Eventually

I watched huge wispy tubes of fog roll across the sky just above the roof tops.  A gentle breeze kept them aloft and turned the sunrise pale orange ethereal.  Smokey mountains ahead created a beautiful half frame of Earth contrasting with fiery morning sky.  For a few moments caught up in the beauty, I felt the murmurings of elation well as I drove into work.  Life of late has been filled with challenges great and smiles haven't been all that easy to come by.  But I know it's just a dream -- this life and all the things that frustrate only seem momentarily important.  A little adrenaline wells as the anxiety provoked thoughts fight for conscious cognition for the day ahead.  I pull them back a moment realizing that borrowing trouble with future thoughts (that are never a guarantee) is truly a pointless endeavor.  I roll down the window and breathe in deep the cool morning air to remind me to center myself better.

I turned away from the sun as my route would have me do and caught a glimpse of fiery sunlight painting the leaves in that ethereal glow again.  Slipping back into a more mesmerized state, I relaxed into the pure beauty of the moment.  No matter what hard or harsh things we may face in life, I realize these things and experiences exist but a moment and then they are gone.  There's no need to panic or worry about them.  Emotions will rise as we let our thoughts dictate but when you quiet the mind just enough, you can feel something better than emotion.  You can feel the inner urgings of your own soul to calm.  Sometimes it seems those urgings are a barely audible whisper.  That whisper, even when you notice it can be awfully difficult to hold.  But letting go of extraneous mental chatter, there is nothing to try to hold at all.  The peace is always there within you.  I learned that driving into the sun and learn it over and over again as sometimes is necessary.

We act sometimes on autopilot until we remember that thing we heard or that feeling we once came into contact with that whispered to your heart and mind, "Shush now love, be still and calm.  All is ultimately and truly well even if at this moment you cannot fully see."  When we end the frenetic and fearful thoughts, it is that voice that is the heart and soul of who we are.  Nothing outside of us can take that away.  It can be obscured by the thoughts and emotions of our choosing but so too can we choose to let go of chaotic thoughts and emotions and breathe ever more deeply into the space between moments.  It is there we find peace, love and comfort even amidst a terribly chaotic day or starting one. 

By the time I pulled into the drive at work, the sun was full and bright and the sky, cloud free and deep cerulean blue.  I got out of the car, grabbing my things and shut the door softly.  I stared up at the sky and let its clarity fill me and the softness and brightness of the light spill into and around me.  I smiled despite the upcoming hectic schedule and I walked with purpose and finished that day.  How many times will I make that drive and struggle to come to the same conclusions?  I guess it doesn't really matter as long as I get to the conclusion.  A day may come I won't make that drive and still the sun will rise ethereally beautiful and the frenetic thoughts will flow and the heart of me will remind me to step back into the calm beauty of a new day...eventually.

(c) 2013 Jaie Hart (the beautiful photo was a random internet find from:  http://thewifeofadairyman.blogspot.com/2011/03/sunrise-over-dairy.html)