As often I do during my busy work days, I escape for a walk
under sunny blue skies. After having
just left a meeting where I observed not only in others but in myself yesterday
this grand display of psycho-social contortionism, I really needed a breath of
fresh air. It’s funny to me how we exist
within mini frameworks within this larger frame work of life. By mini frameworks I refer to work, family
groups, social groups, spiritual groups, etc.
Within each framework there is an expected level of psycho-social behavior
and it’s not all good. This, at times,
can seem to me to be quite inauthentic and wholly unhealthy to contend with. Especially, when interactions within these
various frameworks require contortionism on your part in order to be accepted,
respected, appreciated or loved.
The older I get, the less tolerant I become of expectations
of psycho-social contortionism. I don’t
want to be somewhere but I must and so I must pretend to be fully engaged in
something for the sake of appearances. Inauthentic is how it makes me feel and I’m
reminded how much I don’t like it but sometimes certain sacrifices are
necessary particularly if one likes a roof over their head or a welcoming group
of some sort we have given importance to.
Psycho-social contortionism appears to be an unwritten or, well,
sometimes a demanded aspect of certain one on one human relationships. A quid-quo-pro approach on one part or another
dictates that you may be called upon to psychologically or socially contort
yourself to prevent conflict or facilitate someone else’s happiness. Not only do we all engage in attempting
psycho-social contortionism of ourselves but in many ways we expect this of
others too.
I don’t like it and I’d really, really like to find a way to
avoid the whole thing. More and more I’m
finding myself speaking without even thinking to quickly say “No, I don’t think
I can engage in that but thanks for the offer.”
I’m no longer interested in pleasing anyone for affection. I have finally learned in life that I have
enough self-love and self-respect that I have no need to psychologically or
socially contort myself into someone else’s version of good enough. Likewise, I have no need to require
psychological or social contortion for people to please me. It’s beautifully liberating in so many of the
mini frameworks within which I exist and experience life in the bigger
framework. I’m even finding in the arena
of work, I can prevent much of the expected contortions by simply rising to a
higher level of understanding and compassion towards others and being just
exactly who I am and doing things as I would prefer to do. Even when the boss steps in, I just make sure
I’m clear on the end result and then I produce or exceed expectations just
because I find that a fun challenge to engage in but I’m learning to do that
wholly authentically and with much more personal integrity.
I guess as I grow in age I find personal integrity and
authenticity has greater meaning to me from the perspective of my own
observations of interactions I choose engage in or allow emotions to rise
within. I’m less concerned about what
others do and more focused on how I feel as I choose this emotion, that
discussion or this interaction.
Observing this world and my own reasons for choosing action, thoughts
and emotions teaches me much understanding about all of the souls I come into
contact with. Seeking to understand others
helps me stand in a space of greater compassion and much less stress with all
of my relations. I’ve also learned that
boundaries are not only a good thing but a very necessary thing in terms of
living authentically and avoiding psycho-social contortionism that only leaves
you feeling tired and sore in the end.
Sometimes those boundaries must be set with self and thinking and
attaching emotions and that is oh so simple to do once you fully understand the
choices of thought is yours and that emotions are also yours to contend with.
Enough of my coffee induced ramblings for this morning. I’m taking the day off and going to a museum with
the love of my life and then maybe the Lake Shrine to drink in some beautiful
holy ground and pure loving light. Happy
Friday the 13th beautiful dreamers.
I hope you enjoy an amazing and wonderful day.
© 2013 Jaie Hart (Photo from r3dk4pp4.deviantart.com on http://www.deviantart.com)
Lucky love of your life!
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