Saturday, October 22, 2011

Forgiveness is NOT Equal to Reconciliation

Forgiveness is not equivalent to reconciliation. A soul can ask for forgiveness and it is wise from a soul perspective to always give it but the forgiven soul should not expect that forgiveness equals reconciliation. If a soul really wants reconciliation, they might consider asking for it and then be prepared to respectfully accept "NO" in terms of reconciliation.  I look at it this way. If I stick my hand in the fire and get burned, I can forgive the flame for doing what it does and for being what it is -- too hot to leave my skin in tact and I can even appreciate and respect the flame for it's purpose here on Earth wishing it everlasting light and life with no ill intent.  

I can forgive myself for sticking my hand in the flame if I want but if I don't like my skin burned, I am under no obligation with my forgiveness to decide to keep my hand in the flame and suffer burning skin forever more or demanding the flame to change in a way that it won't burn my skin.  The latter would simply be a fruitless endeavor.  After all, a flame is a flame and will burn as it burns. That is what it does even as it gives off light.  In the flame example, it is also important to note that if I cannot reconcile my goal of sticking my hand in the fire and not getting burned, I need to remember that fire burns so I don't do it again.

Consider always forgiving to ease your soul and another's but do use discernment on what is safe for you in terms of reconciliation. If you do not wish to reconcile and someone calls you unforgiving, hand them a dictionary and have them look up the two separate  and very different definitions!  Also realize reconciliation is a choice that is yours to accept or not to accept as you desire.
Here are those definitions in case you wondered:
v. for·gave, for·giv·en , for·giv·ing, for·gives
1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. To renounce anger or resentment against.
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).

v. rec·on·ciled, rec·on·cil·ing, rec·on·ciles
1. To reestablish a close relationship between.
2. To settle or resolve.
3. To bring (oneself) to accept: He finally reconciled himself to the change in management.
4. To make compatible or consistent: reconcile my way of thinking with yours. See Synonyms at adapt.

See?  Not the same.

Some truly well-intentioned souls might say that you haven't truly forgiven unless you have also forgotten and then reconciled.  Those who would say such a thing either do not understand the difference or may have an entirely different agenda where your desires and feelings are entirely inconsequential to them.   However, using the above example, forgiveness is easy but forgetting and reconciling anything other than fire is hot and I don't care for burns would simply be entirely unacceptable for my well being.  There is no judgment of bad or good involved.  There is discernment and then action consistent concerning desired outcomes.  Put another way, do most definitely forgive and forgive with all of your heart so that you no longer carry the burden of toxic anger and pain of lacking forgiveness.  Remember that to forget may be unwise less the same perceived transgression be repeated.  If that transgression involves physical, emotional, financial or other harm to your person or belongings; to forget may be wholly unwise.  To reconcile is a matter entirely up to you if you deem it wise, safe and appropriate.  The only person likely to judge you and judge you harshly for forgiving and choosing not to reconcile will likely only be the transgressor and anyone else the individual can convince of a one-sided story.  So in the end, why would you even care?  Cut your losses.  Forgive and remember all that you have learned, reserve judgment, use discernment and if necessary set boundaries and hold to them.  Just food for thought.


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