Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Through the Eyes of Love - Part II

I said I’d write more on love and seeing through the eyes of love. Do you ever wonder why this might seem so hard in some situations? Well, I think it’s all based on common definitions. For example, the definition from one of the local world wide web sites: http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/love indicates:

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
4. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
5. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
6. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
a. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
b. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology Eros or Cupid.
9. often Love Christianity Charity.
10. Sports A zero score in tennis.

So, aside from the last part of the definition, you can see that love is essentially defined as a deep affectionate feeling that comes from within, makes you feel like you’re in the flow of something bigger than you are and that changes your perspective and causes you to hold someone you love in higher regard. If you’ve been involved in a romantic relationship, you know that feeling. If you have children, you know that feeling. If you have pets you adore, you know that feeling. The tricky part about life and seeing the world through the eyes of love is to expand that feeling from your close circle of family, close friends and pets. Expand that feeling from the close to the broader sense. That same feeling you hold of love for your family can be held towards co-workers, acquaintances and even strangers on the street. It can be held for people who generally make you happy and even those that really irritate you. In fact, if you can hold that feeling of love and move into the deeper levels of it…compassion, can you imagine how different a single day might go for you?

It’s hard some days to hold a feeling of love and compassion towards the guy that just cut you off on the freeway, the lady who grabbed the last item that was on sale you were looking for or even the individual you never even met who felt the need to seemingly insult you in some way. Or is it? It isn’t hard and the most amazing thing is that you never lose anything when you view people through the eyes of love. I’ll let you in on a little secret, we are not as separate as you think we all are. We’re not all that different from each other on the inside. We all hide behind the masks we designed to protect ourselves from the pain in the world. But what if that was really unnecessary? If you know that someone loves you and they say something to you that might not seem very nice, are you more inclined to be forgiving than if a stranger says the same thing? Why is that? Well, it’s because maybe there is someone you love unconditionally and you know that the things they say are not about you, the things they say may be about a bad day or a wounded place inside of them and so you chose not to react. Did you know you can do the very same thing with a complete stranger who has insulted you and you will lose nothing?

When people lash out at you, attempt to hurt you or make you feel bad, what if you looked at them as a family member you loved unconditionally and you knew that what they said was not about you, it is about them and you were grounded and comfortable in the fact that nothing that person says can take anything away from you? Did you know that’s really how things are? No one can take away from you, anything that you are. You can chose to give pieces of yourself away through a victim mentality or through blame but that isn’t someone taking something from you, that is YOU giving parts of you away…it’s you diminishing pieces of who you are. So then, what to do. STOP blame, stop giving away your power…see everyone and everything from the higher realms of love and compassion. Hold yourself in higher regard and be grounded and comfortable taking action through the eyes of love.

Sometimes being loving when others are not in a loving space, makes us fearful that the object of our love and affection will hurt us. But, did you know the hurt doesn’t come from outside of us. The hurt is already there inside and people direct our attention to that hurt with words and actions and our thoughts do the stinging. It doesn’t have to be that way. That’s where self-love and holding compassion for yourself comes in. If someone called you an ugly stupid jerk but you knew that was not true, what would it matter what someone else thought…especially if that someone else was actually acting like an ugly stupid jerk? Transference…one of my favorites. Do you get what I’m trying to say here? Be confident in who you are mask or not and take only those words to heart you really think are valid. I saw a cartoon once. I think it was called Little Bill and it was created by Bill Cosby. In the show, Little Bill was being made fun of and it hurt his feelings. His father taught him a little trick and it’s one I have actually used in situations where people like to name-call in the negative…it’s a simple word…”So.” If someone calls you an ugly stupid jerk and you fight back…you are giving their pain more power and that is actually not a loving thing to do. If you each keep feeding each other’s pain, you have escalation. Someone must win at the expense of someone else. But, if someone calls you an ugly stupid jerk and you respond by just saying “So” or “And” you are not giving the other person’s pain more fuel…and by not giving into your own fears of inadequacy, you will not feed anyone’s pain and can actually create a loving space for them to figure it out. Will they get it right away? Probably not but that’s not for you to worry about. Don’t let the behavior of others change who you are. If you remain in a grounded place of love and compassion, these little ego dramas that pop up around you will eventually stop…because you don’t give them power. Add to that you positive intent to no longer be pulled into such dramas and do so because you wish to be loving and compassionate to bring more peace into your own life and you will be amazed at how interactions begin to go more smoothly for you.

So, to end on a good note…we can all be loving individuals. We can all use love to heal our pain. We can all express love and lead by example by loving ourselves and creating a loving space around us so that others can find love. If you get confused by the many seeming facets of love, know it’s all just misaligned perceptions…there is one love…that deep sentimental and affectionate feeling that gives light, life and hope to this world. You can be part of that and live your part of that at any time you choose. With much love and light to you and yours, have a blessed day!

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