So It's Over. Now What? - Are You Struggling with the End of a Relationship?

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Relationships are a very important aspect of our existence here on Earth and one of our greatest sources for learning.  Unfortunately, no one teaches us in advance what to do when that perfect seeming relationship ends or needs to.  Well, I thought about that quite a long time and then decided to write this book.  My intent is to help others better understand relationships, their own feelings as well as the life lessons they truly intended to learn through relationships.  I wanted to share with you an excerpt from one of my latest books.  Read on.  If it piques your interest, click the link under the picture above.  I'm offering all of my books half off right now.  The money isn't the key importance for me in my work at this time.  It is getting messages out there to help people learn, grow and love their lives more.  So, then...on with the excerpt.  I hope you enjoy it.  

 

This book is about relationship endings and emotions, effects and thoughts that follow along with some suggestions for what to do and think as well as what not to do and think if you are interested in healing and moving on following the ending of a relationship.  This book is intended to be a toolbox of bits and pieces of information that might help you view your situation a little bit differently.  We’ve all known pain and heartbreak when a relationship ends.  It’s horrible, it’s awful; it’s so very final and uncomfortable.  But there can also be joy, serenity, opportunity, adventure and discovery.  It’s all in how you choose to look at it.

In my book, Changing Perspectives – The Journey is the Destination, I wrote about changing your perspective so that you might change your outlook on life generally by pointing out that what you perceive in a certain way may not actually be the truth.  This is ultimately a good thing no matter whether you stand on the positive or negative side of the line.  This book is not all that different in concept.  However, the concepts in that book are applied here specifically to dealing with the ending of romantic relationships.  This book is about taking a cold, hard look at where you’ve been, how you got there and now, what you can do about it to move through to healing and avoid repeating the same “lessons” (and that doesn’t mean never getting involved again).  On that note, don’t let any man or woman shut your heart down forever more!  That wasn’t the role they intended to play in your life and you can be afraid and run away, you can blame and deny OR, you can take a look at the relationship or all of the relationships in your past, see what you did, how you reacted and what your goals were and determine what works for you and doesn’t going forward.

So, who am I and how in the world am I qualified to write a book on endings of relationships?   Well, I’m just like you.  I have lived, I have loved and I have lost….many times over.  I am not in a 30-year marriage with no relationship or dating experience preaching to you about how you have to compromise everything for the sake of a relationship.  I’ve been married a few times so I’m definitely clear on the “what does and doesn’t work” department.  I have had the unique experience of listening to the stories of my clients, paying attention to the news, analyzing information received from all six senses (and yes, there is a sixth sense) and I have failed miserably so many times personally by ignoring lessons I only now understand.  I’m not a relationship expert but I do have a unique perspective on a good number of things and a very strong desire to help people grasp life lessons and turn the negatives into positives in that specific arena. 

Because I’m like you, I know a measure of what you feel, I know the physical pain of endings and I also know that pain in this area is nothing to fear because you can move on and do so in a healthy way.  I am a reverend, an intuitive and spiritual counselor and even though you don’t know me from Adam, I happen to care about you and your growth here on Earth.  I’d like to help set out a little bit of a road map that might shed some light for you on your journey.

One of the things I have learned in my travels of life here on Earth is that at the end of a relationship, we have a very unique opportunity to explore the whole of ourselves.  We get to learn about what we wanted consciously, projected unconsciously, what we actually had, what worked for us and what didn’t, and what we compromised on too much or didn’t enough.  We also can see where we held blame and denial instead of unconditional love. 

If it’s over now and you find yourself alone, please know that it is definitely not a fate worse than death to be alone, it is not horrible to be alone and since you cannot predict with 100 percent certainty you’ll only ever be alone, there is no use in wallowing in bad feelings indefinitely.  So, grab yourself a beverage, find a comfy spot to sit down and let’s talk for a bit and see what we can do about your current situation.  I’m willing to bet we can find something for you to work with to get you out of any “feeling sorry for yourself” modes of existence and get you into thinking about opportunities…and maybe, just maybe, we can get you right back out there and drawing to you the right man or woman to have an even better relationship experience with the next time around.

Before we go on, let me just say this, I wish you much love and healing on this journey of endings.  I’m willing to bet you will look back on this time one day and see it for the beautiful beginning it truly was or is.  May your God or Goddess be with you and comfort you at this most precious and truly beautiful time in your life.


If after reading this you have questions, feel free to ask me in the comments.  I'm also a Metaphysical Counselor and Life Coach if you're interested in working more one on one.  You can email me at Jaiehart@gmail.com.  You can check out my biography by Clicking Here:  Biography.

Blessings!

Jaie 

So It's Over, Now What?

In this ode, to the broken hearted, I send you love, light, healing and hope that your broken heart will soon mend.  I was talking with a friend this week on the topic of break ups, that terrible and sometimes terrifying feeling of heart break and what to do or what to expect in the days and weeks and months that follow.  There are so many things we don't understand about human relations and the energetic aspects that are woven like invisible chains through the heart of us.  When we separate from some, whether romantic, friendship or family, sometimes, the pain of those invisible chains can become more than palpable.  They seem to stop us in our tracks for moments on end.  It is my hope with this article to help you understand how to navigate and work through these moments.  Keep in mind this article is high-level, the book is in process and has been for a little while.  It's a tough subject to talk about but it's helpful to know what to expect and how to get through it in a way that won't create lingering feelings of anguish and pain.

So, in the first few moments know - these moments are the worst of it.  Those first moments of separation where you feel the energy that you've come to rely on in another pulling away either slowly or abruptly, it leaves a chasm or void within us temporarily.  Notice that I said temporarily.  In the first moments, the pain is the most intense and for at least the first 3 days following it may really be a chore to exist.  Some advice...take not one single action in vengeance, utter not one vindictive hurtful word because to do so will extend this period of pain greatly as you add to it insult to the already very apparent injury.  It's harder than heck because you may want to strike out and force someone to stop whatever it is that is hurting you.  With your emotions in control, you cannot see the truth, the lessons or rational reality at all.  For your own sake, withdraw for a few days and seek solace in supportive friends.  Talk with a trusted friend about your feelings of anger, vengeful thoughts or what-have-you but do not utter them to the object of your seeming anguish.  The reason is not to let them off the hook for hurting you but to give you space to regain some composure so that you can think rationally before you speak.  Refuse to heed this and you extend your own pain but that choice is ultimately yours.  If you want to heal, relax and work through the pain.

The first week, you may feel depressed, heavy, anxious and aching.  This is normal and part of regenerating your own energy to the point you are refilled from the energetic void left in the absence or disconnection from the one you love.  Know that this period feels like it will last forever, but it doesn't.  It will change in a way that you can deal with the pain and keep on going with your life.  Be gentle with yourself and immediately cut off any thoughts of loathing for you and the other party.  Yes, acknowledge your anger and pain but know if you dwell in those emotions, you will lengthen your recovery period.  Put your focus where it is most needed - on yourself so that you may heal.  Again, stay close to friends to help hold you up during this time. That is what friends are for.

The second week, you may not feel as bad or as low as the first week.  Some of your own energy has had time to regenerate if and only if you have not engaged in vengeful thoughts and trying to pull the other person back into your space negatively.  You begin to ease the depths and levels of pain if you've kept your focus and thoughts on you and healing you without having to engage in thoughts to tear the other person apart just to make your ego feel better.  The ego gets bruised and battered in a break up or cutting ties situation so try not to make it worse by engaging in negative thoughts.  It is work, hard work but manage your thoughts and manage your recovery.

The third week, you will need to realize that it takes human beings 21 to 28 days to break a habit.  This includes the habit of interacting with other people.  You will need to keep yourself busy in order to avoid dredging up the thoughts of loss and woe and to fend off the urge to pull the other person back into your life.  Your life has beautiful purpose and meaning regardless of who is in it.  Realize that not one person on this Earth can make you greater or lesser than who you are.  You can survive without having the other person to fill up your time.  You need to focus on learning to do things on your own again and this is work!  But your recovery is worth it.  By this time, you should have moved away from the intensity of the moment of separation and you will miss this person and that "missing" feeling may drive you from time to time to irrational emotions and thoughts.  Take no action in those moments to engage the other person.  Keep your focus on you.  In some situations, you may need to take steps to keep the other person from contacting you.  Do what you have to do to promote your healing in as positive a light as possible.  Change phone numbers if you have to - in extreme situations, you may need to get the law involved but do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and allow yourself the time to heal.

The months that follow can be filled with beautiful things as you try to heal.  Fill your life with as many positive experiences and memories as you can to outweigh the tough, heavy and negative emotions of pain from a break or disconnection.  Realize you are accountable for your emotions and what you will allow yourself to engage in.  Live and let live and protect your own right to free will knowing that your free will ends at your person and vice versa.  Stick close to friends, stick close to hobbies and things that you enjoy, take up new ones if you have to or read, write and take refuge in other positive activities.  Sometimes the pain will linger and it can be hard to heal.  You'll be doing fine and suddenly a wave of pain comes back to you, just ride it out - feel it - work through it and then refocus on positive action.

The only way to heal pain is to work and grow through it.  You cannot escape it, numb it or run from it.  You'll only prolong your own agony.  Your ability to heal from a break or a separation is up to you.  There are infinitely positive things that will support your healing and there are also infinitely negative things that will destroy you emotionally if you choose them.  Drugs and alcohol do nothing to heal heart break.  In fact, they can make it feel worse due to the chemical reactions in your body.  Engaging in stalking, unwanted contact, threatening or other intimidating behavior of the other person just creates a mess for you to deal with not to mention there are laws that protect people.  Don't engage in the negative if you want to heal.  And, on that note, if the pain remains so severe that you just can't seem to move on, please get some counseling to help you manage the process professionally.  Your goal is to support yourself and heal.  You will never do that by lashing out at the other person.  On the positive side, friends are a beautiful thing...finding ways to help others going through a tough time can be very healing, refocusing your efforts and thoughts and engaging in things that uplift you can go a long way in helping you heal.  Know that what you put into your recovery, you will get out of it.

When it's over, it's hard but realize in time that you will come to understand the lessons you intended to learn from the interaction.  The life lessons take time to become conscious of so don't beat yourself up, don't let others beat up on you and don't you beat up on others.  Every person we meet and interact with has something to teach us and something to learn from us.  Consider what the lesson might have been.  What did you do in the interaction that felt good?  What did you do in the interaction that felt bad?  What might you do the next time certain situations crop up (lessons do repeat, my friends)?  Give yourself room to breathe, room to heal and room to grow.  Broken hearts can mend if we but give ourselves permission to let them heal.  There are some aspects of pain that may never seem to heal.  Know that this IS okay to and trust that in time, despite the pain, it's focus will grow less and less in your conscious mind while you decide to move forward with your life and create joy in other ways.

I wish you much love, light and healing dearest dreamers!  I pray your healing journey brings you much understanding.

Note:  For some assistance with grief, a very helpful article that I've found.  Click here

(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find - link, belongs to noted author on that page).