mental illness and violence.  In my mind, one definitively leads to another as only in a moment of deep insanity could a soul take the precious life of not one but too many children.  I will not go into too much detail about our very violent world history but do recall for the sake of context, the violent histories in which the blood of innocents has been shed many times.  Too many times.  The information super highways give us more details today than ever before and faster - it is nearly in real-time often.  A gift and a curse, perhaps.

I've heard, in a very short period, reactions from grief pushing even political agendas against the NRA, government, etc. as those at fault.  I understand such perspectives but the truth is, weapons, neglect and ignorance do not kill innocents and any approaches along those very limited lines are like a band aid and wholly useless at solving the heart of the problem.  Where mental illness goes unchecked to the point that people are driven to insane acts to become infamous, to get attention, to make some twisted tragic point, I can't help but feel like somewhere, we failed the insane soul.  This is not a blame the victim mentality.  This is my own questioning as to how we really get to the heart of the matter.  What is it that creates the violently insane?  How can we recognize it, how can we heal it or prevent it?  We as a race have, as I said, a propensity towards ill mental health.  Our various shades of a grip on reality creates so much fear, lack of love and true despair leaving some to feel so helpless, small and threatened that they snap.  That is not our faults, please don't think that is my perspective.  In my own grieving mind, I seek a core solution desperately because I do not wish one more innocent child to befall the tragic decisions of someone gone violently insane.

I think throughout history, there have been no easy answers and we stop the criminally violent with violence and look no further for the real problem to try to solve that.  To me that would by like ignoring the opportunity to do surgery to save a life and just killing them to stop the illness.  That doesn't make sense to me but I understand that in these cases sometimes meeting tragedy with tragedy seems like the only thing we are capable of.   I could go off into a million directions right here and now but it is by far too sensitive a time for that.  When I read the news yesterday and I heard the news updates later in the day, my heart broke and the tears flowed in abundance for the families who should be encouraging patience of bright eyed little ones excited for Christmas day who will now because of the act of a mentally ill man who resorted to tragic violence, will be making funeral arrangements for their children.  Not a parent in this world doesn't feel their pain and who does wish them all the love, strength, solace and healing in the world right now.  I cannot believe that ever in our history this kind of violence was necessary for anyone to learn but it is going to continue until we find a way to get at the heart of the matter.  So many human beings are abused, forgotten, mistreated, bullied, judged, belittled and destroyed to the point there is no return...sanity shaky sometimes for all of us on our best days, some of us humans cannot bounce back...and then there are those chemically challenged inside their own bodies to the point that solid mental health can never be a reality.  What can we do to detect and prevent this without completely eroding the civil liberties of the masses?  I don't know and I wish I did.  Gun laws don't solve the problem.  If you take away the guns, they'll just resort to other and more heinous weapons that cause greater damage and they can sadly and simply be made for those insane enough and driven enough to tragic ends.

How do we get to a place where we find the love that heals instead of the fear and personal desperation that permanently wounds? A clever phrase of a dear friend comes to mind - how do we as a race come to a place where we are not creating permanent solutions to only temporary problems? I don't think we've had too many answers to get to the root cause so, what if instead of spending time on worthless laws and things that do nothing to preserve life and liberty, we give some real and very serious thought to what all of the causes are and try to come up with ways to solve them?  In project management when we run across trending problems, we get our best and our brightest together to take a look at all factors that lead to failure, we use every available tool to identify the core of a problem at the heart of a trend, we brain storm potential solutions and try to come up with a plan to address whatever process or concept has failed.  The formula there is simple.  How is it we cannot do that as a race with the many problems we face?  How is it that we just sit back and act like victims?  Lives are taken and the lives around those souls are permanently shattered for the rest of their time on Earth.  Its a hard, hard and tragic thing to try to hold for any length of time as a decent human being.  It hurts so much, too much.  There is too much pain around it.  My heart grieves for the families of those who lost their lives yesterday...and all the families who have lost loved ones in tragedy after tragedy here in the Earth school.  May God bless every one of them with healing grace and love so that they may heal their anger, sadness and frustration for losing the most precious thing we have in this world, life.

A word of patience and tolerance before I go.  Consider this, after tragedies, emotions run high as people grieve so very differently.  Try, if you can, to engage in some patience and understanding as people deal with their grief.  Try if you can to be the voice of reason.  Try if you can to hold a space of love rather than anger and frustration.  Be a solid rock for those affected deeply by this tragedy.  Be a light for those going through the dark tunnels of grief so that they will make it to the light on the other side knowing they do not walk alone.  We are one race - the human race.  It is through the coming together in love and light that we can create miraculous changes.  ~ In much love and healing light do I greet this day.  In every quiet moment, I shall be sending healing energy and strength to all of the families dealing with this tragic event and all tragic events all over the world.  Lend your strength and energy too, if you can.  They need our strength just now.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate random internet find)

Morning's Mental Meanderings

 I cannot abide by the limited view that this world holds of me.  I am not what I am judged to be by those who would judge me whether favorably or not.  I may misstep or not as I make my way through this life but I will be, regardless, all that I am for no one's pleasure but my own.  That is not to say that I do not care and that I do not love for I do both for all and deeply so.  I refuse to participate in dramatic plays because I do not wish to spend energy there.  I wish to save my energy to foster and facilitate stories and dreams revolving only around love and peace or harmony.  That is my choice and woe to the soul who attempts to usurp my free will and make it his or her own.  I will not suffer, nor will I lift a hand in vengeance but it is they who will render themselves to a place of great suffering in the very attempt of disrespecting the free will of another.

I respect all paths and those who walk the paths regardless of how they walk them.  I wish this world nothing but love, light, hope, bounty, joy, harmony and bliss.  I wish it because of love and for those of you who wish me ill, may God bless you and for those who wish me well, may God bless you.  There is no need for competition, for envy, for hatred nor emotional destruction for each and every soul already has those things they most desire and require.  There is never any victory in tearing down another to lift one's self up...the lifting up in such actions is only an illusion and truth be told, such actions reduce a soul to madness, insanity, depression and worse things in this world.  The illusions of the small mind are rampant and plentiful but to those open to the truth, open to love and open to hope, all will be revealed in due time.  Although everything is perfect as it occurs for good or ill,  I stand here a soul who wishes only to hold up the light for those who wish to see, to see from time to time for no other reason than it pleases me to do so.  I am nothing and no one, everyone and everything for the Source in me is the Source in everyone and everything.  Let all illusion shatter before you and embrace the loving light of resonating truth within you. ~Blessings for a beautiful dream precious dreamers.  You are so loved.

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate random internet find)