This morning I watched the full moon set in a clear sky just
as it transitioned from the black of night into the beautiful blue of the
day. Not long after, I watched the sun
rise and brighten the silhouettes of the trees outside my window. The clouds moved in and the gray skies added
such a beautiful contrast for the Crepe Myrtle tree outside and the green
Sycamore leaves that soon will fall. In
my mind I walked back through the memories of my experiences of life on planet
Earth this past week. For whatever
reason, the anxiety and fear generally felt all week was still overwhelming. As a soul that leans heavily towards the
empathic, you learn after some time and experience what is your “stuff” versus
what belongs to others in terms of energy and emotion.
This week the sensation from outside felt like it was coming from
within. But it was only this morning I
realized the fullness of what I felt was not entirely mine at all. Much of it truly had nothing to do with
me. I’m just feeling more lately and I find that interesting.
Anxiety and fear are great messengers if you understand
their purpose and the fullness of the message these two sensations in
particular can bring. Both are of the
same source truly. I don’t really care
much for the reasons why, the source or what lead to the feelings. I only know that I cannot carry
things that are not mine to carry. I woke up this morning with the
remnants of the sensations from my week – the lingering energy and I thought,
“Wow, really? Why on Earth would you carry this?” I got up realizing that it wouldn’t help to
beat myself up for my own sensitivity that left me feeling slightly less than
awesome as my first thought for the day the moment I opened my eyes. So, I cleared it all away in a little
shower-meditation. You literally just
visualize letting the water pull away all of the negativity. It is truly an amazing thing to do after a
week of high-stress!
When I came down stairs and saw the moonlight spilling down to wash my patio in a beautiful silvery glow, I paused and just took in the beauty of that gorgeous orb seemingly
hanging in the sky to punctuate a beautiful and serene moment. I made some coffee and engaged in some
mindfulness meditation to allow the rest of my week’s experience to drop back
into the background with my full and complete acceptance of it. My realization of what I was feeling and the
true origins helped me feel more peaceful, more understanding and much less
anxious. I’m going to allow myself to
just feel as I feel, be as I am and stop the fear that rises with these
thoughts. Even that fear is a beautiful
messenger. For me in truth, it is a worry that I
am not handling all that is before me “perfectly.” “What a silly fear,” I think now by the light
of day. What does it matter if I am not perfect? I am not here for that. None of us are here to be perfect. We are here to be who we are and to learn to
see, understand and allow others to be as they are. The challenge comes in when others lay their
expectations on you and think or even secretly demand that you should react to
their expectations for no other reason than they have them. I learned this week that sometimes you just have
to say “No." The “No” may have repercussions and that just really isn’t your
problem.
For a recovering people pleaser such as me, I can admit that
I wince when I have to say “No” sometimes still. My life’s experiences have taught me that
quite often your “No” is followed by much conflict and heavy duty sales tactics
by others to try and turn your “No” into their desired “Yes.” But something happens as you age in this
realm. You start to gain wisdom and you
realize that no amount of people pleasing will insure you against someone
else’s displeasure. When you realize fully that another’s displeasure has
nothing to do with you, you stop a really negative process from perpetuating itself into oblivion.
You stop taking on the pain of others and chose to throw off their pain
and just stand in your own light. This
is not a painful process really and if you stand firmly and confidently enough in your
own light, you begin to see the truth of this.
When you say “No” to something, there are no shortages of people or
situations that will rail against the “No.”
Too bad I say. Sometimes the “No”
is about self-preservation, it is about your own peace, tranquility and
happiness and sometimes you just have to choose your own happiness over someone
else’s and still be okay. It isn’t easy
but truly, with practice it feels like the only thing you can do from the point
in your life you begin to understand why standing in your own light is the most
important thing you can do in your life.
So, I come back now to less heavy thoughts and the precious
beauty of my surrounds. I’m grateful
this week for all of the conflict I felt, for all of the emotions I
encountered, the stress and anxiety even.
For these things have taught me to be open and curious about what is
going on inside of me despite all of the noise outside of me within my
environment. I am responsible for myself
and my thoughts and feelings. I am
understanding and compassionate towards the thoughts and feelings of others and
I bear no shame in standing up for myself and my own needs. Come what may from it, I’m happier in this
moment for all of my experiences. I’m grateful
in this moment for every soul I’ve encountered this week along with everything
done and said. It’s been fine week on
planet Earth and I’ve many things to consider about all that I’ve learned. A new perspective dawns and I’m glad. I don’t know where it will lead but I’m sure
it’ll be great!
© 2016 Jaie Hart
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