Betrayal

My consciousness feels as if it is drifting in a seeming dark sea of pure emotion. It is visually dark but it is not dark in the evil sense. This space is just quiet and peaceful, like a place I once saw when my heart stopped beating. It was still, quiet and protective. Like then, it feels like I’m floating. Its an interesting space to be from an observer’s perspective. It doesn’t feel like a place that holds an absence of light…its filled with light too. I think there are those times when a soul has just had too much to bear and so consciousness retreats into this quiet space deep inside. In that space, the stillness speaks in quiet comfort and there is no human drama to contend with. It is just being-ness and solitude and it is as comforting as a soft warm blanket on a cold winter night.

I’ve learned about betrayal in many different facets in a very short period of time. I don’t like the feeling of betrayal but since I cannot control anyone’s behavior but my own, I have to bring my focus to my own expectations. I guess because I do my best to be and act honorable and to hold integrity in the highest regard, I tend to project that onto other people who are just not that. This sounds like a confession and perhaps it is. I’m working through these feelings trying to understand. I do not wish to blame or belittle as that isn’t my way. I wish to understand all of the intricate happenings to make sure that I have not missed one note of this song that was a huge lesson for me. If I have not learned, this lesson will repeat in new faces at another time. Sometimes I feel like I’m not meant for this world. I really am sensitive in more ways than one. I think Jewel has a song with lyrics that say “Be careful with me because I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way.” I think like that. I am sensitive and I do not wish to change that aspect of who I am. I would, however, like to gain a greater sophistication in seeing through charming actors and actresses so wounded they must take everyone down with them. It saddens me not that I’ve been betrayed but that they are so low and so diminished as human beings that they would engage in a betrayal without even blinking. There goes the expectation thing again.

So, the one thing I understand now about betrayal (and it took a good week for the anger to subside in order to see this), is that betrayal is not about me. The betrayal is never about the betrayed. That realization immediately cut down the stinging agony of angry tears, truly. So, understanding brings healing and I now understand that in this world there are psychologically damaged, evil and deceitful people. There just are. But, I am in control of how I experience them. I no longer wish to experience them so set my intent that they would be safely removed from my sphere of existence and that they would find the healing sufficient to curb their passive-aggressive and pathological tendencies. I also set my intent that their presence would be replace by light beings. That part was immediately answered. I’m grateful. I’m also just really grateful for the experience I have recently had. I knew when it hit it would be hard and it would hurt but I never gave up hope for a minute that what was happening had a purpose. Like Dr. Christiane Northrup wrote in her affirmations this week, trust that there is a purpose whether or not you understand it and you will grow through the experience. This is true. Over the weeks and months as I process this drama, I will focus on what all the lessons meant and what I learned and gained from the experience. I assure you it will be much more than broken trust and a broken heart. I identify most with those feelings right now but I certainly do not fear them. Pain is a process and I intend to work it in a healthy way with compassion for all involved so that we each can achieve our highest potential in this situation. I can only control mine though and that’s okay with me.

If you are facing a betrayal, my best advice for you is to sit with any intense emotions. Talk to a friend, a counselor or clergy person but do not take any action until your emotion has subsided. As the emotion begins to settle a bit, consider that there may be a universal reason the situation presented itself to you and some good may come from it even if that good is just learning who you can trust and who you can’t. Sometimes these dramatic situations bring new people and better experiences into our lives that we might have missed without the drama. So, too much drama is not a good thing. A little drama might not be so bad if you knew one day something good would come from it. So, consider for a moment that is true. Seek to understand your actions and keep yourself control. Set boundaries where you need to and see yourself first and foremost—healing--from the experience in a healthy way and be completely open to letting go of the anger and embracing healing. In time it will come. How much time is entirely your choice alone.

Blessings~

Barefoot Walking

To dream once again,

Of barefoot walking, 

Gentle green blades bending, 

And yellow flowers glowing in the sun...

To step once more,

On salty shores,

Cool breezes blowing

And  my hands less empty...

To see the night time sky besides 

And warmth of proximity, 

A smile I can feel without seeing it,

Ah, then...happiness Would fill me again! 

The Things I Know....

If you make an assumption about something and line up all your emotions thinking your assumption is true, you are likely to make yourself miserable for no reason at all. Validate assumptions before getting emotional about them.

If you attempt to fight back with a wounded person, you are wasting your breath. Those who are emotionally unhealthy will use all manner of nasty tricks to find out where your goat is tied up. Don't let them find your goat. Don't have your buttons where they can be pushed with these folks. Consider the source, you don't need to argue your point with a wounded soul, let go and move on. Set boundaries and disengage.

If you do the right thing when given a choice whether or not someone is watching, you will feel better about who you are.

In relationships, love is never enough. There has to be so much more in order to hold a relationship together. Try all of those things and more if a relationship means something to you. If your ego has been engaged, you've already lost the fight. Go get some quiet time and think about what you appreciate and then start over.

If you don't pay the bills, the credit collectors will hound you and it will feel really bad. Don't over-promise and then under-deliver in any aspect of your life. This will help ensure your happiness.

No matter how good you think you are, there is someone out there better than you. BUT, that doesn't take away from who you are. Never forget that for a single moment.

Sometimes in life, bad things happen. You aren't being punished, neglected or overlooked by your Creator. Life lessons occur day in and day out and you will always be given the grace to cope, a shoulder to lean on or a thought to lead you out of the dark and into the light--you just need to be open to receiving that thought.

A negative attitude will attract more negativity into your life. Every day, start and end your day with gratitude. Recount the good things you did that you were proud of. Acknowledge the things you'd like to improve upon. Always hold out hope that you can do anything you set your mind to.

People will do and say hurtful things that might make you feel bad. There are positive ways to deal with these situations and negative ways to deal with these situations. Try your best always to stay above the line in your thoughts and reactions and you won't add to any bad feelings you are experiencing.

Anger promotes a thick and toxic energy, as does fear, vengeance and hatred. Check your expectations, work to expose and heal your fears, step away from vengeful thoughts and steer clear of any form of hatred. This is not for the benefit of those around you but just for you and your happiness. Anger is a warning. Take it as such and deal with anger constructively. Calm anger by removing yourself from heated situations so you won't do things you might later regret. This is a boundary you always have the right to set.

Compassion is the highest form of love and appreciation. It holds the highest healing feelings in almost any situation. Watching compassion in action makes everyone feel good--love. Choose compassion every chance you get and watch your life change for the better.

Obsession is always an unhealthy form of escape from something within you trying to get your attention. Give up any obsessions and step into the seat of your soul and feel whatever feelings are trying to get your attention. You can love the pain away (and you can get professional help if you need it).

Addiction is another unhealthy form of escape from something within you trying to get your attention. See above!

When you feel bad, step outside of your worries and woes and do something kind for someone else and it will help to elevate your mood.

When the stress of the world begins to feel overwhelming, a walk in nature will soothe your soul. Connect with nature as often as you can, watch the stars in a vast night sky or catch a sunrise or sunset as often as you can. Our days are numbered here. Spending them all in a stress-filled manner is a waste of your life. Find serenity on your journey. Don't wait to find it until you arrive at some unknown or planned destination. The journey is always the destination.

I am blessed to be a mother, a daughter, a sister, a niece, an aunt, a boss, a co-worker and a friend. I am grateful for all that I have and all that I have learned. I appreciate life and all of it's lessons and most of all, I appreciate YOU all of you out there who follow my blogs and my posts and encourage me every step of the way. Thank you dear souls. Many blessings and much love to you!

Structures

What do you do when it seems like the universe in it’s infinite wisdom, is taking a baseball bat to every structure you worked so hard to build in your life?  Nothing.  Let it all fall apart.  Sometimes we build structures in our lives for various reasons, often out of fear and to maintain a sense of control.  One day will come when it seems like the universe wants you to feel out of control with no comfort, no break and no reprieve in any regard.  This isn’t time to feel like a victim, it isn’t time to feel sorry for yourself and it certainly isn’t time to seek out others to blame for what you are dealing with.  Its time to remember those days from a long time ago when your bike had training wheels.  You were doing just fine riding with them and then one day, mom, dad, grandma or grandpa decided we were strong enough and had enough balance to take on the ride without the comfort and seeming protection of training wheels.  We may have been scared to death but we took that ride and despite how many attempts it took us, we learned to ride without the training wheels.

So, in life it seem sthat when we least expect it, the training wheels in different places of our lives are abruptly removed and we must move through our day without the comfort and safety of those training wheels.  It can feel like hell, it can feel terrifying and it can really seem to drag you right down to your knees.  Well, think of it this way—when you’re on your knees you’re in a perfect position to pray.  If that’s not your method of choice, you can pause and meditate about what you’ve seen and experienced, get in touch with your feelings and think about what the heart, core and truth of the matter really is.  Life is not designed to bring you down, make you falter and barely exist.  Life’s lessons and challenges take your weakest points, expose them to the light of day and give you an opportunity to become stronger.  There are days when I feel like I should be made of steel.  But the reality is that there is always room for improvement, there are always new experiences and there are always new ways for us to experience the world in a more healthy manner.

So, when the baseball bat knocks everything down, let it fall.  Think about how you can rebuild and grow stronger by doing things a little differently.  Its not rocket science and its not the end of the world.  If you step back and just observe the emotion of it, you just might find child-like reactions to everything that is happening around you.  This is a good thing.  That child-like reaction of anger, frustration and blame is really a unique and wonderful opportunity to learn and grow—reach past all things known to you and learn something new and ultimately more healthy for you.  While you are in the midst of a great change cycle, don’t forget to take care of yourself while you are in the process.  Get more exercise, eat healthier and get more rest.  You can try vitamins, read helpful books to distract you from worries for a time.  You can find little things you enjoy doing and focus on those until the dust settles and you once again have a more balanced presence of mind to begin rebuilding the structures of your life in a new way.

Structures, if you didn’t catch the metaphor can be work-life, friends, relationships, habits and routines that give you a sense of safety.  We build many structures to give us a sense of security and control.  We are amazing in that regard.  But, sometimes we outgrow the structures that we’ve built and being creatures of habit, if the universe (also a metaphor for any force that impacts your structures generically speaking) did not come along and shake things up, we’d never learn and grow.  And, well, it’s just too bad if you weren’t interested in learning something new or growing.  You can’t be alive and not continue to learn and grow.  Speaking from experience, I’m getting to the point where I no longer desire to build structures to be torn down.  I think I’d rather just go with the flow.  It’s less disappointing.   But, I do have to make sure I maintain a lot of faith and trust in my own abilities to always come out okay.  If I become too fearful or frightened things will get worse.  So, when I’m in this situation, I try to keep a more curious attitude about what might be happening and try not to get too focused or attached to outcomes.  I try not to impose my will where it doesn’t belong and I find these changes a bit easier to deal with.  Honestly, our gut reactions are our gut reactions and we can’t change those but we can change what we do as a result of those innate natural reactions we have.  We can talk ourselves out of unhealthy or child-like reactions to change in life.  We can parent ourselves through these challenging situations with love, wonder and respect and even find a way to enjoy the process even if a bit uncomfortable. 

Blessings!

Button Pushers - The Otherside of the Story

Do you have Button Pushers in your life? You know, the ones that are close to you, know where your weak spots are and they push at those tender spots until it hurts and it makes you insane in frustration and sometimes anger? I’m going to be honest here and you may not like what I’m about to say but you react to button pushing because of your own wounds inside. Can you really blame the button pushers when maybe you ought to take a look at the state of your own spirit and give some time and attention to those weak and wounded spots? Sometimes the button pushers are very adept at stepping right into those places where we feel inferior and then go out of their way with derogatory comments and/or take actions that leave us feeling put down. Did you know they do this because they might enjoy conflict, they too are wounded and misery does love company?

So, there is a way to deal with button pushers. And it does NOT involve looking for and exposing their own weakness. I’ll let you in on a little secret. They can only spot our weaknesses because they are weak there too. So, to lash out at them, to set them straight or attempt to save face honestly does nothing but give them an adrenaline fix. Heck, maybe you enjoy the adrenaline fix of the conflict and want to lash back out, that’s your prerogative but at the end of the day, it doesn’t get you anywhere unless you are willing to take a look inside of you, understand your reactions and work with your Maker, a trusted counselor or friend to heal your own weaknesses. Our egos, the wounded parts at least, are the genesis of all that is dramatic, conflict-filled and frustrating in this world. If we stopped for a moment to consider why the conflict exists (maybe we are looking for external validation that we are good or we are okay), we might be able to not only move our buttons but remove them and peacefully come to a place where the opinions of others do not in any way threaten us or make us feel less than who we really are.

No one likes to be exposed and those who are out there attempting to create conflict for you have their own issues. It’s not your job to be their guru and set them straight at every turn. Set boundaries to protect yourself including setting boundaries within your own reactions. Protect yourself in the most healthy of ways by keeping your focus on your own weakest points and strengthening those instead of getting back at the button pushers by exposing them like they exposed you. I grew up with a button pusher, several actually. Growing up was often filled with conflict and a fight to protect yourself emotionally speaking. I would be valid in my anger with these people. I would be valid in my attempts to expose their wounds and pain like they always took pleasure in exposing mine. But, that will not bring me to a place of forgiveness and a place of forgiveness is the only way I can give myself protection, peace and serenity which I now value way more than being right.

I don’t fight with the know it alls any more. If someone wants to expose their own lack of knowledge by claiming supreme intelligence on an issue, that really isn’t my problem. They can expose their own ignorance and learn from the experience without my interference. Its not my job to teach them they are ignorant, hurtful or off-based in any way. It’s my job to maintain my center, choose to act in conflicting situations and protect myself by remaining true to myself. I vowed a long time ago to refuse to let the button pushers make me like them. I see the pain they are in and how much pleasure they take in extracting pain from others. They do it mostly unconsciously and like any true addict they will get their fix in the name of love, caring and brutal honesty. But even brutal honesty is still brutally abusive without the appropriate tact in delivery of kind and caring messages. They will have you feeling guilty for not understanding the great pains and sacrifices they have made to bring your short-comings to your attention while you sit there seething in anger and sometimes even guilt.

So, hmmm, button pushers. You do have options based on the level of challenge these people create in your life. Know this, you have the right to terminate any conversation in which you feel you are being emotionally abused or put down. You do not have to defend yourself, validate your position or explain. Simply state, this conversation is getting you nowhere and end it. You have the right to terminate relationships with people who refuse to respect boundaries that you set. If these people truly love you, they’ll get the message and attempt to modify their behavior. If they don’t, you can walk away and I do not care who they are to you. You have the right to be surrounded by loving, kind and compassionate people. If your family is not that to you, you can find a soul family who will give you loving, kind and compassionate support.

I think of conflict as I’ve described above as “unworthy battles.” Unworthy battles are pointless to fight and I don’t care what someone says to me, I will not fight an unworthy battle. I look to my Maker to guide me and to help me trust myself that I am a good and honest person, worthy of respect and dignity. I trust that with Divine Guidance, I will handle conflict in a loving and compassionate way that will not create more toxic negative energy for me and I even pray that the adrenaline addicted person in my midst finds healing so they can one day stop deriving pleasure from my pain or the pain of others and live a happier life.

These choices I make as I have described above are not easy. I have wounded places within also that most immediately desire to react and get even. I am so very human and sometimes even more so than others. But, I learned a long time ago that I do not have to react. I can instead choose my actions, what I will take to heart and what I will allow myself to think about me. I do not need the validation of the outside world, my family or friends even if I love them! The only validation I need is my own and the validation I receive daily from my Maker. It’s true what they say, all of the answers lie within. Look within to know what is right. Get comfortable with who you are inside your own skin and next time the button pushers come at you, see their actions for what they are—show them something no one ever has—compassion, self-respect and self-kindness. Blessings!

Learning Life's Repeat Lessons

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Do you find yourself frustrated looking back and seeing how many mistakes in life you seem to repeat?  Does it make you angry, sad, frustrated and really get the negative thoughts about you flowing?  I’ve been there and it isn’t a whole lot of fun when you see similar negative themes running through your life.  In fact, it’s down-right disheartening.  But, it really shouldn’t be.  Everything in life is a life lesson and sometimes it takes repetition in order for a lesson to really sink in.  Remember learning your multiplication tables in elementary school?  It’s really the same idea.

So, we have to accept the fact that sometimes in life, the lessons just repeat.  There may be new faces and new places that we encounter but there are bound to be similar themes that you face and handle exactly the same way you did before with the same unsatisfying result.  You might wonder how you can get free of those themes.  There are many ways to get free.  Personally, I think you need to understand the source of your decision patterns.  You need to trace the themes all the way back even if within childhood to understand where certain reactions are born.  Once you can trace the reactions back to a source somewhere in time, you are like to find pain and fear at the source of reactions that you seem to unconsciously repeat when presented with similar lessons over and over again.  Do you wonder why those themes repeat?  Well, I personally think it is because you came into this life with specific lessons that you wanted to learn.  Until you learn to act differently (notice I did not say react) when a similar theme presents itself, you can probably expect the similar themes, your familiar reactions and resulting outcomes to continue.

I hate repeat lessons and am always on the look out for them and when I find myself in the midst of one, I tend to shake my head, “Oh, no!  Not again.”  This happens to me often and I’m beginning to think I’m a slow learner but instead of getting caught up in completely negative self-talk for not getting it, as I look into the situation further and do some honest analysis, I see that my techniques do improve over time.  I notice boundaries go up quicker in a healthy way.  I’m more vocal in certain situations that tend to repeat.  I am a lot more understanding of others and also of myself because I work harder to understand the source of my reactions.  And, I now notice that when I begin to react, there are a few moments—sometimes only mere seconds—where I have a choice to decide if I will react or withdraw to understand the situation, see it from a bigger picture, attempt to see a situation through the eyes of love and then take action even if my version of taking action is taking no action.

So, don’t beat yourself up for repeat lessons.  Do yourself a favor and notice how much more quickly you do see the repeat lesson unfolding and realize that if nothing else, your reaction time is improving, your awareness is expanding and if you are open to it, you can begin to look at the core of the issue that brings the lesson to you and attempt to heal that wound that causes your reaction.  Learning about forgiveness and unconditional love not only for other people in a particular situation but primarily for yourself as you are out there doing all the learning is really going to be the key to mastery and successful learning in the Earth school.  So, I challenge you to cut yourself some slack, give yourself a break and allow yourself to be open to seeing situations and reactions within you with new eyes, a changed perspective and watch in awe and wonder as the healing begins and those nagging little repeat lessons and tests start to dissipate.  This is your life and you can do with it what you will.  Learn the things you must.  Forgive where ever you can and above all else, love yourself unconditionally no matter what!!!!!  Blessings!




If you enjoyed reading this post, you might also like my books.   I'd be honored if you'd visit my author spotlight at:   http://www.jaiehart.com.  Blessings.

Gossamer Flame

Searching through the cold and dark,
Finding rocks and unexpected pitfalls,
Grappling to find handholds and footholds,
Falling and rising and then falling yet again.

Eventually the chasm opens a bit wider,
Cavernous echoes of victims still pleading,
Questing for something they know not the source of,
Forever lost in the foggy mists of their own minds.

When all is seemingly intangibly lost,
Unbidden tears come angling down,
As they fall a glimmer of light does flicker,
A fragile gossamer flame burns lightly.

That flame lies within so searching is fruitless,
Looking with your eyes will render your failure.
Search with your heart through your dreams on the inside
And soon you will find that love therein lies.

That gossamer flame can become an inferno...
Spilling bright light in every direction,
But only when you find it and realize it's in there,
Will you ignite the passion and intensity you search for.



 If you enjoyed reading this post, you might also like my books.   I'd be honored if you'd visit my author spotlight at:   http://www.jaiehart.com.  Blessings.