I started my day at 3:34 a.m. Texted my boyfriend to tell him I loved him and he texted me back 15 seconds later with the same. That made me smile. I tried to go back to sleep but was feeling so good I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, I got up and took a shower, made some coffee and had a smoke. Today is going to be my last day as a smoker and I've wrestled with this for a few weeks. I tried to quit just last weekend and failed. Then, a friend gave me a great book that changed the way I looked at smoking. I was ready to quit when I finished reading it but I have a couple of quit buddies at work that wanted to set today as the last day of smoking. We all had one pack left so decided today would be the day. Don't get me wrong, I think we all know that it's the last tiny voice of the addiction that spoke loudly wait one more day!

The nicotine addiction is actually a very small part of smoking. The emotional mind twist is the bigger part and I'm so glad now that I see it. The book I read reminded me that the only real hurdle for me in quitting was fear that I would be unable to cope with life without cigarettes. I mean, I thought, "wow, what will I do if I get stressed, get angry, get frustrated, sad or bored?" The book reminded me I would cope with those things the way I did before I became a smoker and reminded me that there are thousands and thousands of people who deal with those emotions every day without doing something that will ultimately result in harming their health or death. So, I think I get it now. It won't be hard...mind over matter. I learned that because I really hate the taste and smell of cigarettes, it really takes more willpower for me to smoke than it would for me to quit. I had never thought of it that way before but it's true. I don't like smoking. For all of these years it has been something I did nearly unconsciously. Ever since I read the book, I have been conscious of every cigarette I smoked.

One thing I noticed, yesterday morning I felt great, peaceful, relaxed and content when I woke up. As soon as I had a cigarette, I felt agitated and slightly sick. I never noticed that before. I was so unconscious. So, I purposely chain smoked like 8 cigarettes before I went into work. By the time I got there, I felt physically ill and had a head ache...my chest hurt...my throat hurt. WOW, why did I never notice how bad smoking made me feel before? I was so unconscious of the affects and in denial about the health risks for sure.

So, I remember last weekend when I tried to quit...the actual urges from the nicotine were not that bad...I struggled with the food/nicotine cravings...they seem the same but if you pay attention, you can tell the difference. I didn't eat a lot...in fact, I ate normally but I gained 4 pounds. I learned reading the book that when you take away something the body is used to, the body shuts down...holds on to every ounce of water...systems stop in a protective mechanism...this, I understand, only lasts for a few days. So, now I know. Now I know how to combat it.

So, tonight, to get into a more healthy habit, I'm picking up my daughter from school and we're going over to the park to hit the tennis balls against the wall at the park down the street. A great work out for me and stress reliever and some fun one on one mom time for my daughter. It's getting to be lighter longer now and if I had more tennis into my weeks, any weight challenge will be effectively nullified.

So, tonight also, I plan to get some sugar free candies, some toys for my hands to keep busy with at work (rubic's cube, etc.) for me to play with when I'm at work and some gum. I think I'm prepared and when that first stressful moment strikes...I will just remove myself from the situation, breathe in deeply and get myself centered quickly. I think I'm prepared. I'm not worried about not being successful this time. Any doubt could negate my sucess...I guess I'm just ready this time. I spent the whole day at work day before yesterday not smoking...just learning how to function during my work day without a cigarette break. I walked lots of stairs...walked outside in the sunshine. It was great...I felt awesome.

So, after today, I will need to occupy my mind with being a non-smoker...I can do it...I will use this spot as my support system for a little bit as I remember how I used to deal with stress and worry. I've got to tackle my taxes this weekend...it won't be fun...but I can handle it.

My thought for today is to consider something big in your life that needs to change...get educated on how to change it, prepare for the change, wrap your mind about the things that must change in your thinking...work on changing those thoughts, get yourself a plan and start doing things differently. Then, get yourself some support...tell someone about the change you are making and then, just do it. Make a positive change to bring balance to your life in some way. When the stress strikes to force you back into your old coping mechanisms...stop for a minute and think...do you really want to go back to the old way or are you ready to learn something new...learning new things is what we're here for...be brave, be courageous and do something positively differently. I wish you the best.