The Birds are beginning to stir as my little coffee pot
finishes its fine brew. It has been a
rough week but beautiful too. Strange
happenings in the world this week have my mind and energy stretched out far and
wide. To all who suffer, I pray for
comfort and peace. To all who feel lost,
I pray for the deepest feeling of home and love. For all those worried and in mourning, I send
great gentleness and even more love. For
all those out there trying to make this world a better place, ROCK ON! You got this!
We’ve all got this, really.
I’ve thrown all the windows open to let in the breeze, as
slight as it may be. I’ve a full day of
things to do and places to be. My mind
has been stirred so much these last few days, sleep hardly greeted me at all
last night. The coffee seems
exceptionally good just now. My last
post was very sad so I really felt I wanted to post something a little bit
lighter. I just don’t know if I can
deliver. I try. I always try.
Were it not for the kindness of complete strangers this
week, I probably would have been a total wreck.
Dealing with loss is never easy, even when you know in your heart that
those loved ones who leave us go to a better place. The energetic void of their non-physical
presence is very real to a grieving heart.
But so is the very real presence of hope, acceptance, perseverance and
love. I have all of these things and
employ them to help me through a challenging time.
Grief is not so terrible a thing. It just seems like it at first. As I sit here quietly thinking this morning I
realize the beauty of the feeling that underlies the grief. It is overwhelming at times only due to the
overwhelming love shared for a time.
That is not horrible. It is so
very beautiful. Each wave of heaviness
that makes its way towards me, I let crash directly into me. I hold no fear for grief and mourning. I hold steady knowing the truth of this
delicate and gentle time.
Grief, you must know, can take physical form in aches, pains
and severely lacking sleep. This is
okay. It is just part of the
process. We breathe with more purpose in
the dark seeming times. Each breath
serves a greater purpose when you are dealing with loss. With great mindful presence can you withstand
the waves of heaviness and the winds of change you must now contend with. What begins will end and it is only a matter
of time. Feeling the emotion is hard and
scary but less so if you don’t let that fear begin to control the process. It seems only natural to contend also with
fear…how will I ever get through this?
We might begin to think at times.
But, you do get through it…one breath and one step at a time and often
with many pauses along the way to lean towards your memories. I smile today with memories of happier times,
sweet and gentle times. I am not
discouraged by loss. I am encouraged by
the love I still and always feel. Maybe
that gets me through. Maybe it is truly
the strongest faith I have In myself and my Maker to help get me through this
and I will get through this.
My thoughts localize and I take a sip of my coffee. In the distance I hear the cars passing on
the freeway and the birds slowly preparing for the day. Its dark still this morning and I can hear
someone’s alarm going off in the distance. I just wish them well. I hear the leaves moving ever so slowly in
the trees outside of my window now and then when a gentle sea breeze lifts them
up. I hear the whir and whine of my
neighbor’s air conditioner and my coffee pot clicking as it stays warm on the
burner.
Today I collect the ashes of my beloved little friend. I won’t lie and say that doesn’t hurt but my
mind is now ready to embrace any emotion because I know I can breathe, I know I
can move and I know I can master this part of the process no matter how hard it
may be for me. Today I have hope and
faith and I know that I can smile and laugh.
I can give comfort to others and share whatever it is I can to lend a
little gentleness to their day. There is
a shift inside when we are dealing with loss.
The little cracks and fissures that seem to grow within our hearts isn’t
just the heart breaking. It is also a
beautiful opening. I intend to let that
continue every day. Every day.
In a miserable tearful moment this week, I asked for a sign
that my little friend was okay and do you know what I got? The sign.
It came and it is too personal and precious to share but my heart hurts
a little less today and I’m really grateful.
I can do this today – this life, these tasks and things. I will treat myself later to a massage to
help ease all the places the grief has temporarily stored itself and I will
breathe in every beautiful ray of sunlight with a heart-felt smile today if for
no other reason than that is just what I do.
Whenever it feels like the pain is pulling all hope away
from you, stop, take a breath and maybe another and another. Slowly center your thoughts on your
breathing. Slowly center your thoughts
on each sound you hear. Notice your
emotions swirling but don’t give them an ounce more importance than your breath. Stay focused in these moments for just a few
minutes. Realize you are not your
grieving and are certainly not your pain.
These are just parts of an experience you are witnessing in your
life. Observe the experience, feel the
experience and just breathe. For any of
you grieving I pray you are enfolded in gentleness and wrapped in love and
sweetness. Consider ways you can bring
yourself more of this energy. You will
get through this best by getting through this.
If you are a friend of someone suffering loss, give to them gentleness,
presence if they want it and comfort if they need it. Keep following up. It is a gift to be that
light for someone walking through a dark part of their life journey.
May you be comforted, may you be blessed.
May you be comforted, may you be blessed.
© 2017, Jaie Hart (photo/words)
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