Saturday, September 21, 2019

Welcome Home

We emptied the last of our things from the condo, we packed whatever would fit from the garage and at around 1:30 pm that Friday and we slowly pulled out of the driveway for the last time.  What a mixture of emotion that was for me.  For a few moments, I would be homeless moving from one place far away to the next.  Given the time of day, we were going to hit traffic in the worst part of California but it wasn’t a terrible drive.   My poor little kitty in the seat next to me was not a happy traveler but in a way, needing to constantly comfort her on a 7 hour trip turned out to be a blessing.  We pulled into the last stop before truly saying goodbye to California and I felt a little sad.  California had been my home for so many years.  I loved the little condo we had rented and it had been so very comfortable for the last 6 years.  I fed the kitty to try to calm her and watched the grackle birds foraging for French fries in a parking lot filled with other weary travelers.  With kitty fed, watered and somewhat calmed, I jumped back on the freeway.

It was just a few miles to the border of Arizona.  My daughter was a few miles ahead of me on that long stretch of lonesome between Blythe and Phoenix.  I was in love with the desert, in awe of the shape of a new horizon.  The cacti and birds, the sun setting behind me casting a beautiful and eerie glow over this long, long stretch of nothingness.  I felt an energy as I drove.  It was soothing and exciting.  I was worried about making our way in the dark and hoped we’d hit city-lights before full darkness set in.  Driving the I-10 in the dark is beautiful but a bit scary when you are used to bright lights of the city at every turn.  But, my only focus now was how close to our new home and new life we were.  I fought back the fears in the darkness – did I make the right choice?  Will this be good for us?  I had to cut them off because staying put wasn’t an option.  Our condo would be sold and re-renting in Southern, California was just more than my budget could bear.  I settled into the thought of pulling into my new driveway of my new house, one I bought on my own through my own hard work and diligence.  I was excited beyond words.

We got in and settled our poor little kitty cat, who no doubt was grateful to no longer be caged in a car speeding across the desert.  She settled into her favorite soft blankets, played a little with her toys and we left her there safe in her room, snuggled up and finally calm.  The house was empty as our things would not arrive until morning.  My real estate agent left us some very necessary supplies and gift cards for necessities.  It was getting late but my daughter and I were too tired from the drive to go get food.  We had water, and enough supplies for the night.  We made camp in the loft and watched The Office in make shift beds on the floor.  I was so tired but struggled to sleep.  There were so many sounds in the house, new creeks and noises to get used to and then there was the heat!  Oh my, was it warm.  In time the AC fully kicked in and we were quite comfortable.

I had packed my coffee pot in the car and the next morning, I was set for familiar comfort.  With coffee made, I stepped outside to take in the Arizona (as we called it).  It was 56 degrees in the morning on Cinco de Mayo.  My backyard was filled with birds and my heart was feeling overjoyed.  We did it!  We made it!  Soon, the movers came and brought us more of the familiar and my other daughter finally made it in from the Phoenix airport.  Over the days, weeks and months since that day, our house has become a home.  It is a comfort and shelter from the unforgiving and often punitive summer heat of the desert.  I love the house and the family it so graciously holds.  The energy here is like magic.  I love watching the humming birds flit from flower to flower and tree to tree while I’m sipping coffee and watching the sun come up.

I have been called to this place for so long.  I have waited so patiently all these years to manifest this dream.  Now, it is my reality that I live and breathe.  It’s quiet and comfortable here in the valley.  We have wicked lightning and thunderstorms we watch from my huge bedroom windows.  It’s better than TV!  The heat is daunting but has it’s own uniqueness to it.  People here just get on with it – shop – dine – walk – ride bikes.   Maybe folks aren’t out in the summer as much as they were in CA but it’s almost Fall now.  I’m meeting some of my neighbors now and gradually getting to know the area.  I can find things and places and we’ve explored fun places like Scottsdale for an Art Exhibit.  So much fun, that was.  It was so different from what we’d do for fun in California.
If I’m honest, I’d tell you that I miss the sea breezes back home and the power of the ocean.  But, we have warm desert breezes and sunsets wild and red over our local mountains.  We are surrounded by mountains and it’s so amazingly beautiful.  There are desert flowers everywhere and even the medians on the roads have trees and cacti.  I really do love it here and would not trade it for even 5 minutes of the beach back home.  It is less crowded here and traffic here in rush hour is like a Saturday afternoon back home.  We’re really settling in.

So, what do you do when your dreams come true?  Well, I’m starting with pure unadulterated gratitude.  I am working on allowing new dreams to become apparent and then I’ll work on those too.  I’ll open my mind and heart during those quiet Saturday morning coffee breaks on my patio.  I’ll plant some new plants in bright desert colors and just remain open to the possibilities.  I’ll drink in the beautiful peaceful state I now find myself in and I will love every stick, stone, sky line and moment in my new surrounds.  Thank you California for some beautiful years and challenging life lessons.  Thank you Arizona for welcoming us home!  Blessings for gratitude in whatever adventure you find yourself engaged in.

© 2019, Jaie Hart

Saturday, April 20, 2019

Heeding the Call and Dreams Coming True

The day came and went, the day I had been waiting for, the day I had been hoping for and the day I’ve been dreaming for.  This part of my story began so long ago, I might have forgotten about it if a friend hadn’t reminded me.  A while ago, a long while ago, I had a calling.  It was something deep in my soul in the form of an idea…it’s time to go.  It’s time to move and the place came to mind.  It was a place I had been and a place of good memories.  I just couldn’t see at the time how in the world I could get there from where I was. The roadblocks at the time were simply too immense to overcome.

At the time the call came, I had just given birth to my third child.  I spent long nights alone thinking, planning and working out how I might approach the rest of my life.  Then, detour after detour, another child made four and lots and lots of life lessons came and oh my goodness, did I learn.  Then, after years of tears, frustration, striving, succeeding, failing and then learning to listen, it came again.  I didn’t know it would lead me to where I would soon be but it did and perfectly so. The roadblocks simply rearranged themselves into a very clear and perfect pathway.  So, now I sit here, quiet in the early morning pale light.  I’m recalling all the beautiful and terrible memories this place has brought me in the last 20 plus years.  But if I’m honest, and I mean really honest, it was all beautiful and truly not so terrible as it might have seemed.  Everything was perfect.  I mean, truly perfect – bright peaks and dark valleys -- all of it.

As I look back, I see so much magic in the orchestration of my every move, decision, challenge and lesson learned.  And then, the calling materialized not long ago in the outside world this time instead of from within my soul and the resonance of the idea from within and without...  I still didn’t know how it would further manifest itself so I did what I could – stayed open and oh, so very curious.  Step by step the urgings became requests, inquiries and out and out searching and pursing.  With not much effort it has all come together.  On one hand, I’m completely surprised but so very and pleasantly so.  On the other, there is a core-level knowing that whenever it is I heed the deepest callings of my soul, things come together.  They always have and I’d like to explain it but I just couldn’t.  I’d rather just appreciate the magic.

So, well, I’m moving.  The life I have set up for myself and my family here has been perfect, comforting, safe and supporting.  We have really thrived and I couldn’t be more grateful.  But, in less than two weeks we turn everything upside-down, pack it and move a state away.  The job goes with me (thankfully), and then just those things that truly matter the most.  I have the home of my dreams and beyond.  I am so very blessed.  I am so very grateful.  I will remain ever and always curious, open, hopeful and grateful.  I see how much the energy of those perspectives have brought me and I trust myself and the universe now more than ever.  All will be well and as it is meant to be.  One step, one breath and mile at a time and we’ll finally be there and enjoy the journey in our new locale. I will leave behind me the sensitive and painful memories for in this moment I find they are transformed.  I trust life, I trust myself and I trust the call to go, do and be what I need to be and where I need to be it.  I came here like a rebellious child and I leave here time-tested, strong, hopeful and ready to live intentionally, purposefully and gratefully.

Listening to the inner urgings can be tough until you truly understand the difference between running away from something and running to something.  It is all a matter of perspective, staying open, remaining trusting and willing to step up to those callings.  I know that ultimately all will be well.  How?  Well, whenever in my life I have truly heeded an inner soul-felt calling, everything magically fell into place even when no amount of analysis, experience or tactical preparation could have predicted a good outcome.  It’s crazy, sometimes I think, how life works and the perfect things, situations and people rally that around to help a dream come true.  I love that.  Maybe I’ll get back to writing or discover a new adventure.  I honestly don’t know but I’m ready and willing to find out.

These last few days until the day will be filled with the necessary strategies and mandatory activities but they will also be filled with the deepest gratitude and appreciation for all that has transpired at every point, juncture and crossroads of my life.  It’s been so beautiful.  If anything, I strongly recommend that every soul strive for and truly learn to hear that soul call, that deep and true inner urging.  Get so quiet that the ego can’t touch the truth of the call, so that you feel the pure beautiful truth of it and then take your steps in beauty, light  and pure faith.  Bless!