Monday, October 26, 2015

The Warrior's Sword

With all of my other projects in life of late, it seems I’ve neglected this blog a bit.  Well, it has been for good reason.  You see, I’ve been very busy learning some very wonderful things about life and as I learn, I suppose I like to have a little time to test my learning before I begin writing.

Lately I’ve taken up Kundalini Yoga Certification training.  For whatever reason, it called to me.  I’ve learned in life that whenever I receive those very subtle, quiet and internal urgings and I pay attention to them, they almost always turn into something beautiful.  I was prepared for the mental agility required for Kundalini Yoga and I knew that the physical aspects would be a challenge for this body that has spent by far too much time working at a computer screen for long hours.

Something that I have learned in my studying and working with my wonderful teacher is that sometimes the Malware (e.g., the environmental psychology that seeps into our conscious operating system unbeknownst to us) is so deeply entrenched that no amount of psychotherapy or counseling will bring to the light of day those things we most wish to work on.  Sometimes it takes the intent to go at something differently, almost indirectly in order to make the greatest progress.  Kundalini Yoga seems to work that way for me.

Since I began, I have uncovered bits and bytes of malware trapped not just within my psyche but deeply entrenched within the cellular aspects of  my being.  When my teacher first mentioned this concept to me, I wasn’t sure about the validity of the concept.  I question her no more.  She is amazingly spot on as always and I thank the stars above for that little inkling of an urge that lead me to the door of her Yoga Studio.  In the short time I’ve been involved in training, I have uncovered some rather surprising issues deep within the core of my being that I never knew even existed.

I write about these topics continually so I shouldn’t have been so surprised to find something buried but when one particular core level matter surfaced and the pain of it hit, my training allowed me to do something I’ve never before been able to do.  That is, give my self total and complete permission to feel in the absence of all judgment, be kind, understanding and compassionate with myself as I deal with a very sensitive issue that arises from the inner child in me. 

We all have these matters and I guess the moral to my long story here is that it is vitally important that you give yourselves permission right here and right now to feel what you feel and to know that what you feel is okay and also to love yourself with all that you have while you are in the process of feeling.  It seems so simple but we are not taught this.  Another theme I write about is all of the things we are not taught.  I’ve become adept at many things in my time on Earth and if I may say, I am proud of myself for those things but I have become both humbled and very proud of my ability fail, to be frail, to be vulnerable completely to whatever it is that decides to rise from within me. 

In times of old I’d have run screaming from emotion.  Taking the warrior’s tough stance in mastering self and anything else that comes before us is admirable.  But and this is a really BIG but, there is nothing that takes more strength, more stamina, more skill, and more will power than to face a forgotten wound and allow it to come to the light of day for much needed acknowledgement, understanding, compassion and learning.  We must learn to just be with it knowing that no matter what we will be okay.

This, my training and learning of late has brought me.  What a precious gift.  I’ve laid down my sword many times over the years and picked it right back up to protect the wounds inside.  No more.  The sword no longer exists.  I’ve decided to bury it for good.  Instead I stand for self love, self compassion and self-kindness.  I also stand for showing these very same things to all of humanity as I continue to learn and grow.  I also wish to continue to share these learnings in the hopes it may help give another the courage to stand up and just be beautifully perfect, wounds and all in the light of the sun. 

Having said all of the above, this does not in any way mean that I will not put up appropriate boundaries in front of those who would harbor ill-respect, lacking integrity or honor.  I need not deal with such nonsense as I turn within and focus on dealing with my own shadows.  Let others fend for themselves or ask for help but I will not tolerate what does not serve me.  I guess that part of my warrior spirit will always live but it now lives to serve in a new way – a good way.

May your God or Goddess comfort you, hold you and bless you now and for all time.  Yours, Deva Kirtan Kaur (aka Jaie Hart).

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