Friday, January 2, 2009

Shades of Gray

Its about 58 here at the beach today and there is a very thick and dark marine layer with fog that is just now slowly receding. I don't like days today, weather-wise. It saps my spirits seemingly at the core level of my soul. I usually don't give into it too much because I know what it is but its just not fun. I tend to want to just sleep all day...just hibernate until the sun comes back out. The beach is so stark, lonely and kind of sad when all you can see is dancing diamonds on liquid silver rays of light flashing off the tips of the wings of toothy grins and joyful screaming of little children making sand lovers walking arm in arm to the cadence of the waves crashing onto the shore. All you can see are the hard-core endorphin junkies out for a jog, a bike ride or walk. I do like the quietness of such days at the beach but when I’m walking it feels like I’ll never remember what warmth is again.

We’re only going into the second week of winter and already I miss all of the other seasons. On dreary days like today I imagine spring flowers, the smell of freshly cut grass baking in the sun, the scent of jasmine, cerulean skies with cottony white clouds floating gently by. I think of bright electric sunrises and slowly slipping warmly colored sunsets. I like to try to catch the “green flash” as the sun sets with my camera at the ready. No such luck yet but I won’t give up until I get it. Winter is a time of rest and regeneration, gathering around the home fires in thought and feeling I suppose. I can appreciate that with everyone always so on the go. A break from the business of the rest of life is a good thing I realize but I’m like the little kid always. You know the one…the one so busy playing they can’t even imagine coming inside for food or drink or anything. Life slips away from us a little every day and I sometimes feel like I don’t want to miss a thing. I know that’s silly. But maybe it’s just an inherent anxiousness in my nature that can only come up with bits of peace occasionally as I’m shifting between one activity and the next.

My coffee cup is hot in my hand…one sip and I can feel the warmth travel to my core. I smile at how it makes me feel. It is something so simple on a day like today that makes me feel happy inside along with some other pleasant thoughts. I think I’ll leave my little spot near the shore and take a little drive. My car is warm, the music in my CD player, meaningful. I’ll sing to the music and let it fill me up…I’ll feel my car gliding across Pacific Coast Highway and try my best to find something to break up the monotony of gray. That’ll make me feel a little better. I’m off to an inwardly frenetic and outwardly peaceful day today and I’m glad…it’s a new year and I’m at least happy, grateful and eager to find enjoyment somewhere under gray skies. Peace!

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