Sunday, December 13, 2015

Personal Declaration of Independence

Aghast at finding yet another button someone could push within me, I sat down angry as much from the recent exchanges as the fact that a button exists to push.  It’s an unconscious one, the button, but if I tear it apart it is about being wrongly accused.  Why would I fear being wrongly accused when today I really don’t care what others think of me because I know nothing they say can define me.  So why react as if they do?  Why does this button really mean anything in the present?  It doesn’t even though I unconsciously reacted and fiercely defended.  It’s a memory that is reacting and not me in the present.  Sigh.

One thing I think I’m fairly done with is social media and worrying about what people think.  There is a growing Jaie Hart non-fan club. What I have to say to them is this: “What you think of me is none of my business.”  I watched the Dalai Lama sit tall in his seat on his 70th birthday and talk about how people call him evil and he made little pointy horn motions with his fingers and in a funny voice said “oh, I’m such a devil.”  That is kind of how I feel right now.  My whole life I have been kind and considerate, even compassionate towards those who were insulting, derogatory and just doing their best to try to step all over me while calling me names whether intentionally or through implication.  You know what?  I’m done.  No more. 

Look, everyone has the right to their opinions, their actions and their words.  Some how the governor has come off my voice and I intend to use it as I see fit.  If I’m evil for being honest and authentic, let someone hold that thought of me if they’d like.  There are more than 10 times that amount who would disagree and more importantly, I disagree and answer to a higher authority - me.

So, I discovered today the source of a button and I am infinitely grateful to the person who brought that button to my attention because now I can finally heal it.  I won’t change using my voice now that I have really found it and I will continue to speak my mind but I will never consent to creating “buttons” within me that people can push.  It’s just not going to happen.

So, there is hope for those of us who have our buttons pushed or when people find out where our goats are tied up.  We can get very brave and courageous and go looking for the source of our own agony, the true source and not the superficial one.  If we can take back our power and go do this one thing, we can be free.  Really free.  Today I declare my own personal independence day.  I’m free from the act of giving others power over me…I am free of giving anyone else’s opinion of me more credence than my own and I am free to speak my truth with integrity, compassion and authenticity and will forgive myself if I get mad about it.  I am only human and that’s okay.  I will also be more forgiving of others for doing the only thing they know how to do.  I resolve to never carry anger and endeavor to carry only peace, love and understanding.  I may fail as I go and that's okay.  I'll just get up and try again.  That's the beauty of life, right?

© 2015 Jaie Hart (photo:  Unknown but beautiful random internet find)

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