Gilded

For long weeks now it seems I've had so much to contend with.  Not really anything out of the ordinary just a vast increase of urgent matters requiring my immediate and admittedly uncomfortable attention.  There are just those days where your heart may not be entirely engaged in the tasks and matters at hand but getting through them one must or face unintended consequences.  So, well, get through my tasks I did and the anxiety of them left me twisted in knots for days on end.  Were it not for my nightly escapes into meditation along with as many walking meditations in the sunlight I could muster during my very busy days of late, I don't think I'd have made it through without coming wholly undone by stress.  Thankfully, life isn't always like that and I had made up my mind after several weeks of clamoring about attempting to solve everything at once ineffectively that in my amazing creativity I generated the thoughts that gave birth to both energy and emotion to paint a scene of challenge for myself to contend with.  When I made that step into the light of accountability, the level of anxiety and stress began to transform.  Rather than worrying about the thoughts, feelings and emotions of others I rose to my challenges as best I could and realized that engaging my ego in worry and fear would do nothing to help me glide through my life lessons.

So, instead I focused on holding a peaceful state of grace every moment I could manage it.  I didn't do it perfectly and I succumbed plenty to anxiety and stress, anger and frustration but I was able to bring my focus back to that blessed state of grace and peace now and then.  It saved me what might have been an even more uncomfortable time.  Realizing that in life we are perfect in our imperfections, that wasting time worrying about other's thoughts of us truly makes no sense and knowing definitively what is good within my own heart and soul gave me the grounding necessary to proceed on matters as I had chosen from the core of me.  We forget sometimes that our answers lie within us and much time did I spend in reflection when I could.  I'm beginning to care less about the world spinning on it's axis and instead focusing on standing in my own light, knowing definitive truth and right action comes only when we can clear our cluttered minds enough to see.  When I finally felt the truth of these words I was driving into a beautiful morning sun.  The very cool temperatures created a mist that seemed to gild everything in golden morning sunlight.  I smiled from the heart of my soul realizing in that moment that it's just a play.  I will do my best.  I will be appreciated or disparaged and I truly care not.  I understand the truth of the games the egos in this world play and its not my job to engage in it but rather defend from the negative effects of it that are my choice and my choice alone.  Only I can feel what I choose to feel.  No soul incarnate has enough power on this planet over me to force any emotion upon me I do not give my consent to owning.

So, I let the stress of a couple weeks go and I wrote this poem inside of my head as I drove into work.  I committed each line to memory because I wanted the blissful emotion from my realization to stick with me, to remind me and encourage me to focus not on the ego's illusions but the truth about the love that fills all the empty spaces, cures all fear and chases away all darkness.  So, here it is, I hope you enjoy it as well.


Gilded


Misty golden rays of sunlight
Cast across my field of vision
Morning's gilded filters
Do take away any thoughts of gloom
The mood is high just feeling the love
Knowing its there filling up
All the seemingly empty spaces
Life lessons abound in every direction
So easy it is to become entranced by the illusions
But something within you will always stir
A knowing, a distant memory
To remind you of what it is that truly matters
Not the negativity you seem to routinely encounter
But the ways in which you dispense with it
Through true and clear reflective understanding
The light does most always shine
It's only when you are not seeing clearly mired in ego
That you cannot comprehend it's constant existence
The Source connection within you
That spark of divinity your life was blessed with
Remains always and ever
Your true and blissful anchor
To home

(c) 2013, Jaie Hart (photo, fortunate random internet find)