Light Within - Let the Flame Grow

Morning light diffused through low clouds, reminds me of how much our light is often muted.  There are a million reasons why this is so and it is ultimately up to each to discover what inhibits his or her own light in this world.  Most often its unhealed pain from dreams and desires not manifested, shattered or altogether lost.  We are not our dreams or our desires.  We are not the labels that society places so carelessly and myopically upon us.  We are not machines intent on routine day in and day out until all of the lights somehow magically turn green as we journey through life.  We are not lost in a sea of hopeless emotion.  These things are all mere illusions that give us the impetus to fight to find our way and refuse to settle for mediocrity in our lives…in our important existence.

I suppose if we remain so distracted with fighting just to stay alive, it is entirely understandable that our light becomes dim.  When we fear for our ability to garner the basic necessities of life such as food, clothing, shelter and safety for ourselves and our families, it is hard not to be dragged down into the heavier energies of existence here on Earth.  However difficult, some of the brightest lights I have seen have been shining from the eyes of those termed the unfortunate…homeless, hungry and down-trodden.  The trick is they don’t stay there.  They put their fate in a higher authority than life on Earth.  They put their energy into acceptance and seeking to understand the lessons presented on their daunting paths and they never give up in the search for truth and the means and a way to succeed in something.  Even if that something is merely learning to get up and stand after being knocked down for the hundredth time.

What is it that drives one man to the brink of utter self-destruction while the same events leave another man standing dusting himself off and considering where to place his next step?  Is it pure luck to have a good attitude?  Is it faith in the Creator?  Is it trust in a master plan?  Personally, I don’t think it’s luck.  I really think that some are able to quickly come to grips with what is happening without becoming trapped in the villain and victim mentality.  When you are trapped in a poor-me box, it is virtually impossible to get out.  Everywhere you look with those shades on, all you will find is pain, adversity, pointless action that leads one to give up and stop trying –why bother if it’ll just be ripped away again.  However, when you never give up on yourself and the power in your creativity, resourcefulness and self-love, you find the will to survive, to persevere, to maintain a tenacious focus at rebounding and rebuilding.  I think this is a difference and its not hard to surmise that psychology can make or break you there.  However, having been one of those who has had everything torn apart, blown up and shattered time and time again, I guess I refuse to be grounded and laid out or rendered a helpless soul.

For whatever reason, that tiny spark of a flame of love inside of you can always be stoked to an epic inferno in no time if you never lose touch with the fact that THAT flame exists for a reason.  Never extinguish your own light.  It may dim at times as fear and suffering sets in due to life’s many and difficult lessons but if you never let that flame die out, you stand a great chance of pulling yourself to your feet, assessing accurately your new topography, terrain, energetic surroundings and choosing carefully which direction you will purposefully place your first step as you embark upon yet another journey.  Those who never give up or even only temporarily give in will be given the love and light to help pull them through and if you’ve ever noticed, its those very individuals who always seem to seek to reignite the light in their fallen brothers and sisters.  They know how important it is not just to save themselves but to create a space where others can heal, grow and follow until they can walk on their own in love and light and in so doing, their light shines the brightest.  Never give up on you.  Believe in you!  I do! ~Blessings

What's Really Important

It was just the most absolutely beautiful day out today.  As soon as I stepped outside, the rising sun etched everything in golden light, the birds so sweetly singing and vast, breath-taking cerulean blue as far as my eyes could see.  I felt it then, in a quiet moment, the Earth pulsing and radiating its own light and energy.  When you can quiet your mind and exit the harsh seeming realities of your work-a-day existence, you would be so surprised at what you could see, feel and hear.  There is so much more to life than what meets the eye.

I used to feel bad thinking all I ever wanted was a simple existence, a house with a two car garage, good job, marriage, happy kids, pets and plants to take care of in the backyard.  I had that and I couldn’t hold it.  I beat myself up for years and years over it but with time, distance and much introspection, I began to learn that sometimes life just isn’t about what I want but it can very much be about what it is I specifically need.  It’s hard sometimes to feel like your dreams have been dashed and every structure you’ve built has been carelessly smashed or crushed into the ground.  It takes some time to recover from your own dreams and expectations in life sometimes but to attempt it is one of the most worthy endeavors there is.

I’ve learned that striving to stay on the right side of pain is key to your sanity.  If you spend too much time worrying about what you want and don’t have, you send out this vibration that calls more strife to your door.  So, how in the world do you pick yourself up when you feel battered and bruised by your very own life?  It isn’t easy but you simply make up your mind and start taking one step at a time.  Sometimes life brings us pain.  It is what it is.  We just can’t all have the story book romance or TV glamorous lives.  Not all of us were meant for that kind of existence.  Some of us were given the privilege of coming here to learn some really hard life lessons.  Some might think it’s just fate and others might come to realize that it is by design.   If you’re going to focus on something, focus on building up strength and love from the inside of you.

I’m going to be very real here for a moment.  Please consider my words carefully.  Not one of us gets out of here alive.  When it’s all said and done, those who had the most possessions, the most expensive cars and the most perfect plastic surgery aren’t really going to have much to thank themselves for when they leave here.  When it’s your time to go, you can’t take the cars, the house, the expensive jewelry and furniture with you.  All you get to take with you is what you have firmly built on the inside.  I’ve seen the other side…I’ve been there and I’m telling you the truth.  None of the material possessions you have here mean a thing.  The most meaningful thing in this whole world, in all of our existence from birth until we leave is love.  Sounds simple huh?  It really is in some regards but you have to learn a lot about acceptance, you have to get creative and resourceful, you have to find your integrity and your honor, you have to find your center and your strength and surround yourself with people who foster and facilitate that in you.  Stop wasting your time on dwelling on pain, misery and toxic situations and people. There is always a way out when you find your own personal accountability, stop feeling sorry for yourself and decide you’re going to do something worthwhile for yourself or somebody else.

Times are changing and changing fast.  We must change too to keep pace with the world and all the things spinning with it.  Consider what you buy carefully, consider what you spend your time on carefully, think about who you spend your time with carefully and give a lot of time for considering all of those things in life that truly matter that you really are grateful for.  Do you ever wonder why some people are truly successful?  It’s not because of the people they stepped on carelessly as they scrambled to claw and climb their way to the top.  Those who do it using the low road of hurting and harming themselves and everyone else in the process will never have true happiness.  They may have really cool stuff and wonderful vacations and stories galore but if they haven’t taken the time to enrich their spirit, it won’t mean anything.  We’re here a moment and gone.  Strive for the deeper meaning in all that you encounter, in all that you do and in all that you experience.  Strive to take the high road whenever possible.  Acknowledge how you feel when emotion strikes, just don’t stay there.  Life is too important to waste.  Again, truly, we are here but a moment and gone.  Build your world in love and light and leave that in your wake behind you where ever you go and even when the hard times come, you won’t be as derailed…you’ll be able to contend with whatever comes and one day you’ll look back on this experience proud of what you’ve left behind you.

It matters to me when people suffer and when they do so needlessly.  There are tools and words and ways to get out of your own way in life.  Never give up looking for them, don’t ever stop trying to get there and don’t ever forget that all the love you ever need in this life is right there inside of you.  You won the privilege to be here…go out there and make it mean something really important and share what you’ve learned along the way.  So many others can learn from you as you take each step on your own journey and so many others are willing to help you get where you are going.  You just have to be willing and open to learning, trying new things and seeing things through new eyes…the eyes of love.  The journey truly is the destination while here on Earth.  Remember that.   I wish you many blessings on your journey and thank you ever so kindly for reading through today’s rant.  Much love to all!

The Illusion of Fear

In your creation of walls around your heart, you have already succumbed to fear.  In such a state, you are cut off from true love and can only identify with egotistical love.  You can exist there as long as you want.  You can also free yourself.  Love is the way there.  At times it becomes so easy for us to engage in battle and become warriors for what we think is right, but in so doing we can become so mired in a war we’ve lost before it even begins.  When you can stand back and truly see every soul for who they really are, understand and come to a place of compassion rather than resentment, frustration or hatred, you will free yourself to love not only you but everything in every kingdom – human, plant, animal, celestial and ethereal.

Human love is not real.  It is an illusion.  It is created by the ego to allow only a privileged few to rise to a state where you will love them.  That love is conditional.  I hear so many say that unconditional love is not possible in this frame.  That too is an illusion.  Unconditional is not only possible but is the only truth we have to work with.  We just fail to see it until we learn to understand the language.  Everything we see, hear, feel and come to know has an associated language.  Look at your home – everything there can be translated to a language spelled out with geometry…look at the interactions little planet Earth has with time and all of the celestial bodies-everything there can be translated with the language of mathematics…look at your interactions with all of the kingdoms…human, plant, animal and more…there you come to learn other languages and get your first taste of the language of love…that is, if you are looking and are not overly caught up with the ego and the illusions we must contend with in this world.  These languages have always been there but we just do not notice them and so they do not register or resonate in our consciousness.

When we learn to hear and feel the languages and like radio receivers begin to pick up the signals, the illusions that surround us start to shake us up  a bit and the more we tune in, the more everything begins to fall away.  You begin to discern what matters and what doesn’t and your choices not only begin to alter your own life but the lives of everyone on the planet.  When you fall onto the wrong side of pain and embrace the victor/victim play, you will be trapped and the scenario will repeat as your focus on your victim state calls out to the universe with that vibration and you will find you actually call that to you more.  When you can find some way to step out of that play and see instead actions/consequences, the illusion starts to come apart.  When you find a way to take that a step closer and begin to see the world and all of its inhabitants in a new light, and begin to understand the language of love, your mind will simply be blown with all that has been right there in front of you the whole time.  Love masters the all of everything.  Fear takes it all away.  We have free will and can exercise it.  There really is no wrong or right in this method of learning…there is just the experiences in this life for you to uniquely have and learn to interpret.

There is so much to digest in letting your mind escape far beyond the limits and confines that is all you know and were taught growing up in this world.  We are not as limited as we think and to truly understand what that means, you must find the beautiful light and love filled stream that flows freely within you.  When you touch it, it is light, sweet and so powerful that it can not only change you but send beautiful ripples out into the world that touch others and create conditions for them to be more open to going in and finding it.  Love is the question and the answer.  We are Love = Love is One = We are One!

Letting Go

I’ve said this before so many times and yet the Universe in its infinite wisdom has seen fit to teach me a lesson.  The words, “Let go of your story,” are the words I’m talking about.  The guidance behind those words is not intended to make the wounded feel bad for their inability to let go of something traumatic.  It is guidance to help you make sure that you do not over-identify with your story, thus becoming a perpetual victim or poor me persona.  Those are dangerous addictions emotionally-speaking, that people unwittingly fall into.  We all have a painful story somewhere within us and it is perfectly okay to tell that story but the warning comes in when you have unwittingly become obsessed with that story.  That obsession is like the oil light on your car – a warning that there is something yet to be healed so you can let go of your story and live life free.

I don’t mean to scare you but let me tell you a little bit about the life of a poor me or perpetual victim.  It is filled with fear and is bleak and dreary.  They walk around powerless as they have given it [their power] away to the people or person who hurt them and they are stuck in a very painful place.  They do not need condescending words telling them to “just get over it.”  What these souls need is compassion, validation, someone to really hear them tell their story in every detail without judgment and then you can help them to let go.  You can help them to create a safe and loving place that enables them to take back their power and let go of the poor me or perpetual victim mentality.  If they cannot let go, they are forever seeking their power through other people via sympathy.  They can become the energy vampires you hear so much about in casual conversation.  They can become so over-identified with their pain that they become a strong magnet for more pain that will serve only to reinforce their powerlessness.  This is a very sad state.  Over time, this negative place creates a very thick and heavy wall that eventually separates these individuals from loved ones, family and friends.  When people have become so wounded, everything they see and perceive becomes a personal slight or insult where none is intended and depending on the depth of their wounds, they may seek revenge where they think they continue to be victimized.  They can become the very thing they feel victimized by.  It can create psychoses and all sorts of other health problems.  It is not a good state.  We all have choices to make in this world and we are making a choice when we hold on to pain.  It’s okay to feel pain and feel bad or even to have a pity party for ourselves.  That is how we integrate the emotion and begin the healing process.  Just don’t stay there if you desire to heal and feel better. 

The way out of this dreary state is seeking professional assistance.  If that is unavailable, there are other ways that one can pull themselves out.  On example is trying to understand the higher lesson in painful human interactions  - I mean, the positive take-aways and not the negative ones.  So, when the words, “Let go of your Story” come up, it is not intended to be an insensitive and invalidating stream of words.  It is merely a warning not to become overly imbalanced for any length of time by your pain.  Acknowledge the pain, accept it as if it were something very important, take great and gentle care of and then when you are ready, bless it and let it go.  When you can learn to validate yourself instead of always looking to validate your story in the outside world, the pain becomes easier to integrate into your life experience and then let go of.

 I’m writing to try to shed a little light on both sides of this…for the person in pain and the people around them.  When you haven’t walked a mile or so in someone’s shoes, it is hard to understand the depths and level of their pain.  The pain is very real to them.  So, before giving advice to just get over it, heal it and let go, withhold those words and opt for something a little more positive like, “In time, this pain will heal and I know you will be fine.”  This approach will let someone know that you care and will not invalidate their feelings.  Nothing is more insensitive and hurtful than to tell someone in a victim state that it is their fault, that they need to just heal and let go or to just get over it.  That is wholly unkind because you do not understand, necessarily, the environmental psychology of these souls – what lead them to this state.  Although the words are well meaning and you may be right, it does nothing to help someone in a victim state.  It actually just forces them deeper into their pain.  So, have some compassion, be careful of your words and see things through the eyes of love with empathy, compassion and hope.  I advise against sympathy because that also reinforces their pain and negative state. 

I think with a little compassion, understanding, knowing when we are making choices and trying to understand those choices, we open ourselves up to healing and helping others in a positive way as they journey through pain and recovery from trauma.  Blessings.

Pale Moon Rising - Random Thoughts

The weight of the world seemingly on my mind, just disappeared in an instant when I looked up and saw a huge pale moon rising in a faded blue sky.  I love it when the moon is full on the horizon because it seems like it's five times it's normal size.  The effect it has had on me all day today, even when I couldn't see it, was remarkable.  There is just something about moonlight.  It's silvery glow takes all the stress and worry or even frustration away.  It puts things back into perspective as its overwhelming sweet energy permeates my being.

I could sit here for hours in this quiet part of the evening.  The birds are settling in for the night, people occupied with dinner and chores after coming home for the evening.  I love this time of night.  I don't think there is really a time of day or night I don't absolutely love.  It took me a lifetime to get here or like my sudden fondness of winter...I've found in my 44th year of life that I love the winter, I don't mind the rain and gray skies can be just as beautiful as blue ones.  Everything is a matter of perspective I guess and tonight I've got a good one.

I've got a surgery coming up in a couple of days and that's just no fun.  Instead of getting carried away with the anxious thoughts, I'm sitting here in this delicious moonlight thinking of all the people I love, the friends I adore and every ray of sunlight and moonlight I've ever had the pleasure to experience.  We can so easily be caught up in the mayhem of negative and troubled thoughts.  When we train our minds to recognize the choices we make with our feelings, life takes on an almost ethereal glow.  Assumption never is an equal dance partner with truth.  Assumption is our own distorted perception of truth and nowhere near reality. Facts, on the other hand, are different and the only things we should allow our emotions to line up with and even then, we have a choice in how far we'll go and how long we'll hold them.  Believe it or don't, the choice is yours.  Me, I'm going back to this delicious moonlight, I'll contemplate the pure insignificance of my own existence in the scheme of reality as I know it and I'll smile just because I choose too.

I hope you all are enjoying this beautiful night.  Have blessed sweet dreams!

You'll Always Have You

We speak too often
Because we cannot stand
To face ourselves...
The secret self that lives on the inside.

We run too often
But we cannot hide
From the reality
And totality of who we really are.

We search
The world outside ourselves
To find the answers
That only ever lie within

Our search
Brings us always home empty,
Disheartened, lost...
Until we find that spark inside.

If we pay attention
It’s that spark
That peels away the layers
Of all that is illusive and unreal in this world.

Take the time
To know yourself,
To love yourself,
And trust yourself.

Don’t fear the silence,
Never fear the stillness,
No matter what you think you do not have,
You’ll always have you.

The Dog Days Are Over

All afternoon I watched these huge clouds rolling in, seemingly broken apart ever so slightly by beautiful pieces of gorgeous blue sky.  Some of the cloud cells were dark with water and dropped a gentle rain in long trailing gray patches you could see dotting the horizon.  The sunlight spilling down from the clouds seemed to be racing with the rain drops towards Earth as I sat in my office filled with crystals for sanity and chaos of just another typical day.  I was just stunned by the beauty.  When the sun dropped low on the horizon, the sunlight dancing around the edges of the clouds was jaw-droppingly beautiful…fiery deep orange, pink and purple etched every cloud in sight still broken in bits by fading blue sky. 

I turned the radio up to sing on the ride home.  The mood just struck me so I went with it with total abandon...”The dog days are over…” and then another, “sweet disposition…a moment a laugh...”  I was just in heaven seeing the gorgeous sky fill my view and listening to great tunes to sing to.  I didn’t even mind about the crazy southern California traffic.  The longer those cars took to inch home, the more time I had to enjoy this gorgeous sky and music and peace in my girlie nail polish colored pick up truck.  I thought to myself, I must be a sight – here I am in my forties, dancing in the drivers seat (sort of) while driving along singing-- not caring one bit what the elderly gentleman in the car next to me thought.  I caught him staring and flashed him a big smile and kept on singing.  You know I love getting older.  Maybe I won’t say that in 10 or 20 years from now but at my age now, 44, I love that I’ve come to a place in life where to be authentically me is okay.  I no longer fear repercussion for being who I really am.  I lived with my mom so cuss me out and call me names if you want, I’ll still look at you, roll my eyes and think, “amateur.” 

I could not begin to tell you the sheer emotional difficulty I’ve faced the last three years of my life and the little after-shocks that came trailing back to haunt me even just a few weeks ago.  I learned so much but mostly to appreciate the beauty before you and peaceful times when you have them.  Life isn’t always peaceful and it isn’t always beautiful.  But, no matter how hard the journey is, even when it feels like you’re walking barefoot, uphill in the dark on rocks and glass, this life is worth every cut, every bruise and every set back suffered.  Life is truly amazing especially when you recall the moments where it feels very NOT amazing.  The dichotomy teaches you a lot and if it teaches you nothing but withdrawal and distrust, get back out there and start living again.  There must be a nuance that you missed somewhere.  I’ve had it all and lost it all.  Had it again and lost it again.  But no matter what, I’ll always have me – comfortable for once in my own skin, at least for tonight.  That’s an amazing and wonderful miracle in and of itself.

Don’t fear your trials and pay attention just once to all of those crazy thoughts inside of your head.  In fact, make it an interesting assignment.  For the next 30 minutes, sit down and write down every thought inside of your head that attacks or undermines you.  Listen for them, they are there.  The words of every person who ever hurt you is creating lies and misery inside of your own mind.  In order to stop it, you have to first notice the pitch or drone of the hum of the lies.  Notice them, write them down and then throw away that piece of paper.  Now, when you hear the voice telling you all the lies that everyone else told you about you, laugh!  It’s all lies.  You are not what your mind describes you to be.  You are not stupid, you are not fat, you are not lazy, you are not anything but love.  Everything else inside that tells you that you are anything but love is just a lie.  Toss out the lies.  As Don Miguel Ruiz says, ignore them (Do check out his book The Voice of Knowledge).  You don’t have to replace the lies with anything. That’s just forcing your mind to think thoughts it doesn’t believe.  Just flat ignore the lies now that you know their pitch or drone.  Ignore them and go do something that makes you feel good to be in your skin.  Take a walk, drink a soda, have a piece of cake or chocolate, go look at the moon and stars, draw a picture, write a letter, play a video game, grab your partner and use your imagination…whatever it takes to put you back in touch with who you really are!  Its way different than the lies!  Truly.

There are just those moments when clarity strikes you and you can shrug off the awful yoke of acting like everyone thinks you should and you can be authentically you.  Those moments are life’s amazing treasures.  Enjoy them.  Love them.  Love YOU and appreciate your unique and wonderful nature.  Life is just too darned short to try to mold yourself into something that you aren’t.  So, be you…let your honor and integrity shine through the brightest, let your positive thoughts and smiles run free.  It feels good.  Try it.  Many blessings to you!