Friday, March 18, 2011

Pushing Through

Wow, 3:33 am awakening again.  I smiled as I looked at the clock.  Over the last year, I cannot count how many times those numbers called me away from dream land.  I was having an interesting dream too.  I was in a field, the sun was shining and around me was a group of young students all in their 20’s.  I was explaining to them the importance of meditation and that even if they’ve had a long day, taking just 10 minutes before bed to get still and quiet was so important.  As I stared at the clock until 3:34 am, I was deciding whether or not I should roll over and go back to sleep but this giddy child-like energy swept through me and I thought, “I’m up, I’m up, let’s get moving…coffee, coffee!”  Ugh!  So, I hopped in the shower and noticed it was just dreamy wonderful. After that, I made a pot of coffee…again noticing the aroma just seemed dreamy wonderful and then that first sip, “I’m up, I’m up and it’s Friday and I don’t have to work today.”  Okay, so I opened the door seeing bright moonlight shadows and one breath, it smelled like spring to me…the birds already singing and I was just really so glad to be awake…maybe like I had slept too long.

The past week has been an interesting one energetically speaking.  When you decide to throw off the limits of negative thoughts and purposefully choose to connect only with the love inside, it casts everything in this beautiful ethereal glow in terms of feeling.  It’s nearly indescribable but it is excitement in the knowing that every single thing is alive, Mother Earth is alive, the sky is alive and all of the Earth’s inhabitants are alive and awakening.  It’s amazing.  Some are unwilling to make the shift and I wonder about that.  They stand out in such stark contrast to everything else I see.  They’re obvious in their death grip on the poor me and negativity and are all too happy to dash your hopes and dreams masked in caring words stated as “looking out for you.”  Gosh, don’t believe it for a second.  Hold on to your hopes and dreams, just stay a bit grounded and you won’t be lead astray and as for the negative Nellies in the world, don’t resent them, send them love, compassion and understanding as they truly need it.  They remain wholly disconnected from the love inside and that is just not a pleasant way to live.  This I know as I’ve spent the last 10 years caught somewhere in between feeling victimized by the world and events or people and being fully empowered by it.  I didn’t see things as they really were but chose to believe in this illusion of negativity while I fought hard to wake the hell up from that illusion.

It wasn’t easy and on some days I had the very same view as an ant looking closely at my landscape from that view!  It’s so very hard to get up when you’ve been leveled to the ground by sorrow, disappointment and pain.  But you can get up…like an actor or actress you must simply search out your motivation.  You can remain mired in pain and retain a poor-me attitude but you have to spill your power out in every direction and that just leaves you so weak and powerless.  It’s so hard to get up when life knocks you down.  There is a reason life knocks you down.  Life can be an incredibly sage messenger…sending you just the perfect souls to impart to you the perfect messages at the perfect time to get you riled up in some ways.  Without some conflict and strife, it’s all to easy to become complacent and apathetic.  You merely drift along in the sea of life finding currents to struggle against, fighting only for what seems important while missing the true gifts in life.  There came a moment for me once where life was just too tough and I just wanted to leave it.  I couldn’t take another ounce of pain and so life sent me a mountain of it to climb.  Tiring, YES!  Daunting, YES!  But, somewhere inside the flame of love flickered and sparked back to life.  When there wasn’t much left in the outside world for me to focus on so intently, I went within and searched out my soul for answers.  It took a long time (in some things I’m such a slow learner…LOL) but then I came to realize my struggles were illusions.  The shift came when I had a choice to be completely devastated by a couple of souls who held sacred positions in my life.  I could have easily given up and remained leveled (flat on my face on the ground) or, I could push past that negative and strive to see the bigger picture…I had to zoom out to a different perspective and when I did, I began to understand the messages they brought me respectively.  I didn’t understand the language at first because it was too new to me.  But once I grasped the concept, the flame of love inside truly sparked to life and by that light, I began to understand and I pulled myself up and out of that illusion I held of villains and victims.  They are illusions.  There are actions and consequences, messages and things that make you struggle to find understanding sometimes.  Life isn’t meant to tear you apart but sometimes when the pieces crumble and there is nothing left to distract us, we begin to look in the right places for answers and we begin to understand.

People are not here to frustrate and disappoint us.  They are but the messengers.  Don’t shoot the messengers!  Understand the role they play by seeing through the words and actions to the themes (often repeating in your life) at play and you’ll begin to see a different picture.  What shadow have you been casting in this world?  What wake have you left behind you?  Is it misery and pain?  Is it never giving up hope?  Is it striving for deeper meaning and understanding?  Is it fighting the system?  Is it fighting illusion?  Is it creating monsters under the bed?  You get to choose what you will learn.  You get to decide how you learn although the timing of the messengers may not be understood or appreciated.  My best advice to you is that you keep your mind, heart and eyes wide open not for those who may undermine and hurt you but for your own judgments, perceptions and perspectives.  Question yourself as to why you hold those perspectives you do.  Don’t stop questioning until you get answers and should you get to a place you feel stuck, stagnant and lethargic…push through the empty dark space…there is wisdom in the pushing through it if you’ll just hold hope that on the other side of that seeming dark veil, there is great wisdom, knowledge and true understanding about you and your purpose here.  You have free will to pursue understanding or remain mired in thick heavy darkness.  Exercise your choices in ways that bring you positive interactions, validation in the positive and sparks of creativity and love.  If you’re just not connecting with that, go back to basics again and try to understand.  The answers are there.  You just have to be willing to see them.  Take your time.  It’s your life.  You are worth the effort.  Love and Blessings!

1 comment:

  1. Jaie you are worth the effort it was worth the effort