Scheme of Things

There are just those days that don’t end up the way you thought they might…things go wrong and then get even worse sometimes. If you get too wrapped up in outcomes at the outset, life is just not going to go very well for you from an internal emotional and intellectual perspective. Let’s face it, bad things just happen, troubling people and situations cross our paths and sometimes frequently at that. We can’t sit in a space of fear and frustration waiting for blue skies and sunshine when the road before you is long, dark and pouring down rain from ominous seeming storm clouds occasionally lit by frightening lightning. When the thunder rolls, and I assure you, it will—you have to find something in the moment to be grateful for and I’m not talking about material things. Those things are cool and all but don’t matter a hill of beans when you’re facing one of life’s many challenges.

So, what to do, what to do…hmmm, well, you can start by getting really peaceful. The peace is there with you always, you just have to reach in really deep sometimes to find it. One of the best ways to find it is to remember that no matter what drama or conflict you face…no matter what uncomfortable or difficult things you might have to do, you are not the outcomes…you are not the feelings…you are not doubt, fear or defeat. You, at heart, are love incarnate. Sounds hokey huh? It’s not, it’s the truth and it is not one of those provisional truths thrown around with artful and fancy words. No matter what thoughts the mind does think, no matter what expectations the ego worries about or things and situations the ego compares itself with, you are none of that. If you are none of that, what does it matter if the sky pours buckets of rain or lightning flashes? What does it matter of this project failed or that effort ended up in disharmony? What does matter is the state of your soul, the love in your heart and the light you allow to shine forth no matter what you go through.

Life is hard sometimes and if you walk any kind of spiritual path, don’t be surprised or disheartened when you run across conflict, confusion or conundrum. Don’t worry if you seem to do everything right and everything comes out wrong. The one thing you can count on in life is that every single thing that happens, happens for a reason. There is growth to be had and even pure garbage and waste can be transformed into fertilizer from which, can be grown the most beautiful and fragrant flowers. A lot of good can come from a lot of bad if you are just willing to look for it, trust this and be patient. All will be revealed in time and 2 years from now, I guarantee the heat and passion of whatever thoughts you hold right now will be replaced by something else even more intriguing for you.

I’ve had a rough couple months and a pretty tough day and at first I started getting caught up in outcomes but apparently I’ve been paying attention a little to my spiritual training. I am at peace even though I face yet another dilemma, I face yet another of life’s challenges. I can’t let it ruin my day and I have to remember that none of the things I have to contend with compare to the beauty and peace under this cloudy night sky. Yeah, I miss the stars but even though I can’t see them right now, I know they are there and they are shining brightly as they always are. These life challenges I face are just like clouds blocking my view…I know what’s really behind the clouds and what’s really going on behind the life lessons. I know me, I’ll face them and be fine-- I always am. So, there really is no need to worry or fear or get myself cross-threaded over insignificant things in the scheme of things! Life is good no matter what…whether good day or bad day…I do not change…I’m still standing here breathing, feeling the peace in the eye of a storm. And the storm, heck, it’s really just a sprinkle. I’ve seen worse and withstood it…I’ll be just fine. I know this because it’s a choice I’m making…to be at peace and I’m feeling my choice at a time I normally wouldn’t. I like that. I deeply appreciate this ability to reach above and beyond turmoil. I hope this ability stays with me the rest of my life.

Whatever it is that you face on your journey, you have one thing no one else has…YOU. You’ve got something else we all have and share…LOVE. You will be fine no matter what you do, say or think as long as you choose to be okay. I wish you much strength on your journey…I wish that you always find one shred of a presence of mind to know that you can tap into love and peace in every step that you take. The journey is the destination so enjoy every step. ~Blessings

Firmer Footing

Cold and alone in the dark,
The chill and my twinkling friends,
The sky is black and vast,
I feel so very small.

I’ve too many thoughts just now,
All clamoring for conscious recognition.
I can almost touch them,
But like smoke, they scatter when I reach for them.

It’s been a long hard emotional journey,
Although life has been infinitely good.
The feeling of stasis overwhelms me,
I feel a drift in a torrential sea.

I stopped struggling some time ago,
And let myself sink below the surface.
I found the silence a comfort,
Even though I felt I couldn’t breathe.

Back to basics and appreciation,
The gossamer thread that holds my mind intact…
That keeps my heart from shattering,
That keeps my soul alive.

I can’t give up so keep swimming.
I keep treading water at times until I tire.
I let the waves crest and wash over me…
Here alone in the blackness.

Although overwhelmed I am hopeful.
I know the dawn is so near.
When the first rays touch my skin,
Enlightenment will crystallize my view.

Until then I’ll just be here…
I’ll breathe and just exist.
The sun will show me the shore is in reach,
And I know I’ll find light and firmer footing.

My Old Friend

I've felt your coming for quite some time now,
But I'm hard-pressed to articulate the specific reasons why.
Maybe it's just a collection of things.

So, my old friend...
Here you are back at more door.
I've no choice but to let you in,
To embrace you instead of running away.

It seems I've run from you for so long,
but now that I've stopped, I know that I can run no longer.
I wish you weren't here but at the same tiem, I'm glad you are.

I know I have to face the fact that,
To live life, I must welcome you...
Because, only through you...
Can I begin to heal and to walk in the light.

I'm beginning to understand your presence,
And why you've come to visit,
I feel your vast depths and intensity,
But, as frightening as you are to me I really think
I'm ready for you this time.

You see, I've learned how to face you...
After all of these years,
To acknowledge you, to feel you completely.

I know the only way I can survive is if I embrace you,
Hold you close and let your intensity overwhelm me,
Because when you are through with me...
I will heal, and you...the pain...will be gone
And I will once again be happy.

Excerpted from Ravenous Reflections - Poetry from the Heart, by Jaie Hart

Wasted Time or Lessons Learned?

I’m an observer by my very nature. I watch everything with a keen eye towards understanding and appreciation. When you are looking at everything with an open mind, there isn’t a lot that you miss. I’ve seen some amazing places that others would think non-descript, not spectacular nor even worth a minute. But I’ll tell you, nothing is more beautiful, precious or amazing than standing in the middle of a forest, leaves spread on the ground as an amazing colorful carpet, looking up seeing the sunlight etch it’s way to the ground lighting the water molecules in the mist as the sun warms cold and wet ground. It’s breath taking. There is also simple beauty in the little things, brightly colored Japanese beetles, deep purple and red pansies or magenta colored petunias. Flowers always seem to hold this simple beauty that amazingly powerful and yet is truly a gentle explosion of creation, an example of mastering its elements and bringing forth beauty, fragrance and peace in its presence…and then, there are human beings walking the planet—some appreciative of all life has to offer, bringing balance, objectivity and gratitude for all that is and there are others whose role or sole job in life is to show us the absence of peace and tranquility.

I’ve watched the distorted angry faces of those craving love, not getting it the way they want and so punishing everyone around them. I’ve seen the turmoil in their eyes as they spin ever out of control lashing out at the world and everyone around them ever the victims of this or of that, never once standing up to take accountability for their own hand in their own undoing. They are no greater or lesser than anyone else on the planet but yet they feel so small inside that the only pleasure and satisfaction they derive in life is watching those they supposedly care for to learn what is treasured with the sole intent of filing that information away to pull out and use as some sort of emotionally deadly weapon in the future that might serve them. Its hard to stand in the presence of such people, see what they really mean as they hurl hurtful words they intend to use to destroy you for possessing something they cannot in their present frame—self love. Misery does indeed love company. As hurtful and frustrating as finding yourself in the presence of wounded people can be, I assure you that you have choices in what you take in, you have choices in what you believe might be true coming from the mouths of the mortally emotionally wounded and you have choices in terms of what you will tolerate in your presence.

Fighting back with these individuals is such a huge waste of time. Let them spill forth their toxic poisonous hurtful words…truth is, the fact that they speak them in such vile fashion truly only hurts them and shows the world that inside they are like angry wounded children or animals unable and unwilling to set themselves free with self love. It is not unloving to walk away from them. It would be unloving to stand there and feel bad about the things that they say. They need and want power to feel good but if you give them nothing, they will tire and go away frustrated and unfulfilled, for the most part. If you love an individual like this, know that standing there and taking their abuse actually only feeds their sick and twisted addiction to pain and adrenaline they hold dearer than you. I say, you must love yourself more…love yourself enough to say “No,” I do not tolerate this toxic poison being thrown at me… “No,” I will not allow you to extract sympathy from me at the cost of my very own soul and self love… “No,” I will not stand in your presence any longer despite who you are to me and your position in my life. For certain wounded people, no position is so sacred that you must stand there and take abuse from a wounded person. If they are willing to get help, point to the light whatever that might be and step back and let them go to it on their own. If they are unwilling, you may need to employ tough love and remove yourself or them from your sphere of every day life.

Life here is not meant to be conflict free. Understand that. Conflict is intended to teach you important life lessons and sometimes that lesson is merely knowing that you cannot walk another’s path for them and you cannot carry them by complacency or enabling behavior. You do not necessarily have to call them out but you can refuse to engage in the games that they play, you can decide to just say no to them and yes to you, yes to peace and yes to serenity. This time of year in particular, these types of difficulties come to mind for so many. There are those “so called” well meaning family members that take great pleasure (it seems) in poking at all of your weak spots or exposing you in some uncomfortable way. When you take offense, you hand over your power to these individuals. So, get real. If you have weak parts, don’t fear exposure. We all have weak spots. When someone likes to push your buttons due to those weak spots, just own them and say “so-what” or “and?” or “thanks for taking my inventory for me, I can take it from here.” And think nothing else of it. Those with the deepest most cluttered inventory of emotional "stuff” they ought to take care of actually spend more time focused on the inventory of others. Its called denial and avoidance. Its easier, when you are undercover weak, to point out how weak everyone else is. Know this and stand up and own your stuff no matter who calls you out and if they call you out wrongly, there is definitely no need to react because that has nothing to do with you.

Sometimes family members can be abusive in subtle (or overt) ways. If you’re holding out hope for the perfectly family get togethers and there are those people in your family, you need to adjust your expectations. You do get to decide what you react to and what you don’t. I always love the blank, silent stare when someone is taking my inventory. I say nothing at all until they get tired and walk away. Keep your power within you by not being fearful that someone may expose you or see your weakness. If I reacted to the hurtful things I’ve had said about me or to me, I’d be one angry and vengeful person. But I learned something spending all this time observing things. Sometimes human interaction is all smoke and mirrors. Folks will focus on your behavior to disguise their own…some are so deluded they even attack you for exhibiting behavior you never have once in your life but they do every day. It’s infuriating if you are expecting unhealthy individuals to behave as healthy ones.

So, hmmmm, holidays…go, enjoy, rise above the drama and conflict…see conflict for what it is…namely, an opportunity to truly see yourself and your reactions or a way to understand how someone else reacts. Be self-aware of your failings in life and own them, work on them to better yourself and when someone else attempts to expose you, you will retain your power during such an exchange. You might also attempt to hold compassion and just sit yourself in a higher place of your soul rather than your ego. Your ego always reacts but you can observe that reaction and if you can observe that reaction, there is a separate consciousness within you that can act to master those urges to react in an unhealthy way for you. Watch your thoughts, hear them but know you are not them. You are love. Surround yourself with people of like mind to your best ability and for those who are different, respect the differences, seek to understand what you might learn from that individual or individuals and know that you can always retain your power by staying balanced, centered and full of self-love. Treat yourselves gently over the coming Holidays. Enjoy family and friends immensely. Be grateful to be alive and living in a world that holds so much beauty if you’ll only be open to seeing it and know that lessons are never a waste of time. ~Blessings

Ego Games

Driving to work yesterday, gorgeous fall sunny morning, radio playing my favorite tune…when suddenly the red car just ahead of me changes lanes without signaling way too short in front of white car…white car nearly takes off my front fender trying to get into my lane just so he can do the same thing to red car.  I watched in awe and I was so sad.  One careless move, for reasons unknown…assumed to be personal and retaliation ensued and then the game continued for about 2 miles and then I lost them in the sun.  It made me so sad to see this.  I can’t tell you how much.  Retaliation and vengeance are so unnecessary, not to mention the harm that might have come to innocent bystanders just to prove an egotistical point.  Wasted time.

Later in the day, in the zone, communications humming right along and I hear it…the sound of someone’s obviously wounded ego taking pleasure in a small way in someone else’s pain.  The pleasure in noticing someone else’s pain was painful for me to hear and witness.  I shook my head silently and looked at the floor.  Sometimes it is so hard to be here at this time and witness the unnecessary pain inflicted again and again and again.  I wish we could all just heal our stuff, find the love within and learn to see situations for what they are, stop making assumptions, stop getting even.  No one’s actions can minimize you in any way.  This is no provisional truth!

I went to sleep last night thinking about this, feeling so sad about this, feeling sort of troubled by this.  But it isn’t anything new.  I witnessed it all of my life.  For the better part of my life I engaged in it in lots of ways but that was before I knew…once I learned, I stopped that for the most part some time ago (thoughts still occur but actions cannot).  The more I got in touch with my Higher self, the less it became necessary for me to save face or to take insults personally.  But I am still learning, I am still growing. 

Today, I watched it again…sitting at a light, another white car first in line at the light.  The light turns green but he doesn’t move.  The black car laid on the horn in seconds and I shook my head as I watched the white car driving 25 miles per hour in a 45 mile per hour zone to get even.  Again, what a waste of time that was…a temporary high, an insult taken personally…impatience – YES…distracted—YES but insults???None! 

Today I thought of these things driving home.  Still a bit troubled…I understand its all about life lessons.  I had to learn in time but its hard to watch others mired in this go-no-where purely egotistical behavior…I missed my turn just lost in my thoughts.  I’ve never done this before.  I usually turn too soon but this time I missed my turn and went right on by.   I drove to the next street and turned right, made another right and a left and I was right back on track.  I got close to the intersection right near my house and then I saw it…a horrible three-car accident had just happened a few minutes before (likely at the time I would have been there had I not been distracted and missed my turn)…the chills, electric, ran across my skin as I watched 3 cars destroyed, wounded people, a wounded animal, a light post on the ground, shattered glass, car parts strewn about and people rushing to try to assist.

The world is a tough place but ultimately I guess  I’m grateful to be here at this time, I’m glad that I notice the things that I notice and the way that I notice them and I’m really grateful for my life’s lessons.  What are yours?  Are you paying attention? ~Blessings

Judgment and the Overly Positive in the Spiritual Community

Several conversations over the past few days with some very wise souls got me to thinking and while I think, I tend to write because it helps me realize the full meaning of the topical lessons presenting themselves in my life. The post below is a train off thoughts I've been mulling over for a few days and a couple of themes have been brought out in so many situations with so many people I know. I touched on a few of them lightly here in my own way. In writing this article, if I sound frustrated, I honestly do not mean to be. In my own way, while I am being judgmental in the writing of this post, I do so in a space of love, compassion and understanding and wish to remind others who may be interested that there are times when we've gone too far or are incomplete with certain teachings we convey...read on at your own risk (smiles). I hope you enjoy or at least this provokes some thoughts. And, please feel free to share them with me! :)

And so, it goes....

While walking the spiritual path I have seen some amazing and wonderful things. I have experienced the highest of highs, pure joy and smiles. I have also experienced the lowest of lows, pure sadness and pain. That is the way of the spiritual path. It is not all wine and roses as some would have you believe. If you think, think, and think positive and bad things still happen around you, it is not because you are doing something wrong. It is because there are lessons you sought to learn in this lifetime for the enrichment of your soul and to assist with the enlightenment of others as you grow through life. Pretty simple huh?

I wish that you could see and experience the love I have been witness to when a soul group comes together and freely gives love and encouragement to the group just for the pure joy of giving with no expectation of receiving. I wish that you would never have to experience the dire disappointment of folks posing as light beings out to exercise their psychological drama on you. I have seen much on my spiritual journey. But then again, perhaps dealing with the darker aspects of the journey can be just as enriching as the lighter aspects. I guess it depends on what you do with what you learn.

I wish to turn to the darker side for a moment. And I speak of this not to tell a story of reinforcement of negativity but to shine a little light of awareness as you journey on your own spiritual path. Spiritual gatherings and communities here on Earth are made up of people. People who, for the most part, have similar paths or purpose, or so they think. However, people are people no matter what you do and where you are. The reality is, the ego exists and carries its wounded parts in sometimes underground fashion and manifests as passive-aggressive behavior, jealousy over the gifts possessed by others, harmful judgment for the purpose of exploiting one’s own wounds without realizing it and even envy. I’ve witnessed wise seeming souls unleash on others who make an inquiry, deviate from a speaker/writer’s position…I’ve seen people behave very poorly and use scripture to condemn others and I’ve seen people’s wounded egos trample on the hearts of those who really just wish to learn and understand. Its very difficult to watch and very painful to feel. It happens though. No matter how hard we try, we all have ego, we all have environmental psychology that shapes our view for good or ill and we all have lessons to learn even from the smallest of teachers no matter how much we think we have learned.

There are those who sincerely wish to uplift others in the spiritual community. They have been given much and understand that to keep some gifts flowing, they must be given away. There are those who gather followers like collecting nick knacks and they gauge their worth in life by how many followers they attract. There are those who use an influential position to minimize others. There are those who share words underground striking a balance in between somewhere. None of them are wholly good and none of them are wholly evil. Actions are actions and the results are mere consequences of actions taken. No matter what anyone does, there will be those on the sidelines very quick to judge and I might add with not one stitch of compassion, not one ounce of understanding and with all the ugliness that can live within man unleashed on another individual on the path for some self-righteous reason. Self-righteousness can be deadly. Not to over quote what has already been over quoted but have you ever read St. Mathew 7? It reads in part: “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest though the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt though say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye: and behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt though see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye. Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.

We must be judgmental to a certain degree but it is how we judge that is the key. If you are very quick to take inventory of all around you in their wrong-doings but refuse to take inventory of all that is not right within you, you are merely a hypocrite escaping your own troubles and trials by focusing on someone else’s faults. If you judge and wish to bring a matter to someone’s attention, do so not with loathing and malice in your heart but with love, compassion, understanding and gentle (not brutal) sincere honesty. You may be making assumptions. You may not understand the situation. You also may see what’s wrong in others because of what is wrong or has been wrong in you. It’s important to pay attention to your motivation for bringing your judgment to another’s attention. Are you in a space of love, compassion and understanding meaning to help and assist? Or, do you wish merely to be right while making another smaller in your judgment? Self-righteousness can often backfire. None of us is any better than our brothers or sisters here. We all have our lessons to learn, honesty to entertain, have things within to fix and transform and understanding to gain. We must use discernment daily in order to choose what is really right for us and what is not right for us. We must use discernment in a healthy way in order to help us mature and grow here.

It’s easy to point the finger at others and tell them they are wrong. One thing I always remember is that when I point the finger at another and call them wrong, there are 3 fingers pointing back at no one else but me. So, the spiritual community is not unlike any other kind of community. There are those that are emotionally, psychologically and spiritually healthy and there are those who are not. There are those who are open to honest and sincere constructive criticism and there are those of us in denial. We’re no different than anyone else in any group, in any civilization in the world. It’s how we deal with what we see that brings us closer to our spirituality or builds a wall that separates us from true spirituality. It is up to us to discern what that is. It is up to us to make sure, as the Matthew verse indicates that we are taking care of our own stuff because without taking care of our own stuff, there is no way we can help others take care of their stuff. If what you say is not about instilling growth, hope or faith in someone else, bite your tongue before it bestows upon someone else an egotistical judgment designed to make you right at the expense of making someone else wrong. There is a danger here, always.

For myself, I’ve had folks come at with me screaming hellfire and brimstone is my ultimate destiny because I do not follow this or that spiritual path. I remind them that they were not assigned my personal gurus and if they do not like what they see in me, their thoughts and focus is within their control, they can change the channel and move on instead of making exorbitant efforts to convince me of my wrongness and their rightness. I’m human and am wrong about all sorts of things but the caring soul that comes to me with gentle honesty designed to help and enlighten rather than diminish and belittle will gain my ultimate respect…and in that moment, they would in fact become a beneficial teacher. So, the reality is, there is judgment in this world. I’ve said often that I try not to judge. That’s not really true. I strive not to judge in a way that is unhealthy and would never open my mouth until I’m certain I am in a space of love, compassion and understanding. If I am at all feeling ego-triggered with jealousy or envy, I will shut my mouth until I deal with my own stuff. But that’s me. I get to choose and if I don’t like what I see, I can change the channel—turn my focus away from what I don’t like or disagree with. It’s my prerogative.

Another challenge with the spiritual community and some motivational speakers in particular is that they unrealistically focus on just the positive without providing real and valid assistance in dealing with the negative. You just might manifest that brand new Ferrari but what if you crash it the next day, the accident is your fault and you’re about to lose everything—now what? How are you going to deal with that? Along with the conscious understanding of how to create and think positively, you must also be taught to deal with conflict and drama constructively. Drama and conflict can be truly wonderful guides but definitely they are not for the weak of constitution. Dramatic people exist all around us and for very good reason…how can we be drama free? Conflict occurs in every city, every day, every year. How can you be free of conflict? It does not go away by refusing to see it. You cannot be callus and think you have no hand in conflict coming at you or others…well, yeah you can but that isn’t solving the problem. Nothing is solved in your life by ignoring it.

Yes, we must work hard to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. No, we should not expect that in this life we will be drama and conflict free. Yes, we should strive to deal with drama and conflict in a healthy way for us. No, we should not beat ourselves up when our manifestation doesn’t work like we planned. Yes, we should be honest with ourselves and responsible when in an influential position. No, we should not accept negative thoughts that derail our own self love. Yes we should love unconditionally, starting with the self and that means setting boundaries with those we love if they are hurting us. No, we should not ignore behavior in ourselves that indicates we are wounded. We should deal with our stuff so that we can enjoy life. Yes, we should be there for others and try to bring others along as we journey. No, we should never put people down for difference in opinion, fight to be right at the expense of making someone else wrong. Yes, we should judge but do so lovingly. No we should not ignore the drama and conflict but trust that it has purpose, good purpose even if we cannot see it when it occurs.

The spiritual community where ever you find it is made up of fellow travelers. All are on different parts of the journey and some are on similar parts. Others will have tough life lessons that will take longer to learn and some will pick it up lightening quick. We should not envy or judge unkindly as we journey because when we do, that is what we will ultimately create for ourselves. My honest wish as I look out on the horizon at the spiritual community is that each finds his or her way to true emotional, psychological and spiritual healing so that they can live a happier and more meaning full life and as they transform the challenges and lessons that they learn, I pray they take 10 or more people along with them in a good way and so on, and so on. When you run across those that are just not your cup of tea, you can focus away from those people or “change the channel” with your thoughts. Its not always your job to fix everyone. Sometimes your only job is to fix you and find middle ground for dealing with conflict, joy, drama and happiness amongst your family, friends and the spiritual community. Much love, light and blessings to you all~!

Thanks IS and AD for the thought provoking conversations!

Impromtu Walk

I took an impromptu walk today noticing a stretch of empty land behind a shopping center.  The sun was just up, beautiful deep green dew covered grass spread up and down hills and I could almost hear my inner child staying, “Can we go, please, an adventure, can we check it out, come on, please?????”  So, I relented and explored for a few moments.  Sadly, the homeless and disrespectful filled this park.  There was trash everywhere but there were also stretches where you could catch a glimpse of the beauty that once was in this particular area, right in the middle of the suburbs.  Its land that the Newland’s donated to the city a long time ago.  Their old farmhouse still stands on Beach Boulevard in Huntington Beach, CA.  It was such a quiet little hilly place and I actually found a seemingly untouched spot where I could stand there and listen to the birds while taking in the view of a natural landscape of trees and shrubs.  It was really beautiful.

Sad to me,  however, where the sights walking back to my car.  People, homeless, everything they own in their cars with barely enough room to sleep.  It made my heart ache.  Everyone’s situation isnt the same and some of these folks are here by their own choices in life.  I had a family member once who did not seem to get along with work for long.  This family member just couldn’t function with her emotional ups and downs, back pain treated only with lots of pain medication and alcohol refusing treatment that might bring long-term results.  As a result, this family member was able to become qualified for early disability from the federal government and tried to live off of a mere $600 a month and food stamps--  Very tough to do in this day and age.  Because of the emotional challenges she faced unchecked, she was frequently asked to move from roommate situations and eventually dealt with frequent bouts of homelessness, run ins with the law and getting to know the underside of society.  These were the results of the choices that she made.  She could have chosen differently but could not bring herself too.  Maybe it was the emotional challenges left unchecked that lived totally underground while in the system…hidden so that the wounds could never be brought to the surface where real healing could begin.  I’m just not sure and it’s not my place to judge but I thought of this family member as I walked by and saw a woman sleeping in her car with very likely everything she owned.

There is a tiny sliver between that woman and I…maybe that is an understatement…gratefully and graciously I’ve been blessed with good emotional, physical and mental health.  I’ve been blessed with a drive and ambition to never settle for less.  But I do contrast that, in particular with my family member.  This poor soul believes she has been victimized by the system, by men, by God, by me and the rest of the family.  Everyone else in existence is accountable for her predicament but her.  How do you combat delusional thoughts such as these?  I don’t know.  I remember another time down by the Pier in Huntington Beach.  I went early for a walk and a man came and sat down right by me.  He wanted a few bucks for some breakfast and I had just that and gave it to him.  He started to tell me his story and I told him it wasn’t necessary for him to explain anything.  He is who he is, his path is his path, I gave him what he asked for and nothing else was necessary.  He told me he just needed someone to listen.  So, I did.  He told me he had it all—a house, a wife, 3 beautiful daughters.  He lost his job and couldn’t provide for them.  He had become so depressed he could not function and could not work.  He began drinking heavily and he lost everything…the wife, the kids, his dignity and self-respect.  He depended on friends until they could or would support him no more and now here he sits, at the beach, homeless.  He said with everything in him, he wanted to walk straight into the water and never come out.  Still I just listened.  He said his piece and I looked at him and said, “In case you forgot, you are a child of God just like the rest of us…inside- you are beautiful and your life has purpose even if you can’t see it right now.”  He just shook his head and said he would never understand.   I said a prayer for him right then and there…told him God bless and left.  I felt sad but again I could see choices made and maybe those choices were made due to ill mental or emotional health.  If people knew they had wounds and that there was nothing wrong in seeking some direction for healing those emotional and mental wounds, maybe they could make better choices but the ego is tricky sometimes.  It’s by far better to drop out of the system, society and lose everything than to admit at some level you might be a bit defective???  Unrealized is that imperfectness is perfect for that soul in this world.

I tried to detach and hold as much compassion as I could.   But to me it seems easy – go get some help…but, I forget, I am mostly emotionally and mentally stable.  Some folks are not and they seem unable or unwilling to get there.  Do they deserve hatred, disdain or pity?  No, not at all.  What they need is love and compassion, some empathy rather than sympathy…they need to know they can make different choices and get help.  Sometimes we have to realize that it isn’t our jobs to stop all suffering but maybe, perhaps shine a little light on the path so the willing can get their own volition.  I don’t know.  It just had me thinking.

Tonight I am grateful, incredibly so, for the many gifts I’ve been given…I’m grateful for every choice that I have ever made and so very grateful for those in my life who refused to sympathize with me and instead showed me love, compassion and empathy…those things shined a little light on the path a few steps ahead of me so I could walk in the right direction.  So, if you would, if you are so inclined…say a little prayer for the homeless…that they become healed and willing to see the little bit of light shown them on their path… that they might learn and grow and stand steadfast in the love and beauty that is inside of them. ~Blessings