Neon Blue

I love the color of the sky in those few moments after the sun sets and the fiery pink and orange colors fade as they chase the sun.  In those brief moments before the indigo blue and black colors begin to rise in the opposite horizon, we're left with a beautiful neon blue sky as far as the eyes can see.  If you stand there long enough and patiently, you might notice a few stars light up all at once as if someone flipped a switch.  Those moments are like magic to me...pure beauty that is there to behold nearly every day and I didn't have to go anywhere to get it.  I just had to stand still right where I was and experience it with eyes ready and willing to see.

There is so much in this world happening right in front of you, waiting for you to behold it if you could only just stop for moment and wait patiently with eyes ready to see.  Sometimes we forget about the beautiful things and focus only on the ugly things we perceive before us.  Everything is a matter of perception and perspective it seems.  There are the things we perceive and then there is the truth.  Sometimes those two things are as far apart as an infinitely wide chasm.  It's so hard to realize that your perception is just that...perception.  Perception can only represent provisional truth...a purported truth based on theories and assumptions.  Provisional truth is only true based on one's perception or perspective, which are shaped by too many things to list in a short article.  The truth, however, does not change from person to person or experience to experience.

Getting there and understanding the truth isn't as easy as it seems.  If you can remove all assumptions, eliminate all emotion and be willing to see things differently, you might be ready to behold the truth of a situation, a person, a place or a thing.  When the ego is in control of your perception, I don't think you can see the truth.  The ego likes to distort things.  It's not easy to move the ego out of the way but you can ask your higher power, "Please let me see the truth of this situation, please let me see the truth about this person or that thing."  In such requests, you begin to ready yourself to behold the truth.  Your intent will set the stage, your willingness will put the energy out there and when all of the trappings of the ego fall away, you will see the truth.  It may take patience, it may take time but knowing the truth and acting on the truth is better than acting on assumptions, perceptions and provisional truth.

These things are often easier said than done.  You have to want to change your perspective sometimes.  Its hard to know when your perception is based on assumption when you're always assuming and considering assumptions and emotions are facts.  Assumptions and their resulting emotions are rarely evidence of the truth.  They are made up by us for various reasons - most likely environmental psychology.  Denial is a good example of how the truth is a perception.  We deny the truth when we think the truth will be too painful.  I don't want to get into psychology tonight.  I'm too taken with awe looking up at this sky.  I no longer wish to collect my thoughts in an organized fashion to put them down in this blog, I'd much rather let them scatter amongst the stars in this beautiful neon blue sky.  The truth - it's not actually out there waiting patiently inside of you.  So too is beauty, blessings, true fortune (not necessarily money) and bliss.  You just need to be ready to see them.  You will see them.  ~Blessings and love to all.




If you enjoyed reading this post, you might also like my books.   I'd be honored if you'd visit my author spotlight at:   http://www.jaiehart.com.  Blessings.

Depression and the Holidays

So many suffer depression around the holidays each year.  It's horrible to wake up one morning and feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you, the wind in your sails has completely disappeared and you feel both physically and emotionally wounded.  Having suffered many bouts of depression in my life time, there are a number of things I've been able to do that really make the bouts short-lived.  I wanted to share them in the hopes that they might help someone else out there suffering.  I am not a therapist nor have I been psychologically trained.  This is information shared from one human being to another for the simple reason that well, I just care.

When depression strikes, it can be a little startling and it can make you more than fearful.  So, in our thoughts, we sometimes attempt to fight the depression and we do it sometimes unnoticed belittling self-thoughts inside of our heads like, "What is wrong with you?" or "Why are you so defective?"  These thoughts don't help the depression and thoughts like these inside your head can actually make you feel worse.  I catch those thoughts playing  inside my head during these bouts.  I start feeling like a victim until I remember, I may feel depressed but I can control my thoughts about this.  So, the first thing I do is stop fighting the depression.  I let it hit me with the full force of gravity it needs to deliver.  I've had a lot happen in my life and, well, sometimes that pain needs to rise to the surface and gain acknowledgment.  So, I acknowledge it in the most gentle way possible and I will use a lot of positive self-talk until it passes.

I'll also work very hard to take better care of myself when these episodes hit.  Sleep is affected.  Sometimes I can't sleep.  So, if I can't sleep, I'll use the time to read a book or meditate to use my time in a positive way instead of allowing myself to get overly anxious about not being able to sleep.  I try to focus my thoughts on stabilizing the chemicals in my body.  I'll make sure I eat healthy foods and nothing too strong before bed.  I'll watch the calorie intake so I don't add weight to my body which will make me feel worse.  I will try, even though I really don't feel like it, to get some form of exercise - a short walk for even 15 minutes helps produce endorphins which are really good when you are depressed.

I observe the thoughts that I'm thinking to see if there is a thought-source to my depression.  Often there is.  I'll  write down those thoughts and understand that my thoughts are separate from who I am.  They are just thoughts and I can give the negative ones credence or I can give myself advice on my own thoughts as I would a good friend telling me these negative things.  I will try to turn each negative thought around with a positive one.

When I find pain over past wounds at the core of my thoughts, I give them voice and try not to fight them.  I embrace the pain knowing its going to hurt like hell but if I fight the pain, I know I will prolong my depression.  If its a particularly strong bout of depression, I will call and make an appointment with a counselor.  Often talk therapy, exercise, eating right and vitamins are enough to set things back on track.  I'm not big on anti-depressive medication because I've had abnormal reactions to them but for so many people, they really help so that is something that can be explored to help you get through the valley of depression.

I try to avoid too much isolation when depressed.  Sometimes when depressed, I purposely get myself out and around other people where I will need to act like I'm okay so I don't bring others down.  During those periods of "acting" I find that I actually do start to feel a little bit better.  I am distracted temporarily from depression during these times and that's a good thing.

Sometimes the bouts will pass in a few days, a few weeks or a few months.  I just trust that for whatever reason, I need to go through the depression and I try to eliminate the fear by trusting that one day, my positive efforts will kick in and I'll wake up and the light will be there instead of at the far end of the tunnel. 

Missing loved ones can be really hard and drive a lot of depression.  Allow yourself to mourn those you miss during the holidays.  It is absolutely okay to miss people and to wish they were there.  If you can, imagine they are right there before you and send to them loving thoughts and feel them sending loving thoughts back to you.  This is a hard exercise but it does temporarily feel good.  I try hard to hold onto any loving feelings when depressed.  Depression makes it hard to feel anything but bad.  Sunlight is unappealing, the things and people you love seem far away, everything you hear seems muffled and uninteresting and life so completely lacks luster that you just want to give up.  But notice those feelings...realize if you can observe yourself feeling like this or thinking thoughts like this that you are separate from those thoughts (Read Tolle).  If you are separate from your thoughts, you can influence your thoughts and talk yourself up to a higher place.  It takes practice, persistence and willingness to work through it at a time you seem handicapped to do well.  Trust that it will work. Trust that the depression will not last forever is necessary (remember, assuming you'll feel bad forever is just that...an assumption and you do not know with 100% certainty that you will be depressed forever so cut those thoughts off by saying, I feel bad only for now - tomorrow may be different or this time next week may be different - realize that it is possible).  (Check out Thomas Moore's Dark Nights of the Soul).

If you can, try to stay away from unhealthy substances that would "numb" the pain.  It always seems to come back twice as hard if you use alcohol to numb it.  You don't want it to stick around for a long period so try to avoid those things that contribute to it.  Work with a medical doctor if you can to try to help you find the source if counseling did not help and nothing else seems to be working.  It's possible chemical imbalance can be contributing and a medical doctor can assist you with that and help you help your body to balance the chemicals.

As hard as it is, try not to give up hope...be mindful of what is an assumption in your thoughts and what is truth.  Deal with depression as you would a cold - take care of yourself.  Treat the pain you suffer as if it were a precious child you wish to take care of.  Be gentle with it and yourself.  Depression is not the enemy. It is a symptom.  It can be healed but you must try to find a way to keep thoughts about treatment open in your mind at a time it will be difficult to do so.

Find something positive you enjoy.  I love going to the beach so when I'm depressed, I continue to go even when I just don't feel like it...even if I'd rather just stay in bed...I'll get up and take myself to the beach...even when I'm there and my thoughts tell me give up and just go back home - I will stay and try to notice anything of interest...the light on the water, seashells, birds, people, the sounds, the smell...I'll focus on sensations that are interesting or neutral.  These things also distract me from the pain of depression.

Give yourself time to heal and trust that you will heal.  When you set your intent, you keep yourself open to healing and you can take steps, one at a time if necessary, to get back on your emotional feet.  Love yourself no matter what.  Imagine how you might treat a depressed family member and treat yourself with that same love, understanding and kindness.  The bout will pass when you find the right path of treatment for you.  Hang in there and let love and healing find you this holiday season and every day.  Many blessings.

Rights of the Non-Personality Disorder Afflicted

This may not be a very popular piece but I have to write it for the victims that are struggling with the aftermath of life with someone who has one of the many personality disorders that results in emotional, physical and verbal abuse for the non-afflicted.  People think emotional or verbal abuse is no big deal, "at least you weren't beaten or molested."  Well, meaning but invalidating comments.   There is such a thing as emotional rape and that leaves hidden scars that fester and wreak havoc for many years.  I've read some things around the internet specifically concerning NPD and BPD and how the family members cannot use tough love, cannot leave the abusive person because it will do harm.  I'm sorry, as much as I truly feel for the NPD and BPD folks suffering out there, no person has the right to abuse another and no person has to continually subject themselves to abuse for any reason.  Sometimes, the only way for the non-afflicted to heal and come to terms with a personality disorder afflicted family member is to create a space of no contact.  There are times and cases where that is absolutely a necessity to preserve emotional sanity for the non-afflicted.

This topic is very near and dear to me for many reasons and without going into too many details to protect the privacy of the individuals involved, I'm writing from first hand-experience.  After suffering a life-time of verbal and emotional abuse, nothing made me feel more violated than to listen to people telling me I had no right to protect myself, that for me to take action passively to protect myself was wrong, and that I just had to understand that the individuals in my life had an affliction and I needed to just deal with it.  Well, those individuals have obviously never suffered emotional abuse, physical abuse and verbal abuse to the point of near emotional destruction.  I'm sorry but they are wrong.  There are some individuals who can learn about the disorders and stay in the presence of the ill-family members and there are those who can't.  No one has the right to abuse another for any reason period and any kind of abuse from any source should not be tolerated.

Here is the one caution and consideration I have though, to the NPD and BPD individual, fighting back with them for their attacks is not okay.  Adding insult to injury does not promote healing and as much as "getting even" might temporarily make you feel vindicated, it is a short-lived high and will still leave you devastated.  For those folks I say, learn about the illness that you face, get professional help for yourself and learn effective ways to deal with the individual who carries these NPD and BPD traits or diagnoses.  These individuals seem like evil incarnate but they are not.  They are still beautiful souls somewhere inside who are carrying an invisible wound that runs so deep that they would cause harm to every person that loves them.  I do not believe they purposely set out to hurt you and not that this should excuse their behavior (because treatment, if they cooperate, can really be effective and change their lives for the better) its their wounds that have taken on a life of their own that are causing you harm.  I know about the uncanny ability they have to seek out all of the things that you hold dear and how they meticulously rip that to shreds and leave you lying on the floor and yet they kick and spit on you further with more vile and vindictive words and then, they'll just go and tell everybody that the horrid things they just did and said to you is what you do to them every day.  They'll turn family members and friends against you to protect their wounds at all costs and even call the authorities with made up stories of beatings, thefts and other things just to show you how much power they have over you.  This is tricky, so tricky to deal with.  That is why counseling and support for you is a must.  You cannot go it alone without suffering some type of emotional harm.

So, this situation is a no-win for families all over the world. The NPDs and BPDs have an endless pit of emptiness, an amazing ability to psychologically transfer everything onto you, and short-sighted developmental challenge as seeing every one as wholly evil or wholly good with no in-between (Read the book No More Walking on Eggshells for more information on the disorder).  Can you imagine having to live like that?  Its brutal, I've watched it.  But, the bottom line is that we all have choices.  When a healthy individual suddenly feels overly anxious or suffers depression, a healthy person will seek out the help of a counselor, clergy person or friend to help them work it out.  It's a choice that is made.  At some-level, there must be an admission or choice by the NPD or BPD too if they want to stop everyone from running away from them but their own illness prevents them in many cases.  It is their journey to walk and for those of you who are unable to cope with it, you may have to choose no contact, mourn your expectations about that person in your life and move on focusing only on you.  No one should suffer abuse and without help, you could carry some of their traits by holding onto anger, frustration and pain.  That's not good.  If you can't afford counseling, there are support groups online in abundance and these are free.  Just type in non-NPD or non-BPD support and you will find information, support groups and even counselors or coaches who specialize in treatment.  Even youtube.com has videos for the ill and non-ill family members to help them understand and cope.

The purpose of this article is not to insult or disparage the NPD or BPD in any way.  It is to put the focus on those suffering the abusive side of these personality disorders and to let them know abuse is NOT okay, suffering abuse is pointless and to help the non-afflicted to find a way to get support for what they have suffered.  The NPD and BPD people suffer, no doubt about it.  However, every person has choices to make in their lives.  They can choose recovery and treatment or they can choose to remain trapped inside of a mind that distorts reality and causes them so much pain.  The loved ones of the NPD and BPD folks have choices too.  They can choose recovery and treatment or they can choose to remain trapped inside of the victim box that also distorts their life experience and causes them so much pain.  We all have choices to make and our tolerance levels vary.  For the non-afflicted, you need to either learn to disregard the insults and learn how to speak to the afflicted individuals in a way that is non-threatening...learn how to see the insults and criticism has nothing to do with you but are about the personality disorder of a loved one.  The non-afflicted may need to choose limited contact or no contact at all.  Whatever you choose, feel not one ounce of guilt for doing what you need to do to recover in a healthy way (by getting help and cutting yourself off from the abuse in a non-threatening way (as much as that is possible) to the NPD or BPD).  Taking care of yourself and being loving with yourself are the most important things that you can do.

For those who grew up with an NPD or BPD, Adult Children of Alcoholics has a program that is also quite wonderfully effective in helping you recover.  I cannot recommend that program enough.  If you don't have the money for a counselor to get treatment at the moment, this program is a good one.  You can participate in local groups in your town, online or go through the work books on your own (Just look up ACA or ACOA online and you'll find their book store).  There are also some organizations that might offer low or no cost counseling for those who qualify.  Check with your local state services offices and ask them what they can offer.  You never know until you try.  Your intent to heal and grow beyond what you've dealt with having an NPD or BPD or other aflicted loved one is the first step.  Finding that treatment program to get you there is the next step.  Do what you need to do to heal and grow from the experience.

My heart goes out to the afflicted and non-afflicted alike.  I've seen the devastation of personality disorders on the hosts and those who love them.  Its devastatingly painful to witness.  But more so without help and guidance of those trained to treat.  I wish you all much healing, much love and happy, healthy and productive lives here on Earth! ~Blessings

Stop, Think, Act - Don't React

Driving 70 miles an hour down a long empty stretch of freeway can give you a whole new perspective on life sometimes. Especially on a clear cool night like tonight with only the sound of my own tires speeding down the highway and the wind whipping against my windshield. The sky is pure black tonight, the stars are twinkling in such abundance and I'm so incredibly grateful to be driving in a less populated part of the county. There are lots of homes in south county and stretches without the big city lights always gives me a good feeling. No light pollution obliterating an impressive view of a vast expanse of December sky is truly priceless.

I can't remember the last 10 miles. I remember getting in the car and then suddenly I'm among smaller high rise buildings, merging freeways, and a lot more traffic. It's been a very long day that didn't start out well. I think I may stop checking my cell phone before I get out of bed. I may arise in a much better frame of mind. I can't help but think that sometimes life is just too damn hard to deal with. But then, hey, I'm me...Miss Positive and those feelings last a mere few minutes and are quickly replaced by an impressive army of silver-lining seeking thoughts that will be successful in any endeavor they embark upon. In this, I trust me the most!

So, it doesn't ever matter in life how much you learn and grow, how spiritual you become or how grounded you finally learned to be.  There are just those things that creep into the view that shove you off your center quite abruptly. It doesn't really matter what it is or how it happened. What's important are the things you choose to do next. I believe in pulling back to an observer position, noting all the thoughts and feelings without taking much action except to obtain clarity where clarity may be lacking. Somethings that are not about you can still hurt you to the core. But I sometimes think that is more of an unconscious reaction. If you pull back to an observer position, you can see things from 360 degrees without emotion instead of from a jaded and myopic emotional view.

These things are important...noticing, observing without taking any action but for clarity's sake. Bad things happen sometimes to seemingly good people. The world isn't out to get them and there is no insidious and evil design meant to tear down the light in this world. But, there must be balance. In order for things to work properly, the positive and the negative must be re-aligned to achieve balance. Even batteries must be grounded to work properly...well, so do we. The only way that we can stay grounded is to immediately realize that any intense emotion rising in us should be highly suspect and reigned in quickly in order to make sure every step we take is an action chosen instead of an unconscious reaction. Reactions can cause you even more trouble later so its best to try to get centered no matter what you face, acknowledge emotion, rationalize details, obtain facts and then take appropriate and healthy action for you.  Something important to note is that healthy action does not include getting even with someone who hurt you. Two wrongs do not make a right, ever. If someone causes you to retaliate, you have given them your power. Stop that because YOU need your power with you to stay centered and live a healthier life.

It's not easy being human. We were born with so many challenges. Amnesia to all things spiritual, an ego that may or may not have been developing healthy from birth due to environmental psychology and an awareness that may or may not be foggy or fuzzy in some way. All of these things can be overcome with the right tools and intention but we do have to have focus, we do have to have faith and we do have to have rules of engagement we set for ourselves. There are so many people out of control in this world inflicting their imagined slights and pain on others needlessly, carelessly and painfully. Its really sad. If we add to it by fighting back or getting even, we continue to contribute to the problem instead of engaging in a solution. You have the right to choose how you will be engaged. It just takes the span of a few heart beats to pull yourself back from reaction and get yourself into a mindset of thoughtful action.

These thoughts are the reason I've been distracted 10 miles. I'm disengaging from a reaction. I'm pulling back to an observer position to deal with emotions firing in a very reactive way. But the one thing I do know, while I am off-center, I will take no action other than to sort truth and facts from assumptions and off-based emotion. The inner child will not control this situation because the inner child is impaired in this one thing. Delayed gratification of defense will come but it will come in the form or understanding a certain scenario and taking only harmless defensive maneuvers. Well, that and lots of prayer.

So, the moral to this long-winded story is that you have a brain and you really ought to use that first when an emotionally charged situation arises. You have the right to pause and consider before you allow yourself to become engaged in a potentially unworthy battle. You have so much power within you that is better used in positive action that will be healthy for you rather than negative reaction to something someone presented to you to seemingly hurt you, frustrate you or make you mad. Just stop and think. Just stay balanced. Just breathe. If your intent is to quickly find the wisdom of a situation, your intent will be met with satisfaction. You just have to trust yourself and keep your ego from reaction! I wish you many thoughtful blessings on your journey.

Enough to Go On

Sunlight defused through morning storm clouds,
Casts an ethereal glow...
The world washed clean.
It seems to me, a strange world at times.

Rich hues cascade,
Across the moments ago dark landscape,
Sparkling drops of rain distract from the ugliness.
That's what we need, isn't it?
Distraction from the ugliness if even for a moment...

And within such moment...
A reprieve to gaze upon...
The beauty beneath the surface - Just out of view,
The meaning between the lines.

Like the love that sometimes secretly permeates...
The all of everything.
I guess its faith that lets me feel it,
Even when I can't see it with the eyes of the ego...
That hides the truth all too often.

Its the eyes of the soul...
That must be opened wide at all times,
To keep us from immersing ourselves...
Into the abyss of complete obliteration.

I see the sun,
I feel the love,
For this moment...
That's enough to go on.

Holiday Preparations

I am immensely grateful to have come to a place in my life where I truly desire to be happy instead of being right! I had to learn I liked the former rather than the latter through a long line of difficult and exhausting interactions that finally sunk in and made sense! This time of year, in particular, sensitivities run high…we’re tired, over-scheduled, over-worked and suffering from too many sources of input. It’s important to always pay attention to the state of our soul regardless of the day or the season. It’s important that our soul growth continue and the holidays are just the perfect time to try to practice some of the things you have learned.

No one can get your goat as quick as family can. We somehow think that because they are supposed to love us, they should behave more lovingly and respectfully but family isn’t always loving and respectful in the way that YOU think they should be. We’ve all got different views on how the world should be and you can find those that agree with you but that agreement still won’t make you right and still won’t get that family member to respect you the way you feel you should be respected. People are people and blood doesn’t always seem to be thicker than water. Just know that you have choices to make…simple things like deciding not to take anything personally when spoken by certain wounded family members out for the whole “misery loves company thing.” You can choose to fight back too but that is just really exhausting and not healthy for you and I strongly advise against it. You can decide to hide your goat better and vent with a friend after the family gathering is gone. You can decide to give up the goat(by give up the goat I mean don't give credence to insult or attempt at emotional injury by loving yourself enough to know it does not matter what anyone else says or thinks about you but you) and not be bothered by anything anyone says to you. You can also reset your expectations about how family should behave and realize they are just people and may not act as you believe they should.

Other things that you can do around the holidays and to prepare for family gatherings is to make sure you keep up your exercise routines, make time for walks, do your best to get rest and take timeouts to gain peace in the midst of preparations, ask for help and do your best to think really positive. This is the same advice to consider every day but especially around the holidays. If you are not tired or taxed to your limits you will be much better equipped to deal with challenging holiday preparations and tough familial exchanges should they occur. One very important thing to remember and it matters not one bit who you are talking to but YOU have the right to terminate ANY discussion or conversation that you find demeaning, insulting or that makes you uncomfortable. You are NOT a better family member for continuing any discussions that make you feel bad…just stop them as politely as you can…a simple, "I’d prefer not to discuss this further with you right now, let’s focus on the family gathering," is a polite and tactful way to head off a potential emotional blow up…oh, and the drinking…if you have challenging family members, monitor your alcohol consumption and if you have to, plan to leave before any challenging family members have consumed too much.

Enjoy time with family over the holidays but don’t forget that you do NOT have to compromise yourself in a very negative way just because it’s the holidays. Set boundaries for yourself and others, set goals for yourself and set your own expectations reasonably in order to head off challenging interactions. If you can make these preparations a key point of focus, you might just have a better time, be able to step out of or head off any uncomfortable discussions and find a way to just have a good time.

I hope your Thanksgiving Holiday is joyous, peaceful and filled with love! Blessings!

Ego and Unintended Negative Energetic Impact

Ego’s clash at times with such velocity it not only decimates the objects of collision but also creates a lot of collateral damage.  Have you ever been an innocent by-stander in a room of clashing ego’s?  The energy becomes negatively electric and toxic beyond compare.  Not only are the two objects of mass and velocity exploding into bits from impact but the shock wave passes through everyone even remotely near.  But most of this goes undetected, sadly.  Sure the hurt feelings and anger are readily apparent but the residue from the initial impact is not so easy to detect.  The ego does not know how to back down.  The ego sees a fight, takes offense and goes for the jugular.  The interesting thing I’ve noticed in life is that every single time someone has allowed themselves to become so engaged, at some level, they have deeply regretted it and if they didn’t, the soul still suffers from the lack of oxygen in the moment.  I’m referring to love.

 So, it’s safe to say we are all egotistical and in some ways narcissistic.  However, we do have a part of our mind (I like to actually call it soul consciousness – as do many others) that observes what is happening inside of the mind and watches detached.  These negative engagements of the ego register somewhere…even if unnoticed by the host or hosts.  I have to catch myself all the time.  I feel my ego engaged in the pit of my stomach.  I can feel when negative energy begins to stir because the vibration is off like a drum beating angrily and out of time.  It’s uncomfortable and once the energy vibrates like that for a time, there is no easy way out…only time and a whole lot of positive talk can counter-balance the negative energy reverberating throughout my being.  I don’t know why people want to put themselves through that.  I do my best to stop angry thoughts before they start.  I notice that the older I get, the less patience and tolerance I have for that type of behavior in me.  Not because it’s wrong but because it doesn’t feel good and its so unnecessary in most cases.

 Before the ego becomes fully engaged and ready for battle, we do have some twilight moments were we are not yet fully committed to the ego's darkness.  In those moments we can pull the initial thoughts back so they can gain no velocity, no foothold and the resulting initial negatively pulsating energy will quickly dissipate if and only if, you catch it, stop it and disengage.   Every human being has the right to disengage any discussion that begins to make them feel bad.  You can shut down the thoughts and stop responding to external agitation.  It takes less effort to do it on the front end than to deal with it once adrenaline begins to course roughly and uncomfortably through your veins and hurtful angry words are needlessly exchanged.  Now, having said that, there are those individuals that enjoy that rush…and I caution you if you are one of those…it’s not good for you…that kind of feeling of “alive” is like a short-lived high and is very negative in origin.  It is different than the rush of doing something good and satisfying or overcoming a life challenge or fear.  That is a completely different vibration.  One is low, off-beat and heavy and the other is a fast and smooth beating energy that is more uplifting and much longer lasting (not requiring a continual feed).  If you’re around a negative energy junky…just disengage, get away and don’t feed their addiction!

Our bodies can tell us so much if we pay attention.  Off topic a bit but for the sake of example, have you ever dated someone when you got that uncomfortable vibration in the pit of your stomach, a slight energy pull that really feels like a small physical pull…it’s that same feeling when you compromise yourself knowingly in some way…that energy feeling in the pit of your stomach is trying to tell you something.  If you’ve had that feeling and continued dating that person, how did it turn out for you?  I can tell you that every time I ignored that pull, I regretted it in a big way.  That tiny pull off-center was a precursor to major earth-shattering emotional things designed to pull me off my center by someone unwittingly extracting energy from me in a negative way.  Some of this is hard to explain until you’ve paid attention while experiencing it.  Once you’ve noticed that feeling, it is unmistakeable in the future.

 So, the whole point to this is not to highlight that the ego is wrong.  The point is that there are things, interactions and exchanges that are positive, uplifting and create that fast and smooth energy vibration and there are also those with a lower, heavier, off-beat and debilitating vibration that if you don’t pay attention to, you’re headed for a bad time.  Left unchecked these “bad time” experiences can collect in your energy field and lead to physical, mental and emotional maladies…depression, anxiety and general malaise.  It’s really worth paying attention to the state of your ego, keeping it under firm control, knowing when you’re out of control and disengaging so you can regain composure.  Its not rocket science.  It really just takes a very subtle awareness and focus to notice and a little effort to control your own thoughts and feelings.  My challenge for you if you are interested, as you run across people for the next few weeks and observe interactions positive and negative, see if you can notice any feelings around your solar plexus or navel area…what do those feelings feel like?  Are they heavy or light?  Do they pulse and how do they pulse?  Do you feel a vibration either fast or slow?  Pay attention to your body.  Notice if it is different when you are directly engaged versus a spectator in the room.  When you allow your ego to become engaged, you not only put yourself at risk but you risk impacting unintended victims.  Its just food for thought.  ~Blessings