No is Perfect

-->

This morning I watched the full moon set in a clear sky just as it transitioned from the black of night into the beautiful blue of the day.  Not long after, I watched the sun rise and brighten the silhouettes of the trees outside my window.  The clouds moved in and the gray skies added such a beautiful contrast for the Crepe Myrtle tree outside and the green Sycamore leaves that soon will fall.  In my mind I walked back through the memories of my experiences of life on planet Earth this past week.  For whatever reason, the anxiety and fear generally felt all week was still overwhelming.  As a soul that leans heavily towards the empathic, you learn after some time and experience what is your “stuff” versus what belongs to others in terms of energy and emotion.  This week the sensation from outside felt like it was coming from within.  But it was only this morning I realized the fullness of what I felt was not entirely  mine at all.  Much of it truly had nothing to do with me.  I’m just feeling more lately and I find that interesting.

Anxiety and fear are great messengers if you understand their purpose and the fullness of the message these two sensations in particular can bring.  Both are of the same source truly.  I don’t really care much for the reasons why, the source or what lead to the feelings.  I only know that I cannot carry things that are not mine to carry.  I woke up this morning with the remnants of the sensations from my week – the lingering energy and I thought, “Wow, really? Why on Earth would you carry this?”  I got up realizing that it wouldn’t help to beat myself up for my own sensitivity that left me feeling slightly less than awesome as my first thought for the day the moment I opened my eyes.  So, I cleared it all away in a little shower-meditation.  You literally just visualize letting the water pull away all of the negativity.  It is truly an amazing thing to do after a week of high-stress!

When I came down stairs and saw the moonlight spilling down to wash my patio in a beautiful silvery glow, I paused and just took in the beauty of that gorgeous orb seemingly hanging in the sky to punctuate a beautiful and serene moment.  I made some coffee and engaged in some mindfulness meditation to allow the rest of my week’s experience to drop back into the background with my full and complete acceptance of it.  My realization of what I was feeling and the true origins helped me feel more peaceful, more understanding and much less anxious.  I’m going to allow myself to just feel as I feel, be as I am and stop the fear that rises with these thoughts.  Even that fear is a beautiful messenger.  For me in truth, it is a worry that I am not handling all that is before me “perfectly.”  “What a silly fear,” I think now by the light of day.  What does it matter if I am not perfect?  I am not here for that.  None of us are here to be perfect.  We are here to be who we are and to learn to see, understand and allow others to be as they are.  The challenge comes in when others lay their expectations on you and think or even secretly demand that you should react to their expectations for no other reason than they have them.  I learned this week that sometimes you just have to say “No."  The “No” may have repercussions and that just really isn’t your problem.

For a recovering people pleaser such as me, I can admit that I wince when I have to say “No” sometimes still.  My life’s experiences have taught me that quite often your “No” is followed by much conflict and heavy duty sales tactics by others to try and turn your “No” into their desired “Yes.”  But something happens as you age in this realm.  You start to gain wisdom and you realize that no amount of people pleasing will insure you against someone else’s displeasure. When you realize fully that another’s displeasure has nothing to do with you, you stop a really negative process from perpetuating itself into oblivion.  You stop taking on the pain of others and chose to throw off their pain and just stand in your own light.  This is not a painful process really and if you stand firmly and confidently enough in your own light, you begin to see the truth of this.  When you say “No” to something, there are no shortages of people or situations that will rail against the “No.”  Too bad I say.  Sometimes the “No” is about self-preservation, it is about your own peace, tranquility and happiness and sometimes you just have to choose your own happiness over someone else’s and still be okay.  It isn’t easy but truly, with practice it feels like the only thing you can do from the point in your life you begin to understand why standing in your own light is the most important thing you can do in your life.

So, I come back now to less heavy thoughts and the precious beauty of my surrounds.  I’m grateful this week for all of the conflict I felt, for all of the emotions I encountered, the stress and anxiety even.  For these things have taught me to be open and curious about what is going on inside of me despite all of the noise outside of me within my environment.  I am responsible for myself and my thoughts and feelings.  I am understanding and compassionate towards the thoughts and feelings of others and I bear no shame in standing up for myself and my own needs.  Come what may from it, I’m happier in this moment for all of my experiences.  I’m grateful in this moment for every soul I’ve encountered this week along with everything done and said.  It’s been fine week on planet Earth and I’ve many things to consider about all that I’ve learned.  A new perspective dawns and I’m glad.  I don’t know where it will lead but I’m sure it’ll be great!

 

-->

© 2016 Jaie Hart

Emotional Pain Never Heals

Certain experiences of anxiety, fear or pain in a present moment scenario can sometimes seem to strum the chords of prior episodes of anxiety, fear or pain. This may cause many other similar past experiences to rise to the surface of your consciousness, making one simple episode seem like a bonfire.  It's like discovering you whacked your knee on something and a bruise followed but you didn't realize you had it or had completely forgotten about it.  Then you either hit it again or otherwise touch it and the pain returns to be felt yet again.  It makes me wonder if emotional pain ever really heals.  We suffer anxiety, fear or pain for a multitude of reasons, but that's not the point of this blog.  Stick with me for just a moment as I strive to develop this point. 

As we go through our lives and experience various events, we assign anxious, fearful or painful thoughts.  At some level, it is almost as if these things are written into the archives of your psyche.  As you move away from those moments where you have experienced such events, you start to forget about the negative aspects of your experiences.  But then, suddenly, something similar comes up and the unconscious mind reaches through all of its archived records to find similar experiences from which to judge or assess the current experience.  In so doing, the thoughts will strum the chords of other painful experiences and seemingly set them loose, leaving you feeling emotionally raw and out of proportion with the current experience.

So, I cannot help but wonder about this:  Emotional pain never heals. Our anxieties stem from fear, and this fear stems from the thought of pain.  This is not the first time I've considered this line of thinking.  A superficial wound will heal but the memories of it won't necessarily leave us.  I wonder, when thinking of these emotional wounds - the anxiety, fear and pain, if we will not heal until we begin to better understand our thoughts.  It seems that until you fully understand the extent of a situation that leads to thoughts of anxiety, fear and pain, you won't heal them but rather nullify their existence.  Take the simple knowledge gained from not taking things personally as an example.  We've begun to truly learn and understand that most people who express themselves in mean and insulting ways are not really telling you anything about you, but rather are telling us about themselves.  When you think about it, we once felt the pain of these attacks, and those wounds gathered and collected throughout our whole lives.  Finally, we come to understand that some people are mean just because of their own battle scars, and this has nothing to do with us at all. The pain that was written, inscribed deeply within our psyches, becomes unwritten through understanding.

We transform our suffering through understanding it's purpose.  Oh, I know, it is a huge leap to understand that some emotional challenges have a purpose.  This is especially true when certain experiences seem by their very design to serve no purpose other than our emotional destruction.  But wait, if you go on with that thought, you spill your power out in blame and fear, and there is no healing or resolution to be had.  There is only the continuous collection of more anxiety, fear and pain.  Through seeking greater understanding, you begin to truly know that life is not designed to emotionally destroy you. Essentially, you need to step back and see a much broader framework from a greater and higher perspective of love, compassion and understanding. When you can accomplish this, ultimately, the pain is transformed and simply disappears.  There is nothing then to heal because you have begun to fully realize the illusion of suffering.  I'm not saying anxiety, fear and pain are not real when your thoughts are embroiled in the entertaining of these things.  I'm saying that if you can shift your perspective for long enough, stand in your own power and take responsibility for your play, your actors, your sets, your behaviors and your action through striving for greater understanding, you nullify the effects of pain, it seems.

I'm toying with these ideas not to blame the victims or rub salt in anyone's wounds.  I'm writing from my own experiences of having those chords of pain strummed so that they rise to the surface to the point I am raw, in an active state of pain and striving to understand it.  I do not fear pain.  I see all three of these topics as very closely aligned. No matter which aspect we embrace, each time one of these things crop up we are being given an opportunity to better understand.  If I step back from the shadows of victim-hood and blame, and stand squarely in the light owning my emotions, my thoughts and the illusions of my own perceptions, I'm free. 

These are tough thoughts to translate beautiful dreamers and I so hope in some way I'm getting through.  I may have to take another shot or two at articulating these thoughts to help them crystallize more concretely from the pureness of feeling within to the simple language we typically use to converse.  So much meaning is lost when you have a feeling and yet try to define it with limited words.  You'll understand when you get there, this much I know.  But I have this silly thought that if I can articulate what is rising, it may serve as a light for someone else who wandered ever long in the darkness as I did.   As I'm writing I'm thinking, questioning and testing.  I'm on an amazing and wonderful journey of understanding in this life and am delighted by each discovery whether it hurts, perplexes or confounds me.  I know I'll understand because there is a knowing inside encouraging me to seek the meaning to find the freedom.  I have nothing left that needs healing.  What I have is a lifetime of experiences to better understand the truth that is buried beneath the lies of unchallenged perception.  I'm talking myself in circles now, so we will end this bout of mental meandering and leave it for you to take it or not. ~Blessings of infinite love, light, compassion and most of all, a full depth of understanding to set you free.

© 2013 Jaie Hart (Photo, random internet find)

Special thanks Liam for your understanding, love, support and most excellent help with making sense of this download with me.

Anxiety's Grip

I stood under a dark sky filled with stars as so often I do.  I watched pale clouds move across the stars seemingly in slow motion.  Despite the beautiful peace that I knew I could feel on the perimeter, it could not reach my core due to anxiety producing thoughts.  There are sometimes frustrating aspects of the journey that we all must face, think through and contend with.  This occurs mostly because we have become engaged in things our hearts just are not in.  Sometimes these things can be helped and sometimes they just can't.  So what then, to do in the interim?  I am not really sure but this is my attempt to figure it out.  I wish to figure it out because this is a state I would call, discomfort.  The reasons why are not important as I've already quite adeptly pinpointed that for myself.  The matter is what to do about it without ascribing rippling effects outward that may, in fact, serve to create even more discomfort...at least temporarily.

Everything in life matters and everything happens for a very good reason.  The one thing I have learned in my nearing fifty years on this planet is that when we are not quite in the right place, be that physically in terms of our home's location, the right job, the right relationship or the most supportive circle of friends and acquaintances, stress will ensue.  When we are engaging in things out of sync with our truest core and desire, discomfort can result.  I find myself in such a state and the answers while seemingly easy, are not easily attained.  As I sort through each nuance, option and potential resulting consequence, I am feeling stunted, a little worried and well, even more discomfort ensues.  Not much can be done about circumstance that I, myself have created and created out of a very good and valid necessity other than sort through those thoughts that are resisting what IS the most.  Pinpointing those thoughts and finding ways to restructure them - not to create a fantasy untruth about what IS to ease my mind but to try first and foremost to understand the heart of this lesson I face.

I'm not sure how to get there.  I know what I'm doing about it but what I do will take time.  A change is in order, of that I am certain and even if uncomfortable, I am one to embrace change because only through it can we bring in more opportunity for love and greater light.  Sometimes it is time to move on from all of the structures one has built and seek to rebuild certain structures with a different design, work from a different premise and then focus more acutely on the desired outcome while preserving aspects of highest import.  It's time for very focused thought and attention and much more in the positive rather than letting my mind run rampant with fearful and anxiety producing thoughts.  I am understanding of what must be on the periphery I think...but I'm not really sure I have not understood my own motivation for staying in a certain situation, right precisely where I am.  It is almost as if this nebulous something calls to me.  But I feel that nebulous something might actually just be boredom, frustration, the wrong kinds of challenge that seem to require effort with little to no real progress nor reward.  But then I wonder why it might be I would put myself in such a situation to begin with.  There must be a very good and valid reason because if I've learned anything in this life, it is that I can implicitly trust me and my soul and my Soul's Source to lead me, to guide me and help me to understand those things I most wish to consciously comprehend.

I can feel the anxiety in my soul and know that somewhere I have crossed a line perhaps that I shouldn't have crossed and not with anyone else but myself.  So, going back again...rethinking the premise, the platform from which I built what I have created.  I have created a wonderful something out of nothing and yet I am dissatisfied with what it now requires or what is seemingly required of me to maintain this structure.  I think that I shall stop attempting to limit my thoughts and instead realize the pleasing parts of what I have built are part and parcel of my own soul and so will be present anywhere I decide to focus and move.  I may just find that if I tear certain structures down and rebuild them, I may find myself in the same stance of a certain dissatisfaction and then, so, why put forth all of the effort at all?  Such thoughts create an immoveable stasis that is quite unproductive and very much anxiety producing.  So, I come back again to my own thoughts realizing the common denominator.  An emerging thought begins to form and take hold deep within the heart of me.  This structure I dreamed of, created a vision for and executed quite adeptly on I am proud of but this structure in this one area of my life is not me.  Without it, I would still be me.  Without it, I would find other things perhaps more in line with the authentic core of me.  That's it...that's the crux of the issue.  I cannot be other than authentically me and those who desire I be anything else, well, they will ultimately be greatly disappointed for no more will I live up to the expectation of others in certain regards.  I am more concerned with the state of my soul and what I offer this world rather than meeting the expectations others place upon me.  Expectation is sometimes a challenging thing.  Sometimes expectation can result in retroactive contracts...even when spoken, we may decide that we thought we wanted to live up to an expectation but we've learned that we simply cannot.  We cannot be deterred in life by learning such truths about ourselves.  Rather than disappointment, perhaps we should relish the splendor of realization of our truth and authenticity.  Discovery of truth is not often bliss inducing.  At least not at first.  Bliss comes when the alignment of love truly enters the whole of our being.  And then, acting in alignment, there comes the joy, the love and the light to embrace.

I look down this path, glad for what I have built but I also embrace this emerging opportunity for changing, for embracing new thoughts and for courageously placing one foot in front of the other even though I cannot clearly see in this moment just exactly where I am going.  I feel deep within the core of my soul it's a good place and so I trust every breath and step.  I am now feeling the release of anxiety's grip on my consciousness and I'm grateful, so grateful.  There is no situation you cannot think and love yourself through.  The way may not always be clear nor easy but trust you and then do whatever it is you must do to find that loving alignment within that brings forth the supportive and authentic thoughts that are your truest gift to this world. ~ In love and in light, I send you clarity of thought and the capacity for and the reality to receive love in the highest.

Transforming Thoughts

Another cool and dark morning, so welcoming compared to the heat from the day before and I look up and I catch my breath as I take in a bright and sparkling sea of stars.  I don't know what it is about a dark sky filled with stars that puts me in a pure state of bliss and awe.  For whatever reason, it brings me great peace along with a gentle morning sea breeze.  These days life can seem so hard.  So much we inadvertently let weigh heavy on our minds.  We're so funny like that.  Our minds consider potentialities, we make thousands of assumption near completely in the negative and that creates for us an untenable state of worry and anxiety.  What if we found a way to circumvent the negative thoughts before they could take hold and generate energy through negative emotion?  What if we could become hyper aware of our thoughts and decide to add to our long chains of thinking and pondering potential positive outcomes coupled with a beautiful reality of presence, breath and peace?  Well, the good news is that we absolutely can.  The bad news is, it takes concerted effort and one has to be willing to give up the bad habit of continually borrowing trouble in order to generate an adrenaline buzz.  Yes, that's right.  An adrenaline buzz.  Sometimes we seemingly become so rote in our daily actions that we actually crave something to get some juices pumping and so we allow the negative thoughts in so we can create the rush of adrenaline.

Some can get this fix participating in daring feats such as sky diving, bungee jumping, hang gliding or other sports with an element of risk.  We don't often realize some of our behaviors have become an unhealthy addiction - and I'm talking about holding negative thoughts.  It requires a lot of effort to take a brain that is used to generating negative thoughts and get it to cooperate by allowing to flow a stream of positive thoughts.  There is one trick I have learned to getting there and that is through finding beautiful things to behold.  Sometimes you have to look hard for them or create a space in which you will allow yourselves to see them.  A walk on the ocean, getting up early to watch the sun rise, staying up late to commune with the stars, finding a garden to walk in or planting your own, taking pictures, going to an art gallery or museum or even something as simple as watching children play in a local park can all be tools to help ease your mind into a more positive flow.  There is so much beauty in this world and if you allow yourselves moments to look for, see and appreciate these things, you create a positive and loving flow of energy within you that can be powerful enough to circumvent negative thoughts and worry.  I promise you that the rush of energy from viewing something beautiful is by far more rewarding than the exhausting adrenaline rush of worry and fear. 

There is something to add here very important as well to restore that flow of good and healthy energy.  Something so simple as diet and exercise.  Eating foods healthy for your body helps to create positive energy flow.  Add raw fruits and veggies, limit fatty foods and sugars and make sure that you are consuming enough fluids during the day.  That one thing alone, consuming the proper amount of fluids, is so important.  Your muscles and joints work better when there is enough fluid in your body to facilitate their use.  Further, your organs can function more properly when you are eating enough fiber, drinking enough water and getting exercise.  The chemicals your brain produces while exercising and for a good amount of time to follow really helps promote a stronger sense of well being that can over-power anxiety and worry.  Again, one has to be willing to trade the behaviors that create worry for those that create a sense of wholeness and peace.  It is work.  We can't take a magic pill, read a wonderful book alone or go to some magical healer to make it all happen.  In fact, there is a lot of high-priced snake oil being sold out there as the sure way to gain serenity and peace.  You don't need to buy anything to get there.  Everything you truly need to get there is already within you.  You just have to be willing and open to creating the space for positive change and take the steps one at a time.

I pray this day finds you seeking peace, engaging in healthy behaviors and activities so that you can lead a more rewarding and fulfilling life for you.  ~Blessings of great love, healing and transformational thoughts!

(c) Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)

Understanding our Resistance

Over the past few days the wispy angel wing clouds succumbed to a blanket of gray.  The heat of the past few days has dissipated and a gentle rain has begun to fall.  It's cadence so soft and gentle, like beautiful music.  The peace has given way to deep thought from so many directions its hard to pull one single concept from the swirl of the rest.  There are times like these and if we would know with certainty that such times are part of life and we can ride the waves until the storm passes, we would not resist and create anxiety for ourselves.  Life can seem difficult to bear when it seems like your emotions are not your own...like they have been externally manufactured by some force of resistance in the universe and unexpectedly placed within your core.  But, take heart for it is only an illusion to give you something to do for a time.

Our thoughts move at lightning speed sometimes.  They move so quickly that we cannot consciously comprehend the emotions we attach to them.  We only know it when we find a difficult moment where consciousness itself begins to be a struggle.  We may live for the night, a nocturnal reprieve to escape far and away deep within the land of dreams. The reality is, it's only thoughts and they hold no sway over our experience except to the extent we give them purchase within our reality.  Have you ever sat down in a quiet space with the only focus to feel your body and experience your surroundings without the mind judging and labeling?  It's hard, I know but such an exercise gives you a taste of the truth.  We exist beyond our thoughts and our emotions.  We are not them.  However, if we are not careful with our approach in embracing them, we may lose ourselves believing we are our thoughts and we are the anxious and fearful things that generate a wild range of emotions.  We're not that.  We are the quiet, serene and peaceful being just watching with amusement the struggle of thoughts to gain purchase as truth.  Thoughts are symbols only - things we learned to construct in this frame but there is more to existence than our thoughts.  We exist not to think but to be.  Thinking is a side effect that if not properly understood can taint an otherwise very beautiful life.

And then, then there is emotion - the true power we hold within us.  Our emotions generate energy and we feel happy, sad, joy, love, anger and more.  We create these emotions with our own thoughts.  So, if we create these things unconsciously, automatically, just imagine what it is that we could do and experience if we take back control, ignoring the chaos and substance of our thoughts and push past them in moments surrounding ourselves only with the peaceful comfort of the base energy from deep within our souls.  We can generate bliss in the most chaotic of moments but it's a choice.  We often don't realize our emotions as a choice and some will fight to the death of a relationship to prove that fact wrong but consider this...When a child must put away his toys and resists, mother or father will take the toys from the child and put them away.  In the child's mind, not understanding what is happening, he will generate thoughts that he is not loved by mother or father because they are creating his unhappiness by taking his toys away.  The reality is that mother or father loves the child very much but its time for dinner, a bath or bedtime to help promote better health, safety and security for the child.  You cannot explain this to the child because he  has not yet gained an appropriate level of awareness to grasp the reality...the truth.  And so, it goes that we feel emotions and often do not understand why we are going through what we are going through.  But consider further, perhaps, there is a very good reason you are experiencing what you are experiencing just now.  Take it a step further and consider that what you are experiencing is something you wanted to experience to enrich your soul and teach you about the strength and love you are truly made of.  When you begin to understand you'll no longer react feeling unloved because something you wanted has been taken away.  You may realize that you are choosing these feelings only because you don't yet know any other way to process what you are experiencing.  You may further begin to understand that you can seek the deeper meaning of an experience and change the resulting emotions you are left with. You can learn to soar higher with your understanding and, thus, change the landscape of your vision - your experience and choose a different set of emotions. 

This is a very difficult lesson that takes time to fully appreciate.  But once you gain this understanding in one simple situation, it will forever change the way you view the experiences in your life.  As your life unfolds, you will begin to look even more for silver linings or the real truth rather than the provisional ones your uneducated minds may reach for.  Then, then you begin to free yourself from the lower limits of existence.  You begin to think about things differently, try on different thoughts and then begin to experience different resulting emotions which will bring to you greater understanding.   It takes only a willingness to be open to the possibilities.  As a small child grows and learns more about the construct of the world he exists in, he begins to react less negatively when mom or dad says its time to put the toys away.  In fact, over time the child chooses not to be a victim by resisting the actions around him that exist for his own good.  In time, the child puts away his own toys, no longer resisting what is best for his own well being and the experience changes.  He no longer feels unloved but understands the love being displayed before him.  The child then is free to grow into adulthood and greater lessons and much deeper understanding of the construct that is his life.  It gets easier over time the more we learn and allow our own growth and begin to accept and move with the events that unfold in our lives rather than continually and on auto-pilot - railing against what unfolds.  We are only victims when we do not understand.  Its a hard lessons, no doubt about it.  At the same time, its a beautiful one when we shift from a being that has things happen to them randomly without seeming cause - to a being who creates from his or her thoughts, emotions and energy, understanding and love.  ~Blessings

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo is not mine but a random internet find).