I wonder about the things to come but not too much. Everything will happen perfectly and in perfect time. I'm just as much focused on the present and what I'm thinking and feeling. It feels a bit like free fall. There are those moments in time where we stop trying for anything and just exist moving through the moments without expectation and with no design on any specific outcome. I think that's where I am right now and thus the feeling of the calm before the storm. I do not hold any fear in my being. Storms don't scare me but some probably should. It doesn't matter to me what comes next really, I just hope I've done a better job of eradicating needless fear from my life in order that I may create from a more positive place.
The people in our lives can seemingly make or break us sometimes. If we hold around us those that are positive and uplifting, life takes on beautiful hues and amazing feelings. If we hold around us those that are negative and undermining, life takes on this gray drudgery and difficult feelings. I've done my best to move away from toxic souls. I had collected many in my life through my own lack of judgment and I realized a little too late the detrimental effect they were having on my life. But now, now all is calm and quiet again. I can breathe again. I am at peace once again. I do so very much appreciate serenity. I don't even care if ever I am happy again, as long as I can maintain this sense of balance and calm, all will be well as far as I am concerned. I worry less about others these days and focus more on my own thoughts. I want to make sure that somewhere inside I do not allow the thoughts to do what the toxic people in my life have once done. Sometimes the negative thoughts of others can be infectious and we begin to doubt ourselves. I'm grateful to say I won't enter those rooms again and the voices from there will be quiet so long as I give them no credence. I know the truth about me and my purpose in this world and I must say, there is no greater joy that discovering who and what you really are.
You sometimes need to walk through a few dark nights of the soul to gain that understanding and walk I did, seemingly for miles and days and years even. But I always knew the light shined out there somewhere and I never gave up and I never gave in. One day I awoke and found myself in a dream and in that dream was nothing but love and light. I was elated to find I'd made it through the emotions left over from days gone by. Being freed from the past creates a feeling of a drastically lightened load. It feels good to be alive and wandering this Earth. It feels good to look out into this world and once again find the beauty of it. Its amazing to look out at the people making their own way through life and see what motivates them, what deters them, what creates in them a resonating feeling of love and joy. If only those mired in the darkness of pain could find hope and healing. In time, perhaps and then this world might change. The state of the spirit, soul and mind - these things are so important and yet we forget or we're never taught. Feed yourselves with love and light, fill your soul with those things you find most inspiring and relax a little right there in your own skin knowing that you, your life and this journey are perfect and the perspectives that you once held can be exchanged for truth, reality and peace. ~Blessings for your journey.
(c) 2012 Jaie Hart (photo, random internet find)